Chapter Fourteen
A Sad Miscellany

In which lessons that are difficult to learn
produce knowledge that is unpleasant.

July 4th - 8th, 1012
Equestria

We sighted the Equestrian coast in the early evening. I was at the helm, alone on the quarterdeck.

"South of Vanhoover by a few leagues, capt'n. We should see the lights of Tall Tale off the starboard bow within the half-hour."

"Very good," I said, and snapped the cover of the speaking tube shut. I shoved the lever that engaged the self-steering mechanism and went to the aft rail to take a reading with my anemometer. I noted the airspeed in the log and then took the wheel again. Six hours out from Canterlot.

Applejack came up from below and climbed the ladder from the waist up to the quarterdeck. I frowned and kept my eyes on the horizon. The hint was clear but she didn't take it.

"Twi, I ain't one of your crew, so don't get all captain-y on me, y'hear? This is gonna be hard enough as it is."

At least she had managed to engage my curiosity. I glanced at the compass and then up at her.

"I'm gonna ask you for a big favor. I'm gonna ask you for a princess favor, and I wouldn't feel right doin' it if'n it was just for me."

"It's for Fluttershy, y'see." Applejack looked down and scuffed a hoof across the deck. "An' it's Princess Luna that'll have to help her. I want you to ask the princess for me if she'll…"

Applejack looked at me for a long moment. "Yeah… that'd be nice, but it ain't the main thing."

"I reckon you're gonna find this out yourself, Twi, and I'm pretty sure you're strong enough to deal with it. I ain't so sure about Fluttershy. Y'see…"

She paused for a long while, and just when I thought she was going to give up and go away, she began speaking again. She never once took her eyes off the deck while she spoke.

"Y'know I lost my ma and pa awhile back, so this is somethin' I know about." She paused again briefly, swallowed, and went on. "The nightmares are bad, yeah, but it's some good dreams that're the worst. You'll be doin' somethin' ordinary, sittin' on a log and eatin' an apple, maybe. An' you'll look up, and there they'll be, smilin' back at you, maybe talkin' about somethin' or other. You know how dreams go. You just accept it. Maybe you say, 'Hey… for some reason I thought y'all was dead.' And they'll laugh at that, and you'll laugh, and you'll go on, havin' a good time.

"That's the worst, Twi. It weren't no nightmare, but when you wake up and you know it was only a dream… well… it's pretty hard to take. Fluttershy loved that ol' pony, an'... she don't need that wound poked at. I don't know if Princess Luna can do anything about those kinda dreams, but if you could ask her for me, I'd be mighty obliged."

Applejack attempted to make it all sound casual and impersonal, but I could see her pain in the way her mouth tightened and her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. I thought about my own parents and how I would feel if… I tried to stifle a sob and failed. She looked up at me then. "Aw… aw, Twilight, sugarcube, don't cry! I didn't mean to… aw, ponyfeathers! C'mere!" She flipped the self-steering lever on the binnacle, and pulled me into a hug. I curled my neck around hers and sobbed for quite some time.

Applejack had just gotten me settled and was trying to convince me to go below and get something to eat when the guards arrived.

"Permission to come aboard?" the pegasus in bright armor called out as he came up fast from astern.

I glanced at the other pegasi following in his wake. "Yes, lieutenant, you and your flight are welcome aboard. I'm Captain Blackmane. What can I do for you?"

The lieutenant landed on the quarterdeck, his ponies on the main deck and fo'c'sle. "May I see your log and manifests, please," he said.

I knew routine when I saw it, and whatever was going on wasn't it. But I nodded and made for the companionway. "I'll get them for you."

I couldn't help but notice that he and all his ponies wore short swords, and that they were carefully watching all of the hatches.

We held our course for Canterlot while the lieutenant went through our papers and the guards went through the ship, comparing everything in the cargo hold to the manifests, and even going so far as to thump the decks, bulkheads, and overheads in search of hidden compartments. The only thing I had hidden away was my magical instruments and the letters from Luna and Celestia. Lacking a high-level unicorn, they would never be able to find those.

"I have been very patient, lieutenant," I said, around the end of the third hour of the "routine" inspection. "Would you do me the courtesy of telling me what this is all about?"

He held up the ship's log and gave me a long, hard stare. "It says here you were attacked by pirates. Not a lot of detail to the entry, though."

"That's right," I said through clenched teeth. "They attacked us and we fought them off. They're dead and their ship is sunk. Not much more to tell."

"I see." He tucked the log back under his wing. "You've got an awful lot of weapons aboard for a merchant vessel." He let the observation stand, not asking a direct question. No doubt he was hoping to get me talking and perhaps letting something slip out.

The lieutenant then held up a set of the little weighted silver chains. "Were you aware that possession of these weapons by civilians is illegal?"

"Now look here, you consarned…" Applejack began, stepping toward the lieutenant.

There was the hiss of a sword coming out of its scabbard and AJ turned to see one of the guards holding his blade pointed just behind her ribs.

The lieutenant gave up any pretense of politeness. "We have a report of a merchant airship being sunk by pirates two days ago. The description of the attacking vessel matches yours. Not many ships with dark blue envelopes in the sky."

"What?! But that's crazy! We were the ones what got attacked!" AJ growled at him.

He nodded to the other guards and they closed in on the quarterdeck. He pulled out a suppressor ring from under his wing, and one of his ponies produced a couple of sets of hobbles.

"Then, I'm sure we'll get this all straightened out in a day or so. In the meantime…"

There was a loud thump from the main deck and the guards whirled, all swords coming out of their scabbards at once. Then there was the clatter of all the armored ponies coming to attention at the same time.

The lieutenant dropped the suppressor ring in his haste to salute. "Your Majesty!"

Princess Luna coolly surveyed the scene for a moment. "You are from the Vanhoover garrison?"

She nodded. "This is not the ship you are looking for. Canterlot is under two hours flight from here, so you and your ponies can spend the night in the barracks there and return to Vanhoover in the morning."

He hesitated only a moment before snapping off a second salute and calling out, "Flight! Formation on me!" He dove over the rail and the other pegasi followed.

Luna gave me a level gaze from beneath lowered eyelids and smiled. "You should be at Canterlot by midnight, Captain Blackmane. I hope you enjoy your stay in the capital."

She reared up, spreading her huge wings so that they caught the wind, lifted her from the deck, and carried her over the rail. She disappeared into the night almost instantly.

"Well, i'n't that somethin'!" Halter Hitch said in a low voice. The rest of the crew on deck muttered their agreement.

We cleared customs and paid the various fees and tariffs, which took most of my attention for several hours. I paid the crew and gave them promissory notes for their share of the profits when we sold Nebula's cargo. They secured their personal effects and said their farewells.

"If you take the morning express for Ponyville with the girls, you can change trains there for Dodge Junction. That'll put you pretty close to your hive. I'd advise a different disguise, though. A zebra in the territories is just as likely to cause a commotion as a changeling would."

"You're not going to take me to Celestia for an 'interview,' then? She won't be happy about that."

I shrugged. "You've given me all the information you're willing to give, and that will have to do. I don't think she'd coerce you even if I didn't consider you a friend."

She carefully considered me for a long moment. "Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. I think we will meet again."

We had an early breakfast in a restaurant near the station, and afterwards, I said my farewells to the girls and made it a point of telling each of them how much they meant to me, singling out Fluttershy for an extra-long hug and nuzzle. Rarity said she'd be back in two days to assist in selling off our cargo.

I stood on the platform for a long while after the train had departed. Spike finally nudged me and complained that he was cold.

"Okay, Spike." I said. "Sorry about that. I was just thinking… woolgathering, Mom used to call it. We're going now."

The weight of my crown and a thousand responsibilities were out there, lurking.

My parents were surprised but delighted to see Spike and me. They loved the little gifts we had brought them from Zebrica. They made the usual fuss over Spike, and I got the usual interrogation about my life and travels from Mom. I glossed right over the terrible part, which didn't fool her for an instant, but we all silently agreed to accede to my editing of reality.

I had Spike send a couple of short notes to Luna and Celestia, and then I took us out for brunch at Mom's favorite place. Afterward, we walked through the gardens surrounding the Royal Museum of Art and puzzled over the new "installation" beside the koi pond.

"I think it's a bird's nest," my dad said, tilting his head nearly horizontal and squinting.

"It's an expressionist piece, dear," my mom replied, patiently. "It's not meant to be a particular object."

"But it does have meaning! You remember Twilight's first burst of magic? When she threw the whole bowl of pickled beets at the wall? That spatter was a representation of an emotion, something one can't directly depict. Expressionistic, you see?"

"Anger," I said, an image of red splashes against a smooth surface suddenly leaping into my mind.

"Well, thankfully, the curators have placed a little informational plaque here," Mom said, levitating her reading glasses out of her bag. "Let's see… oh. Oh dear!"

Mom straightened up, putting her glasses away. "The art piece is due to be installed next week. This," she said, blushing slightly as she waved a hoof at the jumble, "is scaffolding."

We left the museum and ambled through the old neighborhood, poking our noses into shops and chatting. We bought lemon tarts from a street cart and ate them while Spike rampaged through his favorite comic shop.

In the afternoon, we had tea at the Phaeton Hotel and Mom filled me in on the news from the Empire. Little Flurry Heart was growing like a weed and having truly epic bursts of magic that were driving Shining and Cadance to distraction. (Nothing like they had been, thank the fates!)

"I'll see you again, soon," I said to my parents as I kissed them goodbye. "Thanks for looking after Spike for a little while."

The little dragon in question stood with a foreleg around one of mine, reluctant to be parted from me. "You sure you don't need me, Twilight?"

I gave him a hug. "I'll always need you, Spike. But it's all going to be pretty dull stuff for a while, and those comics aren't going to read themselves!"

"Okay, I guess," he slowly let go of my leg. "But come get me if there are any emergencies, alright?"

"I'm glad to discover that the reports claiming you had turned pirate were slightly exaggerated," Celestia said, as we shared a pitcher of iced tea on her private terrace.

"Sky Dancer's captain saw the engagement through a spyglass from almost a league away. And when a ship is so quickly and thoroughly destroyed, some assumptions are reasonable."

"About that… When I get angry I… I stop thinking. I act. I'd like to blame it on the Nightmare's magic I carry, but the truth is that it's always been a part of my character. Sometimes my actions are appropriate, and sometimes they're not."

"Yes," Celestia said, studying her glass of tea carefully. "Inappropriate and unfortunate, but I understand how, in the heat of the moment…"

"You are a princess of the realm," came a low, sultry voice from behind me. I turned to see Luna standing in the shadow of the archway that led into the castle. "You have the right of High, Middle, and Low Justice. Your word is law, and if you condemned those ponies in your heart, what you did was right and proper."

"Thank you, sister." Luna poured herself a glass of tea and added a sprig of mint, but didn't emerge from the archway. "I will stay here, if you don't mind. I find the summer sun a bit oppressive." The glass floated over to her. "No offense."

"None taken," Celestia said, smiling. "I know you can be somewhat delicate at times. Incidentally, the laws of Equestria have changed a bit in the last thousand years."

"Perhaps, but the essential rights and responsibilities of royalty have not changed," Luna said as she sipped her tea. "I read that in a book, written by a very smart pony." Her smile was bright in the shadow.

"Legal or not, I don't want to be the sort of pony who would do such a thing!" I protested.

"Present regret often moderates future behavior, I have found," Celestia said. "If you find yourself in a similar situation in the…"

"Fie!" Luna snorted. "They were murderous villains. Such as those deserve no mercy!"

Celestia didn't continue after the interruption. Perhaps she didn't entirely disagree.

I couldn't think of anything appropriate to say, so we all drank our tea in silence for a while.

"Discord? What did he…" Then my brain caught up with my mouth. "Oh. Fluttershy."

"Yes," Celestia confirmed. "He had set up a welcome home party for her. Bunnies big enough to ride on, flying weasels, cupcake trees... things like that. But Fluttershy wasn't in the mood for a celebration, of course."

"He was most vexed with you, Twilight," Luna interrupted. "But I will wager not for the reasons you might imagine."

"Hah! I am victorious! Thou owest me a forfeit, dear Twilight. Discord was wrathful that thou didst not afford him his own revenge upon the knave who touched fair Fluttershy! Hadst thou not slain the villain, e'en now he would be wishing himself in Tartarus to escape the clutches of Epona's jester!"

"Thou thinkest it not a subject for levity, sister?" Luna paused, cleared her throat, and took a sip of tea. "Well, perhaps not. My apologies."

"We have other matters to discuss," Celestia said. "The changelings, for instance."

"Yes," I nodded, glad to change the subject. "I apologize for not bringing you Khaatarrekket, but I don't think we would have learned much more from her. And she did save us all from the pirates."

Celestia nodded. "No, I think you made the right decision about her. I have made sure my ponies in Zebrica know about the changeling presence. That situation will need to be closely monitored."

"Not spies, Twilight! Just ponies. Diplomats, merchants, and travelers who correspond with me on interesting or unusual things they might encounter."

"Okaaay," I said. "There's also this 'anti-ponification' charm that Ket had. I probed it a few times and I'm almost positive it's the work of my old Amulets and Charms professor or one of her students. Since it is exactly what Chrysalis asked me for two years ago, that probably means it was she who… commissioned it."

"And the hive in the Smokey Mountains?" I asked. "We've got to verify that, and take action as quickly as possible."

"Ah!" Luna smiled again, and it wasn't a very nice smile. "Should we don our armor? It has been too long…"

"No, Luna! That attitude is exactly why I haven't told you about this until now. This is not a situation that can be resolved by galloping in, horns blazing."

"Is it not? You disappoint me, sister. How otherwise can we root out the vermin?"

"We can't. Not yet, at least." Celestia looked a bit sheepish. "There are complications."

"What manner of complications? The most intricate knot will yield to a keen blade, thou knowest."

Celestia gave an exasperated sigh. "We can't take action against the hive, because it was created legally!"

There was a long, shocked silence, and then Luna and I simultaneously said, "What?"

Celestia began to look downright embarrassed. "The Smokey Mountains have been given a royal charter as a nature preserve. Endangered species within the preserve are protected by a very stringent set of laws, and any species that undergoes a drastic population reduction can usually qualify for endangered status."

Celestia nodded. "Chrysalis filled out all the correct forms and paid all the necessary fees. A Parliamentary committee approved the designation by a narrow vote a month ago. And yes, I will be carefully looking into those MPs who voted 'yea' on that bill. But, at the moment and because nopony thought to limit the original legislation to unintelligent creatures, changelings are officially an endangered species. Her hive is perfectly legal, and protected by the full force of Equestrian law."

Luna hung the rug I gave her on the wall of her bedchamber, as if it were a tapestry. She placed two short pillars bearing nightpearl lights to either side. "There! 'Tis a proper setting for so noble a gift!"

We spent the next two days together, alone or in disguise when we went out. I told her everything about the trip, even the unpleasant details. She listened carefully, but didn't offer much comment, at least not immediately.

It was on the second day, when we had gone flying after lunch, that she suddenly said to me, "You must rid yourself of the Nightmare's magic as soon as may be."

"Really? I've planned to for quite a while. I know the way to do it properly now, but I haven't gotten around to it. Why the rush?"

She stilled her wingbeats and settled into a long glide. "Because the Nightmare's… because my magic has influenced you, and I would not have it so."

I side-slipped, moving closer to her and matched her glide. "There's a certain… attitude to it, but I'm fairly confident that there is no agency within the magic, I'm sure of it, Luna. I'd love to have an excuse for my behavior, but I can't justify it."

"There need be no intent to influence you, my love. To a pony who wields a sword, all problems become foes to be defeated. That you cut your way out of danger is a deed to be laid at my hooves."

"Can I not?" Luna shook her head. "I am closer to the age of chaos and war than any pony alive, Twilight. My thinking, my magic, was shaped in an age of violence and struggle. I truly see no wrong in your actions, which my sister asserts is a fault in these times. You carry within you not only that power and mindfulness, but its less constrained half. It is a danger to you, and what ill befalls you because of it is a wound unto my heart."

I still wanted to argue the point, but I could see that Luna felt very strongly about it, so I only nodded and said, "I have all the materials I need to make the amulet. I can do it, and make the transfer tonight, if you like."

I hadn't thought I would miss it, but the next day as Rarity and I bargained with the spice merchants and various other traders for our cargo, I kept probing at the space where the Nightmare's magic had been. It's not a very good analogy because there wasn't a particular allotted place the magic had occupied, but it was an awful lot like constantly sticking my tongue into the empty space where a lost tooth had been.

"Darling, aren't you happy about the deal? I got us a very good price for the cloves."

"Oh, no, not at all! I'm kind of astounded at the profit we're going to make, and that's all down to your skill, Rarity!"

I almost didn't tell her. But she was one of my closest friends and it wasn't a secret I could keep for long. "I've done a lot of thinking about it, and I can't help but conclude that, logically, I was in the wrong. But that's not what I feel." I paused. "Oh, Rarity, I really hope you don't despise me for saying this, but in my heart, I want to hunt down all the pirates preying on innocent ponies and kill them!"

Rarity lifted her head and calmly regarded me for a moment before speaking. "Did I mention that I've rearranged my schedule?"

I couldn't believe it. I had bared my most shameful secret to her and she was going to ignore me?

But then she went on. "I'll be in Canterlot an extra day every week, because I've engaged Maestro Flèche to teach me telekinetic fencing. Pirates, darling? Just point me at them!"

The Twilight Enigma

by iisaw

14 A Sad Miscellany