//------------------------------// // Chapter 20: Her past // Story: The Queen and I Book 3: Friends and Family // by SoloBrony //------------------------------// You heard the great doors of the Hall slam shut behind you, and knew that you were cut off from any kind of support; whatever challenges lay ahead, you would have to face them on your own. You had entered this place with a bold spirit, ready to face your destiny, but that ominous sound amplified your underlying anxiety into fear. As you strode forward, eying the murals that crept along the walls as depictions of the hive's history, you couldn't shake the horrible sensation of being watched. And watched you were, for all that occurs within the Hall is known to the Queen, and recorded by the Hall itself – or so you had been told. The idea of the Queen personally overseeing each and every Ceremony of Names sounded preposterous with how large the Hive had grown... but now that you were here, seeing this place – feeling this place – for yourself, you couldn't help but wonder. You found yourself thinking back to everything you had ever thought, said or done that might be viewed unfavorably by the Queen; every little thing weighing on your conscience suddenly pressed down on you, a cave-in of little sins and disloyalties. The idea of a changeling's last rites had always bothered you; the idea of your entire life being on display for anyone – even your own mother – was too much for a secretive creature such as you. Picking up your pace, you hurried to the grand doors at the back of the Hall, which were already wide open for you. To your relief, these didn't slam closed behind you, and you descended the grand spiral staircase without incident. And so you quickly trotted out into the Hall of Queens proper; a massive hallway, with statues of all of the previous Queens lining the sides. While their features were nearly identical, their bearing and expressions – not to mention their hairstyles – were so different that they were all readily identifiable. You had seen pictures of the statues in your studies, but that left you ill-prepared for the genuine articles; if you felt watched before, now you felt positively surrounded, stalked on all sides as the lifelike statues' eyes seemed to follow you across the room. If it weren't for their unnatural stillness, the lifelike carving and coloring would have made you swear you really were surrounded by a dozen changeling Queens. You were so fixated on them that you only barely noticed the purple-eyed changeling sitting in the center of the hall, awaiting your arrival. 'Greetings, nymph', he said, offering his warmest smile; you recognized his voice immediately, and snapped to focus on him with a relieved smile. Prancing up to him with sudden confidence, you said, 'Lilo-Krennet! You're going to be my confessor? I'm so relieved!' He nodded, giving you a light brush on the head before saying, 'Yes, nymph, I shall be your confessor. I thought you might be more comfortable with someone you recognized.' 'I am', you said, 'but why are you calling me that? I-' He cut you off with a wave of his hoof, saying, 'I know you adopted a name early, but please, at least here, respect the tradition of the names.' You smacked a hoof to your forehead, irritated with yourself, before saying, 'Of course. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking.' He shook his head gently, his warm smile never departing, and nudged your chin up before saying, 'Worry not, nymph, I understand. Now, are you ready to begin?' You nodded enthusiastically, and so you began the overnight confession. If it had been any other Speaker, perhaps you would have watched your tongue more carefully, but you trusted Krennet implicitly; you told him almost everything about your dreams and desires, and how you felt you could guide the changelings to a better age by adopting Equestrian customs. Of course, even with him, even with the one you had been raised to trust implicitly with your deepest secrets, you made no mention of your letters. Nor did you mention your immediate plans to visit Equestria. As always, you were calculating, carefully measuring your words while considering their consequences. Not even confession could coax all of your secrets from you. You were protecting Ammon, as well as yourself, and so you painted your interest in Equestria purely as a way to better the hive with ideas taken from others, making only veiled allusions to the idea of an alliance or peace – your true goals. Such irreverence, secrecy and disloyalty would, for any other changeling, bring certain condemnation. But, the youthful indiscretions of a Queen can be overlooked. Once you were done conversing, Krennet offered you the customary time for the seeking of your name, but you irreverently rejected him; though you were more at-ease than when you first entered, you were still eager to leave, and had no desire to rethink the name you had already chosen for yourself. But Krennet was patient with you, and made no fuss of your disrespect. He gracefully went forward with the ceremony, and soon you found yourself kneeling at the head of the halls, towards him and the Queens; you at least had the shred of respect necessary to- “Stop.” You asked me to tell you what I remembered. I- Chrysalis felt her teeth set into a snarl towards the statue in front of her. “I tire of your nonsense. I have tried to be patient with you, but your little barbs and accusations will not be tolerated.” It's the truth. “Perhaps the truth is that I felt disrespect or resentment, but if that's the case, then you should simply say as much! I care not for your judgement!” What judgement?! That your disrespect and disregard for your own society was shameful?! “Yes!” How could it not be?! By now, you know what ingratitude means to a Queen! Chrysalis flinched slightly, pausing to consider how foolish she had been. “... I do. And I know something else.” What? “I know that I would never judge one of my subjects based on their opinion of me! Respect is a gift, given freely, else it means nothing! It must be earned!” Oh, so you're saying I didn't earn your respect?! Your own mother, who gave you every opportunity- Chrysalis slammed a hoof into the ground, shaking the entire Hall with her fury, as she felt her scowl deepen and her teeth grit harder. “Don't you dare to call yourself my mother.” So even after years of being a Queen yourself, you haven't changed a bit! Not grateful for anything, no respect at all, not even acknowledging me as- “I have lived among ponies for a time. I know what a mother is.” How dare you compare me – unfavorably, at that! - to ponies! You think you have a right to judge me?! Even as a nymph, you were so arrogant, but what have you really accomplished as Queen?! Crying to yourself in your office about how none of your subjects will even come to visit you? Chrysalis drew a shuddering breath. Letting yourself slowly be replaced in the eyes of the hive by Chiri – whom, I should remind you, was put here by the machinations of those ponies? Chrysalis snapped to attention at that, foolishly provoked to anger by the mention of her 'sister'. “Don't you dare-” Save it. I'm not attacking Chiri, she has a place in the hive as much as anyone; my point is that you let the ponies take control of the hive away from you. So what is it, then, that makes you think you have any room to speak this way to me? The failed invasion? The Cultural Exchange program, which has almost completely backfired?! Or maybe I should finish the tale of how you became Queen, complete with how you broke into tears when you were told of the great honor being bestowed on you, and how you begged me to reconsider! Chrysalis knew her mother was right, and that she should concede the point and leave this place. It was good that she had come here, to be set straight on her priorities. Now, she could capitalize on the trust she had gotten from the foolish ponies, and do something worthy of her title. “Perhaps you should finish that story. After all, it just illustrates my point.” What? What do you mean? “Your child came to you, begging you not to take control of their life from them... and what was your response? Was it sympathy, or understanding? Was it respectful of my wishes?” You were a child! Your wishes were misguided, and- “And they were my decisions, about my life. You think you impress me, with all of this anger and noise? Do you think you will distract me from the truth by yelling at me? My eyes are open, now. Now I know why Piro-Krittith was anxious about his last rites.” How DARE you bring him into this! YOU'RE the reason he's dead! Don't ever speak his name- “I WILL SPEAK OF WHOMEVER I WISH, AND YOU WILL LISTEN!” The Hall shook from Chrysalis' outburst. In this place the Queen's power was augmented, and she chose to use that gift in the most childish way available to her. “Piro-Krittith perished without regret, having been allowed to make his own choices! You may not understand that, but I do, and I won't allow you to run from the truth and mock me any longer! The Cultural Exchange program has brought happiness and change to the hive in ways you hardly imagined!” At the expense of being exposed to Equestria! “Our subjects have never had such plenty, such opportunity to learn and grow! Hiding them from the world was never for their benefit – it only ever served the end of giving the hive a chance to strike at Equestria from the shadows. And how did that go for us?” Who knew that they had such powerful magic...? “I knew! But you had spread such a militaristic, anti-Equestria mindset that many of our subjects were pushing for an invasion! I remember that when I came for your counsel, you congratulated me on the intricacy of my planning, and for understanding our enemy so well!” If you knew it might fail, why did you go through with it? “I refused to sit and wait in perpetuity, as my predecessors had, for some mythical 'perfect time to strike' which would never come. Equestria is vast compared to our hive. Invading was only ever a fool's errand; the only thing we could realistically hope for was to take over Canterlot temporarily, and make gains from that.” And you were willing to risk yourself just for that? “I was told it was what my subjects wanted. With that as my motivation, I'd throw myself into a raging fire and smile as I burned away... or I'd step aside, and let my sister ascend to power in my place, no matter how much it hurts.” I... see. “You brought up how I was weeping in my office some time ago, but do you remember the song?” I... yes, I do. “But where do you remember it from? Where did I know that song from?” You sang it just before you ascended to Queenhood. “And it's one of the only things I can clearly remember from my metamorphosis. Why is that, 'mother'?” Because I... I wasn't able to suppress that memory completely. Chrysalis felt a strange calm start to wash over her with that confession, the rage that had been driving her slowly being replaced with something else. “As I thought. You tampered with my mind.” I didn't want you to remember regretting your ascension. And why would you want to? It's shameful that you reacted to such an honor that way. “And I didn't remember the letters, either. Or any of my positive feelings about Equestria. When these were brought to my attention, it was a shock.” You were a misguided child! Chrysalis' expression slowly grew darker as she pressed forward, and she felt a stinging sensation in her eyes – the first hint of tears. “Why was I chosen to be Queen?” Because of your incredible magical prowess, sharp intellect, social skills, and... and because I... because I didn't see any alternative aside from doing that, or killing you. I couldn't risk you bringing harm to the rest of the hive with your misguided ideals about Equestria. I thought that if I took you as the next Queen, you would be more likely to truly see reason. Chrysalis looked at the ground, her eyes gently closing as she shook her head softly. She had confirmed what she had come here to confirm, and so she could stop wasting time here. “You gave me the graduation gift of crippling self-doubt. You made me doubt myself and my friends, all to make me more pliant to your ideas.” I've explained myself to you. What else was I to do? Chrysalis snorted, a grimace forming in a half-hearted attempt to smirk. “Perhaps you could have simply listened to me, and respected my opinion.” You were an idealistic, starstruck child! You overstepped yourself, thinking you knew what was best for the hive with so little experience! “And yet I was right, all of those years ago. We could have avoided so much pain and hardship if we had simply extended a hoof of friendship to Equestria back then.” You can't seriously wish to ally with Equestria, even now! The treaty has put you in an ideal place to strike in the near future! Chrysalis nodded slowly. She had indeed orchestrated the perfect situation to convince the Equestrians to lower their guard, despite the hive's previous aggressions, playing off of their incredibly naïve nature. This time, when the hive struck, they wouldn't dawdle, and wouldn't leave themselves exposed to- “Equestria has brought us nothing but goodwill and good fortune. Even if I possessed a desire to attack them, there is no cause.” You could have so much more by conquering them! And what do you mean 'even if'? You hate Equestria – as well you should! “It doesn't matter how I feel about them. They've done nothing but try to help my subjects.” They do serve a purpose, at present, I admit that, but- “You don't understand. Attacking them, given their behavior, would be wrong.” There was a pause, as the two Queens, old and young, considered those words. Chrysalis had clearly taken leave of her senses, as she was quickly realizing. Have you forgotten what it means to be a changeling? We take what we desire! “Even from our own subjects?” What? No! From others! “And yet there really isn't any difference. There are now changelings living as Equestrian citizens. How long do you think it will be before ponies come to request a place here in the hive?” You're a fool if you think that will happen! Hardly any ponies have used the Cultural Exchange Program to visit the hive; why do you think that is?! “They fear us, and rightfully so; after all, we were ruled by xenophobic, hateful bigots in the past, and have demonstrated needless hostility. As time passes, they will become more comfortable around us, and what the hive has to offer will tempt some of them to join our ranks.” You truly believe that. “Of course. Unlike you, I believe in my subjects... and that belief has rewarded me, time and again, even when I felt my faith start to waver. Despite the hive's opposition to Equestria, my subjects trusted in me when I asked them to be patient with the changes taking place. When I thought they had abandoned me, Chiri took it on herself to show me how much they still cared. Despite all your claims to motherly love, you never once actually respected or believed in the hive.” They were my children... “If you had encouraged discussion and debate of such issues in your presence, my subterfuge would never have been necessary.” No, I didn't- “You wouldn't have ever needed to harm me in any way.” You wouldn't have simply taken 'no' for an answer! “... Do you understand how debate works?” You know as well as I do that you weren't going to back down from your position, no matter what I said. Chrysalis sighed, shaking her head again. Of course she knew her mother was right, and that this whole endeavor had ceased to serve any purpose once she had confirmed what she came here for. Now, she could use the imprint of her mother as a scapegoat to convince the ponies that she had been free of malice all along, and- “I wouldn't back down if I was right, and now we're in a position to see that I was! You keep thinking of what I say in terms of trying to control me, without ever sparing a thought to the idea that you were wrong!” All I was trying to do was help you! “And you decided that you were the only one with a valid opinion in the world on how to do so! And you call me arrogant!” Fine! Fine, I was wrong! What do you want from me?! What purpose does this serve?! “I want you to stop trying to control me!” What are you talking about? I have no power over you, aside from that which you give me. Chrysalis immediately felt stupid for confronting her on this, since it was obvious she would lie about something of that nature. It would be more productive to simply leave her here, trapped in the Hall, and- “One minute, you compliment my intelligence, and the next, you insult it. I'm a master of mental influence in magic; you think I can't recognize your tampering, even now?” I never used magic of that sort on you! I only modified your memories! I changed your positive feelings for Equestria to feelings of suspicion, and I... I made you see how childish you had been, fearing your ascension, but I never tampered with your personality! Chrysalis felt a headache growing, pain and confusion, and realized that her mother would probably try to harm her rather than admit the truth. She knew it would be a good idea to leave immediately. “Stop it. Stop doing that! I am Queen, now! You must-” I'm not doing anything! I can't! The power of the Hall isolates me from you, even if I had such a power to act on my own – and you should know better anyway! I'm only an imprint of- Chrysalis was moving to leave. Chrysalis was going to leave the Hall, right now. Chrysalis was going to leave, and she was going to go to her study. “No! No, I'm not leaving yet!” You're releasing the spell; I won't be able to speak to you if you lose concentration. What's going on? Chrysalis was going to go to her study, and once she had convinced everyone that everything was fine, she was going to start planning how she was going to use Celestia's foolish concern against her, and- “I'll do no such thing! I've already made my decision!” Chrysalis had clearly taken leave of her senses. It was a pity, since she had much potential as a Queen, but she knew that a mad ruler couldn't take proper care of her subjects. She felt her compassion for them come before her own needs; she would find a suitable way to dispose of herself, so that a new Queen could set things right. “I've... I've become a weak Queen...” Chrysalis had finally reached the door to the stairs, which would take her out of the Hall proper; her horn – and the door – glowed with a green aura as she prepared to use her magic to remove herself from this wretched place. “I... I call to the Queens Chrysalis! I invoke the spirit of the hive!” And with those words, Chrysalis wrenched her magic away from the door, and the eyes of the former Queens began to glow with an ominous green fire.