//------------------------------//
// Crazy Level Rising 
// Story: Brony in Equestria: The Tacoing 
// by Omega Dracomancer 
//------------------------------//

I walked around the cave area. Every regular of Ponyville was down there in their stone prisons. Even the background ponies and Dinky. No Derpy or Doctor though. They must not've been in Ponyville. "Derpy will be so pissed when she finds out. Muffin level pissed. They may wake up being strangled by the muffin-warrior herself. That was a really bad move on their part. This must've been why the fire was so odd. It wasn't there to hurt, I guess, it was there to transport. How the fuck does that work?"

I tapped the statue of Big Mac. "There's a soul bound to each of these. All except those seven." I said, walking over to the group of odd statues. "One for each of the mane six and me. Is that what I look like? I'm ugly as hell." I put a party hat on it. "Fuck yeah! It's still ugly as hell but fuck yeah!" I shouted.

"What are you screaming about?"

"Check out this ugly sonova bitch." I said, pointing to it.

"Phil, that's you."

"Right you are. Now, no doubt you've seen what happened here. They got everypony. Everypony who was in Ponyville is now here, encased in stone. Or maybe they are stone. Doesn't matter. You and your badass bling can fix this no problem. Lickity-split. Now there's a funny phrase. Lickity-split, splitity-lick. Nope, loses it's fun-ness. You'll do it later, no questions. Too many questions, all the time, talkity-talk-talk. They'll still be there later. Now, there must be an emergency exit. Building a trap without an emergency exit is like digging your own grave... I'll figure the rest of that out in a few minutes and get back to you with the end."

I walked towards a wall. I ran my finger across it and walked around. After a few minutes, I hit something odd. A rock that had no real business there. "Over here, I think I found something. Holy shit!"

"What wrong?"

"I just realized something!"

"Yeah?"

"My pony folder is bigger than my porn folder!"

"What... the... fuck?"

"Help me get this thing open." I said. We all grouped along an edge and pushed the rock away. "More caves. I could navigate these things in my sleep. Or my awake. No, my asleep would have better luck, he's got randomness on his side. Now, I have a brilliant plan and it will help anypony get out of any maze at any time without fail no matter what. Keep your hoof on the wall and just keep walking one direction. Never switch directions. Never, ever, ever take your hoof off the wall. Logic and reason beats randomness this time."

I put my hand on the wall, then said, "I need some armor plated gauntlet's for this one."

"Why?"

"Rocks are sharp when they want to be. If we get cut up we'll be in pain for approximately an hour. More or less. Now, I want some peanut butter."

"Peanut butter?"

"Been craving it for fifteen months. Or maybe fifteen seconds, hard to tell when you want some peanut butter. And by some, I mean maybe five pounds of peanut butter. And by five pounds, I mean... well, I just want some peanut butter. I'll get it eventually. Of all the things I packed, that should've been at the top of the list. Not all this food and water and things necessary for life. Speaking of which, who's up for lunch? On second thought, call it supper, or dinner, or not. We already had lunch, so I guess it isn't lunch anymore. Or maybe it is. I went off topic, didn't I? Yeah... Resuming topic, left or right? Left, right... Left-right, left-right, left-right. Left. Lets go left. Any comments, questions, or concerns you may have may be directed to my secretary."

"You don't have a secretary."

"It's the perfect plan! Don't want to talk, send them to your secretary. You don't have a secretary! 'cept those two. Probably. Never seen one at least. Now if we keep losing our topic, we'll get left behind. You ponies are always talking."

"You're the one who's been talking."

"Well that's only to signal the bears. We're in a cave. Bears live in caves, and bears are crazy. It's dark in here, too dark to see. Why was Luna's room a portal to another area? Why not Celestia's? Actually there's a good answer for that. Luna wasn't in her room for a while. That would give somepony time to trap it. Why now and not later? Maybe because I was here. Messed everything up. If it was set to go off later, why? Hmm... That's a thinker. If you want to think about it, go right ahead, but keep in mind that there's a cliff in front of us."

We all stopped and saw a large open expanse of cliff. "Can't see another side." I said. I looked around. "There's a hole in the wall over there. A tiny crack in the rock over here. Other things that are also irrelevant everywhere else. I love it when nothing seems important." I walked over to the hole in the wall. "Bingo, a lever."

I reached my arm in and tried to pull it. No luck. I put my head in after it. "Zat doesn't look natural."

"What's in there?"

"Is it a bat?"

"Bats are natural." I said, "There's a lot of machinery in here."

I shrugged and yanked the lever, then I heard a large mechanical device being activated. I also heard some rocks crack.

"Phil, are you alright in there?"

"Just stuck." I said, "I wasn't stuck a moment ago, so it must've been that rock sound I heard a moment ago. What'd I miss?"

"A bridge came out of the cliff face over here."

"That's high technology right there." I tried to free myself, but with no luck. "I am stuck like... um... stuck like a... something that's stuck. I'll get back to you with that in a few minutes."

I reached around in my pockets. "Pockets, pockets, where is it? I know it's in here somewhere. Which one, which one?"

"What are you lookin' for?"

"I have something in here somewhere."

"What is it?"

"I'll find it. I'll find it. Not there. Nope, not there either. That's Pinkie's tail. Nothing's stored in there at the moment."

"Well maybe we can help you find it."

"It's in my shorts somewhere. Oh no." I felt a tug on my shorts and they came off, leaving me in my underwear. "Hey! Gimme back my shorts!"

"It's in here somewhere?"

I sighed. "Yeah, somewhere. Watch your hooves if you turn them upside-down. It's heavy and metal."

"How heavy could it be? It's been in your shorts."

KLANK

"What is this?"

"It's a car jack. It lifts up about a ton and a half of weight with ease. Mechanical advantages. I love those things. Just put it in here, I'll fix up the rest."

Half a minute later, I freed my head. I dropped the jack back into my shorts and stuck them back on.

"How is that even possible?" asked Celestia.

"How is moving the sun on your own possible?" I retorted, "The answer is magic. The next time I'm stuck in a hole in the wall, don't pull my shorts off."

I ran across the bridge, tripped, then got back up on the other side. "It probably won't collapse." I shouted back, "Just go one at a time."

They advanced across the bridge single file. The winged ponies flew over. Weird how things work out that way.

"Tacotastic!"

"Now there's just more tunnels." said Twilight.

"Take a step forward, everypony."

"Why?"

"If the bridge collapses, the rules of cliché things will signify that it's the right way."

We all took a step, then the bridge collapsed. "Wonderful."

"Now we don't have a way back."

"If that's the way you want to look at things, then yeah, no way back." I said, "Three ways forward."

"Which way do we take?"

"We split up. Three down each tunnel."

"Who's going with who?"

"Dunno. Here comes the fun part. Now, Luna and Celestia, you'll be the team leaders along with me."

"Why aren't I a team leader?" asked Dash.

"If we had four groups, everything'd be all lopsided. There's only three tunnels anyway."

"I mean..."

"Now, whoever do whatever and pick your groups. On a slightly unrelated note, Pinkie, c'mere, I need to talk with you." She bounced over happily. "Now, this is pretty important, and nopony should really know about this until it happens. Keep it to yourself."

"Alright, what is it?"

I leaned in and whispered my plan to her.

"Gotcha."

I stood back up and said, "Now, did you all get your groups?"

"Yeah. I'm taking Twilight and Applejack, Celestia's taking Pinkie Pie and Rarity, and you're taking Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash." said Luna.

"Yeah, cheese fries. If you find something, hit a button on these boxes." I said, handing them each one, "Red is danger, yellow is dead end, orange is another split in the tunnels, green is if something important happens. Luna, Celestia, on the back there's a button that'll teleport your groups to where I am. For me, I can teleport you to me if you are incapacitated or I find the entrance. They're also communicators. First group out gets a prize."

"What kind of prize?"

"Good question. See you in about forty minutes." I said, walking down the tunnel.

We branched off into our respective tunnels. Fluttershy did not take the darkness well. She was breathing quickly and looking around franticly.

"Fluttershy, calm down a notch." I said, "There's nothing here. It's just Rainbow, you, and me. Maybe a rock here and there, but rocks aren't evil. Rainbow, are rocks evil?"

"Not that I know of."

"Rainbow can vouch for that. She may or may not have seen a rock in her life. I'm not certain, but it's a possibility. So calm down."

"I'm sorry. Was I worrying you?"

"Well no, but it's not like I'm gonna have my buddy be scared when there's really nothing scary around here. If you keep freaking out like that, then I'll have no choice but to hug you."

"What?"

"What?"

"I'll do it, I swear. If you find something worth being scared over, tell me, because I would actually like to know."

"What about that?" asked Rainbow.

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, it's just a shadow." I said, "Wait a minute... This cave is illuminated by a fixed amount of light everywhere. If it's the same amount of light from every direction, then why is there a shadow at all?"

"It moved!" said Fluttershy, running behind me.

"It would seem so. Quick, where's the nearest forest?"

"What?" asked Rainbow.

"Matter of life and death, where is the nearest forest?"

"It's on the surface." she replied.

"Oh thank god."

"Why does that matter?"

"The last shadows I've seen move, in this case, were swarms of tiny, flesh eating piranhas. They breed in wood. Or maybe they ate wood. Ha, ate wood. No wood here. This is something else."

"What do you think it is?"

"Dark spirit? Spell? Somepony broke the matrix?"

"Dark spirit?" asked Fluttershy fearfully.

"Just because it's dark doesn't mean it's evil. Like Luna. She's dark, but not evil. Don't judge books by their cover. That phrase is confusing. If you're picking out a book, then the first thing you look at is the cover. If you needed a book on, for example, mass panics throughout the ages, then you wouldn't choose a book labeled the making of cheese. Just because it says cheese doesn't mean that there's no mass panics in there. I need to ask Sparkles about this. Topic has been forgotten like a good punch line. Whoever's there, come out!"

The box I had started to beep. I pulled it out of my pocket and said, "Reds on all parties. Damn, we shouldn't have split up. Girls, we may have a problem on our hands."

"Where'd the shadow go?"

I held the box to my face and said, "What's going on at your end?" There wasn't any response. "Better than screams and slashing noises."

I put it away. "Do you two see anything?"

"I don't see anything."

"I don't know if that's good or bad. What should we do now? Do we go back or forward? If we go back, what could we do? We'd have to split up again to help them. Bad idea."

"What do you mean, bad idea? Our friends are in trouble. We need to help them!"

"Rainbow, I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in trouble as well. We can't even go back because those moving shadows have blocked our path."

"They're just shadows."

"I don't trust them. Fluttershy... Perfect, she fainted. That's just great. Oh well." I picked her up and put her over my shoulder. "Told ya I'd hug ya. Now, Rainbow, it's just one tunnel all the way down, danger is fast approaching, and I don't know what we can do about it. Just another average day in my life. Lets go."

"But what about..."

"Move it, squishy."

"I'm not squishy."

"Shall we find out?"

"No, that won't be necessary. Why'd you call me squishy?"

"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma."

"What?"

"Precisely."

We kept walking down the tunnel. The shadow was following us at the same speed we were walking. It stopped whenever we stopped. There was definitely something off with it.

"This is boring." said Rainbow.

"Yeah."

"Think there's anything we could do?"

"Not while walking down a dark, single tunnel cave. Emphasis on walking. The cave really has nothing to do with it. We gotta think about this one. Don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

"Didn't you just eat?"

"But that was like twenty minutes ago."

"Exactly!"

"If you're trying to make a point, I'm not seeing it. I just figured out the reason why Fluttershy is so quiet!"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"You can't plan a murder out loud."

"Where does that come from?"

"It makes perfect sense! Little mare, alone on the edge of the forest, not that many visitors. She could get away with anything there."

"So you think Fluttershy's a murderer?"

"It's always the quiet ones. She could lure anypony out there with her cute little face, take them to her shed, then stab their guts out."

"You're sick."

"I embrace the sickness. Tell me, have you ever been in her shed?"

"Well no, but..."

"First thing I'm doing when I get out of here is going in her shed. Second. Third. It's on my list. It's not on my list."

"What do you think's in there?"

"Maybe garden supplies, lawn gnomes, cheese, piles of brains."

"You may be one of the most disgusting creatures I know."

"Yeah? Try the most. That you know, of course. If you knew... well, he made a story, you'd throw up just from hearing what he wrote."

"What did he write?"

"It was a story about a 15 year old kid named Phil going to Equestria."

"Wait a minute..."

"Just kidding. He made a story about you and Pinkie Pie. Having said that much, you know too much, and I feel sick."

"What was the rest of it about?"

"No. Forget I said anything. Quit asking. Eat your cheese."

"C'mon man, I wanna know."

"It was wrong of me to bring it up, and it'll be wrong of me to tell you. Like, against the morals of the world wrong."

"Why?"

"Quit it."

"Not gonna stop."

"Quit it or I'll hug ya."

"You're already using both of your arms to hold on to Fluttershy."

"Still got legs."

"You wouldn't."

"I'll do it."

"No you won't. You're joking."

"You don't know that."

"That... That's weird."

"That's a compliment."

"It really shouldn't be."

"Wh... Where am I?" asked Fluttershy.

I held her in front of me and said, "Morning, sleeping beauty. How'd you sleep?"

"It was ok."

I set her on the ground. "My arms are free now, Rainbow."

"Alright, I'll stop asking."

"What are you talking about?"

"Hugs being a new form of punishment."

Rainbow walked over to Fluttershy and whispered in her ear. Fluttershy looked at me and said, "Um... Could you tell Rainbow Dash about the story? If you don't mind, that is."

"I swear, I'll hug both of you some day. You are going to need these, Fluttershy." I said, handing her some headphones. She put them on. I put a band around her head, covering her eyes. I pulled one headphone off and said, "Keep these on until I take them off."

"Well Rainbow Dash..."

TEN MINUTES LATER

"I didn't know you had that much to eat." I said.

"What kind of sick... Oh god..." She threw up again. "Who would do that?"

"What's that horrible smell?" asked Fluttershy.

I made a waterfall come out from the center of the tunnel. I picked Fluttershy up and set her on my head. "When you're done here, I'll meet you down the tunnel."

After we were a distance from Rainbow, I set Fluttershy down and removed the blindfold and headphones.

"Where's Rainbow Dash?"

"She's back there, cleaning herself up a bit."

"What happened?"

"I told her about the story."

"What does a story have to do with hygiene?"

"Well, she threw up. A few times actually. The story wasn't that good. I gave it a two out of ten."

"She threw up? Is she ok?"

"She's fine. Don't worry about her right now. Trust me."

"If you say so. It must've been a really bad story."

"Yeah. You don't wanna know about it, do you? Please say no."

"Well, not really."

"Oh, thank you. One hour in a cave and I've already traumatized one of my best friends. I don't want another doing the same thing. You might have a heart attack. I'm not kidding."

"Phil, I never want to hear anything like that ever again." said Rainbow. She was absolutely miserable.

"How 'bout a little memory wipe?"

"Please?"

I used the spell on her. "Now, you don't remember the story, but you remember your feelings towards it so you don't ask to hear it again."

"I feel much better."

"I'm not gonna lie, I laughed."

"Phil, you're not the most disgusting thing I know."

"Should I try harder?"

"No! Please, no."

"Good, because I wasn't planning on it. I smell frosting. Do you smell frosting?"

"I smell it." said Fluttershy.

"Don't ask me to smell anything for a while."

"Frosting. Lots of it. Yummy, yummy frosting."

I grabbed Fluttershy and Rainbow and sprinted down the tunnel. I slid to a stop when we reached a large, circular room with three other entrances.

"Dear god..." I dropped the two of them. "A pit of frosting. Just frosting. No cake. No traps. No clothes. No problem."

"No clothes?"

"Hey, can you hear that?"

"They got here before us!"

The other two groups came out of the two nearby tunnels.

"Keep him away from the frosting!"

I dived into the pit. After about a minute, I had consumed more frosting than humans can physically endure.

I was twitching violently. "I feel like I just chugged fifty gallons of coffee."

"Everypony, back!" shouted Pinkie, backing to the wall.

"I dedicate this sugar rush to Cr1TiKaL, who is most certainly touching his nipples right now. Don't use the black box teleport."

PONIES

THIRD POV

"Is everypony ok?" asked Pinkie.

"What was that?"

"He just got a giant boost of energy. Magic made it all crazy sized. He'll be fine in about an hour. Actually, he'll crash and sleep for about a day or two."

"He got a sugar rush?"

"A magic sugar rush. There's a big difference. He left his pack."

"All of your boxes went red and we didn't get an answer when we contacted you. What happened to you?" said Rainbow.

"We were just being followed by a shadow. We got red on our end and tried to talk with you."

"Same thing over here."

"Rainbow, you look horrible." said Pinkie.

"I made Phil tell me a story about you and me. After that, everything's a blur and I threw up a few times."

"What kind of a story would do that?"

"I don't know. He wiped my memory of it. It was so... horrible."

"How could you make Phil tell you that? Really, how? He wouldn't give that bad of a story up so easily."

"I told Fluttershy to ask him."

"That makes sense. You don't look as bad as Rainbow. Why?"

"He made it so I couldn't hear or see anything."

"Alright. If we're going anywhere anytime soon, we need to go now."

"Who made you the boss?" said Rainbow.

"Phil did."

"Why should I listen to him?" asked Celestia, "I take what he says more as recommendations then commands."

"He's the man with the plan."

"And what is this non-existent plan of his?"

"It's on a need to know basis."

"Well I'm the princess, and I need to know."

"He says he supersedes you."

"That arrogant little brat. He can't tell me what to do. C'mon everypony, we're going." she said angrily, walking out of the room via the last tunnel.

"Step one, get Celestia angry at Phil, check." said Pinkie under her breath. She grabbed the bag and put it on her back, then followed the rest of the group.

They walked down the tunnel. The shadow was still following them.

"Does anypony know what's going on with this shadow?"

"Did he tell you anything Pinkie?"

"He said he took care of it, but that was it."

"What's it waiting for?"

"It's not very visible. Maybe it needs more light."

"That's possible."

"Does that mean it'll get stronger when we escape? I mean, when we get to the surface? There's more light up there."

"Maybe."

"So where did Phil go anyways?"

"Dunno. The frosting wasn't in his plans."

"But it was in our plans." said a mysterious voice.

"Who's there?" asked Celestia.

"Show yourself." said Luna.

The shadow surrounded them. Three large ponies appeared from them alongside many smaller ponies. "We're known as The League."

"Just The League? Ran out of names? Or are you new to this evil business?"

"I've heard that name before." said Luna.

"Ah, Nightmare Moon. It would seem that you're purified. How horrible."

"I'm not Nightmare Moon anymore." she replied angrily.

"You know these guys, Luna?" asked Celestia.

"Their ultimate goal is to keep humans out of Equestria using any means possible. Even starting the events of Nightmare Moon."

"Humans are evil creatures. No matter how nice they may seem, they are evil by nature. They'll always go back to it." he said.

"Not all humans are evil. Phil isn't evil."

"How do you know that? He might be good at hiding it."

"He's not evil."

"So far, just today, he's managed to traumatize one of you, deserted you not only once, but twice, and created conflict among friends. If this keeps happening, you'll only get hurt. I'm warning you, stay away from that filthy human."

"He may be filthy, but he's still our friend!"

"What do you have against humans?"

"Every time they come to Equestria, somepony gets hurt. We stop them every chance we get. This new human loosened the hold we have on the barrier between our worlds. Now no less than three humans came through already. The others made one of you cry."

"Yeah, but he was just a jerk." said Rainbow.

A very loud noise was heard. "I'll hug every damn one of you!"

"How did he get in here?" yelled the pony. They all shimmered and disappeared.

"What was that all about?"

"It must've been a hologram."

"He used a hologram? Why? Did he do it to threaten us?"

"Did Phil say anything about this, Pinkie?"

"Nope, nothing."

"What do you think that was at the end?"

"Maybe Phil got in and attacked them."

"Are you sure it was Phil?"

"'I'll hug every damn one of you?' Yeah, it was him."

"That wasn't a good idea."

"Why not? He can take care of himself."

"That group is dangerous."

"Can he handle it on his own?"

"If he crashes, then no."

"I get the feeling that something that shouldn't have happened, just happened."

"Phil was right to question this."

"Let's go. We're not doing any good here."

"Right."

They continued down the path. The shadow wasn't following them anymore. They started to see a light. When they reached it, they saw a sign with some necklaces on them.

"Everypony gets a consolation prize. Wear them or not, your choice, could care less. You already got your super powered bling." Twilight read off, "The prizes for the first group out are at the castle."

"Necklaces?"

"They have our cutie marks on them."

"Hey Fluttershy, we were the first group out." said Rainbow, "What do you think the prize is? Knowing him it's... it's... wow, I really don't know."

"Maybe he'll give ya'll a taco." said Applejack.

"I've always wondered what those were. They're some kind of food, but I never really saw myself eating them." said Twilight.

"I really don't think it's a taco." said Celestia.

"Why not?"

"He has something else in mind."

"How do you know?"

"Well, I know he wouldn't give us a taco. I wouldn't let him at least. No subject of mine will eat those while I have a say in it. End of discussion."

"Well, if it's not that, what is it?"

"We'll have to find out."

"Then let's speed it up." said Rainbow.

"Alright then."

"Where are we anyways?"

"I believe this is another entrance to the diamond mines."

"How did we get here from Luna's room?"

"I have no idea."

"Maybe we could ask Phil when he wakes up."

"We'll probably get random gibberish and something that doesn't remotely make sense."

"Or maybe the perfect explanation."

"Both are very likely at this point."

"Anypony listening?"

"What was that?"

"It's one of the boxes Phil gave us."

Celestia grabbed hers and said, "Who's there?"

"It's Derpy. We're muffined on this end. Phil just crashed and he's more lifeless than a door. Also he was only wearing his underwear and had a cone on his head for some reason. He was shouting something about a spirit dragon. I think he was serious. Listen, we have bigger problems right now. Discord took over Canterlot."

"But Phil said..."

"Yeah, he lied, he does that. Reminds me of someone I know." she said.

"It's rule one." said Doctor Whooves.

"Phil said that he doesn't trust anything that can rip apart a life-long friendship while laughing about it."

"Why didn't he tell us?"

"You can ask him when you see him next. Right now he's trapped by The League. They must've ran out of available names or something. I need to go."

"Wait Derpy! Did Phil tell you about Dinky?"

"What happened to my little muffin?"

"They took her. She's a statue in this cave."

A high-pitched noise came from the box followed by a spark of electricity. A series of loud explosions was heard from Canterlot, which was miles away.

"How'd we get so far away from Canterlot and what was that?"

VWORP-VWORP-VWORP

"Do you know what you've just done?" shouted Doctor Whooves, "She wasn't happy to hear that at all! There's no stopping her now!"

"What do we do now?"

"The only thing we can do, wait it out."

More explosions were heard.

"Has this happened before?"

"Nothing nearly this powerful, ever."

"Phil said he had tranquilizer. Will that work?" said Pinkie.

"Not unless we have a whole lot of it."

Pinkie looked in the bag and grabbed bottle after bottle of tranquilizer. After a minute, she said, "Is this enough?"

"How did he fit all of that in that bag?"

"The only explanation he would ever give is magic."

"That's not enough. Why does he have that much tranquilizer?"

"I don't know."

"Let me take a look at that bag."

She handed the bag over to him. He looked inside, then said, "This isn't normal."

"Suits Phil perfectly then."

"Look at this. He's got everything he would need at any given time. He's even got the Elements of Harmony in here."

"But we're wearing the Elements."

"Then he must've switched them. He's got at least three months worth of food, everything from tacos to peanut butter."

"There's tacos in there?"

"He said he didn't pack peanut butter."

"Hey Doctor, could you get out one of those tacos?"

"Why?"

"I want to know what it is."

"No. It's human food. It's not good for ponies. He's even got dolls of all of you six."

"He what?"

"Strange. Did he pack his whole room in here?"

"Squishy? Are you there?"

"Stop calling me Squishy!" she replied through the box, "What happened to you?"

"That sugar crash was total balls. They got me alright. Derpy is very pissed. You should've waited to tell her about Dinky. She's like... on par with the Bad Wolf. Let's call her the Mad Muffin. Ha-ha, Mad Muffin. Anyways, I gave The League a new name within three seconds. League Of Super Evil. L.O.S.E. I mean, seriously, they must've run out of names. Off topic. You asked what happened to me. Well, I crashed, then they captured me and put me in a cage. They are turning the inhabitants into statues alongside Discord. Could've stopped him... What these ponies are trying to do, I agree with. Humans are the worst thing to happen to Equestria since... it was made. I do not, however, like them trying to dispose of me like a test subject gone wrong. If they want a fight, they've got one. Thing is, I can't fight right now. It's kinda hard just staying awake. Hey Doctor, could you grab the awake version of me in three days and bring him here? Of course you can. The real question is, does it mess up the timelines?"

"Yes, this could create a paradox."

"I'll even leave this weird dude alone. I'll try my best to not affect him. The way I see it, if you get him before he can interact with anything, then he'll be there fixing up everything."

"It's too risky."

"Ok, new plan. You got the Elements, just zap things and see what happens. Also, Doctor, start that plan I discussed with you in five days. Now, I'm going to apologize in advance for what you all have to do now. And Fluttershy, you'll have to be angry for a while. Oh, Derpy's down. Hey, Derpy."

"Hi Phil."

"I'll hug every last one of you. Goodnight, everypony."

"Phil? Phil! What do we do now?"

"Doctor, what plan is this?"

"Sorry, I can't help you right now. There's a thing at a place. It can't wait. I'm sorry. If you need help, talk to Derpy. Later, not now, give her a minute to rest." he said. He ran into the TARDIS with a few things from the bag, then dematerialized.

"What did he take?"

"I don't know, I couldn't see."

"Well, get the real Elements from the bag. We'll do what Phil said."

"Um..."

"He took them, didn't he?"

"Doctor Whooves just took the Elements of Harmony?"

"We can bicker about that later. Right now, we have to formulate a plan." said Twilight.

"But what can we do?"

"We may not have the Elements, but we're not powerless."

Luna reached into the bag and pulled out the pistol. "We're going to storm the castle." she said.

"What?" they all said.

"We don't have any other plan. You're right, we're not powerless. We go in and kill anything that stands in our way. He said they were soul-less. We're going to save Phil and Derpy, and by extent, Equestria."

"Can we do that?"

"I don't know."

"What else is in that bag?"

"A full arsenal of weapons and some lightweight armor. More than enough equipment to kill everypony in Equestria alone. He's been preparing for a war."

"Where does he get these things?"

"Everypony, suit up. Take as much as you need." said Celestia.

They all grabbed what they needed from the bag. They were all equipped with full body armor and a few weapons of various uses.

"How do we use these things?"

"Um... I don't know."

"When he used the spell, we used them easily. How did we forget?"

Fluttershy fired a round into the air. "You point them and think of shooting." she said.

Rainbow pointed hers in front of her and shot at a tree. "Good job, Fluttershy." she said.

"We're gonna meet an incredible amount of resistance if we go in normally. I say we split up." said Celestia.

"I'll take Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Applejack with me." said Luna, "We'll go around the back and free Phil."

"We'll distract them from the front." said Celestia.

"It'll get dark soon. The perfect cover."

"We get to our positions, then attack in the morning."

"Right. We need to rest."

"What about the pack?"

"There's a bag for each of us in there. We can fill them up with what we need, then we'll take it to Phil." said Luna.

"This bag has too many uses for one device."

"Look at that, the peanut butter was in the mini-fridge. He has a mini-fridge?"

"Apparently."

They all grabbed their bags and filled them up. Luna put the pack on her back.

"Luna."

"Yeah?"

"Come back safe."

"You too, Tia."

The two groups went their separate ways. Luna headed to the back of Canterlot. Celestia went to the front. They waited in the forest until the morning.