Before we begin, I have something of a confession to make. This month I had extraordinary difficulty finding anything of note to write about in this article. The Equestrian Autumn is a dreary, tedious thing. Clothes tend more towards practicality than style. It is a time when I prefer relaxing the chilly evenings away with a glass of red, not journey across Equestria in search of inspiration. However, there was a matter I felt compelled to put to paper this month, and I shall.
I pride myself on being well-versed in the playground of society, and enjoy an ever increasing circle of good friends and colleagues. Alas, I have not been on the romantic market for some time, preferring to keep to my work. In my long 'dry spell', so to speak, I have come to believe in a certain vision of the romantic relationship. Being a part of different social circles from Ponyville to Canterlot, I believed myself able to recognize the signs of love and the drama of romance from afar.
Imagine my surprise, then, when one afternoon I was enjoying a very delicate tea with my good friends at a charming venue at my hometown of Ponyville…
The Barrel Scraper throbbed with ponies of all shapes and sizes, many of whom Rarity had seen earlier that day at Sweet Apple Acres. Cider season was the best time of year for the dingy yet popular bar's business, but unlike the produce served by Applejack, the cider at the local pub was hard. The small windows didn't let in much light, and the noise meant everything Rarity had to say needed to be shouted over the din. It was a large bar, but nonetheless crowded.
Despite everything, it was a pleasant backdrop to the discussion going on at the small square table nestled in the corner by the window. It was out of the way of traffic to and from the bathroom. There was no draught from the front door. Regardless of the poor lighting, it was comfortable and spacious for the four ponies leaning on the old varnished wooden table.
Rarity nearly knocked the cider-mug over as she waved her hooves around with all the dexterity of a concussed octopus. "Three weeks since I've written!" she exclaimed, her voice nearing a screech. "I've not had any ideas since my last article! If I don't come up with a half-decent story, I'll..." she paused, the cider in her slowing her quick mind down to a crawl. "I'll lose the column. Pillar. I'll be kicked off the magazine is what will happen."
From the other side of the table, Applejack polished off her own pint. "Sounds like this 'ere is a fr... friendship problem, right?" She giggled. "We'll help, then, right?" The rest of the ponies gathered nodded with varying degrees of enthusiasm and sobriety. Applejack grunted. "Wha... What do ya'll write about in this column?"
...A very charming venue.
I was at the table with three of my closest friends, whose names I will keep secret for the sake of their privacy. Let us simply call them Art Attack, Fruitcake, and Smartypants. Fruitcake is a down to earth pony. She is my most reliable friend, and despite our differences in taste (which I assure you are considerable) she is my most trusted confidant, and always maintains a quiet composure that could put any noble of Canterlot to shame.
Applejack tried swiping Rainbow Dash's drink away from her. "Jus'... A little drop?" she asked, her eyes trying to plead and criss-cross at the same time. Rainbow covered her drink with her hoof, narrowing her eyes and moving the tankard away with a snicker.
"Pfft. No. Get your own! You didn't have any of the good stuff... again... at the Acres, so now you don't get any of mine!"
Art Attack is young and enthusiastic, and would be a stunning pony if she only cleaned up a bit and stopped treating baseball caps as an acceptable fashion statement. She is strong, fast, and capable, and though she can be childish, she hums with energy and drive.
"It is your round, Applejack," Twilight pointed out. "Probably the last one we can get before closing time, too."
Applejack grunted loudly, and slowly slid of her chair like she was made of jelly. "Mmf...fine. Ciders for everypony?"
"Just a glass of water for me," Twilight said.
Smartypants is the cleverest of my friends, and never fails to be a kind and responsible pony. We often enjoy civilized chats together.
Three more mugs of cider (and one glass of water) were slammed on the table. Rarity didn't wait to take a massive gulp of her drink, throwing back the tasty sweet cider. She let out a caged breath. It was lip-licking good.
"Here's to cider season!" Rainbow exclaimed. Applejack snickered, and almost fell on top of her friend. She looked back towards Rarity.
"So... you were talkin' 'bout your monthly article, yeah?"
Rarity nodded. "I was, wasn't I?" She scratched her chin. "See, word got out about me after my adventures in fashion all across Equestria. I became a celebrity of sorts, even." Rarity grinned, oozing pride. "I was able to convince the Hooves and Hemlines magazine (owned by Prim Hemline) to let me have a section all to myself every month. I thought it would help get my name out and advertise my Boutique, and ponies seem to rather enjoy reading about my musings."
"What do you write about?" Twilight asked. Rainbow was the only pony not paying full attention to Rarity. Instead, she decided balancing a coin on the tip of her nose was a far more interesting experience. It wobbled gently as Rarity went on.
"Oh, fashion, mostly. Pony society, sometimes. Little magazine things," Rarity said. "But this month, there isn't that much going on in the fashion industry and I've been out of touch with the Canterlot elite for far too long."
"Well, ain't they just a bunch of borin' so-an'-so's anyhow?" Applejack asked. "Surely you'd want to write about ponies who actually know how to have a lil' fun."
Twilight nodded. "I think I agree with Applejack," she said, taking a sip of water. "Why don't you just write about the ponies here?" Her eyes lit up. "Ooh, you could write about us!"
"We are pretty interesting," Rainbow pointed out. The coin fell to the floor. "Darn it."
Rarity shook her head. "It's more than just telling a story," she said, resting her head on one of her hooves. "The crowd wants something juicy. Personal."
"Just give us fake names," Rainbow replied. "I vote Applejack gets called Fruitcake!" She winced when Applejack's elbow connected with her ribs.
"I rather meant, what is there to talk about?" Rarity said. "We're all good friends, and we hardly fight much. It's hardly riveting magazine material."
"Don't your magazines like gossiping on and on about stupid relationships and stuff?" Rainbow asked. "Can't you just make something up?"
"Yeah," Applejack said. "Like, maybe Twilight is at odds with with her estranged daughter?" She chuckled. "That'd be somethin' to talk about."
"I don't have an estranged daughter!" Twilight exclaimed with a suspicious look in her eye.
"I know, I'm just makin' it up!" Applejack said. "You try it."
Twilight rubbed her forehead. "Uh... Perhaps Rainbow got adopted by the... um... Wonderbolts, and that's magazine-worthy for some reason?" Twilight sighed and hung her head. "Ponyfeathers, I'm not very good at this."
"So, Rarity. You've mingled with Canterlot ponies. Surely you can come up with something 'juicy'."
Rarity snickered. "Well, I could just come up with something, I suppose," she said. "I could say, um..." She eyed her friends. "Ah, yes! You two could be secretly in a relationship," she said, gesturing at Rainbow Dash and Applejack. "And you," she said, pointing at Twilight, "Could be secretly jealous from the sidelines." She snorted. "I suppose Fluttershy could be in on it too, but I'm not sure what she'd do just yet..."
Twilight giggled. "She could be the long lost sister," she said. "There's always a long-lost family member in the story-books, but nobody knows who."
Applejack scratched her head.
"Well, I don't know about Fluttershy bein' our forgotten relative, or Twilight bein' all jealous and stuff," she said, "But..." She nudged Rainbow's sides again. "We are goin' out."
At first, I thought my friends were joking, or rather, keeping the joke I had started going. After all, these were my closest friends. I could hardly imagine them successfully keeping such a large part of their lives hidden from me.
Rarity snickered some more. "Yes, very funny. That might make for a decent story," she said. "But I'm not sure how I can write about something that doesn't exist."
Rainbow took yet another gulp of cider. "Uh... I think we'd know if we weren't together, Rares'."
Rarity smiled kindly, as if to a child. "And I think I'd know if you were, darling. Besides, it would have come up in conversation before."
"Well, ya'll never asked."
"Yes," Rarity went on, "Because I'd notice. I'm not blind."
Twilight narrowed her eyes. "I think," she said, peering at the pair like they were a test subject inside a glass tube, "That they might be serious."
Rarity shook her head. "But they argue all the time. And fight. And I swear, there's not an ounce of tender compassion in those vicious elbow-nudges I've seen Applejack deliver."
Rainbow nursed her side. "Tell me about it."
Rarity chewed the inside of her lip. The pair stared at her from the opposite side of the table. "Is this a problem?" Applejack asked, the corners of her eyes creasing.
"Are you really being serious? You're not just carrying on some joke I shouldn't have started?"
Applejack nodded. "Uh-huh. We don't tell everypony, and we don't, y'know, rub everypony's face in it."
Rainbow snickered. "Ha. Rubbing your face in it."
Applejack's elbow made a swift reappearance. "Public, RD." She turned back towards Rarity. "And truth be told, we don't go in for all that fancy-schmancy stuff you romantic folk go for."
Rarity rubbed the bridge of her nose.
"How does that work, then?" she asked. Her eyebrows knotted as she thought back to any clue she might have seen. Anything she might have missed. "I... You must have been trying to keep this a secret, at least?"
Rainbow shrugged. "Uh... no? We just act normal."
Rarity frowned. "Act normal?" she exclaimed. "Acting normal is... is... spending time with one another, longing gazes and such..."
"We're spending time together now," Applejack pointed out. "I dunno' 'bout longin' gazes..."
"Yeah, we don't do longing gazes so much," Rainbow said. "I don't think we've had a proper longing gaze in... Uh..." She tapped her chin. "Must have been Summer Sun's Eve, right? I remember being pretty longing that evening. After we played horseshoes, that is."
"Horseshoes is not a romantic activity," Rarity snapped. "And at Summer Sun's Eve... Why, you could have danced, had a late night dinner, walked by the lake... Anything at all!"
"We rather like horseshoes," Rainbow said.
Rarity's mind raced as thoughts flooded through her brain. "Actually, I think you're right," she said. Applejack brightened. "This will make for an interesting story," she went on with a smirk. "You're sure you're comfortable being the subject of an article?"
Applejack shrugged, and downed the rest of her drink. "Ask me again when I'm sober," she said. "But for now? Yeah, sure. What's the harm?"
As I had previously touched upon, I pride myself on being able to pick up on little signals that ponies give off. For Art Attack and Fruitcake to be going out under my very nose was quite humbling, but also a matter of some curiosity. It was then that I decided I wanted that to be the subject of this month's article, and to perhaps shed some light on a relationship that defies my preconceptions.
Rarity shook Applejack's hoof. "I most certainly will," she said. "And of course, I'll keep your names out of the article. I think Art Attack will fit you quite well," she said, gesturing towards Rainbow. The pegasus pony shrugged.
"I'll take it," she said. "Also, I think Twilight should be 'Smartypants'."
"I can't be Smartypants. My old doll is called Smartypants."
"Yes," Rarity said, "But my readers won't know that." She got to her hooves. "I think I must visit the bathroom," she said, her stomach lurching. Two steps later and she hesitated. "On second thought," she said, "Home might be the wiser choice."
"Standin' up always makes you notice how drunk you are," Applejack said. "How 'bout we call it a night?"
Rarity sucked in a lungful of air. "I suspect we might have to," she said. "I'm going to feel this in the morning, aren't I?"
Quite unfortunately, I took ill that evening and spent the following morning hampered by a sudden cold. I was unable to begin my inquiries until I had recovered that afternoon. I suspect the Autumn chill must have gotten to me.
The next day came all too quickly for Rarity. Each step felt like a nightmare. Every ray of sun was a spear, an arrow, a war-hammer to her nerves. Her stomach felt halfway between empty and trying to throw up a five-course meal. A five-course meal where the only food served was cider.
Her wardrobe was perfectly prepared for the occasion. Stylish horn-rimmed sunglasses to keep out the light, a shawl to keep ponies from noticing the earplugs she shoved in her ears (to keep out the noise), and a clever plastic-lined handbag in case she needed an impromptu vomit-bag.
Even hungover, Rarity always dressed in style.
Two days left, she thought to herself. That's how long she had until she had to deliver her article to Hooves and Hemlines. That was her ultimatum.
Luckily, two days was all she needed, if Applejack hadn't just been drunkenly making stuff up. But she had seemed so certain of herself. At the same time, Rarity had a hard time reconciling the revelation in her head.
Relationships were supposed to be sweet and tender, she thought. They were supposed to involve dances and candles and all those things Rainbow and Applejack didn't do. All Rarity had ever seen of them was just arguing, wrestling, and competing. How in the wide open world of Equestria did that work?
Yes, Rarity thought. This would make for a decent article. If it was eating away at her mind this much, it had to be good.
A plan raced through Rarity's brain. She'd find out how this began. That's how stories ought to start, after all: at the beginning. Then she'd ask Applejack and Rainbow what they do. They certainly didn't go on any kind of conventional date. Rarity knew and talked with every restaurateur and chef in Ponyville, and none of her numerous friends had seen the pair together. They'd have told her. They practically survived on gossip. Breathed it.
So what did they do? Sit at home and play board games?
The truth will out, Rarity thought. She'd make sure of that. Nopony hid a delicious morsel of gossip from her and got away with it.
My mind was made up, and that afternoon I met with Fruitcake at her home. Like myself, the poor thing had also caught a cold, but was in a far better shape than I at the time.
We sat down and I began to ask my questions. The first of which: when and how did they begin dating?
The inside of Applejack's house was pleasantly dark, and there was no sound of any of the other Apples that afternoon. Applebloom must have gone to school, Big Macintosh would be out in the fields, and Granny Smith had been spotted outside on the porch. The living room provided a perfect quiet spot for Applejack's informal interview.
Just like Rarity, Applejack was fighting off the after-effects of her hangover. She had a glass of water in one hoof and a hayburger sandwich in the other.
Rarity didn't waste any time beating about the bush. "Tell me everything," she told Applejack.
Applejack folded her forelegs. "Well, it kinda' took a while to take off," she said, keeping her voice down for her own sake as much as Rarity's. "See, you mightn't have known this, but a while back, I got asked out. A lot."
Rarity adjusted herself in Applejack's comfortable, if plain, seat. "I know the feeling," she said, a smug little smile playing her lips.
Applejack shook her head, sucking air in through her teeth.
"Oh, you got no idea. This weren't me battin' my eyelashes at some stallion to get him to mow my lawn. This was a steady stream of 'em askin' me out to dinner and such." She leaned forwards. "This one week, I had to turn down three. Three in a week."
"Well... That does sound awkward," Rarity said. "Do you have any idea why?"
"None," Applejack said. "Well, I dunno. Rainbow said it might've been 'cause I was approachable or somethin'."
Rarity frowned. Given Applejack's attitude towards trespassers, she wouldn't associate her friend with the word approachable. "Well, do go on. How long ago was this?"
"'Bout a year before you came back from school in... wherever you went," Applejack said. "Anyways, I didn't have many friends. Certainly no stallion-friends. They were all too busy pinin' over me. Luckily, Fluttershy introduced me to one of her old pals who had just moved into town from Cloudsdale."
"Rainbow," Rarity said. Applejack nodded.
"Exactly. Now, we hit it off instantly, but not in any kind of romantic way. We mostly just enjoyed playin' and talkin'. But not long after she moved in, she ended up havin' the same problem I did."
Rarity narrowed her eyes. "Oh?"
"Dozens of stallions and mares were all over her. Thought she was exotic or somethin'. Like one of them parrots ponies bring from overseas."
"I see."
"Which makes sense. She weren't from around these parts and she's pretty darn colourful."
"Do go on."
Applejack shook her head, focussing on her story once again. "Well, she weren't interested neither. She said she wanted to focus on bein' an athlete, and other ponies would get in the way." Applejack shrugged. "I figured that was just an excuse, but I didn't mind. What a pony wants to do with their life is their own business, that's what I say." She leaned back into her chair. "But it did give us an idea. Ponies knew we were best friends back then, and we hung out an awful lot. So we decided to put on this lil' act."
"Act?"
Applejack nodded. "We agreed that every time somepony asked us out, we'd say that we were together. It was easier than comin' up with all manner of excuses or just plain tellin' them we weren't interested. And it worked."
"You pretended to be an item... to scare away potential suitors?"
"Pretty much. We went on fake 'dates' where we'd go over to my place for the night. For show."
Rarity rubbed the bridge of her nose. "What would you do on those 'dates'?"
"Play board games, mostly. We really liked snakes 'n ladders."
"Snakes and..."
"Ladders. I still got it upstairs in the attic."
Rarity frowned. "So when you told me you were together yesterday evening, you actually meant you were just a fake item to make your lives more convenient?"
Applejack shook her head. "No, not quite. It only started out that way." She shrugged. "But it did take an awful long time for us to move past that."
Fruitcake told me a lot I confess I didn't know about her. Many years previously, she had been struggling to make ends meet, and her job was becoming increasingly stressful. At the same time, Art Attack hadn't been getting as far as she wanted in her career, and her progress had seemed to stop entirely. I suspect this is when the two finally began to feel lonely.
It was late evening when Applejack finally threw in the towel, sweat dribbling down her face. Harvesting the entire orchard wasn't hard with a little help, but doing it again and again just to get enough money to survive was harrowing.
Hopefully that'd change, she thought. Summer Sun Celebration was coming, and if she could only make sure she was the pony providing the food, then she'd be set up for a good long while. Better yet, she could use the money to...
"Hey. You forget our date?"
She paused, and looked up. Despite the ever-growing gloom, she could still make out the moonlight shimmering across Rainbow's bright blue coat like a mirror. Like her own, it was sweaty and grimy.
"You look a lil' tired," Applejack pointed out. Rainbow's eyes, usually so bright and lively, looked like they were permanently on the verge of closing.
"It's been a long day. Spent forever practising for the Wonderbolt Reserve tryouts," she said. "Again."
"Any progress?"
"They're not even letting me take the test," Rainbow complained. "I look too inexperienced to them. Probably because I'm way younger than their usual candidates. Plus, I don't even have any special tricks I can do. I just fly."
Applejack sighed. Rainbow was leaning heavily against one of the many near-identical trees, her eyes downcast. "What about that, uh, Sonic Rainblast you talked about?"
"I haven't been able to do the Rainboom since I was a filly," she said. "It's so... frustrating. Like, you know you can do something, but at the same time, can't." She ran her hoof through her mane and turned her eyes towards Applejack. "Is our 'date' still on?"
Applejack nodded. "It can be."
"'Kay. I could use not doing anything stressful tonight."
"I'll get the games, then. There's cider in the fridge. I'll meet you in the kitchen?"
"Sure thing," Rainbow said, stretching her wings. On another day, she might issue a challenge, maybe a taunt or two, but today neither pony felt up to living up to their competitive reputation. Instead they each went to help set up their board game. Rainbow poured two ciders, and Applejack laid the big colourful wooden board on the kitchen table, and pulled up two chairs.
Inside the house was warmer, better lit, and far cosier. In Winter, they'd play by the fireplace to help stave off the cold. At this time of year, the kitchen was closer to their supply of cider. The pair knocked their mugs together and began playing.
"I guess both of us are feeling a bit frustrated, huh?" Applejack said as she rolled a six, moving her counter up the board. Rainbow nodded.
"I guess. I've just been at this for a while, and it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere," she said. Her eyes narrowed. "Don't tell anypony I said that."
"It's fine, sugar," Applejack replied. "What happens playin' snakes 'n ladders, don't leave snakes 'n ladders."
Rainbow smiled, and moved her counter up a short ladder, pulling ahead of Applejack. "Thanks. I don't want anypony thinking I'm... I dunno. A whiner."
"It ain't whining. Life just gets tiresome sometimes."
"Exactly. But ponies at work think I'm hot stuff, and I don't want them knowing I'm... well... less than extraordinary." She rolled again. "But still way better than ordinary. Just not as cool as ponies think I am."
"I know the feelin'," Applejack said. "Heck, I've spent most of my life tryin' to act tough for Applebloom 'n Big Mac. It gets real hard keepin' the act together some days." She sighed as her counter slid down one of the many snakes across the board. "The farm ain't doin' so great. There's always some light or other at the end of the tunnel, but every time I get close, every time I'm almost about to get it together, it gets further away."
"Yeah, I get that too," Rainbow said with a chuckle. "Speaking of acting, I don't think I've had to use our little excuse in ages."
"Me neither. Maybe ponies just gave up on us."
"About time. I swear, every single pony in the weather team has asked me out at some point or other." Rainbow paused. "Maybe we won't need our trick any more?"
"Maybe not."
"Kinda' sucks, though. I really like playing board games."
"We can still play board games."
"I guess." Rainbow took a swig of her drink. "Wouldn't be the same, though."
"We can always keep it goin', then," Applejack replied. "I don't mind. 'Sides, I kinda' like bein' in a relationship. Even if it is more fake than a tennis ball dressed as an apple."
"I guess I kinda do too," Rainbow said. Her counter slid down a snake, landing it not two squares away from Applejack's. "Um. Please don't tell anypony, but I've been kinda' lonely these days."
Applejack snickered. "You? Lonely? Wouldn't have thought," she said. "You've got loads of friends and co-workers at the weather company. Not t'mention Flutters."
"Flutters is great and all, but it's kind of hard to talk to somepony who won't talk back." Rainbow replied. "And I'm not exactly as honest with my co-workers as I am with you. They don't count."
"Only honest with me, huh?" Applejack asked. "Sounds like you really are in a relationship with me," she joked.
"Maybe I should be," Rainbow muttered to herself. Applejack heard.
"'Scuse me?"
Rainbow rolled the dice again. She moved the counter two up, right onto Applejack's counter.
"Heh. Got you."
Applejack folded her hooves. "Don't go changin' the subject. You just said you were honest with me."
"Nuh-uh. I said I was more honest with you than with my co-workers," Rainbow retorted. "That doesn't mean 'completely'."
"Why can't you be 'completely' honest, then?" Applejack asked, keeping her voice low so as not to wake up the whole house. "We've known each other for nearly a year, now. Your secrets ain't goin' nowhere."
"I can't," Rainbow replied. "Not here."
"Why not?"
"I... really hate being weak in front of other ponies."
"It ain't weak. It's honest."
"Well it's weak to me," Rainbow said, holding her head. "At school, every time I slipped up, I got laughed at. That's what happens when you're the toughest, best pony around. You've got to stay that way."
"Then where? Where can you be yourself?"
Rainbow hesitated.
"Do you have... like, a room? With thick walls and stuff that nopony goes into?"
Applejack nodded.
"Sure I do," she said. "But nopony is going to spy on us here."
"I don't care."
"Then come this way," Applejack said. "'Cause if you really want what I thought you said... I might be open to suggestions."
I hardly associated something as trivial as snakes and ladders with romance before, but that is why I found the story so interesting. After all, my own forays into romantic encounters were almost always at grand balls or with stylish, slick ponies from the cream of society. That was the dream, after all: to find my prince charming, not a board game partner.
"And then what?" Rarity asked. Applejack shrugged.
"We talked. We figured we were already dating anyway, so we might as well give real romance a shot. We decided to go to the Summer Sun Celebration Eve party together. There was s'pposed to be nice drinks, dim lights and best of all, some slow dancin'."
"It was that simple?"
"Well..." Applejack began. "Not quite. Our first date was a little awkward."
"I can't believe we're doing this," Applejack muttered. It wasn't an unhappy mutter, Rainbow noted, but rather a surprised one. The pair stepped up towards the impressive double doors of the town hall.
"So, uh... Do we hold hooves, or...?" she asked. Applejack shrugged.
"I... guess? That's what ponies do, right?" she said, and snaked her left hoof around Rainbow's right. They both shivered at the contact. It felt alien, somehow. Rainbow had spent a long time getting used to Applejack's physical contact... After all, she could hardly avoid it. Applejack liked shaking hooves, nudging ponies, leaning on them, and more. Even if Rainbow was less reserved in that area, the sheer amount of times Applejack all but demanded touching was enough to put her on edge for a long while.
This was different. It was like playing hoofball but without kicking the ball too hard.
Rainbow didn't say anything, though. How was she supposed to put it? 'You’re holding hooves weirdly, could you maybe try again later'?
Summer Sun's Eve wasn't the biggest event of the year. Nor was it the most special. In many places, it was barely a footnote in the day to day lives of the common pony, but in Ponyville, couched in the shadow of Canterlot, it was celebrated with cakes, drinks, and dancing.
It was the logical place to go for a first date, Applejack had pointed out, and Rainbow couldn't think of any counterargument worth a damn.
"This place looks great," Rainbow said. "Is it like this every year?"
"No," Applejack replied, looking at the balloons, streamers, and flowers of every colour. "Usually it's, well, darker. Less balloons." She looked at Rainbow suspiciously. "Maybe they got a new caterer.”
“I got no idea what it was like before,” Rainbow admitted.
“Weren't you here last year?"
"Yeah, I was in town, but I didn't go to the celebration." Rainbow shrugged. "Who'd I have gone with? I had only just arrived."
"I dunno'. Fluttershy, maybe?"
Rainbow snickered. "Yeah, because you can totally see Flutters at an event with more than three ponies at once," she said, throwing her hoof towards the crowd. Applejack tilted her head to the side.
"Good point. She should really get out s'more."
"I'm trying, but she only really likes animals," Rainbow said. "I offered to let her join in practice, partner up in races, and go to a hoofball match, but she just wasn't interested."
"Maybe you should try askin' if she wants to go someplace she'd like to go."
"Who doesn't like hoofball?"
Rainbow snatched herself a slice of cake and promptly shovelled it into her mouth. Her wing slid another paper plate, complete with additional confectioneries, towards Applejack.
"Thanks," she said, and tossed a handful of chocolates down her mouth. After chewing loudly for several seconds, she paused. "Sorry," she said, remembering to slow down. She must have looked like some kind of beast, wolfing down treats like they were pills.
"For what?"
Applejack hesitated, then ate another chocolate, this time taking a small, dainty bite from it instead of swallowing it whole. Rainbow gave her a look, the corners of her eyes creasing, then tossed her a bottle of cider.
"Drink?" she asked. Applejack nodded, gratefully cracking the bottle open with a flick of her hoof.
"Thanks! I needed that," she said. She squared her jaw. "Dance?"
"I'm not... a great dancer," Rainbow said, glancing towards the sea of ponies. The lights had been turned down, and the music slowed to a snail's pace. "Not that it wouldn't be awesome to clear the floor here," she said with a restrained chuckle.
Applejack felt as awkward as Rainbow looked, but she wasn't too off-put to notice Rainbow's lie. She might not have danced a lot, but on the rare occasion Applejack had seen her, she moved faster and slicker than anypony around them. She didn't have skill, or grace... She had enthusiasm.
"You've not held back before," Applejack said. "Somethin' up?"
"No!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I'm just..." She shook her head. "It's not exactly the kind of dance I'm used to."
An island in the middle of the crowd, both Applejack and Rainbow felt stuck. All sets of hooves felt glued to the floor, neither one quite daring to make the first move.
Applejack tried giving Rainbow one of her elbow-nudges, but when she did, Rainbow's muscles all felt stiff and hard. Gone was the relaxation of sitting at home playing games. Even if Applejack felt brave enough to slide closer, wrap her hoof around Rainbow and sink into her as the music washed over them... It'd be like dancing with a plank of wood. It'd be the same for Rainbow, too, she thought as she noticed how tense she was herself.
Rainbow's wings fluttered. "Mind if I have some of that cider?"
Applejack handed her the drink. "It ain't hard, though."
Rainbow grunted.
"Better than nothing." She sighed. "We'd better get out the way, huh?"
Both ponies stepped outside of the crowd, hanging by the edge of the room. They looked at the crowd of ponies, each seemingly free of the anxiety that plagued both of them. Here and there, they saw a flash of pink wherever ponies looked almost gloomy. It was the oddest thing: wherever it went, bored ponies began to smile.
Applejack wished it would pass her by.
"I ain't sure this'll work," she said. Rainbow frowned in response, her eyes flashing with frustration in the darkened room.
"It should. We've been kind-of, sort-of doing this for ages, right?"
Applejack sighed. "We played board games. It ain't exactly the same," she said. "I ain't never been in a 'proper relationship' before. I've been stuck takin' care of my family. The only pony I've really gotten to know..."
"...Has been you," Rainbow finished. She snorted. "Screw dancing, then. Drinks are free tonight, right?" She held out another drink she had swiped from a nearby table. "Want another?"
Applejack smiled. "Sounds good to me."
"And then," Rainbow went on, "Instead of sitting on some hill somewhere and look at the stars..."
Applejack cut her off. "We'll just play horseshoes. Like we always do."
Rainbow grunted in appreciation, and took a determined bite out of her cake. "Who cares about being all lovey-dovey and all that crud? We were perfectly cool before, weren't we?"
"We kinda' were," Applejack said, nudging Rainbow in the side.
"Ow." Rainbow nursed her side. "I ever tell you how much that hurts?"
"Nope."
"Well, it does," Rainbow replied. "And you know what? I don't mind." She leaned against Applejack. "I like you. A lot," she said, her voice as soft as her grating tone allowed for. "And I like you because who else can you play board games with and pretend to be in a fake relationship with?"
"Likewise, partner," Applejack replied.
"So, here's my plan," Rainbow went on. "We obviously suck at letting our guard down like this. So let's just not. Not until we're at home, out of the way, someplace quiet." She grinned. "We don't have to be all mushy outside of our comfort zone. I like my comfort zone. It's awesome and nice and it comes with cider and stuff."
Applejack laughed loudly, taking the room over with her deep, throaty voice. "I ain't got unlimited amounts of it, y'know." She tilted her head. "But I know what you mean."
"So... wanna' step outside and play horseshoes?" Rainbow asked. As an afterthought, her wings, as dextrous as fingers, snatched another couple of bottles of cider. "With refreshments, of course."
"So long as you like losin'," Applejack said.
"Oho, trash talk. That's new," Rainbow replied, her voice dripping sarcasm. "Hey, whatever helps getting your flank whooped easier. Let's go. Dancing hurts my hooves anyway."
Applejack leant back. "And that pretty much set the tone for our entire relationship to come. We were friends, but... also more." She scratched the side of her head. Her hangover had all but gone. Rarity put her hooves together.
"I remember Summer Sun's Eve," she muttered. "I even saw you two outside playing. I never even thought."
"We decided we wanted what we already had," Applejack said. "Things got better for us pretty quick. After the Summer Sun Celebration, the farm made enough money for us to expand a bit, and things got more comfortable. Rainbow won the Young Fliers and kick-started her career again. In the middle of all that, ponies forgot we had been tellin' them we were goin' out. All they remembered was: 'don't ask RD or AJ out: they'll say no'." She beckoned Rarity to follow her. "C'mon. Lemme' show you the only real thing that changed."
Applejack led her friend up the stairs. The ceiling was too low for comfort, and Rarity had to bend over a bit to get through some of the doorways. Applejack stopped in front of a room at the back of the house.
"This here's my room," she said. "But it wasn't a while back. I moved all my things here to make things easier." She opened the door. "It's a pretty small room, but it does the job well."
"What job?" Rarity asked, stepping through the doorway. The little dingy room looked like it had once been used for storage. Most of the space was taken up by the large double bed, and the small space near the door looked like it was about to be invaded by the chest of drawers.
Under the doorway was a line made out of thick black tape.
"This here is Rainbow's designated 'free-zone'," Applejack said. "On this side of the line, she can be as happy, sad, worried, or vulnerable as she likes, and nopony gets to judge her for it." She smiled. "It's on the far side of the house, and nopony can hear anything in any of the other rooms. Also, the door is real thick, and you can't listen through it. The windows have got big thick curtains, so no spyin' pegasus can watch." Applejack sniggered. "RD's a bit paranoid, but I had it done for her on our 'anniversary'. Well, one month into the 'real' relationship, rather. It made things easier."
Rarity looked around the tiny room. There were pictures on the walls, so many that the woodwork and wallpaper was almost invisible. There were books of all kinds: Daring Do novels, romance novels and even a copy of Hooves and Hemlines.
"That's really rather sweet," Rarity said. "I didn't expect that."
"Part of bein' in a relationship is bein' honest, right?" Applejack said. "We were almost there anyhow. Rainbow just needed a lil' extra help."
Rarity nodded to herself. "Well. I think I have plenty to write about," she said. "This has been quite illuminating."
Applejack chuckled. "If you think that was interesting, you should wait till I tell you about the time Rainbow admitted she was actually straight."
Rarity paused.
"Let's... leave that for the next article, shall we?"
In short, I believe to have been looking at romance somewhat wrong. Whilst I certainly do associate romance with a certain glamour... Dinner by candlelight, and such... I do believe that at its core, being in love with somepony, whether they're a friend or more, is being able to be yourself.
In my case, being myself includes those remarkable dinners by candlelight, and I certainly don't intend to give them up, but I feel it is perhaps important to remember that, just as even an unseemly dress can become stunning on just the right pony, the oddest of relationship systems can work if the ponies involved care enough about the other.
Even if that system involves only being able to let your guard down in a special sound-insulated room.
Although Fruitcake and Art Attack are perhaps not the most tender of ponies, and perhaps they are not the most open about themselves in public, after hearing their story, I am convinced that they truly do care for one another. They must do to have stuck with playing snakes and ladders for quite this long.
That's all for this month,
Rarity
Rarity tilted her head at the couple. Rainbow gently put the paper down.
"You write like you talk," she commented with a smirk. "It's weird."
Rarity sighed. "I hate to sound like a broken record, but are you certain this is publishable?" she asked, picking up her first draft of the article. "I wouldn't want to impose too much."
"It's just going to be dumb Canterlot ponies reading it anyway," Rainbow pointed out. "And it's not like they've got names." She leant back against Applejack and closed her eyes. "It's got my green-light. Even after I saved Equestria seventeen times, it took months for Spitfire to learn my name."
"If it's fine by Dash it's fine by me," Applejack said. "Send it to your lil' magazine."
Rarity smiled. "Well, thank you very much, then." She folded the paper and carefully slid it in an envelope. "I hope it receives a little attention."
"It'd be the first time ponies paid attention to our relationship," Rainbow said.
"Well, you don't exactly advertise it much," Rarity said. "I mean, when even I can't tell..."
"Rares'," Applejack said, giving her friend a solid pat on the back, "You ain't nearly as observant as ya'll think."
"Well," Rainbow said, "Summer Sun's Eve wasn't as bad as all that."
Applejack nodded, trotting up the porch. "You're takin' your recent defeat at horseshoes rather well, RD."
"Well... y'know, it was a special kind of evening," Rainbow said. "I'll be back to hating the very prospect of losing tomorrow. For now, I'm kinda' glad today played out as it did."
Applejack flashed Rainbow a smile. "Likewise," she said. She leaned in towards Rainbow. "Uhm... I know we said we didn't have to act like a 'real' couple, but..."
Rainbow snorted. "Pfft, no. But I do want to kiss you," she said, and slid her hoof up and behind Applejack's neck, pulling her closer and closer. "That cool with you?"
Applejack swallowed. It felt strange, she thought, like she was suffocating and bursting with adrenaline all at once. It was different to when her hooves felt stiff at the party. It was different to feeling odd and bothered at eating messily in front of her special somepony.
'Special somepony'. Pretty special indeed, she thought.
"Eeyup," she replied. Her eyes closed all on their own as Rainbow closed the gap between them.
The lights were off inside the house, and nopony could see them. It was perfect; just what they wanted. Her defences, her need to stay strong and her desire to open up... Her walls were up and down at the same time, letting Rainbow in but keeping every single other pony on the face of the planet out. Just the two of them.
"Well," Rainbow whispered into Applejack's ear, "Same time as always for the board games?" She tilted her head. "Tomorrow's a no-go, because good old Celestia will be visiting."
"Board games sound good," Applejack replied. She leaned in closer again. "Maybe we can upgrade sometime soon."
Rainbow blushed. "Uh... Mhm Hmm." She bit her lip. "But we can still play games too, right?"