It was a bright and sunny morning in Equestria. A calm lay across the green landscape and a soft breeze blew through the picturesque countryside. A steady song of birds hung in the air, coming from no place in particular but from seemingly everywhere. It was the kind of morning that most ponies thought to be the start to a perfect day.
Flutterbreeze knew of such mornings, though. He learned of their deceitful nature, and how they were usually the start to something horrible. This was, at least, what he would tell himself sometimes.
It was no longer morning, though. The sun was now hidden above a thick layer of clouds, and a fog had rolled in from the sea. The air was thick and moist and heavy on the wings of the pegasus who was holding a screaming blue unicorn underneath him. Heavier still were the thoughts on his mind of what would come should they fail their mission to stop the airships floating through the clouds above them.
“Flutterbreeze, I will never forgive you for this!”
“I know.”
“I’m going to leave Equestria forever. I’ll run off into the woods and eat rocks and twigs for the rest of my miserable life, and it will be all your fault.”
“Of course...”
“And then I’ll cast a spell on myself so that I lose my memory and start thinking I’m a bear and go live with the ursas. And I come back except to stomp on everyone’s houses and drink all the milk.”
“Trixie!”
“WHAT?!?”
“I really need you to focus now. It won't be long until those airships see us and start shooting at us. If any pegasi or whatever else comes flying out after us I need you to shoot them down.”
Trixie grumbled and sighed as they continued gaining altitude. The sound of thunder above and around startled them both.
“This is going to be the death of me. I knew you’d be the one to kill me somehow.”
“Trixie, this isn’t helping.”
They passed through a layer of clouds, getting soaked in the process.
“At least the airships can’t fly very fast in this kind of weather. Oh, I think they see us now.”
A squadron of pegasi armed with spears left one of the airships and started flying towards them.
“Here they come, get ready to light them up!”
“What?”
“Shoot them!”
Trixie charged up the magic in her horn as Flutterbreeze slowed down to give her a steady shot. She lined up her sights on the closest enemy and released a bolt of magical energy. A second later, they saw the pegasus get struck back, dropping his weapon and falling down below the clouds.
“Nice shot!”
The rest of the pegasi, upon seeing their leader fall, stopped mid-air and started retreating back to their ship. Flutterbreeze couldn’t tell if this was just an act of cowardice, or if they had some devious scheme planned. He warily decided to pursue them, not having any time to waste.
The airship turned to face its side towards the fliers once all but two of its passengers were in (Trixie was able to shoot down another one). It hovered in place as the ponies inside pulled out guns and started loading. They took aim. Flutterbreeze knew the chances of them actually hitting were very low, but he still didn’t like the idea. Trixie didn’t know what to think of it, but figured something bad was about to happen.
Moments passed, and the duo got closer and closer to the dirigible, but none of the guns fired. The minions checked their weapons by looking down the barrels and hitting them repeatedly (clearly not a smart idea), but they were unable to solve the real problem: their guns and ammunition had been soaked, and were now useless.
“Here we go!” shouted the blue pegasus as he swooped in over the basket full of ponies, dropping Trixie inside before beginning to fight. Within five seconds he had it cleared out, while Trixie cowered in the corner. Flutterbreeze set his sights on the next target, grabbed the unicorn, and flew off again as Trixie gave out a yelp.
They made it halfway to the next airship before lightning struck them mid-flight.
The pegasus lurched back, stunned for a moment. His wings were singed, but he quickly gained control of flight again. His heart skipped a beat, though, when he realized that he had lost his grip on the Great and Powerful Trixie.
The world’s greatest detective, self-proclaimed, entered the presence of one of the five most evil dentists in the history of Equestria. He gathered in the room around him. A large open window stood behind the criminal, a fancy rug on the floor, bookshelves at the sides, a backpack of sorts in a corner...
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Shetland Hames began. “I seem to have interrupted your shower. Oh wait, that’s not water, that’s insanity dripping off of you.”
“So what do we have here?” Chuckled Turnip Stew, in reply. “The prodigal genius cometh at last to join in my moment of ultimate triumph. I see he’s brought a sense of humor with him, among other things.”
“The only thing I need to defeat you is my brain.”
“And bad breath?” The madman frowned. “You haven’t brushed or flossed all week, I see. Crumpets, tobacco, oh you are awful! Good thing you came to the right place.” He pulled a small box of dental floss out of a pocket and tossed it at the detective. “Here, use this while I explain to you why I will be victorious.”
“Enlighten me!” Hames began flossing. He maintained an unimpressed face while the evil mastermind monologued.
“So, you know of course about my plan, and of the device now flying across the Strait of Albion. I can only assume you’ve sent that blue pegasus after it. I can assure you he will not be successful. As stupid as my minions are, they cannot fail this time. That is the only reason necessary as to why I will win. Even if you apprehend me here, I will still overthrow Equestria.
That brings me to my next point. How do you plan to stop me? You’ve no doubt noticed my parachute. I can leave whenever I please. Even if you engage me in some form of physical combat and tie me to a post, you’re too late to foil my plans.
Oh, did I mention that floss you just used was laced with a paralyzing drug? You have about ten minutes before it takes full effect. You have enough time to run to the hospital, or you can try to arrest me here, in which case my stupid guards can take you down with no problem. You see, I’m a stallion who takes very few risks.” A sick grin spread across his face. “The ball is in your court now, Shetland Hames.”
“Good serve, but I’ve seen better. That device is never going to make it across the channel. You are a fool to think otherwise. Would I send somepony after it if I knew he wasn’t going to stop it?”
“He can’t possibly do it alone.”
“Answer me this question: Who am I?”
“You’re Shetland Hames.”
“Exactly! I didn’t send him alone. There’s at least one pegasus, possibly two, going after your device, and he’s brought a unicorn along with him. That’s more than enough to take out your pathetic machine.”
“I have an entire army in the sky. Two or three ponies means nothing.”
“I’ve seen your ponies against that pegasus. I’m pretty sure he can handle them. Notice the weather outside? How can they fire guns with wet powder? There goes your weapons. Even if they make it to Cantorlot, they will be repelled by the royal guards with how weak they currently are. So, that’s really the only reason why you lose, but I’ll continue before my mouth stops working.
“How can I defeat you? Well, let’s see my options. I have dental floss laced with a paralyzing drug that I can use against you. There’s a big window behind you that I can push you out of. There’s a club down the street if I wanted to challenge you to a rap battle. I think I can imagine what fate you’d choose for yourself when this is all over.”
“You’re a fool, Hames, and you’re finished. Soon you won’t be able to move at all, and I can assure you, my device will fire on time.”
Hames paused for a moment, thinking and taking in the senses around him. He chuckled a bit before speaking again. “You really think so? Perhaps you should check what you’ve forgotten.”
“I’ve forgotten noth- wait, the alligator!”
“Is that all? Usually you can get away with one mistake, though not against me. You, however have made two. Perhaps you’ve been up here too long to notice, or your hearing has gone bad, but maybe now you can perceive that something is missing.”
Seconds went by before the truth dawned upon Turnip Stew. His face went pale when he realized that the clock had stopped ticking. Hames noticed the change in countenance, and continued.
“I don’t know how or why, but my alligator companion has halted the clockwork mechanisms of this tower. Clearly it is something important to you, so now I must ask. What is it?”
“There wasn’t just one device... I built two! One is on a doomed airship, but the other is here in the tower. It is set to go off automatically when the clock strikes the hour.”
“But now it never will.”
“Perhaps, but this is still the end for you! You see, if the device is stopped, it is set to self-destruct a few minutes after, taking the entire tower down with it... how long ago did it stop ticking?!?”
“You’d certainly like to know that, wouldn’t you?”
“Trixie!” Flutterbreeze could say it was the worst moment of his life, a title that has some stiff competition. He looked down at the clouds, thinking about how he had killed the unicorn that was his neighbor, who he had coaxed into coming, and who wished she were anywhere else at that time. It was too late now.
He gazed down once again, and saw as strange form among the clouds. It rose up, the first visible thing being a tuft of black hair, then a purple face. Finally, the entire shape of Pompodour appeared, holding a stunned Trixie in his arms. His little wings were beating furiously to support both of their weights. Flutterbreeze began to breath once again, and his brain and guts stopped destroying themselves with guilt.
“Nice catch...”
“She is, isn’t she? I told ya I’d find yous, and find yous I did. Actually, I never lost track of yous.”
“That’s slightly creepy... but I don’t care right now. Trixie is safe, and soon, Equestria will be.”
“Need a helping hoof?”
“Alright, you want to help? If you can go distract a few airships up there while we take out the one with a doomsday device on it, that would be just peachy.”
“Umm... could you take her now? I’m havin’ a little trouble flyin’ here.”
Trixie broke her trance at that remark, taking it as some offense about her weight. “I’m not sure I trust Flutterbreeze anymore. I thought he’d killed me back there!”
“I thought so too... OH!” Flutterbreeze smacked his hoof against his forehead. “Here, strap on my mailbag. There’s a parachute in it, just in case.”
“YOU COULDN’T MENTION THIS BEFORE!?!”
“sorry...” He pulled a cord out of the bag when she got it on her back. “Just tug on this if you fall.”
“I’m going to murder you when this is over...”
“You’ll have to beat me to it, but first, we have a job to do.” He grabbed the mailbag, and flew off with Trixie, to the relief of Pompadour. “For Equestria! For Luna and Celestiaaaaaaaaa!”
“Yeah, let’s bust up some blimps!” the purple pegasus shouted as he flew off at a different angle.
‘Technically they aren’t blimps.’ Thought, Flutterbreeze. ‘They are dirigibles since they have a rigid frame and don’t require full inflation to maintain their shape... I should pay attention to what I’m doing. That one! That airship is the one, I think.’
“Well, Hames, I must hoof it to you. You’ve met my expectations so far. But I still don’t see how you plan to succeed now that you’re paralyzed. Hehehehehe.”
The evil, chuckling dentist walked over to Shetland Hames and eyed him over. “What trick could you possibly have up your sleeve? What hidden dagger does your cloak reveal? Oh look, you’re little alligator friend is here. I’m scared now. He’s going to rescue you, isn’t he? Muahahahahahaaaaaa!!!”
The sinister stallion stepped behind the detective, walking towards Agent Gummy. He moved his eyebrows in a sadistically menacing fashion. “I’m not sure what you did to my device, rascal, but once I’ve fixed it, I- AHHH!”
Hames gave a hard kick to the rear of Turnip Stew when he was in the perfect spot, sending the mad pony flying out of the room, into the railing of the stairs, which cracked. “How...”
“Ask yourself one question: Who am I?”
“You’re... but...”
Hames walked over to the stammering pony, the pride of victory clear upon his face.
“I knew of your paralyzing drug when I saw the inventory records of your old factory. One of its chief ingredients, cobra toxin, is not something you usually find in toothpaste, dental floss, or ANYTHING that should go in a foal’s mouth. I made sure to walk through a certain market in town today where I procured an old zebra remedy for such poisons, and applied it to myself before encountering you here. Any questions? No? Good, because it’s time to go. Prison for you, nap time for me.”
“You... you are impossible!”
“I know.”
“But I’m not going to prison!” Turnip Stew was pale and sweating all over, hanging on to his last thread of hope.
“Suicide isn’t the answer.”
“I’ll see you again someday, Hames! But today, mark my words, I will remember today and learn from it. So the next time we meet, you will fear me!”
“I already fear all dentists.”
The evil stallion made a lunge at Shetland’s feet, tripping the detective. He bolted for the door, and he was going to make it... but Gummy lashed out his tail to trip the dentist in his tracks. Hames pounced on him, pinning him to the ground, before restraining him with handcuffs, rope, super glue, and dental floss. “Oh my, we have ten seconds!”
he put on the parachute hastily as Gummy bit his tail, grabbed Turnip Stew, and leaped out the open window. He released the parachute just as the building began to explode, the force of which blew them away from the larger chunks of falling debris. They glided down into Manechester’s central square, right on top of the fountain. Ponies gazed up at them in confusion. “Ok, so this looks odd, I know, but you’ll find out about this in tomorrow’s paper, hopefully!”
Flutterbreeze examined the largest of the airships as he flew towards it. The device was inside a closed compartment underneath, rather than in an open basket like the other airships had. ‘This could be more difficult...’
He resisted facehoofing himself (since he was holding trixie up still), as he said, “Oh I am stupid! Trixie, these airships are filled with hydrogen!”
“I care why?”
“Hydrogen is a highly flammable gas, which will practically explode in contact with flame. All you have to do is land a fireball on it and it should all burn up like a bad Hearth’s Warming feast!”
The Great and Powerful Trixie channelled her magic, gathering up energy to launch a fireball at the target. She let it go, but the air was too thick and moist, so it dissipated before reaching the airship.
“Dang, that’s not going to work...”
“Thank you, mister obvious.”
“Wait a second... Trixie, try an electric attack!”
“In this weather?”
“Yeah, just do it!”
“Ugh, you are so going to be the death of Trixie...” She groaned, before mentally preparing herself for another shot. ‘Just one more try now, you can do this! You are the Great and Powerful Trixie!’ She focussed all of her might into it, shouting as she released the bolt of lightning at the airship. The ponies were sent back in recoil as electricity passed through and around the metal frame of the dirigible. ‘It didn’t work...’
A flash of light and a boom of sound struck fierce and terrible at the aircraft. Thunder and lightning like they had never seen before arced down from the heavens to smite it. The fabric of the balloon ripped and the gasses burst forth in crimson flaming glory as it began its slow descent. The bottom dropped out from the fiery mess and into the sea below. There was nothing left of the ship but ash and sparks by the time Trixie and Flutterbreeze stopped staring at it.
Pompadour came to join them after the other airships broke away, their purpose lost forever. “Now that... that was just plain awesome!” he said.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie has saved Equestria!” exclaimed Flutterbreeze.
“I did, didn’t I? Yes! The Great and Powerful Trixie is the most great and powerful of all the Trixies there have ever been! All will now be awed by her tales of heroic feats and glorious triumph over forces most dark and foul!”
“Hey, mind holding the conquering hero for a second?” The mailpony handed her over to Pompadour, who once again struggled with their combined weight. Flutterbreeze pulled a small device out of the mailbag and started poking its screen with his hoof.
“What are you doing?”
“Marking these coordinates. I’ll have to report all of this to the agency later. For now, though...” he put the device back in the bag and took Trixie back. “Let’s go find us somewhere to land!”
The trio arrived at the shores of Prance in very little time. The skies were clearing up now, since they had flown all the way through the storm. The sunset lit the sky with all the beautiful hues of red and orange and yellow. The pegasi rested their wings as they lay upon the sand. Trixie took off the mailbag and used it as a pillow before gazing at the sky.
“This is weird...” said Flutterbreeze.
“What is?” asked Pompadour “The sudden lack of action and stress as we lay back after a hard-fought victory and week of brain-busting excitement?”
“No, that it’s already sunset. It’s only noon... and it’s close to the longest day of the year.”
“Yeah, that is a bit odd, I suppose.”
“Celestia must be having a rough day today. Either way, I’m perfectly content with letting the night come early so I can sleep.”
The ponies on either side of him let out sounds to show their agreement.
“Hey, Pompadour, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, easy name. Anyways, if you want to, I can recommend you into the agency. They’ll train you up and use whatever talents you have to your full potential.”
“You’d really do that?” Eagerness and surprise shone on the purple pegasus’s face.
“Mmhmm. But it’s a very heavy commitment that you can’t easily back out of, and between you and me, it hurts in every way possible to go through that training. Not to mention the crazy sort of lifestyle that follows. I mean, look at what happened today. That’s every other week fo me!”
“Whatever challenges present themselves, I will take ‘em down!”
“And if you can’t?”
“I will, because I won’t stop until I do!”
“Very well. I look forward to seeing where you end up. Perhaps we may fight alongside each other again someday.”
“I’m sure if we do, it would be totally rad.”
“Totally...”
“Hey, I don’t mean to spoil the moment,” said Trixie “But how the hay are we getting back to Fillydelphia?”
“Lets... take the train. No more flying... Ever...”
“Sounds like a plan. But I’m not ever going to forget that you dropped me back there!”
“I know.”
Twilight Sparkle yawned as she walked downstairs, following the scent of pancakes that Spike had made for breakfast.
“Hey Spike?” she called “You have today’s paper?”
“It’s on the table, there.” he answered from the kitchen.
The unicorn rubbed her eyes and spotted the newsprint sitting right next to her, feeling silly. She read the headline. “Shetland Hames Returns Triumphant!”
“Wow, he’s back to solving crimes? That’s awesome.” She yawned and continued reading out loud. “The legendary and famous detective, who many believed to be dead or retired has proven himself to be both alive and at the top of his game. The amazing wits of Shetland Hames unmasked the threats of an evil dentist bent on world domination. Odd... He didn’t have his old assistant on the case, but he did recruit the help of a small alligator, a pegasus of unknown identity, and... The Great and Powerful Trixie!?!”