"Morbo the Annihilator here. Welcome to Tea with Titans. Thank you for joining us!" I shouted, sitting in a small wooden chair with a table in front of me.
"What?"
"Wrong channel."
"Again, what?"
"You guys... The ones in the bubble. You are most certainly a problem."
"So what's your plan with us?"
"Dunno. A group this old is either powerful or vast in numbers. Or a combination of the two. Jail simply wouldn't work."
I shot my gun at the door and heard a scared yelp. "Into the bubble with you." I said, "Like you would just leave."
"That actually makes sense."
"You lie! You're lying!"
"But..."
"So... Wait, I know!"
"Really?"
"I mean it this time!"
"That's a first."
"Yes it is. Frightening. I could bring them to the human world and let the problem sort itself out."
"You wouldn't dare!" he shouted.
"But it would involve me going back as well. Oh well. That aside, is there anything you ponies could think of?"
"We could put them in the special cells in the dungeon." said Celestia.
"What makes them so special? They're not that kind of special, are they?"
"No, they're closer to isolation cells than that."
"Maybe. How's it gonna keep these clowns from escaping?"
"Don't call us clowns."
"Shut up."
"It's deep underground. It was originally made to keep Discord contained. It's got magic barriers, thick walls, you name it."
"Sounds great. So why wasn't it used?"
"We never needed it. We discovered the Elements before it was completed."
"There's another problem. The other members."
"There aren't any other members."
"Do you concur, Luna?" I asked.
"As far as I know, these are the last members."
"Well, that seemed to solve itself." I said, "Hmm..."
"What's up?"
"Is that it?" I said.
"What do you mean?"
"They could've easily recruited more members. There are most likely some other ponies who don't like humans. Hell, I don't even like humans. With all their advances in the fields of science, technology, and medicine. It's like humans are alive or something. Strange. When did you get here?" I asked, pointing at Pinkie.
"I've been here the whole time, silly."
"Strange. Nah, I like my idea better. I hear that. So in other news, I'm out." I stood up and snapped my fingers. "I still like doing this. C'mon, you bubble-beings. You're going to the human world."
"Don't you dare." he said.
"I don't really think you have much of a choice here. I'm the one with the gun." I said, spinning it around on my finger. The trigger got pulled and a bullet whizzed past my head. "That was not good. Maybe I should stop screwin' around."
I put the gun back in the bag and started walking away. "Wait a minute, where is the portal back home?"
'Good question.'
"Thanks brain."
'I don't know what you're talking about, I have nothing to do with this.'
"You got me into this mess, now find a way out of it."
"Uh... Phil, who are you talking to?" asked Pinkie.
"I'm talking to my brain."
"Your brain?"
"Yes. He's the one who stuck with me all this time shouting, 'No you stupid little shit! That is not what we do with that. Put it down and focus on the subject at hand.' Or something like that. Fella's a real bro."
'Spoken like a true champ.'
"Aw yeah..."
'Shut up kid.'
"No you shut up."
'Shut up man, or I'll sick the heart on you.'
"You wouldn't."
'Don't tempt me. I have nothing to lose at this point.'
"You sick, evil monster."
'Shut up, or I swear, that heart is gonna do stuff.'
"Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Just don't do it."
"Did your brain just threaten you?" asked Pinkie.
"Yeah."
"C'mon, just let us out of here and we won't do it again." they said.
"You dug this hole yourself. And I pushed the dirt in on top of you. Let's go."
'But where are we going?'
"Damn, that is a good question. The portal in White-tail closed up when those Russians took down their portal. Russians are neat. The other portal is only one way. It said so on that paper. Twilight, if a portal is opened right here right now, do you think it would be stable enough to go through with these ponies?"
"I guess."
"Awesome. Could you do?"
"I don't think that's a very good idea."
"Why not?"
"All that stuff you said about the portal collapsing. What if it happened?"
"Billions would die." said Luna.
"So no pressure." I said, "Just kidding. I lied. Nothing was happening. All that stuff you may or may not have heard and or saw were all me."
"Why would you lie about something like that?"
"It made everything more exciting. I lied, so sue me. So could you do it?"
"Well, I suppose."
"Sweet. Get it going. In the meantime... Uh... I... Hold on, don't tell me. I can do this, don't tell me. Uh... Um... Anyways, who's up for lunch?"
"It hasn't even been an hour yet."
"Alright Phil, it's ready." said Twilight.
"Alright then. Well, I will see you monday." I said.
I kicked the force field around them towards the portal Twilight opened. They disappeared when they touched it. "Efficient." I said.
I walked towards it, then turned around. "Be back in a few minutes or three. I gotta take care of some stuff."
I jumped back through the portal. I landed back in the abandoned building. The ponies had changed into humans, still in the force field. I stared at them.
"Well guys, I guess this is it then." I said, removing the bubble.
They fell to the ground, angry at me. They had trouble standing. "Why did you do this?"
"I don't know, ask Jeff. Wait, who's Jeff? Regardless, do whatever you want. I don't care. Hell, kill people for all I care. You're magic. It's easy! Almost too easy. Be careful around people in camouflage though. When the army comes after you, I don't think I can help you. Good luck with whatever you plan on doing."
"You don't care?"
"Hell no! Why should I?"
"Because you're a human."
I shrugged. "Just try not to get yourself killed. Yet. Maybe after two weeks. Yeah, you could kill an entire town in two weeks. Regardless..."
They all stared at me. "So that's it?"
"Uh... Yeah, that's it. If you'll excuse me..."
I climbed back up into the rafters. I stared at where the portal was. It was already closed. It wasn't gonna let itself open again, not even if I bribed it with 372,844 pancakes.
"Been a fun year. Be seeing ya."
The ponies on the floor left. I walked out of the building and went back home. "Gonna miss those fluffy freaks. Man, what a heartless bastard I am. Denying them a real goodbye."
'You did the place-word-here thing.'
"Eh."
'Eh.'
"Good point."
'That was probably enough.'
"Yeah. Regardless, at least I can still watch them on the TV."
'And the internet.'
"And the Canada!"
'Yus!'
"Well... that was fun."