Pain.
Everywhere.
I may be a very skilled mage, but 5 summonings in a row was just ridiculous. I didn't even make it to 3 before collapsing. Sometimes Perfect Circle can be a real a slave driver. "Again, Sunburst," She'd say in that gravelly voice of hers. "Forget that the last one was a bull elephant that almost landed on top of you and cast it again so I can feel like my complete lack of a sex life has at least produced a semi-competent mage, even though by any reasonable metric I should know that by now. Celestia, I'm stupid. Speaking of the Princesses, when we're done here Princess Luna has asked to see you personally so she can give you a medal for putting up with my incessant shrill commands. Also, she will tend to all your aches and pains in a cute little nurse outfit."
... Okay I might be paraphrasing a bit there, but can you blame me?! Luna. Nurse outfit. You know it's hot.
At least the couch is comfortable.
What did I leave on the nightstand... Please be 'A Game of Ponies'... Or maybe Playcolt?
... Nope. 'Eastern Unicorns throughout History'... Oh yeah. I have a test on Meadowbrook tomorrow. Brilliant. I thought tests were supposed to end when you got out of school. I must've left it earlier so I wouldn't forget.
Ugh, I'm no fun.
Might as well crack it open and get to it, not like I'll wake up early enough to read it tomorrow. Lessee, chapter index is...
By Celestia, this book is beat up. When did I get this?
Oh right. Birthday party. Eighth, I think, maybe ninth. Who gives a kid a textbook?
... From this hoofwriting, another kid. Pretty sure we even knew back then you're not supposed to write in these things. 'It's got a lot of cool artifacts and magic in it. I know you said you can't cast spells this big yet, but I hope you like it when you can!', signed-
...
Starlight Glimmer.
...
Skipping one book won't hurt. I've read enough on Meadowbrook the last few days.
... No, stop it.
I shouldn't think about Starlight. I know where it'll lead, same place as always. A spiral down into thoughts of a friendship long dead, a filly (mare now, he supposed) long gone and memories of an innocent colt without a care in the world.
And all those thoughts and memories would come back to one question.
Why?
... I'm gonna do it anyway aren't I.
I placed another book on top of a massive tower that stretched practically to the ceiling.
Starlight clapped her hooves together, joyful and impressed. She hadn't managed levitation spells quite like I had, so this book tower doubtless looked like a marvel to her. I remember smiling a little. I was tired, but in a good way, and the look on her face was well worth it. She reached out with her own magic to move one of the books.
The tower wavered and fell right towards her.
Fear gripped us both.
I stopped all of the books at once just before they crushed my best friend.
I didn't even think to do it, I just kinda... did it.
A lot of unicorns get a sudden rush of power when they get their cutie marks, especially any kind of magic talent. They cast spells in that instant that are beyond them in both the moment before and after, often spells they've never even heard of. In my case, I put all of her books back on their shelves. In alphabetical order.
The thrill of the magic coursing through my body, out of my horn to weave the world to my whim... it felt wonderful. I think I'd always known I wanted to be a mage, but it was only right then that I decided it was the only thing I wanted to do. Whatever my actual talent ended up being, I wanted to use magic to fulfill it.
And the instant the spell was done I felt my mark form on my flank.
I try to hold on to how happy I felt as I raced out the door to tell my parents. I remember my elation as they cheered, as friends and strangers gathered around me and threw me into the air. For the next few days, life was a dream and a party rolled into one.
But at my cute-ceañera, as I looked over the crowd of ponies that had come to celebrate my mark... one was absent.
I think that was the first moment I realized something was wrong.
I made some half-hearted excuse about using the little colt's room and snuck out of my own party. I know it may seem strange to be so fixated on one particular mare, but... Starlight and I had done everything together for years. I didn't know why she hadn't shown up, and that worried me; if she'd been ill, I would've heard about it.
More than that... the more I thought, the more I realized I hadn't seen her in days. The last time I'd seen her was...
... the book tower.
Three days ago.
Something was very wrong.
The back door was unlocked. I made my way inside and up the stairs. I knew the way to Starlight's room, and as I reached it, I was stopped short by her voice. Even through the thick oak, I could hear crying and heaving. She'd never been so upset. I placed my hoof against the bark and knocked three times.
Something smashed against the door. I jumped and backed away.
"GO AWAY!" She sobbed.
I galloped away as fast as my legs could carry me.
By the time I got home, it occurred to me that she probably had no idea who was at the door. Sure, she'd been avoiding me but that didn't mean she was mad enough to throw things at me. Maybe she'd had a fight with her mom or something and I just showed up at the worst possible time. Even at that age, I understood that when someone was upset with you personally, you don't try to patch it up while they're also upset about something else.
Maybe if I go back tomorrow she'll be in a better mood and I can apologize properly for... whatever I did.
The thought didn't bring me much comfort, but it did help a little.
I went back to the party and tried to pretend I was enjoying myself. But the other ponies gave me space, and I found it comforting. I think it was obvious something was on my mind, and the others didn't want to upset me. I spent the time trying to think of what I could have done, and thinking over what I'd say to her tomorrow. I'd tell her that I missed her, that I wanted to play some more. Maybe I'd bring a gift. Something she liked.
By the end of the night, I had about 14 different ideas, some of which might even have worked.
When the party had ended, my mother handed me one last gift. It was a letter, sealed and signed with an official-looking flourish.
Mother sounded so excited. "You're going to Canterlot!"
Four words.
My entire world was shattered by four words.
They had sent an application to Celestia's school for gifted unicorns weeks ago, and only just gotten word back. I was special, Mother said. I was going to learn from the best unicorn mages in the world, Father said. My uncle told me I could stay with him, which meant we could leave on the morrow. Classes started soon, after all.
They thought my tears were from joy, and I didn't tell them they were wrong.
It would have only hurt them.
Looking back... I should have gone into the room. Starlight would have screamed at me. Told me I was a horrible stallion and that she hated me. That I was a lousy friend for... doing whatever I did. I'd have gone home and cried, the next day I would have left with my uncle, and I'd never see her again anyway.
Now I'm going to spend the rest of my days knowing I lost my best friend because of a stupid mistake, but never even knowing what it was.
...
Look, I'm not ungrateful for the life I have. I'm a mage of minor to moderate renown. I know how to turn lead into gold (which admittedly isn't as impressive as it sounds, since it reverts back after 8 seconds. Peach Tree still thinks it's illusion magic). I've dated a few mares, made some great friends, lost a few others, even met the captain of the Royal Guard. I'm more knowledgeable than most ponies twice my age and living not exactly like a king but always knowing I'll eat tomorrow. And yeah, even if we'd parted as friends, we likely would've drifted apart eventually anyway. The chances of her coming to Canterlot at that age was minuscule.
But... Starlight and I were so close. I was closer to her than I had ever been or would ever be with anypony. And she felt the same; I don't think she even had any other friends.
Then... we were nothing. She spent the last four days I had in my hometown... I don't even know what she did and I don't care. I just know she was miserable, and I wish I knew why. I tried to get in touch with her again, but my studies ended up consuming all of my free time. Eventually, I managed to write. My first letter got lost in the mail - I think I misspelled the town name? (hey shut up, I was a little kid, so what if my S looked like a J?)
I tried to get in touch with Starlight's mother, gauge if Starlight even wanted to hear from me. I got a letter back after a couple of weeks telling me that Starlight's mom was dead, and her daughter had left the village with her father.
... Sometimes I want to go find her.
I know she left our old home for someplace far out in the east, though she didn't tell anypony where. I wonder, sometimes, what Starlight's mark eventually was. What she's doing now. But I haven't heard of her since she left home.
Sometimes when I picture her as an adult, I see an accountant, snobbish and uptight, but comfortably wealthy. Other times she serves in the night guard (unlikely, but she could be in a border patrol), and I hope Luna keeps her safe. On occasion I picture a scholar, rifling through old tomes and listing off facts and figures from a decade ago. Sometimes she's a doctor, happily married with two foals and a husband that brightens every day for her.
That one hurts, but it's my favorite.
The one I think most likely, though, was that she became an archaeologist. She loved those old books of hers. The ones on Meadowbrook were always her favorite, and there's not much past the desert but old ruins.
I guess she could stay in Equestria, but that seems too... safe for her. She was always brilliant and ambitious. Even as a foal, she was ready to change all of Equestria. I think she could do it, too. Whatever she's doing, if it were still in these lands, I would've heard of it by now.
I could be out in the east looking for Starlight. Sometimes, I imagine how it'd go if I did. I'd find her after a long, harrowing journey. We'd catch up on all the years apart, all the misadventures, all the drama and heartbreak and laughs. We'd make up and be best friends again... But that's a foal's dream and I know it. Even if I knew where she was (which I didn't, and still don't) I couldn't seriously expect to meet her again like nothing had happened. She certainly wouldn't want to see me just because I missed her.
...
But... I wonder if she misses me, too.
... Ugh, doorbell. I'm already aching all over, can I just get some peace?! Probably just a delivery pony, if I wait he'll just uh nope there it goes again.
...
Okay okay, I'm coming, Lunatic! What could be so important tha-
... tha...
That mane. That coat.
It can't be.
"Starlight?"
"Sunburst..."