//------------------------------// // Punishing Noobs. 10/10! // Story: My New Life // by YoshiBrony6 //------------------------------// Chapter 4 Well that was fun. I had just gotten back to Canterlot from the party for Luna in Ponyville. The Black Ops rematch I did with the town was hilarious. Everyone lost 30 - 0, even Twilight and Spike, but when it got to Luna? Wow. I knew that Luna was good, so I put the score up to 100 and infinite time, and we started the match. Songs could be sung about our epic battle for Champion for generations. It was the perfect balance of sweat... ... And swearing. "COME ON YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" "BUCK YOU YOU MOTHERBUCKING DIPSHIT!" "THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT GAME WITH IT'S BULLSHIT PHYSICS!" "HOW DO YOU SHOOT SOMEPONY IN THE HEAD WITH A SHOTGUN AT POINT BLANK RANGE AND THEY DON'T DIE?!" Yeah... I bet you can tell who said what. Anyway, the score was really close, and I mean really close. Try 100 - 99. My way still. I had practiced for the last thousand years after all. "HOW THE BUCK DID YOU BEAT ME?!" "Try not being stuck on the moon for a thousand years?" "Oh. Right." After that, I just left it alone and let the town play it as they wanted. If only Button Mash was a unicorn. He would do so much better that way. Anyway, getting of track. Celestia, Luna and I went back to Canterlot and boy was that a good ride. I'll tell you what happened. "..............." "..............." "..............." "............ So..." "........ Good weather, right?" "............... I agree." "............." ".............................................................................................................................................WASN'T THAT PARTY JUST THE BEST?!" It was awkward. I'll give you a hint as to who said what. Celly, me, Luna. There, have fun working it out. So we got back to the castle and first thing I did was...... ... ... Take us all to Celly's bedroom. Now we could've done numerous things in there, but we only did a couple. Namely, organising a room for Luna, and, planning the wedding. "So when do you think the best time would be?" I asked. "We have Shining Armour and Cadance's wedding coming up and a couple of months time." Celestia replied. "Shining Armour? Cadance?" Luna asked. "Oh right! You haven't met them yet. Hold on." I snapped my fingers and Shining and Cadance both appeared in front of Luna. With matching clown outfits on because why not. "Andrew, did you really have to do that?" Cadance complained. "Would you rather that, or something else? You know how good my imagination is." Cadance shuddered, "I... I think I'm good." I nodded, "Luna, this is Cadance and Shining Armour." I pointed to them respectively. "Shining here is Twilight's BBBFF," Everyone in the room looked at me in shock or confusion. "How do you know that?" Or "What does that mean?" Were the two question's I was asked. "BBBFF stands for Big Brother Best Friend Forever, and I know it because reasons. You're not going to get much else out of me." I added that last part because I saw Shining's mouth open. He promptly closed it again and wisely didn't say anything else. "Continuing on with my explanation, Shining is the Captain of the Royal Guard and Cadance is the Princess of Love and your niece." "Hello Shining Armour and Cadance." Luna said. "Hello Luna." They both said. "Now that introductions are out of the way," I clapped my hands twice in rapid succession and the room was remodelled. I was on a plush, red sofa with my arms around Luna and Celestia and Shining Armour and Cadance were on another one opposite to us. A small coffee table appeared in the middle with a tray containing a tea kettle, complete with cups and biscuits. "We have a wedding to plan." The two across from us were confused. "But haven't we already planned the wedding? Nopony else that I know is giving off love indicating that they're getting married." Luna and I started laughing our lungs out whereas Celestia let out a small chuckle. "Yes, but we're not talking about you're wedding." Celly said to them. "Then who's?" Cadance asked. I managed to control my laughing long enough to respond. "Ours." I went back to laughing. When Luna and I ran out of laughs, we looked back to the couple on the couch. They both had shocked expressions. "Do you think we should just leave them like that?" I asked. I got a wing smack for that. "What? Watch this." I got up and walked in front of them. "Hello?" I said, waving my arm in front of their faces. "Helloelloelloelloelloello~?" I turned to face the two Alicorns on the couch. "See? Nothing!" I faced the couple once more and went about slapping them lightly on the cheeks. "C'mon... c'monc'monc'monc'monc'monc'monc'mon!" They finally came back to the world of the living and proceeded to laugh at us. "I'm sorry, Auntie Celestia... Did you just say... You were getting married... With Andrew?!" Cadance managed to get out between her laughs. "Yes. I did." Celestia answered simply. "Along with myself." Luna said in a flat tone, indicating she was fed up with the laughing. The couple stopped laughing. "Well..." Shining said. "This is..." Cadance trailed off. "Interesting?" They said simultaneously. "Why is it that I didn't sense your love earlier?" Cadance asked. "We sealed it away with magic and put a condition on it. When Luna returned and was cleansed from the Elements, we would get our love back. It was the only way we wouldn't act on that love." I answered. Cadance shrugged, "Fair enough." "Back to the task at hoof," Luna started, "We are thinking of having the wedding on the same day after yours and saying our vows after you do. Is this fair?" Shining and Cadance got off the couch and walked to an area away so we couldn't hear what they were saying. They finished soon enough and returned to their spots on the couch. "We both agree that it would be best for you to do it then." Shining said. "Good. Now that that's done..." I trailed off purposely and brought the mares on either side of me closer to me. I quickly kissed them both on the lips, resulting in the two of them blushing and Cadance gaining a smile that could rival Pinkie's. Celestia and Luna looked at each other and smirked before looking at me. "What are you two-" I was cut off by both of them kissing me passionately. After the initial surprise, I quickly deepened it. Making it even more passionate. I waited for my two fiancées to stop kissing to breathe and said something. "So Luna, want to kick some twelvie butt together?" Luna had the happiest expression I had seen in a long time. "Do I?!" "Do you?" "Do !?!" "Do you?" "Do I?!" "Do you?" ".........Just shut up and carry me there." "Okay!" I said cheerfully. I picked Luna up and took her to my room. When we got there, I made the TV bigger and summoned Luna's custom controller. It was the same colour as her fur, a midnight blue, with starts imprinted on it. Her cutie mark was painted on the track pad, somehow not interfering with how it worked. I sat her down in a beanbag and summoned another for myself. I plopped down in it and turned on the PS4. I opened up Black Ops II and we joined a lobby. Our names were as followed: Mine - Chaotic_Harmony Luna's - Nightmare_Luna I made mine like that as a little reference to my magic and I advised Luna on it because she was a nightmare on the battlefield. This was before Nightmare Moon, remember that. This is some of the things that happened. Lobby: "Who the fuck are these noobs?" A voice said through our headsets. "The ones who are going to kick your sorry ass." I retorted. "Pfft, I'd like to see you try." The voice responded. "Oh, we'll do much more than that. Won't we honey?" Luna said. "Eeyep!" I responded, aware that everyone could hear us. "Oh! We've got a wannabe gamers couple on here boys!" Another voice said. "Kids, how about we make you a deal? All of you against us? No hacks, just good ol' fashioned gunplay." I asked. "Ha! Sure thing gramps! Just don't be upset when we beat your wannabe ass." I saw the microphone icon light up for this one. Pheonix_Lighter01. "Hey! I may be over a thousand years old, but that doesn't mean I'm in my grandpa years! I look like I'm only 23!" "And my shoes are made of gold." N00bSlayer. "No more waiting!" Luna shouted. "More shooting!" In game: "Nice shot, Luna!" I said. "Thanks! I've got a UAV. Should I use it?" "Yeah, go ahead." Luna activated the UAV and I gunned down everyone that tried to kill us with my Scar-H. Extended Mag and FMJ. Luna uses the MP4, FMJ, Fast Mag and Rapid Fire. Don't ask me why an SMG has Rapid Fire. It just works like fucking crazy. I deployed a Lightning Strike, killing the whole team all over again. Luna and I stayed in our position, killing anyone who tried to get close to us. People had gone with snipers, hoping to pick us off from afar, but Luna and I moved around too much for them to headshot us. We would wait for them to shoot and take them out with a bullet to the head of our own. Eventually, we had gotten to the last minute. I killed one person at the same time as Luna. 90 Kill Streak. Tactical Nuke available. I looked to Luna. She nodded and used hers. Killing the whole team twice. Once from the blast, the other from radiation. I waited for them all to group together just outside of our position, and used my own. We both had the same amount of kills and deaths. 110/0. Fuck Yeah! The timer ended, showing my nuke obliterating the other team in the final killcam. On the other team: "Who the fuck are these guys?!" "We can't get a hit!" "How are they this good?!" "Was that guy really telling the truth when he said he was over 1000?!" "HOW DID THEY GET FUCKING NUKES?!" "AAAAAHHHHH! THEY'RE USING THE NUKES!" "FUUUUUUUUUCK! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!" "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" In the lobby: "So kids, what did you learn today?" My shit eating grin could be heard. "You were cheating!" One accused. "Excuse me!" I said in mock hurt. "We do not hack or cheat! We only play for thousands of years in my case and hundreds for Luna's" "No way someone can live that long!" "Well I am! So deal with it." I muted my microphone, "When Twilight goes to the human world, I'm going with her. I'm going to track these guys down and prove that to them." I unmuted it. "Thing is," Luna said smugly, "You can't hope of living as long as us or getting as good as us." With that I quit out of the lobby and relaxed in my chair. "League Play?" I asked. "Hmm... Zombies?" "Sure." In the Throne Room: "So as you see Princess, we need the funds to accelerate-" "TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING NAZI'S!" "DIE AGAIN IN A HOLE!" "TASTE THE BULLET, YOU WORTHLESS ZOMBIES!" The noble was obviously shaken up. "*sigh* I really need to talk to Andrew and Luna about using the Royal Canterlot Voice when playing Zombies or when I'm running day court." Celestia muttered. "Princess!" The doors to the throne room burst open, allowing the Mane 6 to rush in. "We heard shouts coming from Canterlot in Ponyville! Is everything okay?!" Twilight asked frantically. "Yes, Twilight. Just Andrew and Luna playing with each other in Call of Duty." Celestia replied. "Oh.. Okay. I think I might watch them." With that, Twilight walked out. "Me too." Rarity. "Me three." Applejack. "Me four." Rainbow Dash. "Me five." Fluttershy. "Me Pinkie!" And Pinkie. Back at Andrew's Room: *Knock, knock, knock.* "Who is it?!" I called. "Your friends from Ponyville!" Twilight's voice replied. "You can enter!" The door opened to reveal the Mane 6 walking in. They all sat on the bed which was more than large enough to hold them all. I made it the size of about two king sized beds. "So how you all doing?" I asked. "Oh, you know, just hearing shouting from Canterlot and visiting to make sure there isn't an attack or anything." Pinkie answered nonchalantly. Everyone around her gave her blank looks. "What?! It's true!" "Yeah... We might get a little excited when playing Zombies." I said sheepishly. I focused more on the TV screen in front of me. "Huh, wave 94. Not bad." "Wave 94?!" Twilight shrieked. "Spike and I can't get to wave 5!" "Twilight, we've been playing for a very long time." "Oh, right. Hehe." "FUCK!" "BUCK!" Luna and I both said at the same time. "Note to all: Never get swarmed. It fucking sucks." I stood up and addressed the ponies properly. "So, who wants a go?" They all jumped at the idea and all of them had a go, even Rarity and Fluttershy. Although, Fluttershy really only tried to run away, not kill them. It got late though, and so we gave them dinner and I teleported them all home. When it came for me to go to bed, Celestia and Luna both climbed in with me. "Goodnight you two." "Goodnight Andrew." They replied. Within seconds, I was out like a light.