It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and on Desert Equestria VIII, Fluttershy scavenged for spare parts in the hulking corpse of a long-dead space whale. "Wow, this space whale spleen will be worth a pretty penny, I wager," she whispered articulately in her native tongue of spaceEnglish, two words cleverly combined to describe English but in space.
A few minutes later she'd emerged from its corpse, reeking of space whale as she put on her moon shoes. Moon shoes. Horse-powered anti-gravity shoes. She hopped back through the desert, all the way to the little shit hole she called home. "I sure hope my mom and dad will come back to this planet and love me," she whispered, naively hoping for something that would never be as she was made in a test tube during the clone wars, spoiler alert.
Before long, she reached Horsehome, and was ready to trade in her booty at the booty desk to the booty horse. He was a fat horse, and also an alien or something, but still a horse all the same. I'm not racist. She cut in line, naturally as she's the main character, and horsehanded the spleen to him. "With this, my 401HK(Horse Thousand) will be assured, yes?" she whispered. Saving for retirement is important.
"Hmmm," he onomatopoeiad, "hrugh," he onomatopoeiad again, "hrurp," followed by yet a third onomatopoeia. Finally, after no less than three onomatopoeias he used his words, "I'll give you negetive 1,000 moneys for this."
Fluttershy was shocked, and she gave a nasty look behind her in line at the horse who'd touched her after rubbing a balloon against himself. "B-but, I only make 5 moneys every three years," she whispered.
"Space whales are an endangered species, and even if you are the MC, it's still against the law to poach," he mansplaned spreading his legs in a clear gesture of testicle-based dominance. "Pay the fine or serve your sentence."
Fluttershy started sweating, beads of calcified urine rolling down her face as she looked around frantically for a way out. As the main character, no way was she going to get convicted of poaching in this onahellhole. "Ha... Haha, ha," she laugh whispered, "twas big American joke, see? I not understand humor so I try making the joke, but I not do good, haha."
The booty horse smiled, realizing she was just a stupid, subhuman foreigner, and not a poacher after all. "Oh, haha, sorry. I didn't get it at all."
"Yes, is funny joke, is actually large horse spleen," she whispered.
"In that case I can give you .27 moneys." He pushed a pile of legal U.S. pennies across the counter which she greedily snatched up, hissing at everyone in line as she scurried away with her prize. "What a nice young girl," he remarked, rubbing a tear from his perfectly-oval eye as childhood memories came back of the time he was also nice young girl.
With this newest addition to her Jew stash, her 401hk was all but assured. She laughed, rubbing her horse hands together as she remarked to herself in a whisper, "the goyim es muy estupido jajajaja."
"Oy miss, check this out," shouted some dirty market scum from a nearby stand, instantly catching her attention. He held up a slinky for her to see.
"Pshhh, I've seen springs thrice as nice as that one, you dumb idiot," she practically whispered, but actually literally whispered I suppose, "am I supposed to be impressed."
"Hahaha," laughed the dirty merchant, his nose at least twice as large as Fluttershy's. "This isn't your ordinary, human-spring, you uneducated cur. This is an advanced, Space-Spring," he said, cleverly combining two key words. "The year is 20XX, the future is now. Just feast your eyes on this magnificent device as it descends this three-tall stack of books I made into a tiny staircase." He placed the Space-Spring on the top book and gave it a slight push and, right before Fluttershy's eyes the magnificent thing flipped right over itself in some unholy display as it moved all the way to the bottom book in mere seconds as though it were possessed by some sort of space-demon.
"Holy guacamole-flavored guava chimichangas," spouted Fluttershy in a whisper, combining a bunch of random words because that's what's funny nowadays, right? "How much is that thing, Mister?!"
The merchant, who'd been eyeing the small pile of U.S. legal pennies in her horse hand this entire time was quick to give her an answer. "For a sweet, young horse like yourself, only 27 cents," he couldn't help but drool a bit as he eyes her sheckles.
Fluttershy was about to say yes, when she realized she really wanted this money. Then again, she rationalized, how often does a great deal like this come along? She'd never even heard of a space-spring before. It was probably rare, and would be a great investment. "Sure, here's 27 legal U.S. penis in exchange for that there space-spring," she whispered.
The merchant took the cash and threw the slinky at her. "Haha, you fucking idiot, it's just a normal slinky, you dumb idiot. Now your money is all mine, you stupid idiot. Hahaha." He ran off and buried the money in his Jew pit.
"Aw jeez," Fluttershy whispered to herself, "he tricked me out of my money again. Now I'll never reach my 401hk."
"Hey miss," came another voice from nearby. Fluttershy turned and saw a black guy, I mean a black horse guy. "Can you fly a space airplane?"
"Of course, I can also use space magic, I mean, not yet," whispered her.
"Cool, let's be friends, also I'm a rebel so take me to the rebel base and also since you've been seen with me you're a wanted criminal haha," he explained as he pointed at a group of evil horse guys with laser guns.
"Oh boy," whispered Fluttershy, "what have I gotten myself into this time?!"