They think of me as a villain, they think of me as a beast with no compassion. All it is is a simple game, nothing terrible!
Then again, I did force them to face their deepest fears, escape a maze with twists and turns, and I did put them against one another in boxing matches. But I’m innocent, they just don’t know how to play the game, they think they’re in serious danger… Well, I do have the ability to wipe them completely from this universe, but it’s not like they have countless other universes they can be written into!
Just moments ago, I announced the winners of round four to my audience. I’m grateful for my ever growing audience, I honestly didn’t think this small project would take off so successfully. Now with the first season’s winner taking over my company and running it pretty well, I can do more of these. However many wonder why I’m doing this, what will be in it for the contestants others ask me.
It’s simple really, although I gave away the only open position of my company to that Candle Light gal, I can offer the winner one wish. A wish of power, wealth, knowledge. Practically anything… Anything other than the power to defeat me of course. Tonight, I take the eliminations into my own hands. I offered this power to anyone who would participate in describing me in their own way. Yet none of them wished to participate! So, I must show them I mean business!
I have my shiny precious in my hand. Oh how I love it. The loud bang it makes whenever I pull its trigger is music to my ears! The rolling of the bullet chamber is majestic to listen to and the clicking of the hammer being pulled back is like liquid gold. Now some may call me a dick, with balls of rage after tonight. But I’m GOB. And GOB does things for the sake of business.
Oh? What’s that I hear? A fearful gasp? She’ll wake the others, I’m sure. Just a little longer, and I’ll finally present myself… Or, my voice to them at least. Poor simple ponies, mere animals in my eyes. Animals I can slaughter and roast over an open fire. Instead I offer them a job and eternal wealth. What is wrong with me?
"What? Where am I!? Hello? Somepony help me!"
Oh! The teacher’s awake!
"What the fuck!? Where the hell am I?"
So is he mercenary, with his foul mouth.
"TOO DARK! Merc!"
"Where am I!? What is this place!?"
"Okay! Okay, I get it you’re all awake! Welcome to the elimination room kiddies! I do apologize for the sacks over your heads, but it was quite necessary. Were you all retrieved peacefully? If not, I’ll be sure to punish Knucklehead for his ungraceful nature."
"Wha-Who are you!? What am I doing here!?"
"In due time Kaiber, I’ll explain in due time. First off, I’d like to introduce myself. I am GOB! Now, now, don’t try to get me all at once now. Oh wait, you can’t you’re all tied up!"
"You’re lucky I’m tied up you bastard! Or else your brains would be painting the walls around us!"
"Oh, a feisty one! Listen here Merc, I’ve been hearing about your threats, they’re quite adorable really. I mean, a drunken, money hungry mercenary threatening a god who could end him in the blink of an eye. It’s like listening to a child threaten a grown man, it’s very entertaining!"
"What do you want with us!? Why are we here!?"
"That’s a good question Coalstone. Let me answer with this. You all like wishes right? Well, since the last winner of the games, Kaiber I’m sure you’ve heard of her, her name was Candle Light. Anyway, since she took my place as CEO of my company, I’ve been left with a lot of time on my hands. So, I’m willing to grant the winner of this contest one free wish."
"So what you’re telling us is you’re willing to put us in the face of danger all because being in retirement is too boring for you!? And you’ll compensate for all the pain we’ve endured for you with a measly wish!? Where’s the fairness in that you freak!"
"Now now First Spark, no need for rude words. We’re all grown adults here, we can solve this in a civil manner."
"Please get this sack off my head! For the love of Luna get it off now!"
"Hey, hey Selune it’ll be OK. I know the dark can be scary, but you faced your fear remember? You have to be over it by now! Plus, you praise Luna! The so-called “Princess” of night. More like princess of idiocy. Same to her sister as well. Thinking they control the sun and moon, please! But, we’re not here to talk about their false powers. We’re here to cut the loose ends from the competition. Are you all ready!?"
"You’re a sicko! A mad man!"
"Hold your tongue Kaiber, didn’t the “Jedi Council” teach you to not speak unless spoken to? Please child, you’re nothing but a nerd who can swing a sword."
"You shut the fuck up about him!"
"And you, the drunken mercenary! Let me ask you something."
"What the hell was that noise!?"
"Oh, I’m glad you noticed it too! The sound of a hammer being pulled back satisfies me too. Anyway, I’ve noticed you’ve taken a liking to Selune."
"Don’t you fucking touch her!"
"Ah-ah Merc, remember. I have the gun to your head."
"Go ahead and kill me you freak! I don’t care if I live or die, just leave Selune and Kaiber alone!"
"Hey! What about me!?"
"Yeah, and me!"
"I don’t know either of you people!"
"You might recognize me."
"Oh, you’re that one who broke my hand in the boxing challenge! Hey, I have a present to give you, it’s my hoof up your ass!"
"Woah woah Merc, language. We have children in the audience! Now I’m not going to kill you… Well, yet. But that depends if you can last long enough."
"What do you mean?"
"Well it’s simple really. You have two more challenges to look forward to. If you beat them both, you’ll be able to ask me for one wish, it can be anything and I’ll answer it."
"Can it be for the power to bust your skull in?"
"No, no. But it can be eternal wealth, great knowlegde, or anything else your heart desires. But let me give you a news flash. You can’t share this prize with your lover, or your friend here. Which is why we have to cut a few loose ends away."
"What do you mean by loose ends?"
"Oh, it’s quite simple Kaiber."
"Holy fuck!"
"Gahhaaaha!"
"Shit!"
"Did you just shoot him!?"
"What the hell just happened!?"
"That’s what I mean by cutting loose ends."
"You monster! I’ll fucking kill you!"
"You shut your mouth young filly! That silly wing of yours won’t be around for long if you keep up your attitude! Now, as I was saying- Hey, hey! Selune, I said stop crying! Now, we just have one more end to cut, and you all will be sent back to the hotel."
"Is he dead?"
"Oh, don’t cry Lucky… Of course he’s dead, in our universe, but everywhere else he’s more than healthy and alive."
"What do you mean by that?"
"It’s simple really. You are all not from this universe of mine. Sure you may think you came from a specific universe with it’s own happenings, but in reality, you are one of many copies of the same pony in many different universes. Each having their own timeline and history."
"That makes no sense…"
"Well, let me put it in perspective for you Lucky."
"Oh sweet mother of mercy!"
"You shot her!?"
"This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening!"
"Holy shit, you’re insane you devil!"
"I know, but look at the bright side! She now knows her answer, and she was sent back home. In fact, she should be waking up in her bed in her own universe right, about now!"
"You’re a freak!"
"And you’re an antisocial stone carver who talks to statues. Your point is? Anyway, I’ll be off! Tootles!"
"Are they dead? Is he gone?"
"I think he’s gone. Shit, what the fuck is wrong with this psycho!?"
"Guys, I honestly think we’re fucked. I mean, one of us is next!"
"But who’ll it be!?"
I don’t care who it is anymore! All I know is I’m gonna bash his fucking skull in for killing Kaiber! Curse these bindings!