//------------------------------// // MafiaCon // Story: A Look Back // by Bluecatcinema //------------------------------// It was a special time of the year for the Napoleon brothers. Every year, in the deep underground of Bitaly's countryside, there lied a gathering of mobsters from all over the globe, which was dubbed as 'Mafiacon'. It was a special event where all the crime families be they good or bad, noble or treacherous, would come together, exchanging information, skills, tips, equipment, and for the lone criminals, seek employment. It was like a second Hearth's Warming to the Napoleons. Despite their semi-retired status, the Napoleon family made it their goal to always attend. They had brought their wives along for the occasion, bringing them to the top secret location where the convention was being held. A major part of MafiaCon was the annual awards show, where the various crime gangs were given out trophies for feats of skill and daring. Due to circumstances beyond their control, the Napoleons had been unable to attend the awards (at least, not all together) lately, with a proxy usually accepting any wins at the accompanying awards ceremony in their name. But this time was different. This time, they had all their affairs in order, friends to look after their places of business, and foalsitters in place. Tonight, the Napoleon brothers and their wives (and Dusty, too, having left Blueblood to cover her royal duties) were attending Mafiacon. Taking one of their own carriages, the Napoleons and their mares traveled through a hidden passage in the side of a mountain, reaching a large underground structure packed with various other mafiosos, some of whom were showing off new criminal techniques and gadgets from out of kiosks, stands, and booths. "Wow." May gasped. "This is incredible!" "Yeah, it's really something." Murray nodded. "Drink it in, ladies." Grimoire smiled. "What you're looking at is one of mafiadom's proudest accomplishments. It's a grand tradition that goes back generations. A day when we all gather together in soliarity, sharing our ways and our skills, all to show our brotherhood." "Most impressive, I must say." Zecora declared. "I'd say we're in for quite a day." "You don't know how right you are." Dusty smiled. "I used to come here with dad and my uncles all the time. Oh, so many happy memories..." "And the local authorities have no idea about any of this?" Redheart asked. "Pretty much." Salt shrugged. "To most, it's just a legend. And to those who suspect the truth, they don't have clue one about where to look." "And those that try to do something about it..." Slot chuckled darkly, "Well, let's say they don't live long." "Good to know." Lyra noted. "I'd hate for this lovely trip to be ruined by a police raid." "A sentiment we all share, my dear." Lars smiled. "But since that won't be happening, we're free to enjoy all the sights and sounds." Vinny declared. "Not to mention all the awesome stuff they're showing off." "I hope fine wine is part of that..." Berry chuckled. "Or some food." Bon-Bon added, rubbing her pregnant belly. "After that long trip, I'm starving." "Ooh, me too." Sonny noted. "If I remember correctly, the concession stand is somewhere to the west..." "Hold it for a second, you two." Slot snorted. "There's plenty of time for you to stuff your faces." "So, where should we go first?" Vinyl asked. "Maybe we could check out those 'sounds' Vinny was talking about." Octavia suggested. "What about the seminars?" Caboose asked. "I hear Sly Shifty himself is giving one on infiltrating secure locations! Might come in useful for my Royal Guard work..." "If I was still in the 'explorer' line of work, I'd definitely go for that." Daring admitted. "I say we hit the weapons display first." Murray stepped. "Are you nuts?" Salt snorted. "The hoof-to-hoof combat demonstration!" "Okay, relax, you two." Grimoire got between them. "Like Slot said, we'll have plenty of time to indulge all our interests. No need to rush, after all. The day is still young." "Yeah, yeah..." Murray and Salt chorused. "Would you believe this happens every time we come here?" Sonny asked Bon-Bon. "Actually, I do." Bon-Bon snarked. As they walked into the mass of mafiosos, the group heard some of the booth operators offering their wares. "Check this out!" One shifty-looking Pegasus stallion waved a thin metal object. "The ultimate lockpick! Gets you through any lock, guaranteed!" "How about this?" A Unicorn mare in a lab coat held up a silvery expanse of cloth. "Genuine invisibility cloak!" "Slick spray!" An Earth Pony stallion sprayed some blue substance on the floor. One of the guests walked over and slipped on it crashing into the kiosk. "Whoops. Well, at least you know it works!" At another booth, a Unicorn stallion held up a large wooden block, unfolding several tools from within. "The Omnitool's got it all!" He boasted. "Even a mini-crossbow..." As the stallion pulled out the crossbow, it's miniature projectile fired, and embedded itself in an audience member's hoof. "Ow!" The pony yelped. "...Which is a little sensitive, I might add." The Unicorn said sheepishly. "Every year, it's the same." Lars rolled his eyes. "All these shysters, selling their 'revolutionary' new gadgets..." "Please." Salt snorted. "A real mafioso doesn't need anything but his hooves and his wits..." "Hey, guys!" Crowe Darkside called to them. "Ah, Crowe." Grimoire smiled. "Good to see you." "Better to see you, pal." Crowe chuckled. "After what almost what down lately, I'm happy to know you're still around to attend. Especially when it comes to the awards." The Napoleons were excited to attend the ceremony, as they were (as usual) major contenders for many of the awards, not to mention guaranteed to win at least one award per year. "We all are." Murray chuckled. "I'll bet everypony here is glad to know Grim's still around!" Vinny grinned. "Maybe not everypony." Kamikaze Kawaii joined them. "You guys always seem to sweep some of the juicier awards for yourself." "Hey, don't hate the players, hate the game." Slot said smugly. "Kraa zu tela." Kong Barrel walked over, joined by another in a long line of translators. "Master Kong says it is good to see you." The translator declared. "Veela." Kong added, leering at the Napoleons' wives. "Especially your lovely mares." The translator nodded. "Wish we could say the same..." Lyra cringed. "Looking forward to the awards?" Vinny asked. "Gla prunkt." Kong smiled. "Master Kong is confident he will bring home a great many awards this year." The translator stated. "Just don't go angling for any of the big ones." Slot grinned. "Chances are, we've already got our names on 'em." "We'll see who wins what tonight." Zebediah grinned as he joined them, Zaria by his side. "You guys haven't been very... active this year, so that's bound to hurt your chances." "We'll see about that." Sonny chuckled. "Don't be so sure." Zaria smirked. "My handsome Zebby might end up getting more." "Don't hold your breath, sister dear." Zecora retorted. "Don't forget, Grimoire is here." "We'll see how comes out on top." Zaria snorted. "You're going to need a mop." Zecora smirked. "For the tears, I fear." "We'll see who cries, by the way." Zaria declared. "...Okay..." Zebediah gulped. "What say we, uh... check out the bar, Zar?" "I knew there had to be a bar." Berry smiled triumphantly. "Oh, that will bring me great cheer." Zaria nodded. "See you at the awards, sister dear." She threw Zecora a smug grin. "Go ahead and be a grinner." Zecora snorted as the zebra couple walked off. "We'll see who's the big winner!" "Yeesh." Slot cringed. "Competitive much?" "Yeah, where'd that come from?" Grimoire asked. "Did I never mention?" Zecora asked. "When we were young, Zaria and I were often in competition." "Seriously?" Dusty frowned. "That just doesn't seem like you, Zecora." "Old habits die hard." Zecora shrugged. "And neither of us are done playing that card." "Say no more." Salt smiled "Sibling rivalry is something we're all used to." "Except for me." Caboose pitched in. "I'm the most non-competitive out of all of us. So I win!" "Yes, that makes perfect sense." Lars snorted. "You guys have fun." Crowe smiled. "I sure will." Kamikaze grinned. "They brought back the 'make your own weapon' booth. I'm gonna make a spear/crossbow combo, with dynamite!" "We'll see you at the award ceremony." Crowe declared. "I've been chosen to host it this year." "Good for you, pal." Sonny smiled. "Try not to choke." Slot smirked, only to get an elbow from Vinny. "Ow! Just kiddin'!" "I'm sure you'll do great." Grimoire told his old friend. "I remember when I was asked to do it. I was nervous at first, but after realising that I already everypony there, I got over it." "Good advice." Crowe grinned. "Not that I need it or anything, but it's still good." "What are friends for?" Grimoire smiled. As the family made their way through the convention, they spotted a booth labelled "Killer Konfectionaries", run by none other than Sid Calimari and a few of his own ponies. Since his acceptance into the dons' circle, Sid had begun to develop his own mafia family. It was still small, but thanks to his connections, it was also growing. "Hey, guys!" Sid waved. "Hey, Sid." Sonny smiled. "Whatchya got there?" Caboose asked. "Oh, just my new line of combat confectionaries." Sid smirked. "It's like the stuff I gave to that Zugzwang guy when the mansion was attacked, remember?" "Oh, yeah." Daring nodded. "That stuff was pretty effective." "And a little freaky." Lyra added. "No kidding." Vinyl grimaced. "Remember how Zugzwang just puked and puked?" "Don't remind me." Octavia cringed. "Had any customers?" Murray asked. "Tons." Sid smiled. "Who knew there was such a market for exotically-poisoned snack foods?" "Who indeed." Grimoire nodded. "You wouldn't happen to have any of those... performance enhancing cookies around, would you?" Slot asked furtively. "I got me two gals to satisfy, you know..." "Of course." Sid held up a bag of the cookies. "On the house." "Thank ya muchly." Slot grinned, turning to Vinyl and Octavia. "Wait'll I get you girls home..." "Can't wait, Stud." Vinyl smirked. "Me neither." Octavia beamed. "Hey, save some for the rest of us." Salt chuckled. "Don't worry." Sid chuckled. "I've got plenty to go around..." As the family continued walking through the convention, Caboose spotted the demonstration he had been looking for. "It's him!" He pointed. "Sly Sneaky, one of the best infiltrators and catburglars around! Come on, Daring!" Caboose dragged his wife over to the demonstration. Sly, a black-coated, gray-maned Earth Pony, was in the middle of his lecture. "As you know, security these days is growing more and more advanced." He told the adoring crowd. "But there's always be a place for a practical infiltrator. A lot of these fancy new security measures can be worked around, with a little patience and ingenuity. For example, those laser motion beams? You can deflect them with a simple shaving mirror! Just another example of how pony improvisation will always trump that fancy tech." "Whoo!" Caboose cheered. "I love you Sly! ...In a strictly platonic sense, of course, but I love you!" "Lucky for me." Daring rolled her eyes. Meanwhile, Vinny and Berry were at the bar. "Mmm, good stuff." Berry downed her drink. "Oh, yeah." Vinny nodded, downing his drink. "Nothing but the best for MafiaCon. Hit us some more, man!" "Anything for my best customer." The bartender nodded. Sonny and Bon-Bon were experiencing the same thing at the concessions stand. "This is the best carrot dog I've ever had!" Bon-Bon declared. "You think that's good, try the primrose paninis." Sonny grinned. "Oh, I will." Bon-Bon grinned. "Trust me, I intend to try out all the delicacies here. Maybe even adapt some for our own restaurant..." "And that's why I love you." Sonny chuckled. Salt and Redheart were at the hoof-to-hoof combat booth, where a punching bag used to test one's strength resided. "Let's see how well I do compared to last year." Salt smirked. "Try not to sprain you hoof." Redheart urged, remembering the injury that had forced Salt to retire from boxing. "Relax, babe. I had been keeping off my good hoof just for this occasion..." Salt wound up and punched the bag, sending it flying. "...Yep, still got it." "You sure do." Redheart felt his bicep. Meanwhile, Lars and Lyra were looking at the latest techniques in twisting the law to one's advantage. "My, the techniques these days are so needlessly complicated." Lars noted, reading a passage about "Vexacious litagation". "In the old days, things were so much simpler." "I'm sure they're nothing you couldn't handle." Lyra declared. "That goes without saying, my dear." Lars boasted. Murray was checking out the latest crossbow. "Sweet piece." He grinned. "Crystal laser sight, fully collapsible..." "And it has the added bonus of making you look more rugged than you already are." May beamed. "Yeah, that's a nice perk." Murray chuckled. As Slot walked through the aisles, he received appreciative calls from his fellow mafiosos for having two mares with him. "Lucky bucker!" "You da stallion, Slot!" "I'm starting to think you only brought us here to show us off." Octavia declared. "'Course not." Slot snorted. "I brought you two here so you could share with my world. And the fact that everypony sees me with two hot mares doesn't hurt." "Clearly." Vinyl giggled. Grimoire walked with Zecora and Dusty. "So many memories." He sighed. "i remember coming here as a colt, with Sandy, with Dusty when she was six... and now I'm here with my two favorite girls. Things couldn't be better." "Thanks, dad." Dusty beamed. "And one day soon, you hope to bring Arkham here, as a boon?" Zecora asked. "Of course." Grimoire nodded. "Just like my dad brought me. If that's okay with you..." "Of course it is okay." Zecora nodded. "You may bring Arkham one day." "Thanks, honey." Grimoire kissed. As the day wore on, the time came for the awards ceremony. The attendants gathered into a large theatre. Crowe emerged on stage, ready to begin. One of the award statues, in the shape of a classic mobster hat, stood on the podium. "Hello, everypony." Crowe smiled. "And welcome to the moment we've all been waiting for: our 70th annual Mafia Awards!" The crowd cheered, followed by several crossbows, magic, and cannon shots into the air by the more rowdy ponies. "Yes, that time of year where we celebrate the achievements of our very best." Crowe smiled. "We honor those who have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Those who exemplify what it truly means to be a mafioso!" The crowd cheered once again. "For our first award, we must give commiserations to Kong Barrel, the don of the Barrel family of Chineigh, who had unfortunately once again won the award for 'most employee deaths' this year, with an astounding count of forty-three translators lost to various methods of death. On the screen behind Crowe, images of the late translators were shown, accompanied by "Taps" played a stallion with bagpipes. Each image came with a name and the cause of death. Among the more memorable ones were: "Gab Gift: Shoot-out" "Tongue Tied: Assassination attempt" "Linus Linguist: Falling piano" "Flapping Gums: Errant grenade" "Loose Lips: Choked on an alfalfa sandwich" Kong was downcast as he came on stage to collect his dubious award. The crowd was full of sympathy; It was common knowledge that Kong's translators all wound up dying. "Too bad, big guy." Crowe declared. "Guess you just have lousy luck with translators, huh?" "Gou." Kong nodded. "I wouldn't say that." The current translator declared. "I've been with Master Kong for over a month now, and I'm still ticking..." As they made to walk off stage, Kong suddenly stood on a loose floorboard, causing his translator to be flung across the room and out a window. "Don't worry, everypony!" The translator spoke up, "I'm still alive! I just landed on some sharp rocks. I'm very badly hurt, but I think I can climb up..." The sound of hooves scrabbling on rocks was heard, then suddenly a yell, and a loud thud. "Okay, I slipped and fell on the sharp rocks. I cut myself pretty badly, but I'm still alive..." Suddenly, the sound of stone cracking was heard. "AAAHHHHHH!!" There was another, distant thud, then silence. "Ooh, there goes another one." Kamikaze half-joked, half-cringed. "Trela..." Kong groaned. After Kong took his seat, Crowe moved on to the next award. "Okay, next up, we have the award for 'best new up-and-comer'. This year we had many ponies start up their crime family. While most ponies find it better to just shack up with one of the big boys, these ponies show the cajones to stand on their own four legs. And this year's award goes to..." Crowe read from an envelope. "Sid the Squid, the don of the new Kalimari family from Gotherd!" The crowd applauded, as a greatly surprised Sid froze in place. "Come on, Sid." Crowe grinned. "We don't have all night, y'know." "Oh, right!" Sid scrambled out of his chair, and clumsily rushed on stage. "Well?" Crowe asked as he handed Sid the award. "Anything to say on the matter?" "I, um..." Sid spluttered. "I didn't really expect this... I'm just so happy that you've all come to accept me in such a short amount of time. This new life of mine really came out of nowhere, and it was because of the faith of good friends like you that I actually managed to make something out of it. I just... I never imagined I'd have such support and adulation... He started tearing up. "...Oh thank you very much!" He then hugged Crowe, who cringed at the embrace. "Ooh, bad call." Kamikaze snorted. "Crowe usually kills those who hug him..." "You're welcome, Sid..." Crowe stifled his homicidal urges, "Could you please let go?" "Oh, right..." Sid blushed, as he then gave a nod and returned to his seat with more applause backing him. "That's enough mushy stuff for now, methinks." Crowe straightened his jacket. "Next up, we have 'best kill of the year'. A very personal favorite of mine, actually. While it is very easy to cap a pony in the head, it doesn't hurt to add a little flavor to taking another guy's life. And as per usual, we have a whole lot of competition tonight. It's gonna be close..." "It's gonna be me." Kamikaze smirked. "After I sliced that bounty hunter into quarters, I'm pretty much a shoe-in...." "And the winner is..." Crowe opened the envelope. "Well, this is a surprise. This year, we have Caboose Napoleon of the Napoleon family, in his rather simple but very satisfying cannonball execution of the infamous Killsquad." "Aw, come on!" Kamikaze groaned, his yell drowned out by more cheers. 'Now unfortunately, we don't have footage of this kill... but fortunately, we had actors reenact this winning kill..." The curtains pulled back, revealed actors dressed up like Caboose and Killsquad. The Caboose actor had a prop cannon by his side. "Ha-ha, Caboose Napoleon!" "Killsquad" laughed woodenly. "I have beaten your brother to near death, and now it's your turn!" "I don't think so, Killsquad." "Caboose" said, just as flatly. "Taste my righteous fury!" The cannon emitted a shower of sparks, and a loud "boom". "Ugggh!" "Killsquad crumpled dramatically. "Noooo!" He flattened himself on the floor, playing dead. "AND HIS NAME IS CABOOSE NAPOLEON!!" Loud music started to play, and flashing lights filled the stage, shocking some of the guests. "Wow... that is even better than I remembered." Caboose gaped. "Caboose, that was nothing-" Slot made to correct, before being stopped by Grimoire. "Let him have this one..." Caboose ran on stage to take the award. "Hey, thanks guys." He smiled. "But really, I just did what I had to do. Plus, Grim really softened him up for me." "Don't be modest!" Daring called. "Still, it was a pretty sweet kill, if I do say so myself. I mean, to think that such a threat to all mafiadom was killed in one shot... that is either the biggest cop-out for a story or the most epic moment ever, am I right?" Caboose grinned. "Kinda..." Kamikaze shrugged. "I'm leaning towards option two, myself..." Zebediah admitted. "Depends on your point of view, really." Sid shrugged. "Thought so." Caboose smiled, as he accepted his award and he walked offstage. "Well,next up, we have the award for 'most improved style', where we acknowledge how even the worst of criminals can become the best of criminals. And this one goes to..." Crowe opened the envelope. He suddenly raised a brow. "...Zebediah 'Motherland' Ireland, of the Ireland family of Shetland!" "Me?!" Zebediah gasped. "Yeah, you." Crowe nodded. "Get up here!" The crowd applauded once more; It was common knowledge that Zebediah had had a change of heart as of late, and had given up his formerly backstabbing ways. Zaria smirked at Zecora as her coltfriend accepted the award. "You done good, Zeb." Crowe smiled. "Guess zebras really can change their stripes. If only their could change those manes of theirs.." The crowd grew silent, as Zebediah (and others) glared at Crowe. "...Okay." Crowe cringed. "Let's move on to the next award, shall we?" The awards continued, running the gamut from "best heist" to "best shot", and all over. Naturally, Murray won "best shot", while Big Guns the buffalo won "best heist" for a daring train robbery over in Fetland. Lars won "best legal maneuvering" for overturning what should have been an open-and-shut case against a wealthy investor who had been caught embezzling from one of the Red Hoof gang's dummy companies. Salt won "best beatdown" for taking down an entire gang single-hoofed, Vinny and Slot won "best hustle" for beating the house at the Salt Lick City Casino, and Sonny received "best use of food" by lacing a corrupt politician's food with truth serum. Every kind of crime-based award imaginable was accounted for, until finally... "And the award for 'most unusual caper' goes to Brick Boulder, who led his gang to make off with dozens of snowglobes from the Bucklyn Museum of Natural History, which they later sold at a jacked-up price." Crowe declared. Brick Boulder, an orange Pegasus with a brown mane, yellow eyes, a Cutie Mark of a rock, accepted the award. "So how'd you come up with that crazy stunt, Brick?" Crowe asked. "It just came to me!" Brick shrugged. The crowd applauded as Brick came off the stage. "Now, for our final award tonight, we have a special 'lifetime achievement' award." Crowe declared, "This here award goes only to the best of the best. Many mobsters out there had thrived and worked themselves to the bone in hopes of winning this award. But this year, this award goes to a very special don, one who has been a source of support and inspiration for all of us. A don who has faced insurmountable odds, and always come out on top. A don who has even faced death itself, and come back to the land of the living." Grimoire was fully aware of who Crowe was talking about. The others were, too; Zecora and Dusty patted him on the knee and shoulder, and the brothers grinned widely. "So without further ado, I present the lifetime achievement award to none other than... Grimoire Napoleon, the don of the Napoleon family, now stationed in Equestria!" Crowe declared. "Come on up here, Grim!" Standing up to thunderous applause, Grimoire humbly took the stage. "Thank you all for this prestigious honor." He smiled. "It's good to know you all hold me in such great esteem." "You really deserve it, Grim." Crowe declared. "Right, folks?" The crowd cheered once more, Grimoire's family applauding the loudest. "Go, dad!" Dusty whooped. Zecora gave Zaria a smug smirk of her own. "I have to say, it just feels good to be here, after everything I've been through." Grimoire smiled. "I didn't get into this life for recognition. Heck, there was a time I didn't even want in at all, but that all changed. I made this my life, and I did the best I could with it." "Yeah, ya did!" Slot cheered. "You know, the award is great, but if you guys really want to honor me, you should buy my memoirs." Grimoire told the crowd. "That's where all my lifetime achievements can be found. You can read all about them, and at such a reasonable price... well, as reasonable as I'd allow..."" The crowd chuckled appreciatively, as Grimoire returned to his seat. "That's it for this year's awards, and this year's MafiaCon." Crowe declared. "Thanks for coming, everypony. see you next year!" As the guests departed, the Napoleons were in the highest of spirits. "Another great MafiaCon." Murray smiled. "It was... interesting, alright." May admitted. "Glad we could find some time out of the house." Salt noted. "I can't wait to see Lightning, though." Redheart sighed. "Great food, huh?" Bon-Bon smiled. "And drink." Cherry added. "I love you, Berry." Vinny grinned. "Good to know you enjoyed yourself, Bon." Sonny smiled. "It was an informative experience." Lyra noted. "Which, as we both know, is the best kind of experience." Lars chuckled. "Did you have fun, girls?" Slot asked. "Oh, yeah." Vinyl nodded. "And we'll have even more fun when we get home." Octavia eyed the cookies. "I can't believe I actually got Sly's autograph, and an award!" Caboose grinned. "That's my overachieving husband." Daring chuckled. "Lifetime achievement..." Grimoire gazed at his award. "You really earned it, dad." Dusty declared. "That is true." Zecora agreed. "There is no stallion quite like you." "Thanks, girls." Grimoire beamed. "This night wouldn't have been nearly as great without you by my side." "Awww!" Zecora and Dusty nuzzled him. It had been a memorable trip. The Napoleons and their mares were already eagerly anticipating next year's MafiaCon...