//------------------------------//
// 64 - Paddling Through Troubled Waters 
// Story: Ponyfinder: Roots of Stone 
// by David Silver 
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Fast awoke to Tree's smiling face. "Surprise!" She scrambled upwards to see all members of her party looking at her with smiles, except Maud, who was present and with the others, watching her.

"Ah? Good morning?" Fast tilted her head. "What's the surprise, besides shouting at me the moment I wake up?"

Paul stepped forward. "We've decided to celebrate today how great of a leader we have."

"Oh?"

Tabitha cleared her throat. "As princess of ponies, I declare Fast Shadow to be the best leader!"

Fast quirked a smile. "Some princess you are, declaring someone else a better leader." There was no malice in her voice, but it made Tabitha pout anyway.

Tree set a hoof on her chest. "We're serious. You haven't let us down, even when things got really gnarly. We haven't made it clear, you grok? Whatever's bothering you, it's alr--"

"It is not alright!" Fast glared at Tree, then let out a slow breath. "I'm sorry... You didn't deserve that."

"No." Tree shook her head. "Let it out. What's not alright?"

Maud nodded as she gestured over the others. "We're all here for you, as your family."

Fast let out a tired little laugh as she put a fetlock over her face a moment. "I'm not escaping this without speaking, am I?"

"Nope." Tabitha leaned forward. "Spill it."

Fast lowered her hoof back to the wood of the raft. "Fine... Fine. You'll hate me afterwards, and I will deserve it."

Paul grunted. "Nothing you did could be that bad. Let us be the judge of that."

Fast sank to her belly. "Fine. Settle and listen then... To start, I'm cursed." she pointed at herself with a forehoof. "I've been singled out by The Author herself for breaking her story. I was supposed to be a good pony, a good friend, and a good leader. I failed all three counts and died miserable and alone."

Tree raised a brow. "Heavy... But you haven't explained how, besides the part where you're standing here, very well and fit for somepony that died before."

Paul agreed readily, wobbling a hand. "Yer obviously not dead, Fast."

"Right, right." Fast sat up. "It's hard to explain. Do you believe in reincarnation?"

Tree quickly nodded. "Oh sure. You can't destroy energy, especially vital ones. Our souls are, like, immortal, passing from thing to thing. It's like I said, you'll eventually be a tree, and a bird, and everything else." She clopped her hooves together. "We are all things."

Tabitha shook her head. "I can't say I understand that part, but go on?"

Fast snorted softly. "It's as Tree said. When I die, I am reborn, but not as whatever ate me. Instead I seem to return to myself, mostly. With every generation, a Fast Shadow." She clopped a hoof on the raft. "It bothers me a little that no-one long lived had noticed it, but I'm certain that's the case now... I saw them, my past lives, all trying to be good and brave, mostly..."

Paul spread his hands slowly. "Until one wasn't."

"Right." Fast looked up at him, ears swiveling back on her head. "Right... I accepted a charge to watch a few children, foals. They insisted on going on an adventure, an important one at that, and thought to hire me for the position to help guard them. I underestimated it, then ran when things turned sour. I left them behind to face whatever foul fate awaited them and never looked back..."

Tabitha scowled a little, but Maud's reaction was faster. "You lied."

"I did... The gods cursed me for it. They hefted up my broken soul and told me I had messed up. They rubbed my nose in it like a dog." She sank to the raft, going limp. "And I understand... I think."

Tree tilted her head. "What do you understand, sister?"

Fast peered at Tree a moment. "It wasn't for being evil. Evil ponies have a purpose. My purpose... was to be good. My place is to stand on the right side of things. Even if I fail, I try." She slammed her hoof on the raft. "I'm not supposed to abandon people. I should have died there, trying my hardest to give them a chance to flee instead, not used them as a shield. I don't even deserve this brand." She wheeled her head around, but her brand of destiny was hidden under armor. "The lance protecting a pony. That's me. I'm supposed to stand between the innocent and that which would harm them, be they my adventuring companions or a charge that can't defend themselves."

Tree watched her a moment. "You're not laying it all out."

"What?"

"Tell us the whole story." Tree shook her head. "What did you do, after you ran?"

When Fast hesitated, Tabitha gave a little smile. "We're here to help."

"I don't need help!" Fast clopped the raft and turned away. "Don't deserve it anyway."

Tree stepped forward. "Deserve it or not, sister, you're getting it. We think you deserve it. Prove us wrong, sister."

She glared over her shoulder. "Prove it? Fine... I went back to the Seekers, told them what happened in my usual report." She slowly turned back to face them. "The leader went pale as a ghost, to even think I could fail so completely, not for lack of effort, but simply losing courage and abandoning the mission. He sent me away, but I was only one piece of things. I was one broken wheel, and I had company. The empire was collapsing around us. Seekers were quitting, running off in their own panic attacks." She made to slam the raft, but it was a limp motion. "We lost everything... Then he called me back. He looked me in the eyes, and asked how I could have failed, not the mission... but myself, and him. He killed himself right then and there, right in front of me. He ended it." Fast sank bonelessly and began to weep. "The stallion that had raised me practically as a father couldn't stand to live a moment longer. I killed him, as surely as if I held the tool myself."

It became quiet, with only the sound of Fast's grieving breaking the silence as the others looked amongst themselves.

Maud was first to step forward, setting a hoof on Fast's shoulder. "You lied, but that doesn't make you a liar. We can't change what already happened, but you won't make that mistake again."

Fast looked up at Maud, sprawled out, the grey earth-bound mare loomed tall. "I can't. I musn't... I'm sorry you have to rely on me."

Paul grunted as he tried to push Maud aside, which was harder than it looked. He settled for sinking down beside her and glaring down at Fast Shadow. "Cut that crap. Yer our leader, and we're happy to have you. Now stop feelin' sorry for the past, and get to fixin' the present so the future ain't so bad, right?"

Tabitha waved him off. "It's alright to cry. Gods above, I've done my share this trip." She joined the others, kneeling beside Fast. "You let that all out."

Tree smiled a little at Paul. "You're surrounded by mares. You're outvoted on crying." She shook her head then. "However bad your mistake, and it sounds radically awful, you're not that pony. It was a mistake of a good pony, not a bad pony being bad." She inclined an ear at Fast. "You have a chance to prove it was just a fluke."

The energy was, as Tree would have said, subdued, but healing. They let Fast recover and got to paddling along the huge lake, making their way towards their goal. The raft was just as heavy, but, perhaps, their hearts weren't as much as the day before.

Fast eventually sat up and moved to take her turn at the oars. "I'm fine, really. Thank you, all of you, for helping." She took the oar in her snout and got to helping push the raft along. "I'll repay the effort in time, and that's no passive promise."

Maud flashed a little smile. "I'm sure you won't." The smile was gone almost as quickly as it came and she moved to the edge of the raft, looking for trouble.

Compared to the emotional roller coaster they had endured, the few water elementals that tried to board and attack them seemed almost childishly simple in comparison. True, they had knocked Tree and Tabitha into the water and tried to drown them, but Tree became a shark, grabbed Tabitha by the collar of her clothes, and drew her up to safety. Frightening, but ultimately handled, they left the battle just a little wiser.

About an hour after their encounter, Tabitha practiced her magic dutifully. "I have to get better at this so I'm not just pulling everyone else down."

Tree was still in the water. Since she had become a shark, she went with it, nudging the raft along as best she could.

Fast considered a moment, on break from rowing. "You're a blood mage. It's all bout intuition and understanding. How about what you felt when you were plunged into the water? Maybe you can draw inspiration from that."

Tabitha made quite the face. "I'd rather not, but fine. It was cold, and dark. Everything was swirling around..." She moved her hands in a slow spiral. "But cold, I remember the cold best of all."

"Show me the cold," urged Fast. "Go on."

So she did. Tabitha moved her hands in a slow spiral like the whirling waters of the elemental, then raised them up, forming a glittering snowflake of energy. With a yelp of surprise, she threw the glowing mote away to smother itself in the waters, gone in an instant. "Oh look! I did it!"

Fast smiled a little. "You most certainly did. Now, practice that. I'm sure it'll come in handy, especially if we encounter beasts that dislike the touch of cold."

Tabitha practiced her new trick, learning how to hurl the little snowflake as one would a ball to a friend, though this wasn't a ball to be caught in joviality, as she found when she tossed it to Paul. It turned the flesh it touched a bright blue a moment and he spent the next few minutes being irate at her, but he wasn't hurt too badly by the little cold spark.

"Sorry, I didn't realize." Tabitha shrugged a little. "But good to know. That won't stop an angry bear."

"Are you callin' me a bear now?"

She shrugged softly. "And why not? You're big, strong, and kinda hairy. You look like a fine bear to me."