George Trestale, God of... Something

by DrOcsid


Tea, Coffee, and Burritos

"My royal scientist."

These words echoed in my head over and over. Royal... scientist? I'm his royal scientist? I... what?!

Lyra was almost as surprised as I was. "Royal scientist, huh? Man, you got lucky!"

"Yeah..." That was all I managed to get out.

I quickly composed my thoughts. So, that's it, then. I was this guy's royal scientist. That's one hell of a revelation. I've still got other things to figure out, though.

"So," said the King after a moment of silence, "You've been gone for over a week. Where were you?"

"That's... a good question, but if you don't mind, I'd like to ask some of my own first."

"Yes, of course! What is it?"

"Who, exactly, are you?"

He simply laughed at me. "Oh, I should have expected that. You always were a joker."

"...No, really. I have no idea who you are."

He almost laughed again, but then looked at my face as his own expression changed to a more serious one.

"...Ah. I see." He looked away for a moment, then back to me. "It seems a greater toll was taken on you than I thought. Follow me, I will answer what I can."

He took us into another room with a large, rectangular table, each chair adorned with a very gaudy blanket.

"Please, sit down. Would you like some tea?"

I sat down. "Uh, sure." I don't know what tea tastes like, but I'll try it.

The King looked to Lyra. "And what about the Equestrian? Would you like some tea as well?"

This was the first time he had acknowledged Lyra. "Oh, yes, please," she responded with a nod.

"Very well, I will be right back."

As he left the room, I turned to Lyra. "Well, he's a pretty nice guy, isn't he?"

"Yep. Sounds like a good guy to work for," said Lyra.

"Speaking of working, I wonder what sort of sciencey things I did as the royal scientist." I placed my chin on my hand as I thought about this.

"Maybe you were a mad scientist," joked Lyra. "Like Dr. Flankenstein."

That jolted me slightly. That's a pun of something, but I have no idea what.

"Is there anything in Equestria that doesn't have some kind of horse-based pun in its name?!"

"You're not the first to ask that question," said Lyra, her eyelids weighed down with annoyance. "I've just learned to ignore it."

Soon after, the King returned with a tray holding a teapot and teacups, all of them adorned with designs representing various flowers, including roses, violets, and sunflowers. Pretty.

He set the tea down on the table and sat across from us. I wordlessly took a teacup after Lyra levitated her own to herself. Looking at the steaming, dark brown tea for a second, I carefully took a sip.

"Hmm, that's really good. Wow. What kind of tea is this?"

"Earl Grey," the King replied with a cheerful smile. "It was always your favorite."

"Well, it's the only kind I know, but it's already my favorite again." I took another sip after Lyra had done the same.

I gulped the sip of tea down. "So, about the whole memories thing..."

"Ah, yes," the King replied. "Ask anything you want."

I set the teacup on the table. "Well, let's go back to my first question. Who are you?"

The King set his hands on the table. "Ah, yes, my apologies. I am King Tetesac, ruler of Anthropia."

"King... Titty Sack?"

To my surprise, this mispronounciation of his name caused him to burst into laughter.

He wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. "Hah! That's exactly what you called me when we first met. You haven't changed a bit, Walt."

I almost laughed along with him, but something else caught my attention that needed to be asked about.

"...Walt?"

Tetesac looked to me again, the happy expression now gone. "You've forgotten your own name as well?"

"I've been going by 'George Trestale' for the past few days."

"Well, your real name is, or perhaps, was, Humphrey Walt. Rather elegant sounding, isn't it?"

"'Humphrey Walt'? That's the dumbest name I've ever heard."

Tetesac chuckled. "Yes, you never did like your name. But you were too stubborn to change it. You said it would cause, in your own words, 'shit I don't want to deal with'".

"Well, in that case, I suppose right now would be the best possible time!" I laughed a little, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Heh, yes indeed. I will not call you 'Walt' anymore, if that is what you wish."

"Well, I guess I'm kinda used to being called 'George' by this point. Might as well stick with it for now."

"Very well then... George, was it?"

"Yep. George Trestale."

"Right. So, George, are there any other questions you had?"

"Well, I was royal scientist, right?"

"Yes." He twirled his beard around his finger.

"Was I... you know, good?"

Tetesac stopped and straightened. "Good? You were the best in the kingdom, my friend! Perhaps not the world, no, but in our small kingdom you were my absolute best choice, and not only for being exceptionally skilled in your profession."

"Why else, then?"

"You are the single most relatable, sociable, agreeable, well-respected man I've ever met, George. You are the best man in this kingdom. I'd make you King if I could."

...What are you looking at me like that for?

Okay, fine, maybe he didn't say all that. Don't get all on my case on it. It's called "artistic license", guys!

Anyway, back in reality...

"Was I... you know, good?"

"Oh, yes, George, you were very good. Even when I hired you four years ago, you were proficient in various areas of science."

"Well, that's a damn shame, considering the whole amnesia thing."

"Yes, indeed. I wouldn't entirely put that up as a lost cause, however. Your lab has a wide variety of devices. Even I was never entirely sure what all of them did. Perhaps one could help you, after we're done here."

"Cool, we'll get to see your old lab!" said Lyra. "Who knows what cool stuff will be in there?"

Tetesac looked at Lyra longer than the previous times. "Speaking of, George, I have a question of my own."

"Is it about the pony?"

"As perceptive as ever, I see."

"Her name's Lyra Heartstrings. She came with me to this place. She's interested in human culture and stuff, you see. I guess she's kind of a tourist."

Tetesac looked at the both of us for a few seconds before speaking again. "Well," he said, "I can always appreciate someone who wants to learn more about our culture. Perhaps I can organize a tour of the town later."

"Really?! That would be great!" Lyra was clearly ecstatic about this. I was happy for her, but I still had other things to sort out.

"Something I've been wondering for a while is what the hell went on between humans and ponies," I said. "I keep hearing about some attack, or whatnot. What, exactly, happened?"

Lyra turned to me. "You mean the attack on Ponyville three years ago?"

"How should I know?"

Tetesac's expression turned more serious. "Ah... that. I suppose I'm not surprised. It's not a happy tale, I will tell you that."

"Ponies in general seem to be under the impression that humans in general are all about 'death and destruction'. Even Celestia herself was really suspicious of me. I'm guessing it's because of that attack?"

"Oh, you ran into Celestia?" Tetesac was clearly surprised. "How did that go?"

"Not well," I replied, "But that's another subject. What in the hell happened?"

Tetesac sighed. "Well, the basic assertions are true. You see, for a long time we have been on... not-so-stellar terms with Celestia and Luna. Our history is rather fuzzy, but a common belief among the ponies is that we are a destructive race without a moral compass. None of that is true, of course. We are normally rather peaceful, just perhaps more isolationist than other species."

"I knew it!" said Lyra. "Humans really aren't as bad as they say!"

"Yes, the rumors about us are nothing more than that. Now, you see, about three years ago, a similar situation to yours happened. One of our citizens went missing, a teenaged girl named Sandra. A nice girl, she was. Well-liked by the community. Witness reports say she climbed over the wall and ran off, but nothing was confirmed. Not that they aren't allowed to leave the city, but her disappearance was very sudden, and she had always made it rather clear that she wanted to stay here her whole life. Not to mention, us humans being a small population as it is, I take the welfare of each individual citizen very seriously. Thus, I personally took it upon myself to organize search parties. After searching around the vicinity of the town, we soon realized she was nowhere near us. We heard nothing more about it, until a day later when our informants brought us some news. A pony had been murdered, and Sandra was fingered as the culprit. Due to this, she was now 'on the run', so to speak, from law enforcement. Now, I knew Sandra well. There is no feasible way she would kill another being. The concept itself was completely ridiculous. Angered by this needless harassment of the girl, I wrote a letter to Celestia demanding that she be returned to Anthropia unharmed. However, she was stubborn, and instead opted to try capturing and imprisoning Sandra herself.

"Evidently, she was very good at hiding, as we soon recieved a letter from Sandra herself detailing that she was hiding around Ponyville, and that she needed someone to come rescue her. A meek girl, that one. Nonetheless, I sent a small band of volunteers out to retrieve her. It would have been a simple enough ordeal, but another factor got in the way. One of my staff recommended the volunteers use 'extreme prejudice' in finding this girl, as they supposedly 'had no idea what the Equestrians would do'. I assumed he knew best and simply went with what he had said. Unfortunately, this proved to be a mistake.

"A week after this, the band of humans arrived in Ponyville. From the very get-go, their methods were questionable at best. From the reports I recieved, they were bashing down doors, holding ponies at swordpoint, and even burning several buildings down. Naturally, the Equestrian royal guard soon arrived in Ponyville and retaliated. What came afterward was a battle that ended in one singular casualty."

Somehow, I felt like I knew exactly what he was going to say. My stomach churned.

He sighed again. "The one life that was taken was... that of Sandra herself. Evidently, she had actually been hiding in a nearby forest, and after seeing the source of all the commotion, she went into the town to break up the fight. No one knows who dealt the specific blow, but she was inflicted with an accidental stab wound in the middle of the entire conflict. She died on the spot, and in that moment, both sides stopped fighting. The band of humans gathered up her body and left the town, the royal guards not daring to follow.

"A large funeral service was held and paid for by myself and various donators. Many people attended her funeral, even those that did not know her, as a testament against Equestria. If our relations were teetering on the edge before, they fell off with this incident. Celestia indefinitely barred all humans from entering Equestria, while Anthropia's citizens fell into a state of riot as they insisted I do something about the oh-so-dreaded Equestrians. I harbor no personal ill will, but I cannot afford to show much friendliness to them in the current state of things. The entire population has deluded themselves into a state of complete prejudice against ponies, fed by propaganda made by themselves. It's a shame, really. I cannot even do much against it. I need to keep the trust of my citizens. So... as you can see, the entire situation is rather complicated."

The three of us sat in silence, me being the first to say something after about ten seconds.

"My god," I said. "That's... some pretty heavy stuff."

"Yes," said Tetesac. "It is."

I thought it a bit odd for them to make such a big deal out of one singular death, but I couldn't think of a way of saying that without sounding like an insensitive ass.

"I was there during the attack," said Lyra. "I stayed inside most of the time, just like most of the town, so I never did really understand what was going on near the end of things. All I knew was they suddenly stopped fighting and left. I'm... sorry that happened."

"Yes, I still partially blame myself for it. However, the past is the past. My main concerns right now lie elsewhere."

"Where is that?" I asked.

The King hesitated. "I'm afraid I cannot share my royal affairs right now. Soon enough, you will see. But on another note, would you like to see your laboratory now?"

I had almost forgotten about that. "Oh, yeah! Let's go do that."

"Very well then, follow me."

The three of us got up from the table as I gulped down the last of my tea. We followed him down a long corridor, and then down a flight of stairs. After some walking, we reached a door with a sign marked "Walt's Lab". Under the sign was another stating "Stop asking me to add chili powder to my burritos!"

As the king took a keychain out of his pocket, he noticed the sign and laughed.

"Your burritos were always the best, Wal- I mean, George. Those who asked for added chili powder are insane, as far as I'm concerned."

He singled out a key and unlocked the door. He then handed the keychain to me.

"Here," he said. "This belongs to you."

I wordlessly took the keychain and put it in my pocket, then followed Tetesac into the dark room.

"There's a light switch around here somewhere," he said. "Ah, here it is."

As he flicked the lights on, the room was illuminated instantly. What met my eyes was a large room with various tables holding vials, beakers, machinery, and god knows what else. The walls were lined with billboards and pieces of paper. A chalkboard hung on one wall, with some kind of blueprint draped over it. Perhaps the most glaring feature of the room was a huge machine in a corner, part of it covered in what looked like a large coffee stain.

"Dear god," I said, after coming out of the daze from seeing all this. "I made all this stuff?!"

"Well, everything except the tables," joked Tetesac. "You had those mail-ordered."

I was too busy ogling the room to laugh. So many... things. A bookshelf rested in a corner, filled with books about subject matter I probably no longer understand.

"Wow, I can't even begin to guess what any of this stuff is," said Lyra, admiring the room. "I sure hope none of them are doomsday machines."

Tetesac laughed. "Oh, no, nothing of the sort. At least, as far as I know."

He eyed me with some most likely fake suspicion. Not really paying attention to him, I walked to a table and picked up a vial of blue liquid marked "FD Prototype 6".

"Ah, that," said Tetesac, walking over and admiring it himself. "That is the latest iteration of your attempt to create a fruit drink out of blueberries. Personally, I liked the fourth one best, but you insisted it had a metallic flavor. Shame."

I set the vial down. "Was I just the food scientist or something?"

"Oh, no. You simply had a large interest in foods in general. 'Perhaps you should have been a chef after all', I would always say when your experiments failed. Ah, such good times."

I looked, around, crossed my arms, and sighed. "So, this is who I am, then?"

"Yes, it is all true. Is there something wrong?"

"Not really, I just feel relieved after not knowing for, like, a week."

He smiled. "Yes, I can understand that."

After some more silence, he spoke again.

"Ms. Heartstrings, would you mind giving us a minute? I would like to speak to George in private."

"Oh, sure. I'll just wait outside. By myself. Outside the door." She didn't sound too sure of herself, but she left the room anyway.

After we were on our own, Tetesac walked behind the table we were at.

"So," he said, "Are you interested in continuing to serve as my royal scientist?"

"...Weeeeeell, I mean, I'd love to. But I don't know the first thing about science anymore."

"Yes, that's a bit of a problem. But as I said, something here might be able to help you."

I looked around at the various machines. "Do you know how to work any of them?"

"I have a rough estimate of one singular machine, that being the one in the corner over there." He pointed to the coffee-stained monstrosity.

I walked over to it. It looked somewhat like a giant coffee machine in itself, where a person-sized glass capsule sat in the middle.

"What... is this thing?" I almost felt intimidated by it.

"You called it 'The Kevin'. Not a particularly descriptive name, not to mention you never told me why you chose it."

"Looks like a coffee machine."

"You always said that, but I never really saw it. Anyway, in your own words, you stated that this machine had the purpose of being able to imbue magical power into a human being. Namely, a unicorn's magic."

"Really? God, I must have been a genius," I said, looking at the coffee-stained control panel.

"I wouldn't go that far, considering what happened with it."

"What happened?" I felt the power of foreshadowing overcome me.

"A simple accident."