"Hey, how's it going Nurse Redheart?" I asked instinctively.
"Actually, it's going pretty bad."
"Really? Was it that bad?"
"I'm afraid so, looks like you'll have to stay here for a bit."
"Ok." I said. I tried to rub my eyes but couldn't move my arms, I was strapped to the hospital bed. "What's with the stuck to the bed?"
"You keep leaving the hospital when I tell you to rest."
"Oh well." I said. I used my magic to remove the strap around my human arm and reached into my pocket for my iPod. It wasn't there. "Hey, where's my iPod?" I asked.
"What's an iPod?" she asked.
"It is a rectangular piece of metal and glass. I had it on me before I came here, and now I don't have it. Where is it?"
"It's right over here." she said, giving it to me.
""Why did you have it?"
"It fell out of your pocket when we were treating that nasty burn on your back. How did that happen?" she asked.
I thought about a feasible excuse and said, "I can't find an excuse that would make sense without worrying you, so it looks like you're going to have deal with it."
"Huh?"
"Deal with it." I repeated, putting on some sunglasses. "Wait a minute, I don't have sunglasses." Then they disappeared.
"How is it that you manage to get sent here almost every day?"
"Tacos."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"What don't they have to do with anything?"
"Uh…"
"How long will I be in here for?" I asked.
"About a month."
"What am I going to do for a full month?"
"Well you can…"
"No." I said, thinking. "There was something that I wanted to do, but I can't leave. This sucks."
"I would imagine so."
"See you in a month." I said, casting a sleep spell on myself.
ONE MONTH LATER
"What did I miss?" I asked. She walked over to me and slapped me, or what the equivalent of a slap would be to a pony. "Sorry, I was just so bored." I apologized.
"Don't do that again! Not even the Princesses could break that sleep spell!"
"I know that. What did I miss, anything important?"
"Not really."
"Cool. Is my back healed?"
"Yes, you're good to go." she said.
"Sa-weet!" I said, reaching back to feel my back. It felt like normal. "Where's my shirt?"
"Rarity has it."
"That's cool." I said, stretching my wings.
"Are you feeling fine?" she asked.
"Yeah, am I good to go? Can I leave?"
"Yeah, but go through the front entrance this time."
"But the window's right here."
"Front entrance."
I walked out of the hospital and then flew off. "I wonder if there's anything that I can burn around here." I said to myself. I flew to Twilight's and knocked on the door.
She answered and was shocked to see me. "Phil! Where have you been?"
"Hospital. Hey, can I burn down the Everfree forest?" I asked.
"What? No!"
"Fine! I don't need your forest! I'll build my own forest, with blackjack, and hookers! You know what? Forget the forest, and the blackjack!" I yelled, storming away.
"What just happened?" asked Twilight, confused.
"Nothing important. How have you been for the past month?" I asked, walking back.
"I've been fine, but I was worried about you. Why were you in the hospital, and why wasn't I told?"
"I'm too lazy to tell you." I said, using a memory spell.
"Wha… I don't… Ok." she said, looking over the memories.
"I'm going to Rarity's now, she has something of mine, wanna come with?"
"Might as well, got nothing better to do." she said.
"Cool." I said, walking out of her house.
We walked to Rarity's and there was a note on the door. I grabbed it and read, "Phil, gone to lunch, your shirt is in the work room."
"That what you came here for?"
"Yup. How'd she know I would get here today? Whatever, stay here, I won't be long." I said, walking in. I found my shirt and put it on, it was so awesome. "Yay." I walked back to Twilight and put my arms behind my head. "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get some cupcakes. Come on, let us acquire various amounts of baked goods at the same time." I said, walking away.
She followed me and we walked to Sugarcube Corner. We arrived and I opened the door. "Ladies first."
"Thank you." she said, walking in. I walked in after her and realized that it was dark.
"Looks like it's party time!" I said.
"Aw! You ruined the surprise!" yelled Pinkie, turning the lights on.
"Sorry Pinkie, but I knew that you would do something like this." I said, looking around. All of my friends were there, even Omega.
Trixie was the first to speak, "Where have you been for the past month?"
I used the memory spell and they had the same reaction as Twilight.
"Well, that's that then. On an unrelated note, does anypony have anything that I can burn?" I asked.
They ignored me and Pinkie said, "We'll worry about that later! Now it's time to party!"
"Yay!" I said. I walked over to the cake table. "CAKE!"
TWO HOURS LATER
"That was fun." I said, eating some cake.
"You got that right!" said Pinkie.
"I'm all partied out." said Applejack.
"Same here." said Rainbow.
"Hey Rainbow, did you talk to the Wonderbolts yet?" I asked her. It was a month too late, but at least I remembered.
"Yeah, they said that you were gonna tell me, but then you had that hospital visit that nopony knew about. Speaking of which, I went to the hospital and asked for you, why did they say that you weren't there?"
"I don't know."
"I believe you. Back to the Wonderbolts. They said that after I passed out, you brought me to my house."
"Eeyup."
"Thanks man."
"Eeyup." I said, standing up. "That's enough party for one day, at least for me. Ima go find something to burn."
"You were serious about that?" asked Twilight.
"No, you got trolled." I said.
"Ok..."
"Hey, before I go, Pinkie, come here." I said, smiling at her.
"Okie dokie lokie!" she said, hopping to me.
I picked her up and held her against the side of my head. "You're gonna like this. Pink eye!" I said.
She started laughing hysterically and I set her down, laughing the whole time. All of the ponies were laughing. This was a good party.
"That was a good one!" said Pinkie.
"Not like I would do a bad one, that would be unentertaining. Entertainment is cool. Alright, I gotta go." I said, walking away.
"Where are you going?" asked Rarity.
"No idea, I'm gonna walk somewhere until I feel like stopping. Bye!"
"Goodbye Phil!"
I walked out and picked up a leaf. I dropped it and walked in the direction that it pointed. I got bored very soon and stopped. I looked around and the building next to me said post office. "Why haven't I thought of this before? Derpy needs some talking to, or not, doesn't matter."
I walked in and was in a lobby. I went to the counter and asked, "Is Derpy here?"
The pony at the counter looked at me and seemed to be frightened. "Not every day an alien asks for our best worker."
"I haven't thought about it like that." I said. "Is she?"
"No, she took the day off."
"Course she did, oh well, can you tell me where she lives?"
"Sorry, I'm not allowed to reveal personal information about our employees."
"That's understandable. Thank you for your time." I said, walking away.
I picked up another leaf and dropped it, following where it pointed. Getting bored again, I found myself in Sweet Apple Acres. I walked to the barn and saw Applejack applebucking some trees behind it. "How's it going?" I asked.
"Not good, we got a pest problem, they're eating all of the apples, and Big Mac hasn't returned from town yet." she said, exhausted.
"Need any help?"
"Yeah, go get Big Mac, Ah'll stay here, gotta get these apples harvested, fast."
"I got a better idea." I said, kneeling down. I placed my hand and hoof on the ground, then used my magic to create a shockwave. Every apple fell from the trees, and I levitated them into an apple ball above my head. Apple ball is a funny phrase. "Does this help at all?"
She was amazed after seeing me harvest the apples. "Ah reckon it would."
"Alright, where should I put these?"
"You're gonna have to wait a minute." she said, "Gotta get out some barrels."
"Cool."
"What's going on here?" asked Big Mac.
"I just harvested the majority of Sweet Apple Acres." I said. I pointed to the ball of apples above my head.
Big Mac couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was standing there with his mouth open and eyes wide.
"Over here Phil." said Applejack, gesturing to some barrels.
I walked over and put all of the acceptable apples into the barrels. She had to make a second trip to get more barrels. "What do I do with this pile of bad apples?"
"Ah'll get some more barrels, we feed the bad apples to the pigs."
"Ok."
She came out with some barrels, and I put them in.
"That works." I said.
"We've never gotten the harvest done so fast."
"You've never had an alicorn type pony help you either." I said.
"That's true."
"Ah still can't believe that you harvested all of the apples." said Big Mac.
"HABEEB IT!" I yelled.
"What?"
"Nothing of importance. See you two later." I said picking a leaf and dropping it.
"Thank you Phil, for everything!" said Applejack.
"Any time!" I said.
The leaf pointed me back to town. I wound up at Rarity's shop. "Looks like I'm gonna talk to Rarity, or not."
I walked in and saw Rarity working on a dress, and some other dresses and a suit were on the mannequins... ponyquins? "Gala coming up?" I asked.
"Yes it is actually, I'm making some clothes for some clientele in town." she replied.
"Called it!" I said, walking over to look at what she was doing. One of the dresses that she had completed already caught my attention. This one had bubbles on it. "Hey, is Derpy attending the Gala?"
"That was my assumption, but I never know about that mare."
"When is the Gala, I've been meaning to talk with her." I asked.
"Two days."
"You very busy?" I asked.
"No, this dress is the last one that I was planning to make, why do you ask?"
"Wanted to know if you could make me another shirt."
"Don't you like the one you have?"
"Of course I do, but I've been wearing it for the past two months straight. I would like to change, at least once a month."
"You're right! I haven't ever seen you wear something else to this date! Do you have anything in mind?"
"Actually, I do. Do you have something I can write on?"
"Yeah, hold on." she said, heading... somewhere, and returned with some writifying materials.
I took the paper and drew a rough sketch of a shirt. It was a short sleeved shirt that was black. I put the word 'Brony' on the back, the back of the left sleeve had Alphonse's blood seal on it, the right sleeve had the symbol of the Philosopher's stone. Under the word 'Brony' I drew the triforce. On the chest I drew a very poor sketch of a Renard. So poor in fact, that it only looked like a few scribbles. They weren't even good scribbles.
"What are those symbols?" asked Rarity, "And what does brony mean?"
"Brony means that I like you ponies and I'm outside the target demographic." Then I pointed to the symbols, "This one is the Triforce, it symbolizes power, wisdom, and courage. This one is a blood seal, used to bond a human soul to iron. This one right here is the symbol of the Philosopher's stone, a source of incredible alchemical power."
"What about the one on the front?" she asked.
"That's Renard. I can't draw, at all, so I'll show a picture of it to you. That would probably be a better picture than what I could ever make."
I pulled out my iPod and looked up the cover of Intensive Care Unit, then showed it to her. "Think you can do this?" I asked.
"Yes I can, but I'll need to take some measurements."
"This is the part that I was dreading. Alright, let's get it over with." I said.
She got out some measuring tape and started measuring. It was a long and boring process, but eventually, it ended and she wrote down what she needed.
"Hey Rarity, could you make it a bit longer, past my shorts?" I asked.
"I guess I could."
"Speaking of which, I haven't changed shorts either, but that can wait."
"Are you planning on attending the Gala?"
"Yeah, gotta talk to Derpy, and that's where she's gonna be. I have also wanted to see what would happen if I went there and messed with them."
"Since you're attending the Gala, I will also make you some dress pants."
"Oh Celestia no! I don't want any fancy clothes anywhere near me. If you want to make me some lower wear, just some shorts will do."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Quite sure. Just some shorts. Black shorts. Black jean shorts."
"If you say so, but I'm gonna have to measure you again."
"Damn it! Alright." I said.
"Don't move." she said.
Midway through her taking measurements I said, "I don't think that words can express how bored I am right now."
"You're going to have to deal with it for a while." she said.
When she finished, I got bored again. "How long is it gonna take you?" I asked.
"I need a few hours to fix you up some clothes."
"Any idea about what I could do for a few hours?"
"You can take these clothes to their respective ponies." she said, putting them into boxes.
"That sounds like fun. I guess. Alright, tell me where to go."
"The addresses and names are on the boxes, follow those and you should be fine."
"Alright then, see you in a few hours." I said, taking the boxes.
I looked at the names on the boxes. Lyra, Bon-Bon, Octavia, Vinyl, Doctor Whooves, and Derpy. "Cool. Background ponies best group." I said. I memorized the Doctor's address, never know when I might like to speak with him. Or maybe something important.
I started to head towards Doctor Whooves's house, but he walked up from behind me and said, "Thank you, but I'll take it from here."
"Well, I didn't think that you'd come get this." I said, handing it to him.
"Well, I did."
"It would seem so. Well, good luck on your adventures, Doctor."
"And you as well, Phil."
He walked away and I walked to Bonbon and Heartstring's house next. I knocked on the door and Bon-Bon answered. I gave the boxes to her and said, "Here's your dresses! Have fun, see ya!"
"Thank you, Phil!" she said.
"No problem!" I said.
I walked to Octavia's house next. I gave her the box and asked, "How you been?"
"I've been fine, how about you? I haven't seen you in at least a month!"
"I'm fine, don't worry about me." I said, "See ya later, I gotta get delivering."
"Bye Phil!"
I walked to Vinyl's house and she was surprised when she saw me. "Got that dress that Rarity made for you." I said.
"Hey man! Where have you been this past month?" she asked, taking the box.
"Hospital. Had a battle, won, then hospital." I said.
"Rough man. Thanks for bringing this to me!"
"Anytime! One box left, gotta get going. Bye!"
I walked to where Derpy's house should've been, but it was just an empty lot. "What?" I asked confused. I looked around, this was definitely where the house should've been. "Wait, what?"
"What are you looking for?" asked a filly.
"Looking for Derpy's house." I said, turning around, "That would be your mom, right Dinky?"
"She said you would visit. I'll take that box off your hoofs for you. Wait, you only have one hoof, what's that?" she asked, looking at my hand.
"It's unimportant. Here ya go." I said, giving the box to her. "Thanks."
"No problem." she said, walking away.
I looked back at the empty lot. "What?"
I walked back to Rarity's and went inside. She was working on my shirt. "How's it going?" I asked.
"How did you get all of those packages delivered so fast?"
"I was fast?" I asked.
"Usually when somepony takes a delivery to the Doctor, it takes them four hours."
"Looks like he had some different plans. He came and got it from me as soon as I left." I said.
"Alright then, if you say so."
"So how far are you?"
"I got the basic shapes of the shirt and shorts done, but that's about it."
"Alright, see ya." I said, "Ima go sit under a tree and fall asleep."
"Bye Phil."
I found a nice shady tree to lay under and pulled out my iPod. "Music it is." I said, putting my headphones in. I fell asleep after a minute or seven.
I woke up with a blow to the chest. "What's going on?" I asked, shooting up.
"Sorry Phil, I crashed into the tree." said Rainbow Dash, now on my lap.
"Oh, you ok?" I asked, laying back down. "That's uncharacteristic of you."
"Yeah, I'm good. Just a new trick getting out of hand."
"That's good." I said. I grabbed my iPod and checked the time, still had a few hours left. "Try not to crash again. Sleepy time for Phil." She laid down next to me. "Sleepy?" I asked.
"Yeah." she said, laying her head down.
"Then sleep." I said. I listened to some more music and fell asleep.
Three hours later, I woke up with Rainbow sleeping up against me. I looked up and saw Rarity walking towards me. I lifted my arm and waved at her. "Hi Rarity."
"Hello Phil, I'm done with the shirt and shorts you wanted." she said proudly.
"That's cool. I'll look at them later, I got a bit of a problem with getting up right now, if you haven't noticed." I said, pointing at Dash who was sleeping on my other arm.
"I see that." she said, looking at Dash. "Well alright then, I'll see you in a bit."
"I would hope so." I said.
"Bye Phil." she said, walking away.
"Back to sleep. Maybe." I said. I started up some more music and tried to fall asleep again. It didn't work, so I just laid there and thought about what I was gonna do after the Gala.
'I could train, but that gets boring. Maybe I could check on Discord. Discord is fine now, but I still have the problem of what to do about the thing that was controlling him. Maybe I could free him. That's not a bad or good idea, but I might as well do it. Yeah, free Discord.' I thought to myself.
I wasn't able to fall asleep and laid there, bored. Rainbow was still laying on me and I wasn't gonna do anything about it. Eventually I fell asleep, but by then my arm was numb.
"Hey Phil! What are you doing?" asked Pinkie, waking me up.
"Sleeping." I said.
"Not anymore you're not!" she said.
"I was trying to." I said. I looked down and saw that Dash wasn't there anymore. I lifted my arm and moved it around. "Since I'm up, and Dash isn't on me anymore, it's time to go to Rarity's."
I got up, stretched, and yawned. "Wanna come with?" I asked.
"Okie dokie lokie!" she said, hopping after me.
I got to Rarity's shop and looked up. "Getting late." I said. I walked in and looked for Rarity. She was in her workroom scolding Sweetie Belle.
"Sweetie Belle make a mess again?" I asked.
Rarity and Sweetie Belle looked up and saw me. "You should see what she did!" said Rarity.
"I'm sorry." said Sweetie Belle.
Rarity led me to where my shirt was, and I instantly saw the problem. It was no longer black. It appeared to have been painted a grey color with red, green, and black vein-like markings all over it. "This mine?" I asked.
"Yes it is, and Sweetie Belle painted it." she said.
"I can explain! You see, I was..."
I held up my hand and looked at the shirt again. "I couldn't have made it cooler if I tried."
"What?" they asked.
"I like this shirt, a lot. Renard, Triforce, brony, blood seal, Philosopher's stone, and an awesome color to boot. Granted, I still would've liked to see it in black, but this is great!" I said, taking it off of the table it was on. "This color pattern is cool."
"Really?" asked Sweetie Belle excitedly.
"Yup! This shirt is really cool."
"Are you sure Phil?" asked Rarity.
"Do you think that I would lie to something as cute as this?" I asked her, pointing at Sweetie Belle.
She smiled at Rarity and a halo appeared over her head.
I grabbed it and said, "I'm gonna need this."
They both looked at me and I just shrugged.
"See Rarity? I told you that it wouldn't be a problem."
"So Sweetie Belle, you were going to explain, and I would like to hear why this happened. Care to enlighten me?" I asked.
"Well... I was painting a picture and got a little too happy with the paints, and some got on your shirt. I tried to clean it up, but it just smeared, so I tried to color over it, and that's what happened."
"Really? That sounds like a bullet dodged to me."
"Bullet dodged?" she asked.
"Got away with something, Dodged the bullet."
"Oh."
"Now, about my shorts. They done?" I asked.
"Yes, they're done." she said, using her magic to get them out.
"Cool." I said. In my hands were a black pair of jean shorts with a chain hanging out of the right pocket and looping onto a belt loop. "Very, very cool. Where'd you get the chain?"
"Somepony gave it to me, I didn't catch his name."
"Maybe he's the one who's been looking out for me. Doesn't matter, it's cool. At least 20% cooler than expected."
I put the clothes on, they were comfortable. "These clothes are almost too nice to sleep in. Almost."
"Don't worry about that dear, I made it so they don't wrinkle or stain easily." said Rarity.
"Really?" I asked happily, "That's so awesome! Thanks Rarity. These clothes are getting worn."
"I'm glad you think so."
"Hey Rarity, are you attending the Gala?" I asked.
"I don't know. After last year's... uh..."
"Disaster?"
"I wouldn't go that far." she said.
"Yes you would. Right Pinkie?" I asked, looking over my shoulder. She had been silent this whole time, very uncharacteristic of her.
"Absolutely! None of the ponies there knew how to party! Then everypony went crazy and the statue tipped over!" she said.
"Exactly." I said. "I think."
"Alright, it was a disaster."
"I don't know, even with last years events, it's still a good business opportunity."
"That is true. Then again, they might recognize me."
"Quite. Well alright then, Ima go get some cupcakes, want any?"
"No, but thank you."
"Hey Sweetie Belle, want some cupcakes?" I asked.
"Very much!" she said.
"Follow me then! Ima buy us some cupcakes! You too, Pinkie!" I said, "Thanks again for the clothes Rarity, I'll pay you back eventually."
"Oh there's no need to..."
"Too late, already said it." I said, walking out.
We walked to Sugarcube Corner and I got us some cupcakes. "Tastes like cupcakes." I said. "Very odd, very odd indeed."
We finished the small meal and I took Sweetie Belle back home to Rarity. "Bye Sweetie Belle!"
"See ya later Phil!"
I walked in some random direction until I got bored, then leaned up against a tree and fell asleep.