"Hello ponies." I heard.
I sat up and realized that I was dreaming. I saw an evil pony in front of a group of fillies. "Does this mean that I can, or I can't kill him?" I said quietly, running at him.
I tackled him to the ground and he kicked me off. "You alright?" I asked the fillies. They nodded. "You're not gonna want to see this." I said. They ran off and I faced the evil pony.
"Hello Phil, how have you been?" he asked.
"Who are you, and why are you invading my dreams?" I asked angrily.
"That is unimportant, I am here to deliver a message." he said, biting into the handle of a sword. "This message is so you know that our lord is not to be trifled with."
"Bring it!" I yelled. I materialized a chain-katana and held it in my hand. I started the motor magically and it whirred to life.
He ran at me and took a swing at my arm. I blocked it and sparks shot off of our blades. "You have ten seconds to live, say your prayers, because you won't say anything ever again." I said, going into a defensive position.
He got a unhappy look on his face, then attacked me with a lot of force. His blows started getting slightly sloppy and more violent. "Three." He kept trying to slash me. "Two." He slowed his blows. "One." He lost all hope and tried to run away. I stepped forward and stabbed at the back of his head.
"What are you doing Phil?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"I would also like to know." said Celestia.
I opened my eyes and saw that my hand was empty, in fact, it wasn't a hand anymore. It was a hoof. I looked myself over. Pony body again, neat.
"Well?" asked Celestia.
"Nothing important." I said. "Just a bad dream."
"Very well."
"What happened to Discord?" I asked.
"Up here!" he said. "Thank you for freeing me! I just have one question, why did you trust me?"
"I didn't at first, I was planning to pound your face in until you listened to me."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"That's kinda creepy man."
"You haven't even begun to see how creepy I can become."
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"If I showed you how creepy I can become, you wouldn't want to be anywhere within a three mile radius near me."
"I don't believe you."
"Oi, I know a few ways to mess with someone's mind." I said.
"Alright then."
"So, how have you adjusted to the petrifaction being removed?"
"I'm feeling pretty damn good."
"That's real fuckin' neato. Hey Celestia, you and me are going to head into town."
"Why?"
"Discords been let loose again, nopony's gonna be happy about that unless you can convince them otherwise."
"You're right about that."
"Discord, stay close behind us until we hit the end of the tree line, then stop, don't come out until I give the signal. You six can do whatever, just don't make yourselves known, I don't want you involved." I said, walking out of the clearing. "Man, this pony body is sweet." I tripped on a root that came out of nowhere and said, "That however was not."
"Hey Phil, do you see that?" asked Celestia, pointing to a filly that was in the forest.
The filly had a terrified expression on her face and ran away. "I know what happened. She saw us after they came back. If we don't stop her, it's gonna be really hard to explain to the locals." I said, running after her.
I overtook her and tackled her to the ground. "The hell were you doing in the forest Diamond Tiara?" I asked after seeing who she was.
"Get off of me you demon!" she yelled. I released a magic spell that wiped her memory of ever seeing Discord in the forest. "Why are you on me?" she asked.
I got off and said, "Sorry about that, bad dream. Anyways, why are you in the forest?"
"I saw the Princess go in after you and wanted to find out what was happening." she got a devilish smile on her face, "Were you…" I looked her in the eyes with such rage that she knew that if she finished that sentence, she wouldn't see daylight ever again. "Sorry." she squeaked out.
"Let's go back to town. Come on Celestia." I said, walking out of the forest.
We walked out of the forest and Diamond went back to her house. "Celestia, we're gonna need a full town broadcast for this one."
She nodded and flew into the air. "CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE! I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE, PLEASE MEET ME AT TOWN SQUARE!" she screamed.
She flew back down and said, "I haven't done that in a while."
"That was pretty good. A few more decibels and you could've used it as a weapon. Yeah, power screech." I said.
We walked to the town square where the mayor was trying to organize everypony. We walked on the stage and Discord waved at me from the edge of the forest. I smiled at him and the ponies in the audience bowed for the Princess.
"Let it out gently." she said.
"Gee, thanks a lot." I said after realizing that I was going to have to talk on this one. She just smiled.
"Welcome everypony! We're sorry to call you all here on such short notice. There is something that you have to know, and if any of you freak out I will personally make sure that…"
"Maybe it wasn't the best idea to let you speak on my behalf. I'll take over from here." said Celestia, cutting in. "He was right about freaking out, I don't want to see any of it, alright?"
"What is it?" "Get it over already!" yelled some ponies in the audience.
"Yes, we have done something that you may not agree with." she said, looking down.
"I knew it!" yelled Diamond Tiara. "You and he were…"
I looked at her again and said, "If you finish that sentence it will be the last sentence that you will ever speak."
"Uh…"
"Enough of this stalling, if you can't bring yourself to say it, then I will." I said, "Discord was freed by me!"
"What?" "This can't be happening." "How is this possible?" "You're lying!" "Why would you say that?" "This must be a lie!" they yelled.
"This is not a lie my fellow ponies, he, well, we have freed Discord from his stone imprisonment."
The ponies in the crowd went into full outrage, shouting obscenities and other insults at us. I was fine, being insulted constantly did have one benefit, the ability to not care anymore. Celestia on the other hand wasn't taking it so well. I looked at her and said, "Don't listen to them Celestia. You're still alive and can still do something, so don't listen to them, not in the least."
"How is it that you manage to brush off such horrid insults with ease?"
"In my world, everybody is insulted, all the time. It's like a sickness. You build antibodies. Ignoring helps as well."
"I don't think that I could do that."
"Then don't let the insults hurt you in the first place. Is somepony is angry, they say a lot of things that they don't mean."
She looked up and said, "Thank you Phil."
Just then somepony threw a rock at us. It hit Celestia right in the jaw and knocked her unconscious. I looked at her for a second to see if she was ok, then I looked at the crowd.
SNAP
I woke up from a nice peaceful nap and saw a large pool of blood around me. I looked around and saw some ponies looking at me with a large amount of fear in their eyes. I stood up and headed to the hospital. I got inside and asked if the pony that I mercilessly beat the shit out of was ok.
"He won't die, but you did a real number on him. He deserved it, badmouthing the Princess is one thing, but he threw a rock at her, that isn't right."
"How about her, is she ok?"
"Yeah, she's fine. She's much tougher than you would think, she only has a bruise on her cheek. The skin wasn't even broken."
"Neat." I said.
I walked out and back to the forest. "Yo Discord, you still here?"
"You were right Phil, you can get very creepy."
"I know that already. Anyways, did you show yourself?"
"I had to! You were going berserk on that pony! I had to hold you back."
"Son of a bitch deserved what he got."
"I can't agree more, but you nearly killed him."
"I am so glad you stopped me than, I don't kill. Natural things at least." I said. "So how did the ponies react to you, did they chase you away?"
"No, after they saw me holding you back, their fear of me went away, like magic."
"Magic huh? That's it, somepony is looking out for me. I want to find out who, but would take time and effort, two things that I have a large amount of."
"So you are going to or not?"
"Not at all!" I said. "So… what do you wanna do?"
"Cause chaos."
"No chaos, even though it is very much more fun than order."
"I know that, but it's all I do."
"I got an idea. You like chaos, how about fighting in a war?"
"I like fighting in wars."
"Good, I need to head to Twilights and read a few things. See you later."
"What am I supposed to do until then?"
"Sleep?"
I flew to Twilights and knocked on the door. She opened it and I got a hoof in the face. "Jeez Twilight, warn a guy when you're gonna do something like that." I said, rubbing my nose.
"That was for the fight." she said. She leaned in and kissed my cheek. "And that was for sticking up for the Princess."
I blushed, smiled, and said, "Neat."
She smiled and said, "What are you here for?"
"I need some books."
"That I can arrange." she said, walking back in. "What about?"
"Simulations."
"Simulations?"
"Simulations."
"Alright then, hang on a second, I think it's over here." she said, walking over to the D section.
I walked to where the book should've been and pulled it out. "Got it Twilight!" I said.
"Where did you find it?"
"Under S." I said.
"Oh."
I started reading the book. "That's real fuckin' neato." I said, amused by the amount of simplicity it had. "Hey Twilight, I'm gonna need this book for a few minutes, or hours."
"What are you planning on doing?"
"I'm gonna put me and Discord in a war-like setting, then we can go nuts."
"Why are you going to do that?"
"He wants chaos, and he can't do that here. I want to see how far I can go in the upcoming war with the thing that corrupted Discord. I'll be in the forest if you need me."
"That sounds like fun!" said Pinkie, barging in the room, knocking me over, and jumping on my chest.
"Well it might be, care to join?"
"Will I get hurt?"
"According to the book, the pain will go away when you exit the simulation, but I need to test it first."
"Let me be the test subject!"
"Hell no! If anypony's gonna get hurt because of my mistake, it's gonna be me." I said.
She got off and said, "If you say so."
"Hey Twilight, if you wanna join us, just tell me." I said, walking out. "See you whenever, I hope."
I walked to the forest and Pinkie disappeared. Oh well. "Discord! I got something that could help us with our little problem." I said.
"What's up?"
"War simulation. It's a simulation spell, but I need to test something first, hold on a bit." I said, using the spell found in the book on myself.
I found myself in a nearly empty room that had a table with a knife on it. I picked up the knife and cut my hoof a bit, enough to make a small amount of blood come out. I released the spell and looked at my hoof, no blood. I touched it, no pain. "Ok, it's safe."
"What just happened to you? You ran in here saying something about testing something, then the next minute you were sleeping while standing up."
"I was testing the effects of damage in the simulated world in this world. There was no damage, so I deemed it safe. How long was I out."
"A few seconds." said Twilight.
"Hey Twilight, you made it!"
"We all did." said Rainbow.
"Why am I here again?" asked Rarity.
"Was this your doing Pinkie?" I asked. She smiled. "Do you all know what's gonna happen?" I asked. They all nodded. "Who's up for a challenge?"
"I'm always up for a challenge!" said Dash.
"If she's goin', then Ah'm goin'!" said Applejack.
"Count me in!" said Twilight.
"Okie dokie lokie!" said Pinkie, hopping around.
I looked at Fluttershy and Rarity. They looked away, and I shrugged. "Guess not."
"Uh…"
"Sorry Phil, I just can't."
"Undahstood." I said.
I prepared the spell and moved so I faced everypony except Fluttershy and Rarity. I released it and we found ourselves on the edge of an open field with many trees behind us.
"Two minutes until lockdown fails." we heard.
"What was that?" asked Twilight.
"We have two minutes, choose your weapon." I said, materializing an incredibly large amount of weapons on a table behind us. I walked over and picked a bat up with a hoof. "Boink!" I said, smashing it against a tree. I walked back and picked up a woodcutter's ax. "Mmmmmmmrrrrrrrpppghhh!" I shouted, slashing a tree with it. I walked back and took a dagger.
"One minute, thirty seconds."
"Come on! Pick out some weapons!" I yelled.
The ponies scrambled to find weapons to defend themselves. I sheathed the melee weapons and picked out a large mini-gun. "Now is coward killing time!" I yelled. "Everypony, take a dagger. Better safe than sorry. Sasha and I will take the front lines, you ponies cover me. Discord, do whatever the hell you want."
"Sasha?" asked Discord, eyeing a flamethrower.
I held up the minigun. "Sasha."
"One minute."
The ponies had picked out their weapons now. Rainbow Dash had dual Mini-Uzis. Twilight had a sniper rifle. Applejack had a semi-auto shotgun. Pinkie had a grenade launcher. Discord just stood there and eyed the flame thrower.
"Hey Discord, if you're gonna take it, then do it, otherwise you won't have a flamethrower." I told him.
He picked it up and got a savage look in his eye.
"Thirty seconds."
"Hey everypony, the enemies are going to be bots, cybernetic. Don't worry about ending a life. They are going to be as heartless as the enemy that we will face in a few weeks. I want to tell you that now, so you won't back down. And if you happen to die, you'll be revived to fight again, or will exit the simulation."
"Three."
"Fight 'till your last breath."
"Two."
"Try not to get hurt."
"One."
"And most importantly, have fun!"
"System failure!"
I ran forward over the field yelling, "Now is time for puny babies to die!"
Discord flew off in some random direction, Twilight stayed behind, and the rest followed me. I held Sasha in front of me and held the trigger, laying waste to the front lines of the enemy. I started laughing like a maniac and the other ponies fired into the crowd as well.
Soon enough, I ran out of ammunition and threw the gun at the enemies. I pulled out the bat and the ax and ran at the enemies. "Don't stop firing!" I shouted.
I threw the ax at a pony, opening his skull like a jar. I jumped in the air and beat another with the bat. Grabbing the ax from the skull that it was embedded in, I jumped and brought them down on two other ponies. "Ha ha! Look at you! You look like you ran through traffic!" I said, laughing.
The ponies were surrounding me now, and were being picked off one by one by Twilight. "Let's go." I said.
They ran at me and I hopped in the air. I used my magic to create a gravitational field around them, crushing them into the ground. "Gravity is always awesome." I said, landing.
I heard two sniper shots aimed near me, then felt shocking coldness in my heart. I turned around and saw a pony holding a dagger covered in blood.
"PHIL!" they all yelled.
I fell down and disappeared. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST TELL YOU?" I yelled from behind where Twilight was.
"Phil! I thought you had…"
"I told you that we would be safe not even five minutes ago!" I said. "I expect better Twilight."
I pulled out my ax and ran forward. I swung wildly for a few minutes, and appeared behind Twilight again. "Oh man! You can not believe… how much that hurt." I said.
"Stop dying!" yelled Twilight.
"Right, sorry."
I ran towards Rainbow, who had ran out of ammo. I took out the ponies that she was fending off and gave her the bat. "You run out of ammo, you talk to me." I said, "Go wild."
She flew off bashing heads in. I headed to where Applejack was and gave her Sasha, taking her empty shotgun. "Ammo loss, just see me. Be careful, Sasha is heavy." Applejack lifted the heavy gun and started firing it into the crowd.
Pinkie Pie appeared next to me and said, "Are you sure that this is right? We're ponies, not worriers."
"I know that. Nopony has to fight if they don't want to, I said that already. They're having fun. There will be a large scale war just like this eventually, so I wanted to prepare them for it. Or at least make it so that they can protect themselves." I said.
I handed her the ax and took out my dagger. "Hey Pinkie, you died yet?"
"Seventeen times!"
"Stop dying or I won't let you back in!"
"Alright. Four o' clock!" she yelled.
I stabbed the dagger into the skull of an enemy that was creeping up on us. "Let's go."
SEVEN HOURS LATER
It was just me, Discord, and Pinkie left at this time. The others stopped a few hours ago. Rainbow had died twice, Applejack once, Pinkie eighteen in total, me three times, and Twilight and Discord were spared.
"Hey you two, are you ready for a real challenge?" I asked.
"What do you mean by that?" asked Discord.
"I mean that I'm going to make this a whole lot harder." I said.
I threw the ax and bat on the ground and summoned the weapons again.
"Defenses temporarily repaired, prepare for the next wave." we heard.
"These weapons are specifically designed to go with our fighting styles." I said. "Pick what I choose or not at all."
Discord moved forward and chose the weapons that would cause an incredible amount of destruction. Pinkie chose the random unpredictable weapons. I chose a sword.
"Is that all you're going to use?" asked Discord.
"You don't know what this is, do you?" I asked, showing him the blade.
"Not at all. Care to enlighten me?"
I tapped the blade and a high pitched bell was heard. "This sword is called Tinkledeath. It is the archetype of an inclined plane. The sharpest thing in physical existence. This can cut anything but it's sheath."
"Five."
"Yeah, Tinkledeath."
"Four."
"Hey Phil?"
"Three."
"Yeah?"
"Two."
"This is fun."
"One."
"I know that."
"System failure."
The enemy's numbers hadn't changed, but they had a more powerful aura around them. I rushed forward and massacred them effortlessly. They were trying to put up a fight, but Tinkledeath wouldn't let them. Pinkie and Discord were fighting their own enemies, and I felt something odd. My injuries had started to hurt more and more. None of the weapons should've been poisoned, and I wasn't getting sloppy. "What the hell is going on here?" I said to myself.
I heard a whistle. I looked to the source, and saw a pony that didn't belong here. "Hello Phil, I'm here to deliver a message." he said, unsheathing his weapon.
"Who is that Phil?" asked Pinkie.
I removed Pinkie and Discord from the simulation and got rid of all the enemies. "I don't know who you are, but if you don't leave right now, you're going to die."
"We both know that I'm not going to leave with just threats."
"Suit yourself." I said. I rushed him and he held up his sword, preparing to block my attack. Lucky me. Tinkledeath effortlessly cut through his blade and he jumped back after it went through his chest.
He was holding his bleeding chest. He didn't say anything. He didn't even grunt in pain. I didn't give him time to prepare for another attack. I lunged at him and cut his arm off. "Had enough?"
"Yes actually." he said, disappearing.
"That's enough warfare for today. Who was that?"