//------------------------------//
// Chapter 23 
// Story: Brony in Equestria: The Tacoing 
// by Omega Dracomancer 
//------------------------------//

"Phil, wake up." I heard.

"Five more minutes mommy, I don't wanna go to school." I mumbled, rolling over.

"C'mon lazy, it's time to get up." she said.

"Alright, fine. Did I miss anything important?"

"Nothing really."

"I'm hungry." I said.

I made myself some magic waffles, and swallowed them whole. I tossed her some, and she said, "Shouldn't I eat this with something?"

"Quite right, syrup." I got a stream of syrup to appear and said, "Just dip it in there."

"That works."

We sat there eating waffles for a few minutes, then finally realized that the ship was nowhere to be seen. I looked around and said, "This sucks. No ship for miles. Hope we're not shot out of the air."

"Shot out of the air?"

"It happens more often than somebody may think. Course if it does happen, I'll fix the problem."

I stuck the tip of my finger in my mouth and tested the wind direction and speed. No wind, like yesterday. "We go that way." I said.

"How do you know that?"

"I tested the wind."

"There is no wind. Why did you try to test it?"

"I don't know. Who cares?"

"I do."

"Well good luck with that." I cracked my back and hopped into the air. "I rarely get days like this. Up before my body is up. How often do you do this?" I asked.

"As much as I can."

"That takes skill. Well, some skill. More skill than I have at least. I think. For you see, tacos."

"It's hard to argue with you when you say that."

"I know. Argument stopper, time passer, and an all around fun word to use."

"Ok... Well we better get goin' then."

"Then let's go, Dashington."

"Dashington?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I can."

"But why?"

"I give people names. Well, I don't make some, I just use them. Like, say for example, Twilight. There's always a chance that I'll call her, say, Sparkles, or Twi. Sparkles is funny, I'm using that more often. Another for example, for Princess Celestia, would be Molestia, or Trollestia."

"Molestia? I hate it when she does that. My plot hurts when I think about those days."

I started laughing. "It's not funny!" she yelled.

"It's very funny." I said through giggles.

"It is not funny." she said.

"Oh you're serious? Let me laugh even harder!"

"C'mon man, stop laughing!"

"You're killin' me! Every word you say makes it so much funnier!"

She flew at me and tackled me out of the air into the water. We stuck our heads out and I laughed a little.

"Oh, shut up."

"Well, let's go. We can do stuff later. Or not. There's always stuff to be had. Yeah, stuff."

I got a flying start, then ran across the water as best as I could. It wasn't that hard, just needed speed. I goofed up and fell face first into the ocean. Rainbow was laughing at me.

"That didn't work."

"Gonna try again?" asked Dash.

"You can bet your plot on that." I said.

"How about I bet my plot against it?"

"That sounds very Molestia of you." I said.

I tried again and managed to run across for much longer. Dash was flying next to me. After a while, we reached the ship and snuck on board, very loudly. We walked to the room and everybody was already up.

"Hello everybody, guess who?" I said happily.

"Where have you been?" asked Luna.

"No idea, but I was with Dash." I said.

"With Dash?"

"Yup, with me." she said.

"So what happened?" asked Celestia.

"We took a nap on a cloud." said Rainbow.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" I asked her.

"I was there."

"Ah yes, it would seem that way, wouldn't it?"

"Was it my kind of nap?" asked Celestia.

"Your kinds of naps don't involve much napping. Anyways, if you'll excuse me..."

"Where are you going?" asked Luna.

"I was gonna go... Good point."

"Good point?"

"Yeah, I never have something to do. Barely anything is planned with me. I never did anything planned. Oh well, let's go have fun somewhere. Everybody likes fun, weather doubled, tripled, or tacoed."

"You didn't answer my question." said Celestia.

"Quite right. Nope, not your kind."

"Aww."

"Hey Phil, what kind of nap is she talking about?" asked Rainbow.

"Remember the discussion we had earlier? About the names and whatnot? Think about the name I said about Princess Celestia."

She blushed and her wings went straight out. "He's right, you're kinds of naps don't have much napping."

"Maybe we went too far with that one." I said.

"Or not far enough." said Celestia.

"Ok that's enough. What's with that?" I asked.

"What?"

"Right there." I said, pointing at a piece of paper on the table. "That wasn't there yesterday."

"It could've been anyone."

"Not the paper, the table itself. Also the paper."

I walked over to it and picked it up. I read it, then pocketed it. "Who was let into this room?" I asked.

"Just us." said Twilight.

I looked at each and every one of them. "Must've been a dimensional anomaly." I said.

"What's that?"

"I don't know, I just made it up. I didn't wanna say magic leak."

"So what is it?"

"It's instructions."

"For what?"

"A guaranteed way to get home. A spell, Abyssal in nature. This'll get us back home. I think it leaked from your world. But if it did, then I was right, and our worlds are colliding. It'll take many years to affect anybody though, so we have fun time. If the worlds are leaking, then travel should be possible, but if we don't do it from a doorway, the boundaries holding us apart will splinter, then break. Death to all. But we have time. Time is at least one thing we have, don't worry. Pinkie, can you world hop freely now?"

"I'll see." she said. She disappeared, then reappeared seconds later with a cupcake in her hand. I heard a very large crack, like glass. "World hopping is a go, chief."

"World hopping is a no go, private. No more. Do it again, and the barrier might break."

"Fine."

MANY DAYS LATER

"Well girls, here we are, America, or as I say more often, 'murrica." I said, stepping off the boat.

"I imagined that this place would be different." said Twilight.

"It gets different, stick with me and you'll be just fine. Really, stay close to me, this isn't the safest place in the world if you catch my drift."

I looked around and saw that many people were staring at us. They all had something in common, military uniforms. They walked closer and closer to us, starting to form a circle around us. I scanned their minds and found out that they were there to capture us.

"Girls, cover your ears, and get ready to run." I said.

After they covered their ears, I pointed to the closest speaker, and used my magic to make a very loud, high pitched noise. Everybody near us fell to the floor, holding their heads. We ran out of there as fast a we could and avoided pursuit.

We hid in a relatively empty area and I said, "This is problematic. They were after at least me, no question. I can fix that."

I handed Princess Celestia my bag of money and a slip of paper. "You're in charge now, Celestia. Go there and get yourself a room. I'll see ya there later. I'll knock seven times." I said.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Make sure that you're safe." I said, getting up.

I ran off and found myself back near the men. "Hey guys, looking for someone?" I asked.

"I'm sorry kid, but that's classified. Wait a minute..."

I smiled and walked away, slowly. They surrounded me and I said, "Good luck men, you'll need it."

I ran towards a man, jumped over him, and ran in the direction opposite my friends. They were now in pursuit. They were shouting something, but I was too lazy to pay attention. I noticed movement from in front of me, and I slid to a stop. They had a large blockade of men waiting for me. I placed my leg on a wall and shot myself back, through the line of men following me.

I stopped in midair and ran off again. I exited the terminal and saw many squad cars waiting for me.

"Geez, y'think you got enough?" I shouted.

They all took aim at me. I put my hands into the air and said, "I give, too much effort to keep going."

They hesitated for a moment, then cuffed me, not at all a new event nowadays.

Standard police stuff, then into a car with me. I was taken to where criminals would go, figure it out, and was placed in an interrogation room straight away.

A man walked in, sat down, and asked, "Do you know why you're here?"

"Haven't the faintest."

"We need to ask you some questions."

"Probably."

"Kid, this isn't a game."

"It is to me."

"And what would make you say that?"

"Games are fun, and I'm having fun."

"You were reported to be a Russian spy. Can you tell me anything about that?"

"That's a load of bull. If I'm anybody's spy, it'll be the US. I am not a spy, they just want me because I said that I'd help them. They would really like me to help them because of my mag... telekinesis. Also wings."

"Yes, we have also heard that you have working wings."

I opened my wings and flew above him for a second, then sat back down. "I'm bored, hurry it up."

"Another was reported to be traveling with you, a Ms. Luna, is that correct?"

"Yeah."

"Where is she now."

"Left her in Italy. She was too obnoxious."

"You were seen leaving Italy with her and seven others, who were they, and why did you lie?"

"The others were my buddies."

"How did you manage to leave without any records. You weren't questioned. You weren't stopped. Nothing."

"A form of hypnosis."

"And your friends, what would their names would be?"

"Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy. Them, along with me, Phil by the way, and Princess Luna, are traveling together across the country."

"Your last name?"

"I have never told my last name to police, and I never will."

"Why are you traveling, and where are you going?"

"My main destination is a small town in Wisconsin. As for the reason, I live there." I said. Wasn't all a lie, but close enough.

"Where are your friends now?" he asked.

I looked at him and said, "If you touch my friends, I'm gonna..." I pounded the table and it split in half, down the center.

"You are a very odd man. Able to escape from police multiple times in Russia. Multiple accounts of a kid cleaning out the wallet's of bar patrons."

"For the record, they agreed to it." I said.

"Duly noted. Then there was the fight with that gang. Without using your arms and carrying a woman the entire time."

"I still got a mark from where one got me with a bat." I said, moving my hair and showing him.

"I see... Aren't you supposed to be cuffed?"

"Probably."

"Your telekinesis and wings, along with your skills resembling alchemy and your ability to access military only radio frequencies. Some would kill for those."

"Eeyup. Now, if that's it, then see ya." I said.

I walked over to the door and kicked it open. Everybody who had a gun was pointing them at me. I shielded myself and walked right out, ignoring any and all attempts to stop me. Again, there were people outside waiting for me. I made myself invisible and flew to the meeting point.

Seven knocks later, and I was let inside. "How'd ya do? Good? Great." I said.

"How'd it go for you?"

"Well, invisible flying works wonders for getaways. Did you have any problems on your way here?"

"We got some odd looks from some people, mostly men. Other than that, no. Why do men look at us like that?"

"Truth be told, you're all gorgeous. Every single one of ya."

"Really?"

"Would I lie to you? The answer is yes, I would, but that's beside the point. What I said stands."

"That's pretty nice of you to say that."

"Alright, back to business. So, this place is a notch more dangerous than places we've been before. Stay together and away from dark alleyways and you'll be just fine."

"Why?"

"Just some basic rules of travel, those. Another important thing would be to listen to what I say most of the time. Usually, my paranoid nature keeps people safe in times of danger. And by usually, I mean once before. And by once before, I mean that I have never done that. Long story short, be careful."

"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie.

"Now that that's out of the way, who's up for cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes!"

We left, I checked the surrounding area a little, and we headed off to the nearest bakery.

"Three dozen cupcakes." I said to the person at the counter.

"What kind?"

"Cupcake kind." I said.

"No, I mean... All right, all cupcakes. I think that's what you meant."

Everybody sat down near each other, and I got our food. I placed it down and Pinkie ripped open the container.

We had eaten three dozen cupcakes in twelve minutes. I wasn't sure if I should've been impressed though. I didn't really know how long it took to eat a cupcake normally. Probably time.

After we left, Pinkie decided to disappear. I was not sure if she was just being Pinkie, or if she was in trouble. I shrugged and said, "Alright you lot, what would be on the agenda for today?"

"Maybe we could speed this up, I mean, the human world's great and all, but I miss being home."

"Yeah, speed it up."

"Ok... Witchcraft time."

"Huh?"

"Witchcraft. It's like a teleport, but uses at least 17% more magic, 90% more time, and 400% more tacos. First we need to find Pinkie Pie."

"A what?"

"I'm right here!" she said.

"Allons-y!" I shouted, using the spell.

When everybody woke back up, it was dark out and we were in the middle of the woods.

"What just happened?" asked Rainbow, getting up.

"Stuff happened."

"What were those things you were talking about?"

"Oh, I lied. I just made us travel unconsciously. The memories will return after a good night's rest. Now to assess the damage."

I looked at my hand. I was holding a taco, but not anymore, because it disappeared somewhere a second after I saw it. Weird. Other than that, normal. I looked at my buddies and saw no immediate changes. "Coulda been worse, one of us might not've been here. Or worse, a distinct lack of tacos. Or even worse than that, one of us might not be here."

"Or even worse." said Pinkie.

"I can think of a few things that'd be worse." I replied.

"Like what?"

"Oh you know, stuff."

"I guess."

"So... Where are we."

"My home town."

"Your town?"

"Eeyup. Family, friends, portal, and other things that you would find in a small town."

"So what now? What are you gonna do now?"

"Are you calling me crazy?" I asked.

"Um... No."

"Just because I have a hotel in my foot doesn't make me a boogily-moogily-moogily!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone's up, so let's go."

"Where to?"

"First stop, gotta reassure my parents, then we'll be off for Equestria!"

"Your parents?"

"Yeah, it's not like I'm an orphan or anything. I hope I'm not an orphan at least."

"Then we better get goin'."

"This way, I think."

"You think?"

"I also could be lost."

"How can you be lost in your own town?"

"I spend almost all of my time inside. I despise outside and rarely go out. There's people out there. People with drugs. Good drugs. Anyways, other than that, my memory is so poor that... What are we talking about? Never mind, let's go."

I started walking, recognized a few surroundings, and followed a path home. After about 13 minutes, I saw it, a house like house that was just so... Housey.

"Here we are, my home." I walked inside and checked around, nobody was there.

"Phil, nobody's home."

"Quite. Oh well. Who wants a sammich?"

"Me!"

"Over here."

I got out sammich stuff, put sammich stuff on bread, and sammiched it. "Sammich." I said, grabbing one of the seven.

I saw the door open and chose not to react. I continued eating the food. Two were left due to hungry ponies.

"Is that you Phil?" asked my mom.

"Are tacos tacoey?"

"It is you! Where have you been? What's with these women?"

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" said Pinkie happily, shaking her hand spastically.

"Um... Hello."

"So mom, where's dad?"

"He'll be back in a minute or two. Where have you been? After the call, we told the police, and... Italy? You couldn't come up with a better excuse?"

"You told the police?" I asked.

"Yes, we thought someone kidnapped you!"

"Police are always giving us trouble." said Luna.

"Why would they..."

"It'll take too long to explain, and you probably wouldn't believe me."

THE NEXT DAY

I woke up on what I assumed was a floor, cracked my neck, and walked to the kitchen to get cereal. Pinkie was already out there making pancakes.

"You didn't have any flour or pancake mix." she said.

"Then how did you... gypsy magic, got it."

"Why does everyone keep saying I'm a gypsy?"

"The same reason that they think Sweetie Belle is a robot."

"Uh-huh..."

"Toss me one."

A pancake flew towards me, I caught it, then ate it.

I went outside due to sheer boredom. Rainbow was already out there. She flew down and said, "How's it goin'?"

"Pretty good. How'd ya sleep?"

"Ok, I guess."

"Awesome."

I grabbed a roll of duct tape and tapped my arm to the garage. I smiled at my handiwork.

"Are you alright?"

"Probably."

"And was that a good idea?"

"Admittedly, it wasn't the best."

I took the tape off and said, "The allure of duct tape is almost completely offset by the pain."

"Allure of duct tape?"

"Oh yes. Stick nearly anything together. Some guys made a boat out of only duct tape. And framework of course. It's not very stable. The thing actually floated and supported movement. Anyways, back to before, I am going to do stuff."

"You're going to do stuff?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"You just told me."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"No it's not."

"Then it's irrelevant."

"Then what will you do?"

"Stuff."

"Aw, come on!"

I started laughing. "But in all actuality, it's fairly near the time that everypony is awake. Or at least Twilight. She's so on time it's boring. Hold up a notch a second..."

I ran back inside, flicked on the TV, grabbed the remote, and started watching My Little Pony. Rainbow followed me and was a little confused about it.

"This is the show you mentioned?"

"Yeah, all the way back in chapter one."

"What?"

"Shh... My Little Pony's on."

I sat there happily for the full hour that it was on. They were the wedding episodes. I had a content smile on my face. The others had gotten up and ultimately ended up joining the viewing session.

I was smiling until the end, then Vinyl's eyes were plum. "Well, that ruined my day." I said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Her eyes. They're not red. What am I going to do with all my red eye reaction pics now?"

"Um..."

"Whatever. Picture was blue... er. Someone's gonna notice, photoshop, then post. Then the internet will do things, then stuff'll happen. Maybe we'll lose the government. Doesn't matter."

"What are you talking about."

I thought about that for a minute, then said, "Yes."

"Huh?"

"Yes." I repeated.

"What do you mean by yes?"

"I'm almost 27% sure this time."

"About what?"

"Right. Well, let's get a move on."

"What about your family?"

"Eh... I'll leave them a note."

"That seems cruel."

"Yeah, but at least I'll be back. Some time. If the worlds continue as they are now, time'll stay the same."

I grabbed some paper, wrote down a note, then dropped it on the counter. "Ok, now let's go before they can see us."

"Don't you want to stay?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Why not?"

"Nothing exciting ever happened in my life, other than an occasional new video game. It's horrible, I know. I don't even have any friends. In Equestria, friends and fun galore."

"You didn't have any friends?"

"Not really, no. It wasn't as bad as it seemed. I loved the loneliness. It made me feel happy."

"How could you be happy alone?"

"Just drop it. Shouldn't have brought it up in the first place."

"How can we drop that?"

"Magic. Now c'mon, let's go!"

I ran outside without another word. I sat down in a chair and thought about where it was. "If it's still there, then the same thing must need to happen. Whatever, I'll figure it out."

They followed me out and I started walking. About 13 minutes later, I reached the fence near the building. No Derpy.

I hopped the fence, ran down the hill, and slid in the building. Nobody was inside. I jumped into the rafters and noticed a shimmering piece of space outside the window. "Over here!" I called.

Celestia was the first to fly up to me. "You know, you really helped us out with this." she said.

"We're not out of the woods yet. We still gotta get through this thing."

I made them a way to get up. "Step right up, step right up! Be the first to witness something never before seen. Something amazing, something spectacular! Something not of this world! That's right folks, you heard me right, it's not of this world! Right this way ladies and... ladies." I said like a carnival announcer.

I pointed to the portal, then said, "I'm going to use that spell I found. When I do, jump in the shimmering area."

I grabbed the paper from my pocket, then started to use the spell.

"How can you manage that so quickly?" asked Twilight, shocked.

"I ate tacos yesterday." I said.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, that failed." I said, having the spell rejected.

"Can I see that paper?" asked Twilight.

I handed it to her, and she said, "You need something to stabilize it. You see, a portal like this would need an astronomically large amount of power to use."

"So what you're saying is... We need a pie?"

"How could you have gotten pie from that?" she asked.

I tossed a pie into the portal and it stopped shimmering. "Shimmah!"

I grabbed the paper back from her and re-did the spell. "Ok, this time it worked. Now get in that portal or I'm chuckin' your plots in there."

They all ran through the portal.

"Thanks brain, I owe ya." I said.

'Oh no ya don't, I had nothing to do with this.'

I followed them in. I had once again appeared in Equestria. I was in the air. I tried to use my wings, but couldn't even feel them.

"Catch me, catch me, catch me, catch me, catch me!" I shouted.

I hit the ground and bounced off. "Go to hell." I said in pain.

I stood back up then examined myself. No damage, odd. All my friends were surrounding me.

"Why did you hit the ground?"

"I fell."

"Why didn't you use your wings?"

"Because somebody didn't freakin' catch me!"

We all heard a large explosion from behind us. I turned around and saw that there was fire everywhere.

"Now, we have problem." I said.