//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: File Under 'I' for 'Impossible' // by Fizzy Orange //------------------------------// The night was quiet; not even a cricket was stirring, and all was peace. Zizanie slowly and silently made her way to Trixie’s desk. Tonight there were no cards strewn about the place, no empty glass and bottle on the desk, and decidedly smaller piles of paper on it than the previous night. (Then again, the pile on Moondancer’s desk was visibly thicker this time around.) Zizanie delicately pulled the third drawer of the desk open. It contained four sheets of paper in an uneven pile. This made it difficult, but not impossible, for the unicorn to sift through the paper without disturbing anything. The first sheet was a letter dating back to Trixie’s appointment as Representative and was fairly dry and impersonal. With a shine of her horn, Zizanie caused the first sheet to turn translucent, revealing the second letter underneath. The second letter was an invitation to Canterlot, dating back to the aftermath of Corona’s return and subsequent defeat by the Elements of Harmony. Princess Luna was personally inviting Trixie to receive a decoration and reward at her castle. Briefly Zizanie wondered why Trixie wasn’t showcasing the medal she had obviously received that day. Surely the medal would be in full view in her office. She dismissed the thought and cast her spell once more. The third letter was upside-down, hiding its text from her eyes. A second spell brought the letters into view, albeit inverted. Zizanie could read an upside down newspaper in a mirror at thirty paces; she had no problem deciphering the text. The letter described how Trixie could acquire her stipend and other technical details, once again dating back to Trixie’s arrival in Ponyville. The fourth letter was a lot more personal, but also incredibly short. In it, Princess Luna instructed Trixie to assist the unicorn Rarity during the then upcoming Winter Wrap-Up. Apparently this was to apologize for Trixie’s actions during the days leading to the latest Longest Night celebrations. With a flash, all the letters returned to normal, and Zizanie pushed the drawer closed without a sound. She was fighting with the urge to grumble out loud. Personal correspondence, my flank! she thought. “Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you …” sang Trixie, still in her shower. Moondancer put her hooves to her ears. When the mare had shown up for work, Trixie had just woken up and still had bed-mane when she came to open the door. She had been in the shower for the last five minutes, constantly singing the same couplet of that song, apparently unable to remember the rest. Normally, a pony’s voice sounded better under the shower, but it was as if Trixie was singing off-key on purpose! This day was off to a gloriously bad start. “I thought you said those boxes had to be mailed weekly?” asked Moondancer, using her magic to balance the four boxes of paperwork precariously balanced on her back. Trixie shrugged. “I got held up with stuff.” “But it’s almost midday,” complained the white unicorn, pointing to the clock. “Yeah, well, these boxes are late enough already; they need to make the 1 PM train to Canterlot, so you better hurry,” replied Trixie. Moondancer resigned herself to head for the door. “As you wish, Representative.” The door slammed behind Moondancer as she entered the Residency in a hurry. She was still panting when the clock sounded off noon. Corona was no longer in the sun, but the unicorn still didn’t feel safe under its harsh glare, and, more importantly, neither did most of the residents of Ponyville. Zizanie couldn’t afford to stand out from the masses. “Just in time,” said Trixie from the kitchen. “I just tossed together a salad from leftovers; join me in the kitchen for lunch.” Moondancer made her way to the Residency’s kitchen where she saw that, indeed, Trixie had prepared lunch. Two plates of simple salad, mostly made of dandelion leaves, sweet potato slices, and carrots, stood on each side of the small table. Trixie was busy putting tea in boiling water. “Dig in; the tea will be ready in a second,” she said. “Thanks, Miss Trixie!” Well, this was a pleasant surprise, thought Zizanie. She sat at the table and took hold of a fork with her telekinesis and jabbed it into her food. The salad was topped with red salad dressing; a slightly spicy smell tickled at the unicorn’s nose when she took a bite. “I was out of salad dressing, so I improvised by mixing mayonnaise with hot sauce,” said Trixie. Moondancer’s eyes bulged out. She jumped in the air, flames spouting from her open mouth as she cried for water. Diving for the clear pot of water in Trixie’s telekinetic field, she gulped it all down. It took her a second to realize she had just poured boiling water into her mouth. It was a few hours later, and Moondancer was still nursing a glass of ice-cold water. She shot daggers at Trixie, who seemed to be too busy shuffling her deck of cards to notice. “Let’s stop with the boring official work for today,” the Representative finally declared after the other unicorn had glared at her for a minute. “How about you help me practice for my Eventime Festival show? I have this great trick in mind; it involves cards and a throwing knife!” Zizanie couldn’t hide the look of sheer terror in her eyes. “I’m starting to doubt Trixie Lulamoon possesses the sort of information you are looking for, Viscount,” said Zizanie, once again in a conversation through the enchanted mirror. “I pay you to acquire confidential information, not judge its usefulness,” Replied Viscount Blueblood, still in shadows. “You are only backing down because your attempts have resulted in failure.” “Blackmail is my specialty, and I’m telling you, Bluey,” she replied, making the Stallion growl at the nickname, “this is a bad caper. Plus I’m pretty sure she’s crazy!” The shadowed stallion rubbed a hoof against his chin. “Raid the safe tonight; if there is still nothing worthwhile, we’ll use more … aggressive methods to ensure Miss Lulamoon’s cooperation with us.” Zizanie sneered; the kind of aggressive methods she was currently contemplating were probably not exactly the same that Prince Blueblood had in mind, but they were quite fun to contemplate nonetheless. Unlocking the back door of the Residency without a noise had become routine by now, and so was the short trek through the kitchen toward the office. Things were pretty much the same as when Moondancer had left earlier that day, with the same piles of papers and the same throwing knife still embedded in the wall by the doorway. Facing the large portrait of Trixie and the earth pony stallion, Zizanie briefly considered drawing a mustache on the face of her annoying boss. She finally decided against it and took the framed picture down gently with her telekinesis, revealing the wall safe behind. She placed an expert ear to the door and quickly found the combination to open it. She swung the door open and looked upon her prize. Carrots. Lots of carrots. “Not quite what you expected, Moondancer? As if that were your real name,” said the voice of Trixie from somewhere behind the intruder. She whipped around in time to see Trixie appearing as if her colors were bleeding in from the ether. The blue unicorn stood proudly, her cape fluttering and her hat perched upon her head. “Don’t bother to deny it. I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, have seen through your clever disguise. The Great and Powerful Trixie must commend your mastery of subtle illusions, capable of fooling even the passive senses of the Great and Powerful Trixie. If the Great and Powerful Trixie hadn’t been suspicious, she might have never bothered to perform a more active examination. It was very clever of you to change nothing but the color of your mane and your cutie mark,” declared Trixie, putting a hoof to her chest. Zizanie glanced toward the bookcase. “I put the book back wrong, didn’t I? That’s how you knew!” Trixie let out a mocking laugh. “Don’t underestimate the Great and Powerful Trixie. The Great and Powerful Trixie was already watching you on that night. No, you gave yourself away the very day you first approached the Great and Powerful Trixie!” The intruder’s eyes bulged at that declaration. “What? How?” “Pinkie Pie,” said Trixie with a smirk. Zizanie blinked a few times. “Pinkie … Pie?” “You claimed to be new in town; however, even after two days, Pinkie Pie had yet to organize a party to welcome you to Ponyville. Pinkie Pie never misses such an occasion, ”said Trixie, glaring at Zizanie. “It made the Great and Powerful Trixie suspicious, and she followed you home, where she witnessed your transformation to your true form and your attempt at finding out her secrets. This is not the first time that somepony has attempted to gain sway over the Night Court by spying on the Great and Powerful Trixie; she is, after all, Princess Luna’s faithful student!” The other unicorn growled in anger. “Is that why you were such an insufferable boss? You were trying to chase me away? Punish me for spying on you?” Trixie looked confused. “What are you … I mean … yes! The Great and Powerful Trixie is normally a much more benevolent employer.” Zizanie’s left eye twitched in anger. That was an obvious lie. She could have accepted Trixie being a jerk for the sake of punishing her—it would have been par for the course—but Trixie hadn’t actually changed her behavior. Zizanie growled in anger as she charged magic into her horn. With a shout, she threw a bolt of energy at the form of the gloating Trixie. She gasped when the bolt flew right through her and harmlessly dissipated against the wall next to the coat rack. Zizanie realized her mistake when she noticed the hat and cape were still on their peg. This was an illusion, and the real Trixie was still invisible! The masked unicorn tried to flee just in time to avoid the full brunt of the attack the still invisible Trixie aimed at her head. She felt the invisible hooves graze her shoulder, causing her to stumble into one of the filing cabinets. The illusionary Trixie was laughing, laughing at her! The real one was still invisible and could be anywhere. It was better part of valor time. Zizanie crashed through the window of Trixie’s office, landing on the grass below in a shower of glass shards. “Not again!” shouted an indignant Trixie. Zizanie took a second to get back up and shake loose the bits of glass still stuck in small painful cuts all over her body. She found herself surrounded on all fronts by multiple Trixies, all of them lacking the hat and cape. “Now the question you have to ask yourself,” began one Trixie, “is if I am one of those unicorns,” continued a second one as it took a step toward her, “or if I’m still simply invisible,” finished a third one with a satisfied sneer. Zizanie considered her options. Looking beyond the ring of Trixies, she could see windows lighting up; soon the townsfolk would be upon her, ready to defend the Element of Magic from the masked intruder. She was also still extremely mad at the annoying unicorn. This was foolish and she knew it, but she still relished the thought of giving the unicorn a lesson. “Don’t underestimate me, Great and Pompous Lulamoon. My name is Zizanie, and one day you will regret ever meeting me,” she said, closing her eyes. When she opened them again, the left one was completely yellow with an orange iris. With an audible popping noise, all of Trixie’s illusions shattered into fleeing moths, while the real one appeared. The real Trixie looked up in surprise as a moth flew from her forehead, then noticed something was missing. “Aaaah! My horn! My horn! My horn is gone! Aaaah!” she shrieked, dancing about in panic. After five seconds or so, a pinging noise brought her attention back to her forehead, where her horn had reappeared. The masked unicorn had taken Trixie’s moment of panic to disappear into the night; her neighbors were beginning to come out of their homes to find out where the commotion was coming from. A few blocks away, in a secluded alley, Zizanie was leaning against the wall, panting. She had ran quite far to flee from the Residency ground; however, it was not the only reason exhaustion was gripping her. Sweat was beading on her forehead; as she roared in pain, the cloth covering her right front hoof exploded into shreds. Rather than a hoof, it was the large muscular paw of a white tiger that landed on the soft ground, sharp claws digging into the earth. “No …” said Zizanie, tightly closing her mismatched eyes in concentration. “I’m a pony, I’m a pony, I’m a pony. I am a pony!” When she opened them again, two sky-blue eyes stared at a naked hoof. “Thank you again, Windowpane,” said Trixie as she escorted the earth pony stallion back to the door. “Anytime, Trixie! I’m always ready to do emergency repairs for my best customer,” replied the stallion. The unicorn waved to the stallion as he hitched himself back to his wagon full of panes of glass. How did she wind up on a first name basis with the window repair guy anyway? Sadly, this was not the most profound mystery of the day. All of the mysterious unicorn’s belongings had mysteriously disappeared by the time Trixie had calmed down from the frightening experience of losing her horn. There was not a speck of dust left at the apartment. The Moondancer identity had also been a dead end. The real Moondancer had perished in a tragic train accident a few months back. Trixie had hoped to catch the unicorn contacting someone that would lead to her employer, but apparently she had instead used some impressive magical means to keep in touch. At least it narrowed it down to only the unicorn families present at the Night Court. Trixie couldn’t recall exactly how many there were that potentially had access to such enchanted items; somewhere around twelve, or, in other words, too many. There was nothing left for Trixie to do but hire another assistant. She did not look forward to it. When the first knock came at her door, she dreaded opening it, but went anyway. “Pinkie Pie,” she said, not surprised in the least. “I should thank you for your indirect help.” “Thank you, Miss Lulamoon!” replied Pinkie, making Trixie cringe at the use of her last name. “I’m not sure what I did, but does that mean I get the job?” Trixie sighed. “Pinkie Pie, why do you even want this job? You already work at Sugarcube Corner!” Pinkie Pie’s eyes grew in size, and she gasped as if a grand universal truth had been revealed to her. “By Luna’s beard, Miss Lulamoon! You’re right! I have so much fun at Sugarcube Corner I forgot it was a job! Wow! I have a great job! Forget the assistant thing … See you later, Miss Lulamoon! Time’s a wasting, and I gotta get a-baking!” And with that, the pink pony ran off. Trixie had to chuckle at the display as she closed the door again. It didn’t take long for another knock to come. She went to open the door and found a dark blue unicorn stallion with a pale, almost white, blue-grey mane. His horn looked incredibly sharp. “Greetings! I saw your ad in town and wondered if the position was still available?” asked the stallion. “It is; please, come in, mister …” began Trixie, stepping aside to let the unicorn come in. “Pokey Pierce, but everypony in town just calls me Pokey.” Trixie looked at his cutie mark, an opened safety pin decorated with a heart. “A safety pin? Are you some sort of baby safety inspector?” He chuckled. “Not really, no. You see, my special talent is the ability to pierce anything with my horn! I am constantly looking for new challenges, perfecting my sharpening spell, and I won’t stop until I’ve pierced the heavens themselves! Rocks are already beginning to be too easy for me.” “That’s certainly a grandiose dream,” continued the mare as she sat down. “I suppose it doesn’t pay the bills much, right?” Pokey smiled. “That much is obvious. I actually took classes in administration in Fillydelphia and came back to my hometown recently. I just finished a short apprenticeship program at Rich’s store, but the retail environment just isn’t my forte.” Trixie pondered for a few seconds. “Well, that sounds good. It recently has come to my attention that I might not be … the perfect boss. Would you be willing to put up with the ungrateful job of being my assistant?” “Ah yes, everypony in town tells me you’re a jerk nobody wants to be friends with,” said Pokey, smiling as she flinched at that, “but I can put up with it. I think Filthy Rich was a pretty pompous boss, but I didn’t let that bother me. If you become too much, I’ll be ready to bring you back down with a … piercing remark.” Trixie groaned, “Just for that horrible pun, I have half a mind not to hire you!” “And the other half?” “The other half is telling me that you start tomorrow,” said Trixie, reaching to shake his hoof. Cue end credits!