Like all transit hubs, there’s a great deal that can go wrong, and crossing between worlds only adds to the drama. The Canterlot Exchange Complaints Department is buried in the labyrinth of offices below the exchange. Like most such departments it is a sterile set of rooms, divided by glass partitions and whitewashed wooden panels. I sit next to a young mare, with a painfully pink mane and lavender coat, cradling a cup of water between her fetlocks. Her name is Matt Mailer, which should explain why she is in the complaints department. There is a large argument ongoing in the next room, but Matt makes no move to join in. She keeps her ears pressed flat against her head and stares at her reflection in the water.
“So,” I begin. “Shall we talk?”
A deep sigh escapes the mare. “I don’t feel much like talking right now, Sandy.”
“Sometimes that’s when we need to talk the most. Or would you prefer to join in the shouting?”
Matt shudders. “Urgh, no. Why bother arguing? We all know whose fault it was. We all know he’s never going to admit it. We can all tell it’s not going to be fixed anytime soon, otherwise someone would be fixing it. Why rant and scream?”
“Well, I hear it’s the second step on the road to acceptance.”
“That's dealing with loss,” Matt points out. A moment later she rolls her eyes. “Which is, I guess, a pretty good way of describing crossing the gender barrier. Urgh...” She presses a hoof against her head. “This is nuts. I told them magic was going to come back and bite us in the ass. I told them we should have just gone to damn Miami. Sure the drinks would have been expensive as shit but at least I wouldn’t have to relearn how to piss.”
“I think you’re drifting back to anger,” I observe, with a slight smile. “I wouldn’t worry so much. Anything that is caused by magic can be fixed by magic, at least in my experience.”
“Yeah?” She fixes me with a piercing glare. “Well how do you fix act of Ted?”
“I’m not sure I follow.”
Matt sighs, long and deep. “Ted broke the magic. I knew we shouldn’t have trusted him with the damn amulets. Sure, there’s always a disclaimer that going human to pony can result in random effects, but that’s what, a one in a hundred shot? And even then you’re just as likely to come out as a breezie as lose your manhood. Ellie convinced us that we should all get directing amulets. You know, pick out whether you wanted wings, or magic, or stamina. I went for stamina by the way. You know, in preparation for the hangovers.”
A weary chuckle escapes me. “Let me guess, Ted switched the amulets around?”
“Oh no. If he’d been dumb enough to do that we would have caught him straight away. No, the utter genius managed to change the fucking spells using a hot needle. So now the morons running this place have no idea how to fix us beyond just sending us home and hoping the change doesn’t stick.” She downs the cup of water in one gulp and crushes it between her hooves. It was a metal cup, but she seems not to care.
“God damn it!” She slams her hooves against the bench, which creaks in protest. “This was supposed to be a vacation. I was supposed to be on a train to the beach right now. I was supposed to be pre-drinking my brightly-coloured tail off!”
“And what’s stopping you?” I enquire.
Her glare is withering, but I match it and, after a few moments of silence, she slumps. “Nothing,” she admits with a sigh. “Nothing is stopping me. Sure, Facebook’s going to laugh its collective ass off when they find out, but who gives a shit really? In a year this’ll just be a funny story and I know that, in the abstract, it still sucks to actually be a mare.”
I arch my eyebrow.
“Ack!” Matt lets out a strangled squawk, as she catches up to what she just said. “I mean. It sucks that I’m a... I didn’t mean that... I...” Her eyes narrow. “You’re finding this hilarious, aren’t you?”
“Extremely,” I say with a wry grin. “But I’ll waive any offense on the part of my gender, for now. Why is it such a problem?”
“It isn’t,” Matt protests, then frowns. “Or rather, it is the problem, but not a problem...” She lets out a long sigh and slumps in her chair. “It just wasn’t the plan. I know that things are going to work out, even if they have to get Princess Twilight down here to sort them out, so I’m not worried about getting back to normal. And I keep wondering...” Her frown deepens. “Well... Why not just go with it?”
“How so?”
“Well, I’m here to have fun, aren’t I?” she says. “All we wanted to do was go to the beach, find a bunch of parties and get so drunk we can barely stand. Swapping which restroom I use isn’t going to change that. I’m still going to be able to drink and dance and make a load of stupid decisions with the rest of the guys– girls– whatever.” She shakes her head and lets out a bitter sigh. “Hell, I can probably still find a few cute mares to hang out with. A different type of mare than I’d originally thought, but hey, I’m hardly in a position to judge.”
Matt drums her hooves on the bench for a moment, pursing her lips. “I guess I worried about... well, not being worried. It’s a vacation. It’s supposed to be a chance to get away from yourself. It’s supposed to be a time when you do things that you don’t normally do. Okay, I’m a small female horse, which is pretty far out there, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still have fun. It won’t change who I am.” Her ears prick up. “Will it?”
I give her a comforting smile. “That’s up to you. But I hear travel is good for the soul, regardless of whether you enjoy the journey.”
“Urgh, that’s not an answer,” Matt says, pouting. I do not point out how cute her pout is.
“Like I’m going to tell a teenager on Spring-Break what to do.” I roll my eyes.
“Heh, fair point.” She gazes at the floor tiles for a moment. “I just feel that I shouldn’t be okay with all this. I mean, being a man is supposed to be this big important thing which you have to go along with. Absolutely have to. Now, though, the Equestrians sell all sorts of magic and those rules just aren’t so hard and fast any more. Does it make me less of a man for just saying ‘fine, it’s a pain in the dick but let’s roll with it’? I don’t know. But I know I don’t want to be stuck in the pity party.”
Matt groans and leavers herself onto her hooves. She is a little unsteady, but seems to be fast acclimatising to four legs. “I guess that answers my question.” She shakes her head. “Well, I’d better go check on Ted, see if the medical ponies are willing to let him go.”
I frown, glancing down at my notes. “Wait, when did Ted get hurt? I thought he only sabotaged everyone else’s amulets.”
“Oh, he did. But the genius thought none of us would notice him pointing and laughing as we stumbled through the portal, so now he’s got an acute case of bruised testicles.”
I wince in sympathy. “That’s gotta hurt.”
“I hope so,” Matt agrees. “And if he hasn’t learned his lesson I’m going to keep kicking until he does. Thanks for the talk, Sandy.” She gave a haughty flick of her tail as she turned and walked away.
I close my notebook. Somehow I figure she is going to be okay.