Twilight Sparkle was befuddled, bemused and quite baffled[1]. It had been a rather typical Thursday in Ponyville to begin with. And then, as was perhaps expected, Pinkie Pie happened. She’d breezed into the room in Twilight’s friendship castle that Twilight had claimed as a science room[2], and had deposited some strangely intricate plans in front of Twilight earlier in the week.
“They’re for a totally un-froody guy I know. Wait, forget I said that,” Pinkie had said, “He said that since there was nothing here that the plans would be safe, but I told him that we had you, and you could do anything, and he said that if you managed to make that work that he’d eat his degree and go annoy the Betelgeusians. Don’t think about pink elephants!” Pinkie had finished, and breezed out of the room again[3].
Still, the project had proven a nice distraction from her princess duties, and had given her an actual excuse to lock herself in her castle for a week. But once she had managed to charge up a magical engine to actually power the device, and had called Pinkie Pie over, Twilight’s mind had naturally turned to other questions. The one that she had uttered aloud, just as Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, for some reason, entered the room, had been thus:
“I wonder what’s after the end of the universe?”
There had been a flash, an explosion, and when Spike came in to check in on Twilight, he’d only found three scorch marks on the floor, and a humming machine that appeared to be made out of gold.
Twilight, on the other hoof, was facing a much more interesting vista. Hundreds of things that she had never seen before were arrayed in front of her eyes. Something green glorbled at her. Pinkie Pie was climbing over Twilight, and attempting to shove something wet and wriggling into her ear. Fluttershy was trembling underneath Twilight. Pinkie finally managed to get the wriggling thing finally managed to get into Twilight’s ear, and the incomprehensible babble around her turned into comprehensible babble.
“If madams would care to order a drink at the bar, you shall be seated shortly,” said the green thing, offering a polite smile, “and then as you dine, the universe shall explode for your pleasure.”
Twilight Sparkle blinked.
“Twilight, Fluttershy, welcome to Milliways’,” said Pinkie Pie, pulling the two of them up towards the bar, “the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and the most impossible place to have dinner, like, ever.”
************
Twilight Sparkle watched as the shielded dome over the restaurant turned black, and her ears picked up the faint sound of the engines winding the whole restaurant back over the edge of the universe so that the whole thing could repeat again in a few hours.
“That was strangely...anticlimactic,” said Twilight Sparkle, looking down at her stolen waiter’s pad, filled with calculations. “I always thought it would be more dramatic.”
“Um, Twilight?” asked Fluttershy, swaying just enough to give away the fact that Pinkie Pie had somehow managed to get something alcoholic down the pegasus’ throat, “how do we get home?”
“That...” said Twilight, “is an excellent question. Pinkie Pie?”
The pink earth pony slipped a towel over her neck.
“How do you girls feel about hitchhiking?”
********
The Encylopaedia Galactica’s entry on ponies is this:
“A diminuitive form of horse, often brightly coloured to unnatural degrees and found in one of the Outer arms of the galaxy. They are divided into three subspecies; Earth Pony, Pegasus, and Unicorn. Each is capable of interacting with a force they call ‘magic’, but which may simply be some other undiscovered force. As they are not a space-faring species, contact with their planet is strictly forbidden.”
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy has this to say about ponies:
“They are very cute, and cuddly, and amenable to hugs from just about anything, unlike the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal[4]. However, they also have an instinctive grasp on five-dimensional physics, and despite being just about the cutest thing in their sector of the galaxy, have become the dominant life-form of their planet by virtue of the fact that their rulers literally control the planet’s star and moon. Befriend a pony, and you have made a friend for life. However, anger one at your own risk. They are not space-faring, but are willing to help passing ships should the need arise and if you can land without squashing any of them.”
As has been noted, the Hitchhiker’s Guide sells rather better than the Encyclopaedia Galactica.
[1]: she was also thirsty, hungry and appeared to have the left side of her face paralyzed, but she’d had a nice alliteration going there and hadn’t wanted to ruin it.
[2]: She literally breezed. Pinkie was wearing a parachute, some balloons and was riding on a breeze. Twilight still wasn’t sure how that worked, beyond just ‘Pinkie being Pinkie’, but she suspected that Rainbow Dash was helping.
[3]: Breezing, while a relaxing method of travel, is not suited for dramatic or fast exits unless you can summon strong wings at will. Pinkie Pie could not do this. Thus, it was nearly a full minute before Pinkie actually exited the room, and another ten before she managed to leave the building.
[4]: Granted, this is not difficult, as the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal only likes hugs that use its mouth and many, many sharp teeth. It is, after all, quite ravenous.