//------------------------------// // Mirror Darkly: A Flying Buck // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// Magic Gear Network Online. System loading… … System Ready Alert! Network integrity compromised! Unit not responding to system commands! [Command] Identify unit Accessing Network… … Unit X-456(ALT) diagnostic complete. Unit not responding to commands. Reason: Command Interface offline. [Command] Reestablish unit network connection … (Error) Unable to process command; unit connected to network Warning! Unit X-456(ALT) compromised! Self-defense mode engaging! [Command: Manual Override] Assume direct control of Unit X-456(ALT) ... (Error) Unable to assume direct control. Reason: Command Interface offline. … DANGER! Unit X-456(ALT) weapon systems compromised! Sword spell armed! [Command: Emergency Override] Deactivate Unit X-456(ALT) Emergency Code: (HEART) ... (Error) Unit X-456 not responding to commands. Reason: Command Interface offline. DANGER! DANGER! SWORD SPELL UNSTABLE! WEAPON DETONATION IMMINENT! CODE: VENOM! DANGER! DANGE- … … Unit X-456(ALT) Connection lost. Reason: (Error) … System Ready Vice had seen the Enclave's FB-05 Flutterbirds before but not one like this. It was painted all white with gold trimming surrounding it. The landing gear was wrapped in gold bands and the wings were covered in greenish-blue solar panels. The tail of the craft was also greenish-blue and had a ball turret hanging underneath it like some kind of stinger. But that wasn't the first thing that crossed Vice's mind when he saw it. "Looks like a windowless white sky van." Dan stopped. He squinted, looking at the craft's features. "Huh… I don't really see it. Haven't you flown in these before?" "A lot actually," Vice said. "Just not one that looked so… creepy." "Pfft, there's nothing creepy about it, doktor," Dan slapped him on the back. "I've got some candy in the front seat. Want some?" Vice had felt uncomfortable since stepping into the elevator this morning. Now, he was uncomfortable in a different way. "Do you think we can stop by the executor's office before we leave?" "Why's that?" Dan asked as he opened the hatch to the Flutterbird. "Oh, no reason," Vice said, not moving. "Just wanted to see about filing a restraining order or two." "Good luck with that. The DA happens to be my roomie and the only orders he approves are for takeout. Now, let's get going." The doctor took one last look at the hospital behind him. He knew just about every room in the building like the back of his hoof. The staff members, his fellow doctors, nurses and aids, the custodians and maintenance workers, even some of the patients he had to treat more frequently he thought of like his family. They were his family and the most he could do to help them right now was to get someone else to cover for him while he went off on some crazy errand. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself he was doing this for them and stepped on board the helicopter and closed the hatch behind him. The interior of the Flutterbird was dimly-lit, another difference from the last time one he'd seen. The usual jump seats lined both of the walls in the same white, gold and blue colors of the fuselage. He looked around, trying to see which seat was available, where he was supposed to sit. "Woohooo! Get strapped in, boys and girls! It's time to fly!" the voice from earlier announced. Vice climbed his way through the compartment over to the front of the craft. "Not often we get a guest joinin' us,!" the pilot looked over his seat at Vice. "Ole Dan's not usually the type to bring on a plus one, if you catch my drift. Count yourself lucky you're flying with me." "Thanks?" Vice said, taking a seat behind and in between the pilot and copilot's chair. Being in the middle of the cockpit meant that he could see out of both sides of the viewport but unfortunately it also meant both Dan and Vice could see him. "Captain Waylon of the thirteenth Rubinelle airborne! Well, formerly, anyway," the pilot said, extended a hand back to Vice. "It's not every day you get to ride with hotshots like me. You'll be able to tell all your friends you flew with the best." Vice reluctantly grabbed his hand and shook. "Okay..." From his appearance, Vice could tell Waylon was one of Dan's associates. The human was taller and built a little more like a soldier than Dan was but had the same attitude. His hair was propped up in a pompadour that had too much spray or gel in it. He wore a sleeveless shirt with a huge winged skull logo over it and a pair of black sunglasses. If he was a captain of anything, he didn't act like it and he didn't care. "So, you with IDS or something?" Waylon asked. He turned to Dan. "He ain't with the twelfth, is he?" "He's with MSF," Dan clarified. "And he's our ticket to something very special- the rebel's secret weapon." "Is that right?" Waylon asked, excited. "So, he leads us to it and we swipe it, take it back to the Empire and they treat us like royalty?" Dan grinned. "Something like that." "Hehey, count me in, brother! A quick smash-and-grab and the Empresses will treat us like heroes. Let's fly!" he began flipping switches and pulled down a lever. The Flutterbird lifted off the ground and took flight so quickly it nearly knocked Vice out of his seat. He hastily buckled his safety restraints as the aircraft flew into the skies above Canterlot. Dan casually buckled his own seatbelt. "It's not going to be that easy. The weapon's a giant robot." Waylon looked over at his copilot. "''Scuse me?" Vice's eyes went wide as he gripped the chair. "Watch the signs- WATCH THE SIGNS!" "What si-oh, whoa," Waylon said, calmly pulling up to avoid crashing through a billboard. "Hey, no backseat flyin', now." "Then keep your eyes forward!" Vice yelled, still gripping the seat. "What the heck kind of a pilot are you if I have to tell you not to hit things?!" "Now, what did I just say?" Waylon asked. He turned to Dan again. "We really need this guy?" Dan folded his arms. "We do. Like I said, he's our ticket to the robot. It's in zebra territory and we're going to use the good doctor's MSF clearance to get us past their air defenses. Once we're in, you drop us off and we hijack the bot, reprogram it for our lovely lady overlords. Then, we walk out like we own the place all the way back to Canterlot, which we will then walk into like we own the place. After that, hopefully Celestia will give us a… place to own." "Sounds good, brother man! Hijack, hightail, highlife- let's get it on," Waylon said. "That is a crappy plan," Vice said. "That is a very crappy plan." "It's a perfect plan." "I feel like you just read a set of microwave instructions and then replaced the steps with the last five things you heard," Vice said. Dan scoffed. "Like you'd even know how to use a microwave in that cheap-assed AIDS clinic you run." Vice unbuckled his restraints and stood. "The buck did you say about my hospital?" "Sit down," Dan brushed him off and turned his chair forward. "You're probably the only half-decent pony doctor in the whole Empire so don't hurt yourself." The doctor grabbed his chair and spun him around. "DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT MY STAFF YOU JACKBOOTED GREASEBALL MORON!" The human sighed and unbuckled his restraints. "I guess we're doing this now, then." He stood up and poked a finger on the pony's chest. "Ya know how I know you're not going to do anything?" "Because I'm a doctor?" Dan held up a small blade. "Because I've got a knife." Vice held up a tool of his own. "And I have a scalpel." "Hahahaha," Dan laughed, genuinely surprised but not at all intimidated. "Look at the two of us. See? It's like I told you- we are a lot a like." Vice rolled his eyes. "Oh, well why don't I just go out and find a shiny, red ribbon? So I have something pretty to tie it with when I have a fuck to give." All of a sudden, the craft pitched and the two were thrown to the floor. They fell on top of each other, their would-be weapons scattering to the floor. Vice quickly pushed Dan off of him. "Both of ya, siddown and shuddup. It's going to be a long enough trip without you two trying to kill each other in my helicopter," Waylon said, not bothering to turn back and look at them. "And no knives. I have to clean up in here every five minutes anyway or we're gonna get ants." Vice steadied himself on the chair with a puzzled look on his face. "How the heck do you get ants in a helicopter?" "Flying magic insects, probably," Dan said, sitting back down and buckling himself in. "An offshoot of parasprites or breezies, maybe. Little bugs that inhabit the upper atmosphere or Cloudsdale and climb into wherever they can smell food." Waylon looked over his shoulder. "Not really, pardner. Yeah, 'questria's got a lot of freaky bugs and whatnot but these are just ants." Dan's face went blank. He lifted his feet off the floor. "You actually got ants in your helicopter?" The pilot grinned mischievously. "Maybe they smelled some of the candy you left in here." Vice just sighed. It seemed like the trip was just going to keep finding ways to get worse as it went on. He sat back in his chair, trying to relax. "Welp, we're 'bout an hour from the zebra border so Ima turn on the radio," Waylon said, switching a dial on the controls. "NO, NO, you don't understand what I'm saying! I AM a gator fan and I AM calling!" "And I'M TELLING YOU, you're calling just to call! That defeats the purpose of calling and saying you're a gator fan!" "NO IT DOESN'T! Because you said- because you said-" "I said gator fans don't have the guts to call in! And all you're doing is calling in!" "WHICH PROVES THAT GATOR FANS HAVE THE GUTS TO CALL!" "WHO CALLS IN JUST TO CALL?!!! WHO DOES THAT??!! YOU ARE NOT A GATOR FAN IF YOU'RE CALLING JUST TO SAY YOU'RE-" "I'M A GATOR FAN AND I'M CALLING!!!!" "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" "RAAAAAHHHHH!" Waylon turned off the radio. "I guess maybe we'll just have some peace and quiet." The three mismatched allies each relaxed their own way as the Flutterbird flew north to the border with the Zebra Republic.