A Collection of Colourful Creations

by Lt Rainbow Slash


Red Pegasus

AUGUST 19 1990–SOUTH OF THE DMZ NEAR HAKKOK, SOUTH EQUIA

They found the North Equian tunnel shortly before dawn.

The two ponies–one an Equestrian intelligence officer, the other a South Equian combat engineer–stood regarding a three-inch-wide borehole as they might an ancient oracle, one that had given them good news.

Captain Trusty Informed–a tan unicorn with a dark grey mane–knelt and ran his hoof around the edge of borehole Five-A, feeling the damp, smooth rock. "Look at the pattern. Almost circular. We're right over the buggers."

His earth pony counterpart, Captain Nogewan, nodded. "Almost certainly. Five-B and Five-D also indicate this location."

Both Stallions smiled, feeling the excitement of a long hunt now nearing a kill.

Hole Five-A didn't look like much. Just a water filled hole that went straight down through ten meters of solid rock. But it served as a detector for underground vibrations, like the ones made by North Equian engineers blasting tunnels under the Demilitarized Zone–the DMZ–and into South Equia. Explosive charges laid to carve out a new tunnel sent shockwaves rippling through the rock–shockwaves that slopped water out of the closest boreholes. Not much. Usually not more than an inch or two. But a good engineer could tell a lot from that, and Captain Nogewan was a good engineer.

The Earth Pony turned and looked north towards a small rise that blocked their view of the DMZ less than a kilometer away. He shook his head. The North Equians had pushed this tunnel more than two kilometers from their side of the line before they'd been detected. It passed right under the Allied fortifications built along the DMZ, and the North Equians could have used it to infiltrate spies and raiding parties into the South, or perhaps even large-scale troop movements should war break out. Nogewan scowled. The communists were getting too good at this game for his taste.

He glanced east. The sun was coming up, spilling light over a brown, barren landscape blasted by summer heat and dry weather. The South Equian engineer mentally ran over the amount of work that would be required, pursed his lips, and said, "If I have my ponies start now we should be able to break in by midday."

The Equestrian nodded and the two stallions studied the borehole in silence for a moment longer before turning away back down the valley toward their waiting jeep.

Captain Nogewan's estimates were, like everything else about him, precise.

Informed noticed the silence first. For six hours since daybreak the valley had been filled with a high-pitched, grinding whine as South Equian drills ripped their way into the ground, opening a path for the explosives that would break through into the suspected North Equian tunnel. He'd watched avidly for a time, but his interest had waned as the sun rose higher and the temperature climbed, and he'd finally retreated to a shadowed truck cab.

Now the drills had stopped. Informed sat up suddenly and pulled the latest issue of Sun and Moon off his face. He stared through the windshield as combat engineers unreeled thin detonator wire from the enlarged borehole to a sheltered spot where the trucks were parked. After a moment Nogewan stood and gave him a wave. The charges were in place and wired to go. He clambered out of the truck cab and ambled over to where Nogewan lay waiting with his noncoms.

The Equian grinned up at him and gestured to the plunger. "Care to try your hand?"

"Nope. You blow things up. I just take pictures of them. Before and after."

The earth pony chuckled, motioned him to the ground, and pushed the plunger. Borehole Five-A erupted in a fiery pillar of smoke and thrown rock debris. A muffled roar rumbled through the valley and shook the earth.

Nogewan and his troops were up and galloping toward the hole even before the dust had settled. Their explosives had torn open a jagged crater, three feet across at it's narrowest point. Shining a powerful light straight down revealed only a circle of darkness. They were in.

Nogewan took an old Equian War-vintage M3 submachine gun–a 'grease gun'–from his sergeant and slung it across his back. He looked at Informed. "I'm claiming the honor of going down first. Care to accompany me?"

The sweat under Informed's arms suddenly felt ice cold, but he shrugged and asked, do we get to use rope?"

Nogewan grinned. "Naturally. Only Marines are forbidden to use ropes, Captain."

"Terrific." Informed checked the clip on his regulation-issue 9mm pistol. He didn't like this commando stuff. What if the bad guys were waiting down there for the first flies to drop into their parlor? Desk jockeys like him were supposed to analyze North Equia's tunnels, not invade them. But he couldn't think of any graceful way to back out, but he'd be damned if he let Nogewan see he was scared. He and the engineer had been partners now for months and they'd made a good team. The unicorn didn't think that would stay true if he chickened out now.

He watched while Nogewan stepped to the edge of the hole, strapped on a harness, and signaled his ponies to lower away. The South Equian earth pony dangled momentarily and then disappeared through the narrow opening, looking intently downward.

Moments later, Nogewan called up for them to stop. The harness came back up, and Informed stepped to the edge.

They lowered him slowly past the jagged sides of the hole that kept threatening to snag his battle dress and then on down into the darkness. He swallowed hard and tried to concentrate on mentally recording what he was seeing. It was the best way he knew to push away the fears his sub conscience kept raising.

For the first fifteen meters the hole was nearly circular, but then the walls spread away, opening up like the lower half of an hourglass, and he was swinging in the air. Informed realized that the blasting must have caved in the roof of the tunnel. He looked down. Ten meters worth of rock littered the floor below him.

He touched down on uncertain footing and scrambled for a moment to get his balance. Something touched his shoulder and he jumped, feeling the adrenaline rush pulsing through his system. It was Nogewan, steadying him.

"Sweet Celestia!" he whispered. "You scared the crap out of me."

"Sorry."

Nogewan let go and stepped back, allowing Informed to struggle out of the harness, while Nogewan turned on a headlamp and looked around. They had broken through the roof near the end of the tunnel, but well over to one side. The passageway itself was at least thirteen meters wide, big enough for a three lane road. Away from the area currently under construction, the floors, walls, and ceiling had all been smoothed. There were lamps mounted overhead. But they weren't lit though, and only Nogewan's headlamp and the sunlight pouring down the explosives-torn shaft provided illumination–looking like eerie spotlights in the dusty air.

More ponies were coming down now, some carrying weapons and others demolition gear. Informed whistled softly as he saw crate after crate of explosives being stockpiled off to the side. "How much will it take to destroy this underground freeway?"

Nogewan cocked his head, studying what he could make out of the tunnel through the darkness and still swirling dust. "Perhaps as much as a thousand kilos of C4. It will take us most of the day to wire the charges. This is the second largest 'freeway' we have ever found." He smiled wolfishly and shrugged. "Who knows? If we time it right, we may be able to catch the communists as they return to their work this evening."

While Nogewan's ponies lowered their equipment through the narrow opening to the surface, the two captains moved off down the tunnel, accompanied by seven M-16-toting enlisted troops. The engineers needed security while they worked, and Informed wanted to get a good look at everything before it was too late.

His nervousness had evaporated in the absence of opposition. Now he had a job to do.

"What's that on the wall?" The Equestrian stopped as his headlamp illuminated a line of painted Equian characters.

Nogewan stepped closer "It says that this is the 'Socialist Awareness' tunnel." The South Equian sounded amused and disgusted at the same time.

"Well it's the 'Socialist Awareness' tunnel for about six more hours. Then it's going to be the 'Socialist Collapsed Hole in the Ground.'" Informed raised his camera in his magic and snapped a picture of the nameplate.

They'd already come three hundred meters from the entrance without seeing much of anything. Just smooth rock walls and floors, an occasional ventilation shaft, and now this pained sign. It looked peaceful, but every step brought them closer to North Equian territory. A few meters further their headlamps picked out a row of dark, boxy forms blocking the passage in the distance. Heavy construction equipment? That didn't make sense. You didn't use bulldozers to build tunnels.

They picked up the pace a little, closing on the shapes. They walked another twenty steps or so and then Informed pulled up short. In a very soft voice he said, "Oh, shit. Captain Nogewan, tell me those aren't what I know they are."

His headlamp angled up and outlined the rounded form of a tank turret, and another one next to it, and another one next to that. Three tanks, with their turrets pointed aft, in travel position, were parked abreast in the tunnel

Nogewan whirled and shouted something to a private, who took off running. Informed understood just enough Equian to understand "colonel" and "more men." Smart move. Get the brass and get reinforcements. Nopony had ever found any equipment parked in a tunnel before.

Son of a bitch.

Excitedly he ran over to the left. He shined his flashlight down the passage between the tank and the wall. Yep. There was another tank past this one, and one past that, and on until the light was lost in the darkness.

Informed stood and stared, drinking in every detail. A long barreled 115mm main gun. One 7.62mm coaxial machine gun. A heavy machine gun mounted on the turret for use against aircraft and helicopters. An infrared searchlight mounted near the main gun. There couldn't be any doubt about it. There were Soviet Griffin-model T-62A main battle tanks. And here they were sitting in a North Equian tunnel, inside South Equian territory.

A wild feeling of exultation swept over him. This was an intelligence officer's dream. He wanted to do a hundred things immediately and couldn't decide what to do first.

Steady, Trusty, old boy. Deep breath.

He inhaled and exhaled slowly, then looked at Nogewan. "Any chance we can open up that hole and get some of these guys out?"

"I am going to ask my colonel for permission to do that when he arrives. If we work fast, we should be able to make it. Some of my ponies are qualified tracked vehicle crewponies."

Informed leapt up onto the vehicle deck and looked for the gas filler cap. He opened it, delighting in the action the way a foal would delight in working a new toy. "Empty, naturally."

"We can have diesel fuel here in forty-five minutes." Nogewan said, "Don't worry, Captain. It will take us several hours to drill and blast a ramp."

Informed was climbing all over one of the tanks, opening it's hatches and peering inside, when two colonels–one an Equestrian and the other South Equian–arrived, followed by a panting squad of heavily laden rifleponies. The opportunity was just too got to pass up, so he stood at attention on the deck, saluted, and grinned at the two senior officers. "It followed me home, sir. Can I keep it?"

The senior Equestrian liaison officer with the South Equian combat engineers, Colonel Boulder, just shook his head. "Report, Captain." But informed could see the ghost of a smile flit across Boulder's face.

Informed jumped down and saluted again. "Sir, there's at least a battalion of armor parked in the tunnel. All T-62 tanks, parked three abreast. Standing up on the deck there, you can see them going back until the light runs out. They aren't fuelled, but they do have main gun ammunition."

"All right. Get the ponies checking the vehicles for documents or other portable intelligence. Don't forget external markings. I understand we may be able to recover some of these?"

"The engineers think so, sir," Informed said, nodding to Nogewan. The Equian was heavily engaged with his colonel, who was nodding and smiling.

"Then let's get on with it. You and Captain Nogewan take your party down the tunnel and see what else is down there. Take lots of pictures. Proceed no further than on half-klick, starting at this point. Consider this the line of departure, but don't start a war captain." The warning in the colonel's voice was real.

"Yessir." Informed waved over to Nogewan, who had just saluted his own departing colonel. It was the first time he'd ever seen a Equian field-grade officer move at anything other than a dignified canter.

They moved forward slowly, an officer in front on each side followed by three heavily armed enlisted ponies.

Informed glanced at his watch. It was just two-thirty in the afternoon. Topside it was ninety-five degrees and climbing, but the tunnel was as cool as his basement back home. Their headlamps provided the only source of light. The tunnel had taken many slight bends since they had entered, and more since the start of the equipment. Probably done to avoid difficult rock formations and to confuse anyone trying to plot the progress of the tunnel from above. In any event, no light would reach from either end, so he got in the habit of calling out "Photo" before he took a picture. That gave everypony a chance to cover their eyes and avoid the painful flash.

Nogewan concentrated on the tunnel itself, doing a hasty survey of distances a directions.

Informed counted tanks. There were thirty-one, the book strength of an armored battalion. Behind were trucks, jeeps, and all the other hardware. Somepony with an orderly mind had put all this stuff here. He could almost predict what would come next.

What the hell is all this stuff doing here in the first place?

There'd always been speculation that the North Equians intended some of their tunnels for more than just infiltration routes into the South. But this kind of confirmation was spectacular and completely unexpected. It did make a twisted kind of military sense, though. Stockpiling gear like this in advance would cut down the preparation time needed to launch a major attack across, or under, the DMZ, and it would lower the warning time available to Equestrian and South Equian forces along the line.

But how could the North Equians have possibly thought this kind of gear could just lie here undetected, year in and year out, until it was needed?

He filed the question away for further consideration later. There was too much to do right now.

After the tanks the vehicles were only parked two abreast, leaving one lane open. Informed guessed that the fuelling trucks were next, and he was rewarded by the sight of large fat bodied tankers designed to carry the diesel that T-62 tanks guzzled by the gallon.

They marched along through the trucks, passed a row of towed 122mm field guns, and suddenly out into just empty blackness. They stood facing north, looking into the tunnel, regarding the dark and wondering what else was there.

Nogewan spoke first. "I think we should continue on, Captain. We should find out what else is down here."

"How far have we come so far?"

"Only about five hundred meters more. It is at least another five hundred meters to the border."

Informed felt his excitement fading a bit, allowing a dose of reality to creep back in. "Yeah, but were under the DMZ now. Come on Captain, we've captured an entire communist armored battalion without a  shot being fired. Let's quit while we're ahead."

Torn between his orders, common sense and curiosity, Nogewan stood still for a moment and then shrugged in resignation, "All right. Should we survey this equipment then?"

"Yeah. I'd like to have Corporal Nanpil assign ponies to copying license plates and markings and stuff. You and I can start looking for the command tank. It's probably back toward the–"

A tremendous BOOM rolled down the tunnel followed by a CLANG from one of the nearby vehicles. For one microsecond Informed thought they had started blasting up the tunnel, but the clang didn't fit. Then the pieces fell together: a shot echoing from ahead of them and a bullet ricocheting off metal.

His hindbrain had his body moving even while he shouted, "HOSTILES! COVER!" He dropped back behind the bulky tires of one of the towed artillery pieces. As he sat with his back to the tire, without thinking, one hoof turned off and discarded the headlamp, while the other drew his pistol. He didn't even realize he had it out until he tried to work the slide while still holding the headlamp.

Stay cool.

Informed took a short breath, held it, and crouched back further behind the tire. All the lights were out, except for one that had been dropped in the centre of the tunnel, throwing strange, distorted shadows onto the smooth rock walls. Informed could still hear the echoes of the first shot bouncing down the tunnel.

Before it faded entirely, a new burst of fire struck around the dropped flashlight. Bullets sprained off the floor and ricocheted into the vehicles or walls. One slammed a South Equian earth pony onto his back in a widening pool of red-black blood. Another threw a pegasus forward, her hooves clutching at a face that wasn't there anymore. The sixth or seventh shot hit the light and shattered it.

The tunnel plunged suddenly into an eerie, half-lit darkness. And in the silence Informed heard voices echoing from ahead. North Equian voices.

Flames stabbed out of the darkness, muzzle flashes growing larger as the North Equians charged forward. They were firing from the hip spraying rounds across the tunnel. Nogewan's mares and stallions shot back, aiming for the flashes, and Informed saw bodies tossed crumpled to the rock floor as bullets caught them.

He flattened as a point-blank burst tour rubber fragments off the tire above him and whip cracked overhead.

Shit!

The North Equians were too damned close, and there were too damned many of them. He felt fear clutching his guts, urging him to stand up and run. He fought the temptation. Galloping away was the fastest way to get killed.

Something heavy thumped against the tire and Informed rolled away to the side. Still rolling, he saw a strange hoof and looked up. A North Equian crouched there, rearing up and bringing his AK-47 assault rifle up and around in his hooves to fire.

OH SHIT!

Informed pulled the trigger on his pistol convulsively. It roared once and then again and again as he squeezed off rounds without thinking.
Four. Five. No more! His brain screamed.

Informed ceased firing and he looked at the twitching ruin his bullets had made. Two rounds had ripped into the North Equian's  stomach, eviscerating him. The third and fourth, climbing higher as his pistol bucked upward, had torn through the stallion's chest. The fifth and final round had blown a gapping hole in the unicorn's throat.

Informed's felt his own stomach lurch and he swallowed hard at the taste of vomit. He'd never killed a pony before and didn't like the feeling. He wormed back behind another tire, away from the corpse.

Safe in cover again, he stared wide-eyed at the carnage around him. Bodies littered the tunnel floor. North and South Equians, pegasi, unicorns and earth ponies. Some lying in twisted, bloody heaps, others splayed across vehicles. None were moving. Informed found his self control returning.

His hearing was coming back, too. It was hard to tell, but the gunfire seemed quieter somehow. He shook his head, trying to clear the ringing in his ears, and listened more carefully. Then he risked a quick look around the tire and saw Nogewan on the other side of the tunnel, backlit by the muzzle flashes from his submachine gun. Nopony was shooting back.

Informed waited a few seconds more to make sure and then belly crawled over to where Nogewan crouched, staying low and hoping that the surviving South Equians weren't firing completely blind.

He tugged on the earth pony's sleeve and pointed down the tunnel, yelling, "That's it! They're all dead or buggered out!" He had to repeat it twice to make himself heard over the din.

The engineer nodded, pulled a whistle out from around his neck, and blew three short blasts. Cease fire. Cease fire. The shooting died away and headlamps came back on.

Nogewan shouted orders in Equian and walked warily out into the open. M-16s at the ready, they moved among the motionless bodies, checking for wounded. There weren't any. Four South Equians were dead, and nine North Equian's lay sprawled among them. Blood trails showed where others had been dragged back into the pitch-black tunnel.

Informed moved over on three legs to Nogewan, his pistol still in his fourth. He felt oddly calm, as if the firefight had happened to an entirely different pony. "Captain, you and I both know that was just a patrol. But you can bet they'll be back any minute with the whole damned army."

"I agree. We must mine this equipment in place and destroy it. I'll send for thermite and explosives. We can wire everything in five minutes when it arrives"

Informed looked at the bullet holes ripped through one of the fuel trucks and then shook his head warily. "Shit. I hope we have that long."

Ponies started to pour down the sides of the tunnel from behind them. Three troopers came clattering up carrying a machine gun and ammunition, They flopped down to the floor about ten meters past the vehicles and started setting up. The MG had a large tube on top that Informed realized must be a night-vision sight. Perfect. If the North Equians came back, at least the MG would get the first shot.

He watched the engineers at work, marveling at the way they disregarded safety instructions and normal procedures. Cases of C4 were placed in the back of each vehicle and simultaneously wired. Thermite charges were scattered around and a large number of cases were simply piled on the floor.

They worked as quietly as they could, but they had to use lights, and Informed knew what kind of target they must make.

They were still working when a sound like tearing canvas echoed down the tunnel. The MG team had opened up. Nogewan shouted something and the engineers started working even faster, not placing any new charges but wiring all of the existing stuff to a single cord and running down the tunnel with it, back toward the opening. The MG's fire was being answered now, with single shots and short bursts of automatic fire.

Informed saw a round shape roll out of the blackness and he dove for cover behind an empty, bullet-shredded fuel truck.

WHUMMP. The floor rocked as the North Equian grenade exploded, spraying fragments through the machine gun crew. The gunner screamed once and fell back dead. His two loaders lay badly wounded beside him, and the machine gun itself was a twisted wreck.

Then the carnage disappeared from view, cloaked by a wall of acrid, lung-searing smoke that now filled the tunnel–cutting visibility to just a few meters. Hundreds of rounds buzzed past and tumbled bouncing off the walls. It seemed impossible to move without being shot. Both sides were firing blind as fast as they could reload.

More South Equian troops arrived, hurdling the prone combat engineers still franticly placing and wiring charges. Several were hit mid-gallop and collapsed in a tangle of equipment. The rest flopped down behind whatever cover they could find–truck tires, empty explosives creates, or bodies–and opened up.

Informed stayed where he was and looked for Nogewan. The earth pony sat on his flank nearby, his face a mask of concentration as he wrapped wire around lead. Nogewan finished tightening it and glanced up. He gave a small wave in Informed's direction and reached for another charge.

Something blared sharp above the gunfire.

A bugle. Holy hell, he thought, The North Equians are still using bugles!

Suddenly he felt very close to his father, who'd told him about the pony-wave attacks launched during the Equian War.
He clutched his pistol tighter.

WHUMMP!WHUMMP!WHUMMP! More grenades went off in rapid secession, thundering down the tunnel, showering the defenders in deadly fragments. More dust and smoke followed, turning everything into a hazy nightmare.

A squad of North Equian soldiers charged out of the smoke, urged on by their bugler. They were cut down by concentrated assault rifle fire, but there were others close behind them and the bugle kept blaring.

Informed heard screams of defiance rising from the ponies around him. A burly South Equian sergeant rose on two legs from behind a truck, braced against the recoil, and emptied his M-16's magazine into the oncoming North Equians. Four of them were knocked backward, their bodies, faces, and limbs disintegrating as the bullets slammed home. But then the sergeant was down, chopped nearly in half by an AK burst.

Time blurred as the fighting moved to close quarters.

Informed saw a North Equian gallop past, helmeted head down, pounding straight toward the engineers still working. He aimed quickly and fired twice. The pegasus staggered and fell dead on the tunnel floor.

He spun round as another came from the side, her AK swinging high to smash his skull. Informed dodged right and felt the rifle butt hammer his left foreleg. He gasped in pain and fired once into the mare's stomach. The North Equian folded in on herself in agony and collapsed.
Informed sat on his flank cradling his left foreleg. It felt on fire.

"Captain Informed!"

He looked up in a daze. There were bodies of all three races and both nationalities everywhere in sight, sprawled like rag dolls across the tunnel. Nogewan motioned him again. They were leaving. Several soldiers were still firing in the haze, trying to pin the North Equians down, but others were backing away–hauling their wounded with them and staying low.

Informed scuttled over to the engineer. "You done?" The smoke hanging in the air burned his throat.

Nogewan nodded vigorously. "Everything is wired." He gestured south with a hoof towards the exit. "I suggest we get out of here while we still can!"

The bugle shrilled again from down the tunnel.

Shit!

The harsh rattle of AK-47 fire grew louder, and new shapes appeared out of the haze. Another North Equian attack. One of Nogewan's stallions turned too yell a warning and pitched backward, shot directly between the eyes.

Informed grabbed the dead stallion's M-16, stood up on two legs, and fired a burst down the tunnel, wincing as the recoil jarred his left foreleg. One of the North Equians dropped in a spray of blood. The others scattered, seeking cover.

"Come on Captain! This is no time for heroics!" Nogewan put a hoof on his shoulder and pulled him away. A bullet cracked past his face, bringing him back to his senses. The earth pony was right. It was time to leave.

Together with the rearguard troops, they turned around and headed down the tunnel–moving as fast as they could without unnecessarily exposing themselves to enemy fire. The bugle continued to sound behind them.

They reached the first row of T-62s before the North Equians realized they were going. Rounds started to slam into the vehicles and rock around them.

Son-of-a...!

Informed and the others broke out into an all-out gallop. Something tugged at his sleeve and he saw the mare running in front of him fall, a stain spreading across her battle dress.

He reached out and grabbed the unicorn's foreleg in his magic, trying to drag her to her feet. He was too tired, he couldn't do it.

"Leave her! She's finished!" Nogewan screamed in his ear over the gunfire and pulled him onward. Informed obeyed.

They galloped on, letting the fear they were feeling flow into their legs.

Harsh cries and the Clop of running hooves echoed down the tunnel from behind them.

Panting, they rounded the last bend and saw sunlight from the hole in the roof along with something even more welcome–two rope ladders dangling, waiting for them. Informed didn't even break stride. He hit the ladder four feet top and started climbing. The pain in his foreleg suddenly didn't matter at all. The troops waiting above exhorted them on, while Nogewan's sergeant marked their progress from the detonator box.

As soon as their shoulders cleared the opening, they were each grabbed in magic by a unicorn and half-dragged away from the hole. When they were well away, the sergeant screamed a warning in Equian and pressed the plunger.

It wasn't a very neat explosion. First, only a small, muffled boom, then a tendering roar, then a series of several teeth rattling THUDS. The rippling lasted for a few seconds, and then a shockwave too loud to be called sound slammed them into the ground. Flame, smoke, and shattered rock toppled away from the hole in slow motion as the ground subsided into a shallow, crooked gully leading north. The tunnel had collapsed.

Informed decided he really didn't need to get up right away, and he looked over at the other ponies who were in various stages of befuddlement. Nogewan shook his head like a punch-drunk prizefighter and lay panting on the ground.

After awhile Informed levered himself to his hooves and cantered over to stare at the pony-made gully that had become the graveyard of an entire North Equian armored battalion and is security detachment. He stayed motionless for several minutes and only gradually became aware that Captain Nogewan had joined him.

The earth pony smiled wanly through the dust that caked his face and uniform. "You see, we were able to catch those communists after all."

Informed looked at him for a moment then turned back to the collapsed tunnel. "Yeah. We caught 'em alright." They he swung around to stare into the Equian engineer's eyes. "But doing what?"

He looked at the ground, as if he could read the enemy's intentions by scrutinizing the bare, weathered rocks and the sun browned grass. But any answers they held were buried as deeply as the crushed remains of the North Equian tanks.

What the hell is going on?