Discord was confused.
He was not used to being confused.
He didn't dislike it entirely, if he was honest, but it was still a curious feeling.
Despite it being against his nature, he decided to think about what he knew 'logically' for a moment, if only to understand these ponies:
First, his statue crumbles like someone took a sledgehammer to it.
Second, he discovers that all the guards and nobles are running around in a panic.
Third, he had nothing to do with the second thing.
Fourth, the sun wasn't up yet.
Five, the sun SHOULD be up, unless he misremembered how ponies timed the hours in a day and night.
Six, Celestia was missing.
Seven, showing up in a dramatic fashion to empty rooms gets awkward fast.
Eight, Celestia had a thing for stuffed animals.
Nine, She also had porn for straight and bisexual mares, both ponies and interspecies.
Ten, he didn't know that Pet Play was such a big thing now.
Eleven, for the record, he had nothing to do with the issues regarding the sun or Celestia.
Twelve, he had no idea what to do now.
No, seriously, he had nothing. Sure, he could go out and spread his chaos and everything, but that would be stealing someone else's show. And while he didn't have issue with that in itself, he wanted to at least know whose show he was stealing- after all, he'd have to thank them appropriately for freeing him. Plus, it kind of ruined the purpose of making them confused and scared if someone else already had them confused and scared.
So, that was why he was currently floating over the desk in Celestia's personal study, looking for some clue as to what was going on, while eating a picture of milk- literally, he had a picture of a glass of white milk and he was licking it away like it was ice cream. He kept an ear out for the guards in case they figured out what was going on before he did, and he had the other ear listening for the unmistakable sound of Celestia's voice.
Discord decided that being confused was an interesting thing: He didn't feel the subtle desire to cause massive pandemonium every instant while his brain was working on a puzzle. He could just teleport her to him, or try to at the least, but there wasn't much fun in that. Besides, they'd probably just blame everything on him and he took pride in the fact that he didn't take credit for other people's accomplishments. And kidnapping Her Sunny Flankness was fairly impressive. Unless she was playing hooky, which Discord oh so wished was true.
He blinked, tossing the picture away, somehow spilling the milk out of the frame and onto the floor, as he found a letter to the princess in question and noted two curious words: Nightmare Moon, formerly known as Luna, tauntingly referred to as Lulu, and sometimes nicknamed any variation of Selena. And, now that Discord bothered to listen, he could hear the name Nightmare Moon being said a lot in a little town near the Everfree that, unless he was wrong, was very unoriginally and uncreatively called Ponyvile.
This brought him to the lucky number on his list:
Thirteen, after reading this letter from a "Twilight Sparkle," he deduced that Luna had gotten free and gone Eternal Prom Night Queen on everyone again. And, knowing Celestia, she was probably either too shocked or too unwillingly to fight her sister and got captured... if Moony had Luna's sense of ironic justice, she'd probably trapped Celestia in the sun.
"Hmm, Celestia with a tan? Tanestia?" Discord mused to himself curiously before shrugging and snapping his tail as he vanished in a reverse pop, leaving a large, Draconequus shaped bubble of chocolate fudge, sitting at the desk with its "head" in its "paw."
Mayor Mare had just barely gotten everyone to calm down and stop panicking over the missing princess and the mysterious Nightmare Moon alicorn promising to bring eternal night upon them. Internally, she couldn't blame them- Eternal night didn't bode well, especially so close to the Everfree, where some creatures grew bolder in the extended darkness. The idea that this individual could somehow capture Princess Celestia wasn't something she wanted to think too deeply on either.
"Aww, looks like I missed the fun," A voice complained from behind her. She sighed, taking the comment to be sarcastic or simply uniformed, turned to address what she was expecting to be someone that hadn't managed to stay awake for the Summer Sun Celebration. She squealed and jumped back in alarm, landing on her flanks with a gapping mouth as she found herself staring up at a slender serpentine creature that would tower over Celestia herself and had different body parts from more creatures than any hybrid she had ever heard of. He was currently leaning down at an almost(or completely) impossible angle for his spine, looking at her in amusement, "And who might you be?" He asked, not impolitely.
"I-I am Mayor Mare," She answered automatically, trying to process who or what was talking to her.
Discord smiled, as if entertained by her name, as his neck returned to its full height and he used his lion paw to shake her limp hoof, "Well hello, Mare Mayor, I am Discord "This Cord" and I see I'm late to the party!" He said, looking up at the town hall filled with ponies, all staring at him in curiosity and caution. "Good evening, Mares and Gentlecolts! I am Discord "This Cord": Draconequus Supremus Rex, Ruler of Chaos and Bringer of Chooooocolate Raaaaaain!" he declared in a booming voice with his arms outstretched. Normally, rumbling clouds appearing from nowhere would be a very ominous sight for these ponies. However, given that the small clouds hovering over several of them were fluffy, pink, and indeed raining chocolate milk, they were more confused than scared, "And I couldn't help hearing whispers that a certain Nocturnal Drama Queen crashed your shindig and did some alicornnaping!" Discord added on, recapturing their attention effortlessly. Now they were all wondering where the microphone had come from, "SO, ANYPONY HAVE ANYTHING IMPORTANT TO TELL LITTLE OLD ME?!" He asked, his voice booming from nowhere and everywhere. It was loud enough to make them cringe, but not loud enough to make them go deaf.
"Um..." A small voice called out in the silence, making the entire room turn to stare at a Pegasus filly with orange fur and a purple mane.
All at once, a long eagle hand appeared out of her left side as the smirk goat-like head popped out of her right. The crowd gasped while the young pony screamed in surprise and jumped back, the rest of the chimeric body seeming to flow out of her as she did. Everyone looked from where Discord was to where he had been several times in confusion, having not seen him move.
"And who might you be?" Discord asked as he held the microphone to her, his body hovering low to the floor. The filly gulped and shook lightly under his mismatched gaze. Discord rose an eyebrow but lost none of his smirk as a reddish purple earth pony with a pink mane walked protectively up behind the filly, a stern and warning scowl on her face, 'Hmm, with that grimness, all she needs is a bit of coat dye and she'll practically be a dead ringer for Celly before her hair went rainbow on everyone,' He mused to himself.
"Sir...Discord, was it? I'd appreciate you not terrorizing my students- the fillies here are barely awake now as it is and we've all had enough surprises," She requested patiently.
"Ohh, we can never have enough surprises, My Dear," Discord said in his charming voice, making her blink in surprise, before he glanced back at the orange Pegasus and notice the slight sway in her stance, "But I suppose I see your point, Miss...?" He asked curiously, spinning the Microphone up to her.
She pulled her head back at being put on the spot, but awkwardly answered, "Umm, I'm Cheerilee."
Discord blinked, "Cheerilee? Sounds like someone tried to name you "Cheer Leader" and stopped too late." With that, he snapped his free eagle claw. Before Cheerilee could retort, she found ten tiny versions of herself, dressed in green and white cheerleader uniforms and pompoms climbing over her hair before they started doing a cheer routine, finishing by forming a pyramid while all on thier hind legs, showing off the letters(and exclamation point) on their shirts: "C he eri lee!"
"Coooooool," Scootaloo said in amazement as she watched the spectacle, as did the rest of the crowd.
Cheerilee looked stupefied as the mini-Cheerilees all turned into snow, prompting her to shake the cold substance off her nose, "...For the record, I wanted to be a cheerleader," Cheerilee pointed out in light annoyance to the smirking Discord, rubbing his claw and paw together.
"Ohh, how delightfully coincidental! What kept you? Couldn't do flips?" Discord asked teasingly.
"No!...I was too tall, it kept making the pyramids fall apart," Cheerilee countered, grumbling to herself at the end.
Discord feigned a look of sympathy as he patted her on the head, "Ahh, the curse of beauty strikes again," He consoled, making her blush in surprise once more. Taking the opening, he turned back to the blank Pegasus, "Now, as you were saying little..." He said asked, putting the microphone to her.
The filly took offense to this as she put her front legs on top of the microphone and glared at the Draconequus, "My name is Scootaloo! And I'm not little!" She protested loudly. Too loudly, as even Discord found himself curling his ears to block out the sharp screech that came after that, the rest of the crowd covering their ears with their hooves.
"Of course you're not!" Discord called over the ringing in everyone's ears, twisting his blue horn counter clockwise with a clicking noise, everyone moving their hooves away curiously as they slowly regain their hearing with every turn, "Now, let's try that again?" He asked with a bit of annoyance in his tone.
"S-sorry..." Scootaloo apologized, looking sheepishly at everyone else before turning to the reality warper, blushing nervously as she spoke into the microphone, all eyes on her, "I, ah, I...I followed Rainbow Dash, thinking she was going after the Nightmare-mare...but since she disappeared, Rainbow followed the one pony who knew Nightmare Moon's name. I...I don't know what happened or why, but I saw them, my friend's sisters, Pinkie Pie, and someone else head to the Everfree. I came here to tell my friends, but theirs sister must have sent them home," Scootaloo answered, a bit rambling.
"Okay, okay, I get it," Discord said waving his hand as he threw the microphone over his shoulder before she could continue. Said item landing on a pony's head and turning into a unicorn horn. Discord rolled his joints as he landed his hind legs on the ground and stood at his full height over the mass of ponies, several of them more than a bit intimidated. Scootaloo instinctively moved a bit closer to Cheerilee, who craned her neck to look at him with a thoughtful look, "Well, that's about all I need to know. Thanks for the help, My Little Ponies, but it's about time for this nightmare to get a wakeup call! Enjoy the cotton candy and the chocolate milk, on the house!" He announced as he headed toward the door with a little strut in his step, mentally grinning at what he'd do when he found Nightmare Moon. He was about to snap his way out of the building when...
"Mr. Discord, Sir?!" Scootaloo called loudly. This time, she didn't notice being the center of attention, focusing entirely as the Draconequus in the doorway tilted his head up, until it had done a full one-eighty, letting him stare at her upside down, "Are...are you going to bring the Princess back?"
Discord blinked, turning around and bringing his head back, never taking his eyes off the little orange Pegasus. He blinked again as he stared into those soft purple eyes, staring at him with something that had never been directed at him: Hope. Those young and naive eyes held a pleading bit of hope in them, asking him for his help. And as Discord glanced around, he saw similar expressions, curious and expecting looks on the faces of the other ponies. Not as innocent or strong as the filly's, but it was there. They were almost...depending on him? Wanting to trust him?
He wasn't sure what exactly, but it wasn't the looks he was familiar with receiving.
Discord allowed a small, practically smug smile adore his face as snapped his fingers, the filly appearing a few feet above where she had been, on a cloud of extra fluffy cotton candy, "Take a nap, Kiddo. By the time you wake up, the sun will be up," He promised, making tiny Timberwolves of chocolate rain form on the cloud and start jumping in front of the confused yet sleepy Pegasus's eyes. Cheerilee, a bit alarmed at first, smiled a bit as Scootaloo drifted off to sleep, "Good night, and good morning, everypony!" Discord announced, flashing a grin as he reached up to the top of the doorway while he grabbed...what appeared to be his own tail before he was pulled up at near sonic speeds.
Cheerilee, the mayor, and several other ponies raced over to the door way and looked around for the mysterious stranger, "...He's gone," The Mayor stated in light amazement, seeing not a trace of him.
"Really think we can trust him?" Red Delicious asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I don't think we have any better options. Besides, while he was a little...odd, he seemed like he knows what's going on," Cheerilee opined, 'Still...why does he seem familiar, like I've seen him somewhere?' She wondered to herself, something itching at the back of her mind.
"Hey, umm, Mayor?" Apple Fritter called as she approached the group, "Ya'll know if that Discord fellow is comin' back?" She asked, her eyes shifting awkwardly.
"I couldn't say, I'm afraid," Mayor Mare answered with a sigh, before blinking at the tone, "Why?"
"Well...um...you see...," Apple Fritter glanced over her shoulder to see her cousin, one of the Apple family members actually local to Ponyvile, looking between his eyes curiously, "The microphone turned Big Mac into a unicorn."
No one had a proper response to that.
Unless you count the sleeping Scootaloo's mutter of "awesome" to whatever dream she was having.
Discord popped out of a pond with an elevator ding, still holding the tail that was somehow both above his head and in it proper place, sticking into the liquid. He released it as it pulled itself fully out of the water, now in just one place.
"Hmm, seemed to have missed my mark a bit," He mused as held up his eagle arm, pulling a string to reveal a roll up map of the Everfree. On it was a serious of dots: a red one labeled "Manticry" by a cliff, a half purple/half orange one labeled "Sea Sissy" in a river, and a blinking grey one labeled as "This is you" just southeast of that. After that were seven moving dots of yellow, sky blue, white purple, orange, pink, and dark blue. They were respectively labeled as Muttershy, Rainbow Pride, Snootity, Sparklus Nerdious, Jack the Bucker, Pinkie Pie, and Prommare Moon. There was also a big X labeling where the castle and elements were, which the ponies were getting very near too. "Huh, didn't even realize all the different Prom jokes I could use on Lulu's new name," He commented in interest, noting that Nightmare Moon was bouncing a bit all over the general area of the other six. He shrugged before tugging the map and letting it spring back into his arm with a few flaps, "Hmm, should be just west of me...,"
With a shrug, he started floating along through the forest of the Everfree on his back, as if he was completely at home in it, which he could very well be, "Well, Sparky Dusk is obbbbviously heading to the old castle to get the Elements of Harmony." As he mused and floated, his tail dragging against the ground and leaving a trail of freshly grown poison joke. A baby hydra walked out of a push, looking from the strange new creature to the plants in curiosity. Slowly, it walked up to the blue flowers, having never seen these things in its young life and sniffed with one of its heads. This head sneezed, now sporting an elephant trunk and tusks. One of the heads laughed while the other two looked curious and shocked as the hyrdaphant head started crying for its mother.
"Miss Eclipse is probably keeping an eye on the Little Pony Squad, trying to scare them off. Crazy or not, Old Lulu isn't an outright murderess when she doesn't need to be. She probably feels content trying to scare them off or crushing their hope of defeating her entirely," He deduced before glancing at the readers. "What can I say? I knew how Sunbutt and Moonflanks thought even before I was stoned," He explained with a shrug before bumping his head into a tree, "Who put that here?" He muttered in annoyance as he looked around the tree, "Ahh, here's the path!" He noted with a grin, snapping his fingers as it all turned to soap with him on it in a flash, "Lovely little bits of chaos. Its things like this that make a Draconequus feel young again!" he declared, skating down the path.
He hummed a little tune to himself as he speed through the forest, absently ducking under trees and performing a spinning jump over a stumbling Timberwolf on the slippery path, "Now this is the way to get around on your feet- skating as fast or as slow as you want, the wind in you mane, dodging everything in your path, traveling headlong to a ravine with only a rickety old bridge to get me across-" Discord mused, coming to a screeching fault at the start of the bridge, "Which works like an escalator." he finished cheekily, stepping onto it as some mall music start playing and the bridge starter to move, or revolve rather, as he looked at the castle and the surroundings, "Celestia, buck yourself, you really let this place go to waste. I'm sure there was a stone bridge here when they moved me to the new castle. He was honestly a bit surprised by the sheer level of decay on the ruins. "Guess she doesn't handle bittersweet memories too well..."
With that bit of observation done, he came to the end of the bridge, holding up a pamphlet he got from nowhere, "Castle of the Two Sisters? Again, veeeery creative. Well, at least they have a decent show tonight:" He opined, before another microphone floated down from nothing and he grabbed it with his free hand, "LADIES AND GENTLESTALLIONS! INTRODUCING, FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY!!!" He shouted, though none heard it besides Discord and the readers, "The Rumble in the Castle in the Jungle! Nightmare Moon vs Discord! The Corrupted Princess Vs The Mad King! The Alicorn Vs The Draconequus! Night Vs Chaos! Both Immortals that just got out of (at least) a thousand years of imprisonment and have just as much steam to vent!" he declared, withholding the urge to make a wrestling arena appear, before shrugging to the fourth wall, "I could go on, but I might be late to my own sh-," the Chaos God paused as his eyes narrowed with a smirk.
Oh so casually, he turned the pamphlet into a paper air plane and threw it off to his left, into the starry night, "Got you now, Luna."
With that, he sunk into the ground, into his own shadow who so generously gave him a concealed ride along the grass and up the broken walls of the castle. He reemerged right above a mist made of the midnight sky, he himself as an upside-down body of shimmering invisibility- completely unnoticeable thanks to the night she so adored, coincidentally. Still, this position put him on top of Moony, literally, while giving him a peek inside.
'So, this is her? Celestia's grand student?' He mused as he saw the young mare with five others, who left as the royal protégé stood over a group of five stone orbs...The Elements of Harmony. He couldn't help the scowl on his face as he saw those accursed things, but smirked as he saw their petrified state, 'What goes around comes around, Harmony,' he thought, a bit vengefully as he watched her try to make a 'spark' to magic the sixth element appear. He held back the urge to grind those orbs into dust and scatter them to the four winds before burying the five at sea and sending the sixth, if he could get it, into space.
But no, that would be too easy. And as Nightmare Moon zipped forward in her mist form, Discord knew exactly what he would do next. After all, if Lulu wanted to play the role of arch villain, she needed to be...educated in the finer arts of it. And as Twilight Sparkle jumped head first into blue twister, she never saw the now-visible Draconequus do a swan dive into the head of the heart of it...
Twilight stared up at Nightmare Moon with an initial wave of shock and fear before she steeled herself- let her never be called a coward- and readied herself to charge the alicorn, "You're kidding. You're kidding, right?" the dark princess asked evenly, clearly not believing this mare was serious about taking her on, one on one. Just as they were both about to charge, the most random thing happened: A paper airplane flew in through a window and sliced the alicorn's right cheek, spilling royal blood and making her hiss in surprise as the aerial paper construct impaled itself into the stone floor.
"What foalplay is this!?" Nightmare Moon snarled as she used her magic to wrench the offending object out of the ground and open it. Twilight, too confused by the sudden event, paused as she looked at the piece of paper. On the side she could see, there was an image of Nightmare Moon in the middle of trading blows with some odd, chimeric creature...which than proceeded to look directly at her and wave.
"What the hay?" Twilight whispered as Nightmare read two words on the back of the pamphlet.
"Ruer moi?" She read out loud...and screamed as the message exploded into fire.
The smoke from said fire quickly formed into the long, serpentine body of Discord, the fire forming his yellow orbed eyes of crimson- his tail end near the ceiling as his front leaned down to look directly at the ruler of the night with a mocking smirk on his face.
And as the soot covered Nightmare Moon coughed, banishing the smoke and fire, her vision cleared to be quickly greeted by that very sight.
The wide, numb, slack jawed reaction was just too perfect for the Lord of Chaos. She was literally incapable of comprehending the fact that he was right here.
"This...This is impossible." She whispered slowly, terror creeping into her voice, "Y-you can't be here. This has to be a-"
"Nightmare?" Discord offered teasingly, reaching up to stroke her cut cheek, the red liquid dripping down his eagle claws.