//------------------------------// // Bowing // Story: Human Rituals // by Aegis Shield //------------------------------// Human Rituals Bowing (1 Year, 1 Month Since Arrival) “It’s not like I’m afraid of her or anything,” I said, checking my face in the mirror and ducking my head out of my little bathroom. With formal dress thanks to Rarity, I was slated to meet Princess Luna on one of her visits to Ponyville. Apparently the night time Princess favored this town and visited Twilight often. “It’s just… when I met Celestia the first thing I did was rub her face and ears. It’s going to be awkward!” “Well,” Twilight smiled carefully. “You’ll just have to make a good first impression with Luna, then, and maybe that’ll balance things out a little.” “Right. ‘Sorry I grabbed your sister’s face when I first met her. No hard feelings, right?’” I rolled my eyes, checking my cuffs. “Just make sure your bows are informal, and treat her like you would anypony else,” Twilight smiled. “The Winter Solstice has already passed, so Luna’s taking a few days to tour the surrounding counties that border Canterlot’s immediate vicinity. Ponyville’s her first stop, and she’s already said she wants to meet you.” “You’ve been writing more of those letters, haven’t you?” I said. “And what the heck is an informal bow?” I stared at her. “You know,” Twilight paused, sank her head while she bent her front knees, flourished her horn lightly and stood again. I stared at her. “Oh right, two legs,” she mumbled behind a hoof. “How do human’s bow to their Princesses, then?” “My country doesn’t have a Princess, but my ancestors did,” I said, touching my chin thoughtfully. “But that was hundreds of years ago.” “Well NOT bowing to a Princess when she enters your presence is considered very rude,” Twilight said. “You live with me so we overlook it, but Luna might be a little less… nice, if you don’t even try,” she coached me to bend at the waist. “Well there’s three I know of, which does she prefer?” I wanted to know. “Three human bows?” “Yah,” I said. Quill and paper appeared before I could blink at the pop of magic. Twilight smiled wide. That stupid, ‘oh yay learning’ smile I’d come to roll my eyes at many times. I looked down at Spike, who shrugged. I glanced at the clock. The Princess of the Night wasn’t supposed to arrive for another half hour or so. “Alright, just real quick,” I said. Twilight tippy-tapped her hooves, bouncing up and down. Spike told me he’d come to call it the ‘I have to pee I’m so excited’ dance. Twilight had already devoted a small study room to ‘human studies’ since I was only going to be here for a few years. I say only like five years isn’t a long time. But every little bit helped, I supposed. “There’s three main ones, and it all has to do with what you do with your arms and legs.” “Okay?” Twilight said. Her viciously scratching quill told me she was drawing torsos of me without the arms and legs on. “The formal bow,” I bent at the waist with my hands pressed to my hips. “The warrior’s bow,” I made a fist, touched the opposite shoulder, and bent forward slightly. “And the king’s bow,” I sat on my legs and bent all the way forward until my arms were over my head, flat on the ground. Then I hopped up and dusted my Rarity-made dress clothes off. “End of lesson.” I said. Spike gave me a thumbs-up for brevity, but Twilight wasn’t having it. “Why’d you only bend slightly for the warrior’s bow?” she demanded, wide-eyed. “Soldiers might be in armor. Armor pinches, and doesn’t allow for lots of bending motions,” I said shortly. “Why’d you hold your hips for the formal bow?” “Formality is stiff. So is that style of bending forward. It’s for someone of great authority.” “Why-!” “It’s like talking to a nine year-old. Why why why…” I grumbled. “I AM nine years old!” Twilight said with a loud, horsey snort. “Oh right, pony years…” I’d long since forgotten that ponies matured to adulthood in a mere three years. I’d long since given up translating calendars, season lengths, and so on. I was only thankful their days were twenty-four hours long. The number of days had given me the five-years-till-going-home bit. Spike chuckled, but turned quickly on the sound of announcement trumpets. “Sounds like she’s here!” He fell in line next to Twilight and I did the same. The double-doors opened and a long trio of shadows laid down the carpet. Two guards, and there she was. Twilight had shown me pictures, but the ethereal mane certainly made it feel way more real. “Greetings, your majesty,” I bowed from the waist. Hooves reached and, “OWWCH!” I shrieked. “My ears!” The were red with pain, I could feel my pulse in them. “Greetings, hyoo-man Neig-g-gh!” Luna said bombastically, leaning forward and presenting the top of her head. Not knowing what else to do, I patted her head. Spike facepalmed. “You do not wish to pull my ears?” she said, looking rather hurt. “Er…” I stared at her. “My sister tells me this is how you greeted her when you arrived in our world. Do not hold back, I understand there are cultural differences!” She smiled, showing me the top of her head again. “Tis insensitive to not embrace cultural differences.” “Erm… okay,” Reaching and putting the pads of my thumbs inside her ears, I rubbed a few times and gave a light tug or two. Twilight facehoof’d as well. But you’ll notice not a one of us argued. =-=-=-= Luna was a pleasant enough pony to be around, and thankfully wasn’t there to see me exclusively. Spike and I hung out in my room for a while, enjoying the falling snow outside “That could’ve gone worse,” I said with a slight smirk. “Prolly so, yeah,” Spike grinned. “I’m just glad you don’t do that all the time. Your ears were super-red!” I rolled my eyes and moved my game piece after the roll of the dice. I had to wait, turning over the card and letting Twilight’s translator band rearrange the letters for me: ‘Your Weather Team is Late By a Day, Go Back 3 Spaces to Make Up The Shifts!’ “What’s the point of this game again…?” I asked, looking at all the complicated shapes and pieces. “To start five weather factories before I start five farms. C’mon, everypony’s played Settlers of Equestria!” Spike said, giving me the rulebook. “Maybe I should’a played as the unicorns…” I flipped a few of the pages. “And start five observatories? Meh!” Spike said. The door to my room came open, and Twilight and Luna stood there. Both of us stood and I gave my best to bow without putting my ears in Luna’s reach. “It was nice to meet you, your highness,” I said as politely as I could. “And you as well, Neigh-h-h. Thank you for allowing Twilight and I time to visit and ‘see the sights’, as it were,” The dark alicorn smiled genuinely. “Perhaps you’ll be seeing me in your dreams, soon.” “Er…” I stared at her. “Th-thanks, but no thanks.” I said as politely as I could. “I have a fiancé back home.” I unfolded my wallet to show her the picture. “Her name is Briana,” Luna looked at the picture, then at me, then blinked a few times. Twilight’s bracelet grumbled, unable to translate a name with no context lexicon. There was a long silence. The princess stared at me confused, and I stared back, flattered but not biting. Was she not used to being turned down? Twilight leaned and stage-whispered, “Princess Luna guards ponies dreams! Protects others from nightmares!” “Be… cause of course she does!” I said, quickly putting the picture away and feeling like an ass. “That’s what you meant!” Wonderful, a pony princess that could see inside my head while I was sleeping. That wasn’t a terrifying idea or anything. A man’s head is his last sanctuary, after all. “I did not mean to send the wrong message,” Luna chuckled, having the decency to blush a little. “Yours is a strange kind, hyoo-man!” She laughed behind a hoof. Spike looked up at me sympathetically, trying not to smile. “I look forward to reading Twilight’s reports when they’re done.” =-=-=-= “She was shorter than I thought she’d be,” was the only thing I could think to say when Luna was gone. “She’s the younger sister,” Spike said helpfully. “By how much?” I heard myself ask. “Dunno.” The dragon shrugged. I put him on my shoulder so he wouldn’t have to walk through the snow that was chest-high for him. “Your world is weird, Spike,” I finally decided. “Yep,” he sighed.