Twilight's Guide to Extraterrestrials

by Eventual Perception


A Canterlot Trap

He locked the door behind him and leaned against it, breathing heavily. His mind still didn't accept the truth of the matter, what had become of his wife and his child, the tentacles and the screams and the odd alien angles. He closed his eyes, his body shaking violently. He opened his eyes, and saw the Crystal Empire burning before him.


"It's a miracle!" Fluttershy exclaimed as she looked over at Applejack, sitting up in bed. Her friend appeared tired, and it looked at though she did not recognize many of her friends except for Rarity. When Fluttershy moved forward to lay a hand on her, Applejack recoiled against the wall into her pillows and Fluttershy instinctively recoiled away as she apologized. "Does she, um, does she not recognize me?" Fluttershy whimpered.

"She did suffer a major head injury, darling."

The Changeling looked at Fluttershy. "It may be a while for her to recognize you, and even longer to accept things the way they were, if at all."

"If at all?"

"It was a very major injury."

"She'll be fine, right, though?"

"Of course she'll be fine, Fluttershy." Rainbow Dash said. "She's Applejack! She's the toughest pony we know."

"I mean, that's true, but...."

"But nothing, Flutters." Rainbow Dash snapped at her friend. "She's going to be fine. Watch."

"Yeah, Fluttershy, she's going to be fine!" Pinkie Pie said as she almost danced in place. "She'll be fine and she'll help us beat this thing and get Riddick back home and then everything can go back to normal."

"Yeah," Rarity said, a smile on her lips. She looked at Applejack. "Everything will be back to normal."


She tasted like bittersweetness when she tasted her. Probably because Twilight didn't know exactly what she was, but when she was with her and they were alone, she acted just like she always had, and it melted Twilight's heart and brought her to her knees and made her gush love endlessly. After the incident where she had left Trixie in the room alone, Celestia had given Twilight another room, and Trixie had stayed with her, just as she did now, laying beside Twilight on the bed as the princess wrapped them both up in her wings as she kissed her and pulled her closer and deeper in the near-silence of their isolation. The bed creaked beneath their weight but they ignored it.

Trixie broke a long hard kiss and spoke. "Trixie is glad to be with Twilight Sparkle again."

"So am I, Trixie."

"Is Twilight not curious?"

"Hmmm?" Twilight kissed Trixie's nose. "About what?"

"Where Trixie comes from. Even Trixie is curious."

"That doesn't matter, Trixie." Twilight said. "Right now, you're with me; that's enough. That's always been enough."

"That is enough." Trixie echoed.

Twilight's eyes teared up. "Yes," she whispered, almost a whimper as she fought back joyful tears. "Yes, Trixie, that's all that matters now. You're with me." She smiled. "You're here. You're with me. You're safe again. I won't let you go. Do you remember the museum, Trixie?"

"Yes."

"I want to do that again. I want to take you somewhere and love you where I shouldn't."

"Yes. But just love me now?"

Twilight pulled her closer.


Kevin took a breath. "So," he said, "let me get this straight. Riddick can see in the dark. And he wants to light the alien thing on fire, after we set a trap, after we get some sort of oil or something from his ship, which is near the village that thing wiped out?" Those around him nodded, and he continued, "and we're going to essentially just gang up on this thing and beat him into dust, despite the fact it goes around beating victims to death with prior victims?" Again, those around him nodded, and again he continued: "And just how am I supposed to take this seriously?"

"Because we must," said Luna. "Because we have to overcome these trials or we will perish."

"So we're going to not perish by starting a fight with a being that wants to kill us? Wouldn't the key to not perishing be avoiding that thing?"

"Ponyville avoided it," Riddick said. "Look what happened to them."

"That's true," Kevin said. "But, you know, that's like one time that happened."

"Relax, dear Kevin," Chrysalis said. "We have a plan. We have bait."

"Who?" Kevin asked, and Riddick raised his hand. "Oh, what a surprise, Mr. Night-Eyes over there."

"Remember that moment." Kevin gulped as Riddick reminded him.

Kevin looked at his queen. "What is the plan?"

Chrysalis spoke: "The way we figure it, it's probably moving toward places where Riddick is lightly to be. So he's probably heading this way, because it can probably find a way to detect population sizes, since it did fly over all of Equestria. So, if we get it's attention on the way to get the oil from Riddick's ship, it should follow some soldiers back here to Canterlot, where it will find Riddick, and where we can ambush it."

"Ah," Kevin said. "Home field advantage." He thought for a moment, then spoke. "Whoever thought this up didn't put a lot of thought into it. What? I'm just saying, it seems pretty half-assed."

"It'll work," Celestia said. "It will work."

"How do you know?" Kevin asked.

"Because I'll be going to the ship myself," Riddick said. "It's tracked me this far, it can probably find me and track me again."

"And why won't it just kill you when you're alone in the forest?"

"Because I'm not going along, fucking Kevin," Riddick said. "For one, you're going with me. For another, we're not going alone."


There was a knock at the door. "Enter the presence of the Great and Powerful Twilight," Trixie said. The door opened and Starlight peered in through the door. "What do you want?" Trixie asked as Twilight sat up and retracted her wings.

"I just wanted to apologize for what happened," Starlight said. "It wasn't fair to accuse you of being a ghost of a whore."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts your apology," the showmare said showily. "Nopony is perfect, after all."

Twilight looked at Starlight. "Why, Starlight? You have every right to be upset."

"Oh, don't worry, Twilight. I've got some new perspective, and what we had just wasn't real love. What you and Trixie have, that is real love. Don't worry, I'm not mad."

"But Starlight--"

"Don't make a big deal out of this, please, Twilight." Starlight said. "At least, not in front of Trixie, she shouldn't hear it."

"Shouldn't hear what?" Trixie said.

"Don't worry, Trixie. Twilight, when you get this all figured out, I'll be here for you, but until then I accept your decision to go with the mare that makes you happy."

"What about saving me? You said you were going to save me."

"Time heals all wounds, and saves all slaves," Starlight said. "When everything goes back to normal, maybe we'll have a chance again. But until then, I'm okay. I've moved on."

The words stung Twilight, who was still torn between the two mares and honestly couldn't figure out why she should't me able to have both. "Moved on? What?"

"Don't worry, Twilight, it'll be alright."


"And, say, if we get caught in the woods on the way back from your ship, how are we going to light it on fire?"

"Chrysalis - the flint." Chrysalis pulled a piece of flint from a bag and tossed it at Riddick, who caught it and pulled his knife and then struck it in Kevin's face, sparks flying into his eyes and nose.

"Geezus, Riddick!" Kevin recoiled. "What the hell!"

"Like that." Riddick smiled.

Kevin rubbed his nose. "Who else is coming?"

Riddick looked at Celestia. "Yeah, about that. We may need some volunteers."

Celestia raised her hand. "I know some ponies. We can get Twilight and her friends - well, not Applejack - to see if they want to go. They're all fine ponies, very good at what they do. I'm sure we can get Rainbow Dash to accompany you guys." She turned to a Royal Guard. "Please, tell them we need them here." The guard left.


"I'll go. I volunteer."

Everyone in the room turned to look at her, the very last pony anypony would have suspected of volunteering for such a mission, given not only that it was dangerous but potentially very dirty, given the nature of the cargo.

Rainbow Dash's mouth fell open. "But Rarity, you hate any oil that's not scented."

"Oh, dear Rainbow Dash, I'm merely being helpful. Yes, it might be dirty, but there's a monster running about, and it needs to be stopped."

Spike stepped up. "If Rarity is going, then I am going."

Riddick smirked. "You?"

"Hey, I can protect Rarity."

"Look, kid," Riddick began.

"Hey! I'm a dragon, not a 'kid'."

"You're in over your head, little dragon," Riddick said.

Chrysalis laughed. "Oh, Riddick, humor him. He'll make an adorable target."

"You underestimate my power!"

"Oh, I can tell," Chyrsalis said. "From the way you flail your arms when you're angry!"

"Hey!"

"Come on, Queen Chrysalis," Twilight said. "If Spike wants to go, that's very commendable." She rubbed Spike's head and he tried to pull away. "I'd go myself, but I have some things to look into."

"Does anybody else wish to volunteer?" Celestia asked, but nobody raised their hand. "Alright, then it's settled." As everypony was turning to leave, Twilight pulled Chrysalis and Celestia over. She said, in a whispered voice: "Have you noticed anything strange about anypony lately?"

"What do you mean, Twilight?"

"I mean, Rarity wouldn't usually volunteer to get messy, which will likely happen; nor would she allow Spike to go, but I didn't hear her protest at all at the idea of Spike going. And Starlight's been acting even weirder."

Riddick walked over. "What's going on?"

Twilight was about to tell him it was none of his business when Chrysalis spoke. "Twilight here says somepony has been acting weird."

"Who?"

"Her female lover."

"Oh?" Riddick looked at Twilight. "I see."

"What? No! Anyway, Celestia, when Trixie showed up, when I accidentally called Starlight Trixie--"

"You called your lover by another name?"

"--quiet, Riddick! Anyway, she was heartbroken each time, but today she came into the room to talk to me, and seemed fine. She didn't even seem to care that Trixie was there."

"That is quite peculiar," Celestia murmured. "Perhaps it is just shock. A lot have things have happened, Twilight."

"I don't think it's shock."


Kevin looked back as he hovered away from Canterlot, heading in the direction of Everfree Forest with another Changeling, Riddick, Rarity, Spike and two Royal Guards. The Princesses and Queen Chrysalis saw them off as they headed off in the pre-morning hours, the wind quietly wrapping around their forms as they set off.

"Why are we going in broad daylight, again?" Kevin asked.

"So we can be more easily seen," Riddick replied.

"Oh, yeah, we want it to hunt us now," Kevin sighed. "I still think this is a very bad idea. One of the worst ideas I've ever heard. Right up there with 'We'll live in Everfree Forest'!"

"I can still hear you, you know!" Chrysalis called from the edge of Canterlot.

"Come on, guys, a plan's a plan, right?" Spike asked.

"And why is he even here? What could he possibly do?"

"Maybe the thing can use him as a weapon," Riddick said.

"Oh! Do not talk about my Spikey-Wikey that way, you ruffian!"

Riddick was silent. They continued their trek away from Canterlot.


Twilight sat beside Trixie across from Chrysalis and Celestia. Luna sulked in a corner, eyes on her companions as they talked in a locked room. Somewhat paranoid, Twilight had borrowed the back room of Rarity's boutique while she was away and had closed the business and locked the doors. She had bribed Sassy Saddles when she objected, and then hurried into the back room, and still spoke in a hushed tone. Chrysalis and Celestia had given each other exhausted looks when she had done this, and Celestia had pulled Luna along, no doubt on another pointless diplomatic meeting, albeit small, that Luna hated. Thus, she pouted away, but nevertheless listened, careful to avoid letter her elder sister know she was paying attention.

Twilight whispered to her conspirators. "I don't think that Starlight is fine. Nor Rarity, for that matter."

"It is odd she would voluntarily assist on such a mission," Celestia said. "Don't you agree, Luna?" Luna merely continued to pout.

"I take it she's not one for adventures?"

"Not usually, Chrysalis. She's pretty uptight about her appearance, and putting herself in danger. And she didn't seem to worry about Spike going with them, either."

"Would she usually?"

"Oh yes, she usually would. She doesn't share his feelings, but she doesn't like him being in danger, either."

Chrysalis leaned forward. "And what, pray tell, is the problem, Twilight?"

"I don't know, she's just.... not her self. Given everything that's happened..... I'm not sure."

"Twilight Sparkle believes that Rarity is not Rarity and Starlight is not Starlight," Trixie said.

Chrysalis looked at her. "Oh, so she can talk?"

"Trixie... you can talk when your in front of other ponies?"

"Of course Trixie can talk in front of other ponies. Trixies merely doesn't because most ponies are unfit to converse with the Great and Powerful Trixie."

"Hey! I'm quite powerful enough!"

"Chrysalis! Trixie! Please, this is important, okay? Something's wrong, and I need to figure out what it is. We don't want to miss any trials. Oh, I wish Karellen was here."

"But he's not, Twilight Sparkle," Luna said. "We are on our own."

"I know," Twilight sulked. "I know, it's just... what is it. What was in that third ship?"

Celestia's ears perked up. "What third ship?"

"Well," Twilight began, "there was Riddick's ship. And then there was whatever that thing is that was chasing him, it broke off of a larger ship that went back into space. And then there was another one, that was heading towards the Crystal Empire?"

"Oh, joy," Chrysalis murmured. "Oh, how much fun to go back there."

"Chrysalis, please," Twilight said.

"Maybe I can finally give that pretty pink princess a peace of my mind!"

"Queen Chrysalis," Celestia said. "Now is not the time."

Chrysalis sighed, and threw her hands down on the table. "Fine! Fine, fine. Just.... what else about this third ship?"

"Did you just say--"

"Ship! I said ship, Twilight."

"Alright, fine, Chrysalis. I just, look, can you do me a favor?"

The queen sighed. "What do you want?"

"Could you have one of your soldiers trail Starlight? I mean, until we figure out what's going on. Could you.... could you do that?"

"Oh?" Chrysalis leaned forward. "Isn't that a little bit naughty for you, Twilight?"

"This is a serious situation, Chrysalis."

Chrysalis looked at Celestia. "What do you have to say about this, Princess?"

"It might be prudent."

"Prudent how, sister?" Luna spoke angrily. "How can we justify spying on our own citizens? On Twilight's lover?! Twilight, how can you ask for this?"

"Luna, please," Celestia said.

"Oh, do not 'Luna please' us, sister," Luna shot back. "This is our subjects we are speaking of! We cannot spy on our own subjects!"

"First of all," Celestia said. "We would only be spying on one. On Starlight Glimmer, who is only recently reformed."

"Oh! As if that matters!"

"And two," Celestia continued, "I feel that there are circumstances which warrant such an action. I mean, look before you, Luna. There's a dead pony right in front of you, recalled from the grave who literally has to be in the same room as Twilight."

"There are no special circumstances which allow for us to spy on the citizenry," Luna huffed.


They kept walking, only Spike showing any signs of exhaustion as he rode on Rarity's back, clinging around her neck as she used her arms to keep him from sliding down. "How much farther?" Spike asked. "Oh, I don't know, darling," Rarity said. "Maybe a Royal Guard can fly up and give us some perspective, hm?"

"Give me a minute," a Guard said as he shot into the air like a bullet. It was then that Riddick pulled Kevin quietly to the side.

"Hey, what're you ---"

"Shhhhh," Riddick said. "Just hang back a moment, let them go ahead a little ways and keep your voice down."

Kevin started to whisper. "What are you on about, Riddick?"

"That white pony there," Riddick said. "Rarity. Twilight said she was acting weird. Expressed some doubts."

Kevin looked at the pony, who trotted along quietly with a snoozing baby dragon on her back. "Doesn't seem that off to me."

"Would you know any better?"

"No, I suppose not."

They walked a long in silence, until Kevin said "So, what? WE just keep an eye on her, or something?"

"Or something," Riddick said. "My guess is, there's more than two things going on at once."

"Like what, Riddick?"

"Don't know. Didn't seem like Twilight knew, either." He kept walking. "But it would seem to me it might be something to seriously consider."

"What are you talking about, Riddick? Some sort of weird body snatchers or something?"

"Maybe. Maybe not."

Kevin stopped. His mouth dropped open. "Holy shit, are you serious?"

"Don't stop walking," Riddick said.

Kevin caught up to Riddick. "Are you serious?"

"Stranger things have happened."


They walked in a nearly straight line, their heat signatures throbbing in its vision slowly. The Hish tilted its head. The Riddick was coming to him?

The Riddick was stupid.


"No! We will not allow this to happen!" Luna spread her wings before Celestia, meeting her gaze unwavering. She took a step forward. "This is wrong in every principled way. We will not allow this to happen!"

"Luna," Celestia's wings remained folded, but her eyes gave the impression they could pierce diamond. "We must; Twilight is right, there is too much to lose if we are wrong."

Chrysalis stood up. "I hate to do this, but I have to agree. Yes, Twilight, I can make that order."

"You will do no such thing!"

"Oh, are you going to stop me, Princess?"

"Yes."

"You and what army?"

"We.... We will tell Starlight! Yes! That's what we'll do!"

"No!" Celestia raised her wings at her sister, her form becoming imposing and unmovable. "No! You must not tell Starlight Glimmer of this. She must not know."

"She must know, Sister. It is the only honorable way."

"What if honor is dooming us to defeat, Luna?" Twilight stood up. "What if something is really wrong, and the only way to prevent it is to keep an eye on Starlight?"

"Have you lost you're mind, Twilight? The Princess of Friendship should never say such things!" Luna took a step towards Twilight. "Perhaps you should not wear such a crown!" She looked at her sister. "And perhaps, Sister, neither should you!"