Things were most certainly not going according to plan.
Discord paced circles around a central table, his mismatched feet walking in grooves long since worn into the floor below. On the table sat a sizable mat, with small figurines of the Mane Six, Colt Trio, and an assortment of other ponies and creatures placed across it. At the moment, the adventuring party of nine was gathered in a room labeled “Party Room #5”, along with the figure representing Princess, now Queen, Amber Glitter.
Every so often, one of the figures would slide across the mat, mirroring the actions of the player in question. As he watched, the Pinkie Pie figure tipped over and began rolling around the walls. Using this helped to abstract the game, so that Discord could focus on making things—for lack of a better, less sinister, word—“interesting”. He rotated Amber’s figure to face Purple Heart, so that the two could discuss… whatever they discussed. Any pony or creature that wasn’t one of the nine would be directly under the draconequus’ control. A passing thought of pushing the two figurines together brought a smirk to his face. “That would certainly make shippers more interested,” he muttered before shaking his head and focusing on the source of his concerns.
On a separate part of the table, three other figures were sliding around. One, a paladin pony in one of the rooms in the castle. Another, a snow-white stallion with a wagon and several other ponies, making their way down a road. And the third; a two-legged creature sitting off of the mat entirely, occasionally twisting and turning aimlessly.
Discord frowned. Those three had been nothing but trouble for this entire Quest Line. He had created them as a small, personal distraction for the Colt Trio; a way to draw them further into the game as the mares had. Instead, they had practically taken center stage. One blackmailing the schemer of the the Colts, another almost ending the life of the purple barbarian, and the third—strangest of all—becoming friends with the one he was supposed to antagonize.
In his irritation, the draconequus flicked at the one named Bael with his dragon claw. Of course, it didn’t move. None of them did. It was as if they were players themselves; completely independent of the game. His frown deepened, pulling the corners down off his face. He couldn’t control them, he couldn’t get rid of them, and quite frankly they were throwing off his groove. With a sigh, he picked up a rotund noblepony figure and tossed it off the table, where it hit the ground with a thud and rolled away.
It didn’t help, but it made him feel a little better.
With a snap of his fingers, a giant hardcover book appeared on a stand next to him, titled “Tomb of Horses”. Inside was his entire campaign, planned out in exquisite detail. Everything from level 1 to level 20. Of course, he’d planned on giving them a break around level 5. Let them back to Equestria, see what kind of hilarity the Colts would get into, then bring them back.
Discord flipped through the book until he reached the last chapter, summoning a giant quill from the air. If I can’t take care of these villains directly, he thought as he rewrote several key values, I’ll just have to skip to the good parts and get this over with. With his editing done, he turned back to the table and gave the Amber figurine a tap on the head.
* * *
Purple Heart shifted uncomfortably as he sat across from Amber Glitter. The golden unicorn had been looking at him skeptically for the past five minutes, unbelieving of his words.
“So...” Amber rolled the one syllable word over her tongue, “It’s not me, it’s you, huh?” Purple Heart swallowed loudly and nodded.
“Yah,” he confirmed, running his dry tongue over his chapped lips. “Um...yah.”
Amber quirked her eyebrows in irritation. “Any particular reason beyond the fact you don’t think this will work?”
“Yeah,” the purple barbarian said quickly. Silence.
“...Well?” Amber prompted.
“You’ll hit me.”
“...What, pray tell, gives you the idea that I will hit you?” she asked hotly. “Do you think me that shallow?” Purple Heart’s mane flapped back and forth as he quickly shook his head in denial.
“Oh, nonononono,” he panicked. “I’m just naturally afraid of mares who can kill me with her tail.”
“...You...a large, healthy colt is weak enough to die by strangulation via tail?”
“Of course not,” Purple Heart evaded. “You’re a queen though. You can use your tail to tell your guards to stab me to death.”
“...Ah.”
“Yah,” Purple Heart agreed. “The power of gesture. Frightening, isn’t it?”
Amber Glitter sighed. “I think we’re getting off topic here.” Purple Heart’s face became a mask of false innocence.
“Topic?” he parroted. “What topic?” One eye twitched as Amber advanced on the purple earth pony, her face directly in his, almost nose to nose.
“I am trying to have a legitimate discussion with you,” the queen of Gallopilli hissed. “But you don’t seem like you want to participate! Now, for the last time, why can’t we try a long distance relationship?”
A loud snorting noise sounded from behind Purple Heart. “You realize what you’re saying, right?” Wits End said, leaning on the back of Purple Heart’s seat. “You’re either setting yourselves up for a whole bunch of unnecessary drama, or tripping a major, major death flag for one or both of you.” The mint-colored unicorn made a sweeping gesture over his purple friend’s shoulder with one hoof. “Death flags. Death flags everywhere.”
Before Wits could continue spouting words, Purple Heart clapped a hoof to his friend’s mouth. “Not helping!” the purple earth pony snapped. He turned back to Amber Glitter. “Okay, how about this: we’ll come back to Gallopilli after doing whatever we need to and then we’ll discuss this relationship in greater detail?”
“That thing I just said about death flags?” Wits muttered around Purple Heart’s hoof. “That’s one of them.” Amber Glitter arched an eyebrow as Purple Heart began to smother the unfortunate minty unicorn.
“I will say this though,” Purple Heart grunted as he restrained his comrade, “I’m very sorry that this didn’t turn out how you wished it would. You’re an amazing mare who has a great deal of compassion and kindness and I believe you’ll make an amazing queen. If circumstances were different, I wouldn’t hesitate to stay with you in Gallopilli.” The purple earth pony turned away, releasing his mint-colored friend as Purple Heart rubbed at his face with a hoof.
Wits end leaned over the back of the seat, his grin widening. “Oh ho ho! What’s this? Could it be wuv? Twu wuv? Could you possibly wanna Kiss de Girl?” He leaned in closer to Purple Heart. “Gee, does this feel ironic enough for you yet?” he said flatly.
“Almost,” Purple Heart growled. “You forgot-”
“KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE~!” Light Patch smiled at the trio of ponies as he pulled his head out of the room. “Thank you, thank you,” the pegasus stallion said. “I’m here all night. Tip your waiters, and don’t get the fish; the monger looked a little fishy today.” The door clicked shut behind him.
“-that,” Purple Heart groaned. “Yah.” He turned to Amber and kissed her cheek gently before turning away. “We’ll see what happens after the next plot twist,” he said as he trotted out the door.
Seconds later, Light Patch yelped in pain and muttered, “worth it.”
The two remaining ponies sat in stunned silence. Finally, Wits End slumped over the back of the chair, his previously smug grin falling. “Well, hmm,” he muttered. “I think that was the plot twist.”
“Not for the first time, I remembered that your little band is a touch strange,” Amber mused softly, brushing a hoof against the cheek Purple Heart had kissed. “As for going after him...I don’t think that would be wise. I’ll be patient. I’ll let him go… and if he comes back… Wits End?”
The mint-colored unicorn was lost in thought. “Is this what we’re doing now?” he said under his breath. “Is this the kind of game we’re playing? Are we gonna lose our PG-13 rating?”
“WITS!” Amber barked, trying to pull the minty stallion from his mumbling stupor. “CAN I MAKE A REQUEST?”
“I’M AWAKE!” Wits tumbled over the back of the chair, landing in a heap on the seat cushion. After a moment of scrambling back to some semblance of calmness, he looked back up. “Err, I suppose so. Whether I say yes will depend on what you ask, of course.” Amber nodded in understanding and took a breath before exhaling.
“There are two towns on the eastern border of Roania,” the queen said, “Mistakwe and Ade. Both towns haven’t replied to any missives or orders in the past week. I was wondering if you and the rest of your friends would be able to find out why they haven’t acknowledged any messages. And no, none of the couriers have returned.”
Certainly sounds like a quest, Wits End thought. And it’s not like the next big quest has made itself immediately obvious yet. “I don’t see why not,” he said slowly. “But why us specifically? You’re the queen now. Why not send out a dozen soldiers to see what’s going on instead? You’d have an excuse to keep us, and more specifically,” he hooked a hoof at the door Purple Heart had exited through, “him, around for a while longer, after all.”
The golden unicorn sighed. “You heard him, didn’t you?” she asked. “‘We’ll come back to Gallopilli after doing whatever we need to and then we’ll discuss this relationship in greater detail’. If I get him, and to a lesser extent you and the rest of them, out of the city with a mission that requires returning to report, we’ll be able to talk. Besides, you and your friends fought against a bandit chieftain, subtly gathered information about TWO royals, out-thought a chancellor, and defended me against greedy relatives. I think you’re more than qualified for this mission. And having the Champion of the Coliseum along with you wouldn’t hurt.” A small smirk curved Amber’s mouth as she awaited the mint-colored unicorn’s response.
Wits End thought long and hard about the queen’s offer. Two separate towns, both not returning the messages of the capital city… That sounds suspiciously like the start of some sort of rebellion. I suppose since we got Amber set up as ruler, we might as well help her cement her rule. It certainly won’t hurt to have a kingdom to call on for help later on. “We can talk to the rest of the party,” he finally said with a smile. “I’m sure they’ll be more than willing to help out.”
Amber smiled. “Thank you. Why don’t you go tell them? I’m going to turn in. It’s been a long day.” She rose from her chair and moved to the door opposite the one leading to the main suite. Within seconds, the door to Amber’s bedroom clicked shut and locked, leaving Wits End alone in the antechamber between the main suite and the personal quarters.
“Well,” Wits said once the door was closed. “Guess I’m alone now. Only thing to do is scream the lyrics to some foals’ movies until someone comes back.”
“What are you talking about?” Fluttershy trotted into the room, stopping just inside from the doorway.
“Nothing. What’s up?”
Fluttershy glanced off to one side. “Can... Can we talk a little bit?”
Wits blinked. “Uhh.... sure?” He motioned to the seat Amber Glitter had just been sitting in. Once the pegasus was seated, he leaned forward slightly. “What’s on your mind?”
“It’s about what happened with Holdfast,” Fluttershy said slowly.
“What’s there to say?” Wits End shrugged. “Holdfast got what he deserved. Nopony got hurt. Everypony goes home happy.” He saw the uncomfortable expression on her face and frowned. “Or, is that not what you meant?”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I’m not… comfortable with hiding this from everypony.” She motioned with one hoof between herself and Wits. “What we were doing behind their backs.”
“You make it sound like we were… Never mind.” Wits sighed. “I get it. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do. We can-”
“I’m not talking about me, Wits End.” The pink-maned pegasus’ voice was unexpectedly hard. “I’m talking about you.”
Wits End fell silent for a moment. “I know how it sounds, but I only did what I thought was necessary. I certainly wasn’t doing it for the fun of it.”
“Are you sure?” Fluttershy frowned. “Making deals with Lord Heavy Weight? Sending secret messages to Amber Glitter? Even using Rarity to manipulate Purple Heart’s trial? If you don’t mind me saying, somepony doesn’t do all of that without enjoying some small part of it.”
Now it was the mint-colored stallion’s turn to frown. Eventually, he spoke again. “I don’t see how that matters.”
Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “What?”
“We’re playing a game, Fluttershy.” Wits End leaned forward again, resting one foreleg on the arm of his seat. “And the only reason we play games is to have fun. Like I said, nopony got hurt who didn’t deserve it. Back where I come from, this is the sort of thing in a game we’d laugh at well afterwards. Before then, it’s just a distraction. When we’re done, none of this’ll matter.”
Tears started to form in Fluttershy’s eyes. “I-is that really what you think?”
“Woah, woah, woah. Hey…” Wits End stood and knelt next to Fluttershy’s seat. “I didn’t mean it in a mean way.” He smiled softly. “Here, this is the truth. If I tell Purple Heart and Light Patch that I went behind their backs and kept them from getting in another fight, it’ll just cause more problems when we really don’t need them. Twilight and Rarity already have their suspicions that we’re trouble. Plus there’s Pinkie Pie and Applejack and Rainbow Dash, and I just…” He sighed, followed by a quiet chuckle. “I wanna protect all of them, and I also wanna be the kind of pony they want me to be. Right now, those two are tough to do at the same time.” The mint-colored unicorn held a hoof out. “But you can believe me when I say that I’m doing my absolute best to be both. Okay?”
Fluttershy sniffed. “And are you going to tell them?”
“Soon. I promise. Just… let’s put some time between us and what happened here, okay?” Wits chuckled, making a cross over his chest with his forehoof. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Are we good?”
After a moment, Fluttershy wiped her eyes and nodded. “Yes,” she said, taking the unicorn’s hoof. “Thank you, Wits End.”
Wits smirked. “Hey, I’m not Mister End anymore. Awesome.” He nodded his head back toward the main suite. “Come on, let’s get this seriousness behind us.”
“Okay.” Fluttershy stepped down from the seat and started walking toward the doorway.
With a grin, Wits End pumped his forehoof. “Waifu protected,” he whispered.
“What was that?”
“Nothing! On the way!”