//------------------------------// // Nightmare Night - "And Your Mammy Is TOO!!" // Story: Grandpa HATES Equestria // by ColossalParadox //------------------------------// Nightmare Night Carousel Boutique "What the hell am I doing inside a giant Merry-Go-Round? Last time I was on one of those I lost my lunch, and not through my mouth neither..." Grandpa asked Rarity. Rarity looked up from her sketchpad she was drawing on for a new line of clothing and focused her attention on Grandpa. "Well darling," she began, "Twilight needed some quiet time to work on figuring out a way to send you home, so I generously offered to watch you while she problems it out. Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do." Rarity responded. "Oh! And there will be Nightmare Nighters stopping by to ask for candy. So when they arrive could you keep your... vulgarity... to a minimum please?" She asked, almost on the verge of begging. "Whateva," He said, waving her off. DING DONG Grandpa got up from his chair and answered the door. He saw a small pegasus colt outside in a cute Mane-iac henchpony outfit. The colt had seemed excited to get some candy until he saw who was at the door. He immediately lost his smile. "Uhm... Tr-Trick or Tre-eat?" He said. "Oh and what are you supposed to be? An accident?" Grandpa asked. Rarity overheard this statement and gasped loudly, mouth gaping. Luckily the colt didn't seem to understand what Grandpa was implying and just stared with a blank, confused face. Rarity stepped up beside Grandpa to take control of the situation. "Ha ha! Here you go little darling! A whole bag of candy just for you! Run along now dear, your costume is absolutely adorable!" Rarity said in a nervous tone, giving the colt an entire bag of candy, just as promised. The smile immediately returning to his face, he thanked her and ran off. Rarity closed the door behind him and glared daggers at Grandpa. "Are. You. Out. Of! Your! MIND!?" She asked him. "Kinda hard to be out of your mind if you were never in it to begin with," He stated matter-of-factly. Rarity breathed a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of her nasal. She suddenly perked up as a brilliant idea struck her. She floated over a piece of paper with her magic and handed it to Grandpa. "That's some spooky ass ghost shit right there!" He exclaimed. Rarity ignored him and continued executing her plan. "Now darling, this is a list of materials that I need you to go to the market and pick up for me. It is only a few *tiny* things. Shouldn't take more than an hour or so!" She said happily, hoping he takes the bait. Grandpa took the list and read it over. "The hell is a W-... Wat-Waterco-" "Watercolor, darling," Rarity cut in, "It is coloring materials for sketches and the such!" "Sounds like a freaky sex position, like the French oven mitt." Rarity had no comment for that. She quickly ushered Grandpa out the door, much to his protest, and closed it. She slumped down against the door and blew a strand of stray hair out of her face. "When will this nightmare be over!" She whined. Town Market Grandpa walked around the market, collecting the materials that white unicorn supposedly needed. A bypassing pony pulling a cart bumped Grandpa's side and sent him sprawling to the ground. "Watch where you're goin' azhole!" Grandpa shouted to him. The pony stopped, turned around, looked Grandpa in the eye, and blew a raspberry at him. This set Grandpa off even more. "You wanna get your shit pushed in!? My pimp hand is itchin' and I'm 'bout to scratch it with the side of your head!" He said, attempting to get up. The pony took off at a run. The dust getting kicked up caused Grandpa to cough and fall back on his butt. "Oh! There went a hemorrhoid!" He looked at the pony running away from him. He cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled, "You's a bitch and your mammy is too!!" Carousel Boutique "Every Halloween I have the same god damn nightmare. I goblin tries to eat out my azhole!" The mane 6 all looked at Grandpa with wide-eyed shock. They had all congregated at Rarity's boutique to swap stories and celebrate the holiday after all the colts and fillies had gotten their sacks of candies and went home for bedtime. They each took a turn swapping stories with one another and sharing a laugh together... until it got to Grandpa's turn. "Hey... Um... Grandpa?" A voice called from upstairs. Everyone turned to see Sweetie Belle just at the top of the steps. "Would you... um.... c-come up h-here for a second?" She asked hesitantly, then ran back in her room. Everyone looked to Grandpa in surprise who sat there, dumbfounded. "Oh fuck me right in the azhole," He stated, getting up. "You want me to tell ya'll what? A BEDTIME story?" Grandpa stood in the doorway of Sweetie Belle's room, not moving, as he listened to the request of the three fillies in the bed. The all nodded their heads in unison. "Alright, but it's gonna have to be a spooky one since it's the Halloween times... supposedly...." Grandpa walked over to the bed, sat on the edge right next to the orange one of the three fillies, and began his story. The three Crusaders all took interest in what he was saying, even though they didn't understand most of it. For some reason most of the youngest ones of all the ponies took an interest in Grandpa and what he had to say, but the adults didn't appreciate his language and humor one bit. As evidenced by all the mares visiting Rarity's house listening in at the door to the room. Grandpa had a flashlight shining under his jaw to give his face scary shadowy features. His story was nearly over. "And then the dead prostitute said to the man, 'You might want to get yourself checked for Hepatitis B'," he said in a spooky sounding voice, " and-". Just at that moment, Grandpa's flashlight died. "Fuck," he cursed, looking down at the busted tool and smacking it, hoping that would get it to turn back on. No such luck. "Shit," he muttered. "Oh well, that's it for the story times. Now ya'll go on ta' sleep. Don't make me mix that sleeping powder into a glass of milk again like I had to do last time," he scolded. "Alright," the three fillies said sadly in unison. Grandpa got up and walked towards the door of the bedroom, all the mares outside scampering off downstairs as quietly as possible. He opened the door and walked through the threshold, flipping the light switch off as he passed by it. He closed the door behind himself and began to walk downstairs to the main lobby of the Merry-Go-Round shaped house. He paused and gave one last glance to the door over his shoulder, then turned back and continued walking, shaking his head. "I am so fucked," He said, taking out a cigarette and attempted to light it. "I just hope I'm lubed up when it happens."