//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Regrets and Forgets (Pinkamena) // Story: Pinkamena's Regrets // by Violyre //------------------------------// Pinkamena stared up at the sky, waiting for a response--even though she knew one would never come. A tear fell silently from her cheek at the thought of this depressing idea. She lowered her head, a pink hoof dragging through the dirt in front of her, tracing out the last letter: ‘Y’. I’M SORRY, the message read. Though there was to be no forgiveness for what she’d done. Even if she was sorry, there was no reversal. Pinkamena could still remember the look on Pinkie Pie's face as the portals closed, the planes shifted. As Pinkamena anchored herself permanently to this dimension. Pinkamena's straight mane fell in front of her face, but she didn't bother to push it back behind her ear. At the time when she had done all those crimes, done--whatever it was she had done, Pinkamena hadn’t cared at all. She hadn’t thought that she would have ever regretted it. She didn’t even know why she had done it, but the main concern of hers was what she had done. Pinkamena used her hoof to push over a small pile of dirt nearby, and pulled out a small book from underneath it. Her journal. Hesitating, she opened it to the last page and read again the words she had read so many times. Don’t ever turn back Now that she was permanently in this universe, this plane of existence, she wasn’t quite so sure she wanted to stay. Pinkamena barely remembered why she wanted to come here in the first place. To kill more ponies perhaps? To escape the terrible battles of where she had come? More likely the latter. But what exactly was it like back there? Her memories seemed to have huge scars and gaps in it. What had the portal done? And what was she? "Pinkie Pie! There you are! I've been looking all over for you! Where have you been? After you disappeared from Sugarcube Corner, I couldn't find you! I've been so worried!" Twilight Sparkle called out. But Pinkamena knew that this Twilight Sparkle was from this universe. This Equestria. Twilight's voice didn't sound the same as Pinkamena was used to. It was much less...mean, cruel sounding. A lot more friendly. Was Twilight friends with Pinkie in this universe? Was that possible? Pinkamena took a sharp breath in. Friends? She didn't think she could pretend to be friends with Twilight, or anypony for that fact, well enough to act like Pinkie. What had she been thinking when she traveled here? If only she could remember! "Pinkie?" A purple hoof wiped a tear from Pinkamena's face that she hadn't known she'd shed. "Are...are you okay? Your mane's all straight...what have you been doing?" Twilight sounded sincerely concerned, in a way that it just tore Pinkamena's heart out. It had been so long since she'd been shown actual kindness, actual empathy. Just cruelty and hatred. The way Twilight spoke gave Pinkamena a bit of a spark of...friendship? Friendship. The obscure word meant barely anything to Pinkamena now. It had been so long since she'd had friends, too. Friendship came with trust, right? Trust? No! She'd vowed never to trust again, because it hurt too much when it was shattered. A memory! She'd remembered something! Something from her life before! It was as if a haze had been lifted from a part of her mind, and she was sure that with time, more memories would follow. Another unknown feeling--hope? Maybe having friends wasn't that bad in this universe anyway. And besides, Pinkamena had a feeling that this Twilight was trustworthy... By now, Twilight had pulled Pinkamena to her feet, watching her carefully. "Um, Pinkie? Hello?" She waved a hoof in front of Pinkamena's nose. Pinkamena shook herself out of her thoughts. "Sorry, Twilight. I was...thinking about something..." she spoke slowly, trying not to use as much anger and darkness in her tone as she normally had. "Yeah, I could tell. Are you okay?" Twilight asked, really worried now. "Don't worry, no matter what you do, I won't judge you and neither will anypony else." she added. The tears flowed freely now. Yes, they would judge her, more than they knew. Pinkamena wasn't friends with Twilight or any of these ponies, Pinkie Pie was. But Pinkamena was Pinkie Pie, technically, even if not from this dimension. Could she trust her? These friends of Pinkie Pie, the party pony, friends with anypony and everypony? Maybe Twilight could help her...but if she couldn't... Pinkamena sighed. What was there to lose? There was plenty she needed to learn that she couldn't alone. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head and looked at Twilight. "Are you ready for this?" Pinkamena whispered. "I have a lot you need to know." Twilight's eyes held understanding and worry, reassuring Pinkamena. Twilight held out a hoof and Pinkamena grasped it with her own dirt-smeared one. "Tell me."