//------------------------------// // What the.... // Story: What Did I Do Now? // by Hillbe //------------------------------// What The. . .a bogus chapter Raritys new life with Spike was a little odd as pony standards go but being the gentledrake he was (and being twisted around her hoof) Spike was always at her beck and call. Some ponies would even call him kitty whipped. Not that her fabulous generosity would take advantage of his servitude. Yea right. Today Spike served two masters one a nerdy book worm Princess and the other a fashion plot er plate of an Element. At this moment the crystal castle needed a dragons touch in the kitchen as all of his other duties had been carried out to the letter. The frying pan sizzled as he shifted ingredients from hay fries to pancakes to vegetable scampy with garlic and onion sauce. Time whizzed by as Spike cooked up the lunch of lunches for Twilight and Raritys return. ------------------------------------- The office was quiet white and sterile Rarity had made an appointment for a stomach bug that was going around at least that was the story she gave everypony around town. Twilight was in for her annual exam for her public service duties. Why not it was paid for already and it gave her a reason to catch up on the medical digests and other clinical studies that the library didn't stock. They both chatted and disposed of their reading materials when the doctor entered the room "next?" Rarity approached the doctor and whispered into his ear as Twilight saw her motion the Princess to join them to the examination room. "Is that so. . . Princess do you care to join us?" The doctor smiled as he escorted the mares through the door. Raritys bug exam was quick real quick and the news of her illness hit Twilight like a ton of loaded and soggy diapers. As for the expectant marsh mellow she couldn't be happier, Hitched to a member of the royal family a national hero her best friends brother - little assistant a great cook and a really nice guy. She was as giddy as before the Grand Galloping Gala with out the ROYAL PAIN! -------------------------------- Twilights examination was a little more involved stethoscope here stethoscope there taps and pokes cough breath in breath out look at my finger turn your head touch your hooves stretch bend and then the doctor went "Hummmmmmmm?" His questions filled Twilights ears, issues about her sleeping habits eating habits reading habits her lack of exercise between monster attacks and national emergencies. Her last questions dealt with colt friends dating (or the lack of ) and her mental stability. The two mares parted company Rarity to the crystal castle and Twilight to Zacoras hut, The Princess though happy for her friends fresh foal dracony pongon dragon what ever it was going to be baby condition. Twilight still had some unanswered questions. Apple Jack and Fluttershy laid out the napkins dishes and silverware readying the table for the lunch meeting while Pinkie had a surprise 'You've got to be kidding Spike and Rarity are going to have a foal' cake waiting in the wings. Rainbow Dash flew in the kitchen and landed softly not surprising anypony with the exception of her not crashing into something or creating a smoking hole. "Hay guys I saw Rarity but Twilight's not with her. Think she'll be late for everything?" "Aw I wouldn't worry none she's never missed a meeting especially when Spike's fetching the vittles." "I wonder why she wouldn't stay with Rarity I hope it's not another emergency or something, not that I would want something bad to happen or what ever. . . sorry I didn't mean to. . ." "No problems or my tail would of went a twitch a twitcha". "Hello darlings I'm back! Twilight shall be here in a few minutes" Rarity beamed as she floated with prancing steps a smile on her muzzle and a jiggle in her flanks. Spike could only stare as the final course popped and sizzled over the stove. "Spike darling everything smells wonderfully divine!" A sly look took over the mares features "Being Twilight was with me at the doctors I shan't delay the good , no great news Spikey darling I carry your children! Isn't it great?" Spike asked "Where?" His eyes scanned the area looking for the obvious foals that wasn't there "Oh your pregnant?" "Why of course silly" "Who's the dad?" "You Spikey" Rarity worried at Spikes lack of enthusiasm "Spikey are you OK?" Spike picked up the sizzling hot pot off the stove with his bare claws and set it aside with a blank look as a smile crept slowly on his snout "Me?" he waddled over to his fuzzy crush "Me I'm" he put his arms around her neck "I thought I was too young" he held her close "Thank you Rarity" the whole bunch burst out in laughter and cheers as they entered in a spontaneous group orgy er hug. The happy bunch chatted gossiped and passed the time coming up with names for the offspring as Spike readied the lunch putting all the prepped munchies out along table central. Pinkie sat on the couch munching pop corn "Pinkie dear you'll spoil your appetite and after Spike slaved over that hot stove all morning long". ------------------- Before the lady of the hour could get an answer the castle dining room doors creaked open freezing all motion around the table, in the doorway Twilight stood with a load of pamphlets held in her magical grasp a look of total dejection carved across her face. She didn't know if she wanted to cry scream yell or chew bubble gum that she didn't have. It was Rarity who broke the ice "Twilight dearest what could be bothering you so?" she continued softly "Trouble at Zacoras?" Twilight whispered "I'm an unwed brood mare" Pinkie asked a little louder than usual "What's that Twilight?" as she munched her pop corn excitedly. "I'm an unwed brood mare" "I'm sorry dear you almost sound as soft as dear Fluttershy. . . Again please?" "I'm knocked up and I don't know who the father is or how or when it happened! " She pouted with a sigh " I didn't even get to do the fun stuff. . ." Spike and the girls gasped collectively to the horror of the nerdy book worms secret deflowering by some unknown sex fiend. "Twilight how in Equestria can you not know when or whom the father is as for how, Surely my dear Twilight that's a given even Spikey knows how it works by now don't we my precious scales?" "Yea even Apple Bloom knows better to wait fer that hoof ring". "Aw come on Twilight I know it's awesome doing it but it's not cool not remembering what stallions your going with". "Or the Cakes kitchen sink" Pinkie butted in. "Pinkie! how could you spill the beans?" Rainbow blushed "It's awkward but at least I remember him" 'He was soooo hot!'. Twilight thought hard 'Rainbow Sink? Sink? Sink water? Tub water? Tub? TUB!' "Oh Nooooooooo!" " Oh dear I think Twilights broken , , ,Oh my, I wish I where a tree". "Ah gosh Twilight can you stop looking like that? You're scaring the girls Ah Twilight. . ." Pinkie tossed her box of pop corn "Come on Twily we can find you somepony before you PoP!" ------------------------- In Canterlot Castle a commotion was brewing between the two sisters "Luna, What are you doing with that sentry with a bag on his head?" "I'm averting another crisis my sister". Tias mind swelled with worry 'Why Oh why did I ever start that silly tradition?' ------------------------------- In the stillness of a purple Princesses mind comes a rhyme from a zebra not too far away in the Everfree forest "Twilight your question on your drakes mate comes as no shock for it's heard that dragons can even impregnate rocks!" "Nooooooooooooooo!"