Madness

by Mochas Dungeon


The seed of doubt

        “Doctor Star? What’re you doing in here?” Toffee asked.

        “Uh,” he looked to her and cleared his throat, “would you believe I was abducted?”  She pursed her lips and stifled a giggle, “fine.  I lost my identity badge and they placed me into holding until it gets cleared up.”

        “But, you saw me like, five hours ago…”

        “Yeah, and now I’m… wait, why am I having commons time on my first day?”

        “I don’t know, you’re the doctor.  You’re a doctor right?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

        “Yes, and I’m still your doctor; so anything you want to talk about stays between us, even here.  So, what’s for dinner?”

        She looked at him for a few seconds. “I think it’s salad night.  Mostly heavy greens but maybe a carrot or beet.”

        “Oh, fantastic.  I was hoping for a buffet of gourmet delights,” he said flashing her a smile that was partly obscured by the muzzle guard.

        “Ri-ight, um, Doctor Star-”

        “Just Star, I’m not a true doctor in here so the title doesn’t carry.  Especially on this floor,” he said knowingly as he gazed toward the window and the pony blocking it.  “You know,” he said looking back to Toffee, “only ponies have group commons time.  No other creature we know of does, did you know that?”

        “No, Star.  Why is that?” she asked sitting as best she could in front of him.

        “Because we’re a herd.  Even if we’re not the same family we can’t be alone.  There was a single study done several decades ago into new interrogation methods for traitors to the crown or spies caught in our borders,” he stopped to make sure Toffee was listening.

        “What they found was that dragons were very hard to catch,” he snickered.  “No, that’s true, but the technology was a rare combination of minotaur science and unicorn magic under Princess Celestia’s various advisors.

        “What they came up with was what we only know of as a dark chamber and it caused insanity, which is why everything about it was banned except the tale.  What it did is it blocked the world from the creatures inside.

“They tested it on griffons individually and it took them half an hour to go insane.  Minotaurs took ten minutes.”

        Toffee whispered in a pained voice. “W-why are you telling me this?”

        “We equines, thought.  It took seven minutes for those they tested to literally enter a comatose state.  It took several months for them to return to the world we know,” he said looking around, “and the problems they had…  That’s why we do everything in groups and we don’t realize it.

        “We sleep alone, or do we really?” he asked looking intently, almost pleading, to Toffee.

        “Well, I sleep with a couple stuffed animals; a pony and a birdie.”

        “Ask around, every pony that sleeps alone or lives alone will always have several things they identify as being alive and sentient.  Everypony,” he said narrowing his eyes and lowering his tone, “every. Pony.  Or else we go insane.”

        She smiled at him. “Your logic is nearly flawless, Star,” she said leaning close to him and whispering, “but what about those who are already insane?  Do they need to make friends of the plants or tables?  What do you sleep with?”

        He moved his mouth but his mind was blank.  What did he sleep with?

        “Epic Start,” a voice echoed in his mind.  He felt his ear twitch as he heard his name called again, snapping his face to the offending name.

        “My name is Doctor Star!” he shouted before he realized it.  “I-I’m sorry, I, where am I?” he asked looking around before sighing.  I’m still in the commons room.

        “I’m sorry for that, let’s go.”

        He stood and turned to face the door.  The orderlies checked his bindings before pressing their sides to his and walking him to his room.  

        He lay on the bed and looked at the wall until he fell asleep again.

        …

        “Doctor Star?  Wake up, please.” He groaned and waved a hoof dismissively at the male voice.  “It’s me, you’ve been cleared to leave,” his orderly stated, poking him again.

        Star smiled and looked over to see his work acquaintance. “It’s nice to see you,” he said as he stretched like a cat, the full body tingle sending a rush of happiness and pleasure to his mind.

        He hopped to the floor and, with a grin, pronked across the room before he reached the door and looked back. “You’re not a hallucination, are you?” he asked with a smirk.

        “If I was you’d never know.”

        “Ah, perfect answer; let’s vacate this floor and have a real meal.”

        “Yeah, first we have to meet Doctor Mend.  Afterwards we’ll get you out of here…”

        “Okay, why’d you trail off?  What’re you looking at?”

        “Oh!  Nothing, sir.  Let’s go,” he stated as he trotted ahead and gestured for Star to follow.

        Several minutes later he was outside the door to Mind’s office.

        Finally.  Longest day of the year, he thought.  His orderly knocked and shortly afterward he was sitting on a soft cushion and looking at the mare before him hopefully.

        She sighed and placed her hooves together.  “Doctor Star, I have to admit you-”

        “What?!  I’m not a crazy!  Why in Luna’s name-”

        She held a hoof up to stop him. “...admit you have handled this very well,” she finished and watched him blush, “so I think you’re going to have to leave this floor and have full rights and access again.  Only, don’t lose your badge again,” she said teasingly.

        He sat tall and saluted. “Yes, ma’am.  You’re beautiful… I mean,” he stammered, “thank you.  The work you do is,” he stopped himself and stared at her, “no, you’re beautiful and I’m smitten.”

        “Thank you, I return the feelings, however let’s discuss this while in a better climate and,” she gestured to the large pony by the door with a smile that was looking between the two, “while alone.  Perhaps dinner tonight?  Your room?”

        “That, would be lovely.”

        An hour later he was entering his room on the first floor and sitting by the open window, taking controlled breaths, and enjoying the sight of real nature and the city beyond.

        It was barely noon and for once he wasn’t tired.  He looked around his room and smirked.  Simple creature comforts were a luxury he didn’t know he’d missed… His mind quickly turned to what Toffee had said.

        He looked to his bed and noticed nothing for him to hold and sleep with, yet he still slept alone.  

        Perhaps I sleep holding the pillow at night?  He asked himself before he shook his head and grumbled.

        Why’d I have to run into that mare of them all?  She just got into my head while I was in a vulnerable state; don’t play into her game.

        He looked outside again and watched nature.  The wind was calm, the smaller creatures played on the grassy hills, and he could see real smoke from the city beyond.  Something patients wouldn’t bet to see, lest their conditions worsen from feelings of being institutionalized.

        Star laid his chin on the sill and took in every aspect of the world, savoring the freedom he felt.  A thumping knock on the door garnered his attention.

        He trotted to the door and bit the handle, giving a slight pull to unlatch the door. “Ah, my guard hath returned.  To what do I owe the honor?”

        “Sir, you’re scheduled to have a meeting with Night Wing in an hour, and getting through security…” he made a circular motion with his foreleg indicating the known process.

        “Actually no.  Send another in to see him, I am in no mental state to listen to another polical prisoner.”

        “Politcal prisoner?”  

        “Yeah, I can’t show you his file, but I can tell you he was an important pony who upset ponies that wanted his job.  You’ve heard his name in the news, right?”

        “Yes, sir.”

        “What kind of insanity would cause a respected career weather pony to suddenly decide that flying to the ground and picking up earth ponies; then dropping them to their deaths would come from?”

        The orderly tapped his chin. “That’s not my area of expertise, sir.”

        “The kind of insanity that would get you in prison or killed, not put in here.  He has friends out there, somewhere, that kept him alive but silent.  What better place to keep a pony that’s dangerous to your career without having to get blood on your hooves?”

        The spark of understanding in the orderlies eyes made Star smile.

        “Exactly.  I come across them a dozen times a year, at least.  I’ll pass on my hypothesis and hope he gets into a lower security field while keeping him safe in here.  Once he gets out, if ever, he’ll vanish.”

        “Th-there are ponies that do that kind of thing?” he gulped.

        “No, but they hire changelings and griffons to do it for them.  Ponies, extremely and only on the rarest of occasions, can kill another pony and even that’s usually by accident.  Accident,” he said again looking to his bed, “alone.  Pony’s aren’t supposed to be alone, so if we kill each other, we’d be alone.

        “Can you imagine being alone for a week?”

        “Uh, kind of.  Part of my training was to spend two days alone in the forest.  It was pretty bad, but at least I had nature around me.  Heh, I even named a bush and would talk with it for hours.”

        Star looked back to the bed. “That’s exactly what I’d expect you to say.”
        
        Why don’t I have that?  I haven’t named anything, not even my tail as a last resort.  What’s happening, why am I so nervous.  Why did I have to listen to her?  I should have pushed her away, not let her whisper her mind tricks.  But, there’s an element of truth to what she said.


        “..tor Star?!”

        “W-what?!” he shouted in reply to the male that shouted his name.
        
        “Sir, you’ve been staring at your bed for the last thirty seconds.  You seem to be having some type of episode, should I call medical?”

        “N-no.  It’s just that while I was up there, I was alone almost the whole time…”

        “Oh,” he said understandingly, “even for the best trained it can be a harrowing experience.  I’ll inform Doctor Mend while you collect yourself.”

        “Thanks,” Star said turning back to the open window and laid his chin on it again.  He listened as the door closed and nature, in all its glory, waved into his room, lulling him almost to a peaceful sleep while still sitting.

        “Your logic is nearly flawless, Star,” he heard her voice echo in his memory, “but what about those who are already insane?  Do they need to make friends of the plants or tables?  What do you sleep with?”

        He shuddered and shut his eyes tightly as he felt himself fall to the floor and his mind ease as sleep embraced him.