1055 AD, April 18th
Previously on Twilight VS Anime…
Discord guffawed as he towered over Ponyville. “I am doing sketchy things!”
“Twilight, Trixie’s not so secret crush…” Trixie struck a dramatic pose. “Trixie will fight your champion and do lewd things to you if she wins!”
Rarity stepped forwards and spun a sword in her telekinetic grip. “I will fight you now and look fabulous doing it.”
Trixie abruptly fell down in the dirt. “Oh no! The Great and Powerful Trixie has been defeated. Twilight, go out with Trixie later! Okay, cool! Now she can die in peace. Blegh…”
Princess Celestia cackled evilly. “I have nothing better to do!”
In two separate locations, Twilight and Star Secret trembled, clenched their teeth, turned their heads skywards, and let loose their cries of anguish and utter annoyance.
“FFFFUUUU-”
Episode Three
あなたは今までにその皆感じていますが、非常識なのですか？
Anata wa ima made ni sono kai kanjite imasuga, hijōshikina nodesu ka? ~ Still on the Journey to the Mountain City
Travelling to Canterlot by hoof was obviously not the quickest means, but it wasn’t as far as it looked; when the sun had set and the moon was out, they were more than halfway there.
Twilight was quite tired by that point however, and that fatigue was potent enough that she decided not to argue when Applejack suggested they make camp near a cluster of tall trees that cast long shadows in the moonlight.
Fortunately, Pinkie had packed enough camping supplies for the six of them.
“Where’d you get all this?” Twilight questioned Pinkie as the hyperactive mare hammered tent pegs into the dirt with the hilt of her greatsword.
“Well, the sleeping bags I got from you girls’ homes…” Pinkie pulled some rope taut and looped it around the peg in a tight knot. “The snacks are from Mr and Mrs. Cake, and the tents are something I’ve been collecting for just such an emergency!”
Twilight frowned. “N-no, I meant… where did you keep all of this on your body?”
Pinkie gave her a strange look. “Twily – it’s me, remember? I got the tricks all up my sleeves, even when I’m not wearing anything!” She smirked and tapped the side of her muzzle. “Especially when I’m not wearing anything…”
“… Yeah, I really should have expected that. Hey, have you seen Applejack?”
“She’s over there starting the campfire.”
“Thanks – see you later.”
“Bye-bye!”
Twilight trotted east, around Rarity’s two-storey high ‘castle-tent’, and sure enough, there was Applejack, rubbing two sticks together in the middle of a pit filled with flammable wood. Briefly, she considered offering a basic pyromancy spell to help, but decided not to when she remembered the farm pony took pride in camping with one’s own bare hooves, not by magic and spells.
‘Although how exactly that stands with all this ‘anime’ business is anypony’s guess…’
“Evening, Twi’,” Applejack nodded in acknowledgement at her approach and offered a warm smile. “Fire’s goin’ ta be up in a sec’, so get yer marshmallows ready.”
“I will,” Twilight nodded back and stopped a safe distance away. “Applejack, do you think Discord will try anything while we sleep?”
“Can’t rightly say fer sure…” Applejack replied. Smoke began rising from the friction produced between the sticks and she bent low to gently blow on it. “But ah don’t reckon even he’d be low enough ta attack us in our sleep.”
Twilight grinned hopefully. “You think so?”
“Huh? Oh, nah…” Applejack winced guiltily. “Ah was jes’ sayin’ tha’ ta sound dramatic-like. See, Discord showed up a few minutes ago when ya’ll went ta th’ bathroom near those trees an’ told us someone would show up.”
“You know, for the Element of Honesty, you’re…” Twilight trailed off and shook her head with a sigh. “Forget it. Are we at least going to get some sleep?”
“Uh-huh…” Embers started appearing and they were coaxed into a small flame that cast a pleasant orange light. “Five or so hours before they show up an’ we can catch th’ rest of our z’s after th’ fight. Ah think they were goin’ ta show up earlier, but had a problem with their lines and wanted ta… ‘spruce it up’.”
“Wonderful…”
“Sorry about lyin’; ah was jes’ tryin’ ta get in-”
“No, no – it’s fine, really. I’m just tired is all,” Twilight smiled disarmingly. “I’ll feel better after some food and rest,” As if to agree with her statement, her stomach rumbled loudly, eliciting an embarrassed blush. “Ah heh heh…”
“Well, have ah got somethin’ tha’ will satisfy yer belly…” Applejack grinned cheekily and trotted over to a chill bin. Lifting the lid, she stuck one hoof in and pulled out a familiar red object before turning back to Twilight. “Feast yer eyes on this here beauty.”
“It’s an apple,” Twilight observed with another rumble from her stomach. Sensing something amiss, she narrowed her eyes and smirked playfully. “But I get the feeling there’s more to it.”
“This here apple and th’ apples in the bin were plucked from a tree we’ve been growin’ in secrecy…” Applejack stepped closer, brandishing the sweet-smelling… very sweet-smelling fruit. “Watered with th’ water from Rainbow Falls, kept in prime heatin’ conditions and the like, and made with th’ freshest fertilizer available – Apple-brand. Me an’ the family helped with tha’ if ya’ll catch mah drift.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide as she finished taking a particularly big whiff of the apple. “I think I do catch your drift…”
“An’ so ah would be honoured if mah friends took th’ very first bite of th’ Apple family’s newest product… Jackapples.”
“… Um…”
“Yeah, ah’m… ah’m not too good at names, so it’s more of a placeholder ‘til Big Mac thinks of somethin’.”
Despite the questionable name and its… ‘origins’, Twilight was drawn in by the fragrance of the fruit and eagerly took it with her telekinesis. The coat was shiny and a healthy shade of red; her mouth watered as she opened her mouth and-
“LLLLET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLE!!”
If the suddenness of the yell didn’t startle Twilight, then the tremor that rocked her did. Shocked, Twilight’s telekinesis shorted out, and she dropped the apple.
It hit the ground, bounced from another tremor, and rolled into the fire.
“Wh…? What…?” Twilight’s lip trembled as she reached out to the apple imploringly, helpless as the poor fruit was used to fuel the hungry flames. “B-but…”
“Whoa, whoa – what’s happening?” Rainbow Dash cried as she and the other girls appeared to gather around their friend in mourning. “Nothing was supposed to happen until, like… later!”
The voice boomed out again, seemingly from every direction, and the ground buckled in response.
“THINGS HAVE TAKEN A TURN IN THE WRONG DIRECTION FOR YOU LITTLE PONIES! YOU ARE NOT PREPARED FOR THE BEATING THAT WILL TAKE PLACE HERE, UNDER THE GAZE OF THE MOON!”
After her own little, quick pity party, Twilight sniffed and swiped her foreleg across her eyes before standing up and looking around for the source of the voice.
“If Discord told you someone was coming, did he tell you who it was?”
“No, d- eep!” Rarity pitched forwards from a strong shake and barely caught herself. “Ooh, if you make me get dirt on this outfit…! Er, no, dear – we don’t know who our mysterious assailant is.”
“FOR THE MIGHT OF OUR LORD DISCORD, YOU PONIES WILL BE DEFEATED, BE STOMPED, AND BE RUINED BY THE LORD’S STRONGEST CHAMPION! HE IS THE UNDEFEATABLE, THE INCREDIBLE… THE ONE… AND THE ONLY…”
Fluttershy frowned. “W-wait… I think I recognize that…”
“IRON WIIIIIILLLL!!”
The ground in front of the six mares exploded spectacularly as tonnes of dirt and rubble were upheaved by a powerful force. Twilight gasped and threw up a magical barrier to deflect the clumps of dirt and pebbles.
It wouldn’t have hurt them, but what did hurt was Rarity’s shriek whenever her clothing was tarnished in any way.
Once the shower of debris ended, Twilight dropped the barrier and it was then she got her first glimpse of their foe.
Iron Will of the Boat and Show
A minotaur bursting at the seams with testosterone and DETERMINATION
A prime specimen of a minotaur with blue fur stood on the edge of the hole he had made in the ground. His massive head was bowed, shrouding his face in shadow as a majestic red cape looped around his broad shoulders billowed in a strong gust of wind. Even hunched over as he was, he was still taller than even Celestia, and much wider.
Twilight had heard of Iron Will from friends and how his self-help seminars worked too well for Fluttershy, transforming her sweet demureness into unnecessary aggression and ruthlessness.
Despite that, Fluttershy swore up and down that he wasn’t bad, and was actually quite nice, even going so far as to hold up on his word concerning a ‘100% satisfaction guarantee’ clause.
Even so…
“He’s of an intimidating size, isn’t he?” Twilight murmured uneasily.
Rainbow Dash snickered. “That’s what she said…”
“… Who said that?”
“Huh? No, it’s a joke. It’s like, uh… it’s… Never mind.”
The pegasus made a motion of sweeping her hoof over her head, but before Twilight could call her on it, Iron Will started speaking – re: hollering.
“Chosen Killjoy!” Iron Will straightened out and his fierce features came into view. His eyes burned with a passion as he flexed his pectoral muscles. “Before you ascended, ponies said you were the strongest unicorn to ever strut about Equestria; your power unmatched and your skill unrivalled!”
“Well, I don’t know about-”
“But lemme tell ya something for free, Sparkle!” Iron Will’s nostrils flared and he turned his body to the side, flexing and showing off his bulging biceps. “Strength isn’t just reserved for magic! Does training your horn give you muscles like these?!”
He puffed out his wide chest.
“Or these?!”
Veins bulged out on his arms as he flexed them out to the sides.
“How about these, Sparkle?!”
Turning, Iron Will drew in a breath and grunted, his back muscles twitching in all their sweaty, perfect glory. The force of the flex was enough to produce a gust of wind.
Somehow.
“Oh my…” Rarity panted as the wind struck her flushed face. She fanned herself with one hoof while laughing giddily. “Oh, please don’t look at me, girls – I am not acting much like a lady at the moment.”
“Trust me, Rares – ya’ll are still plenty lady-like…” Applejack commented as she cautiously watched Rainbow Dash’s twitching wings, distant gaze, and drool-stained chin. “Land sakes, girl, at least pretend ya’ll know what decency is.”
“Ooh, I’d like him to frost my cupcakes…” Pinkie cooed in a tone of voice very few had heard her use and with an expression few had seen her wear. “Usually it’s the tough guys who know their way around the kitchen. Yeah… bending over and applying just the right amount of pink frosting to a dozen muffins so they can be delivered to a birthday party…”
“He’s… nice.” Fluttershy said without a hint of sarcasm.
Twilight simply groaned at her friends’ actions and covered her face with her wings… incidentally hiding a small blush of her own.
‘No you don’t, libido! There are still books to read and I swore you would never distract me!’
“There’s a time and a place for magic and it’s not here!” Iron Will drew in another breath and flexed his firm buttocks; they clenched together with the sound of a thunderbolt. “Here, under this moon, in front of this audience, we will fight! With! Our! Bare! Hooves!”
The large minotaur spun to face them and threw his arms into the air. Inexplicably, several fireworks were let off into the air in a dazzling formation, courtesy of several goat attendees working the pyrotechnics.
And off to the side, a single goat attendee strained and bleated against his cargo: a single bleacher stand that was hooked up to his body via a flimsy harness. It was full of a dozen cheering ponies, griffons, and one changeling eating a bucket of popcorn.
“So I’ll ask again, Sparkle! ARE!”
Iron Will clenched his right hand.
“YOU!”
Iron Will clenched his left hand.
“READY!”
Iron Will drew back.
“TO!”
Iron Will took in an enormous breath that actually managed to drag the bewitched mares a few inches forwards.
Then he bent forwards and bellowed out with all his might.
“RRUUUMMMMBBBBLLLLEEEE?!?!”
It was like a hurricane and an earthquake were getting it on: the ground shook and lurched while a tremendous wind – courtesy of a certain bull-headed enthusiast – scattered debris and foliage past the heroines’ flapping gums and watering eyes.
Fortunately, they weren’t in a public area, and once the booming echo died down and silence was left to cautiously reign, the only damage done was to bare wilderness.
Well… the goat pulling the bleacher had collapsed, but he was probably fine…
The audience, meanwhile, awaited the mares’ response.
“…” Twilight blinked owlishly and slowly folded her ruffled wings back against her sides. “U-um… I don’t… Just… Why?”
“H-hello again, Iron Will…” Fluttershy said sweetly and combed her mane back into its usual style. “H-how are your seminars coming along?”
“Oh, they’re great!” Any trace of aggression left Iron Will as he relaxed out of his primal stance and smiled disarmingly. “I tell ya, that little phrase, ‘no means no’, is working wonders. Hey, thanks again for letting me use it.”
“It’s nothing; I’m glad to hear you’re doing well.”
“How’ve you been?”
“Good, good. I’m, ah, helping Twilight get to Canterlot, so…”
Iron Will winced guiltily. “Ooh… I’m getting in the way, aren’t I?”
“It’s okay; I know you’re just doing your job,” Fluttershy made an encouraging gesture with her hoof. “Don’t let me stop you. You’re doing very well.”
“Well, if you’re sure, then…” Another blast of testosterone-scented wind as Iron Will posed powerfully. “So the famous Sparkle is speechless, hm?! Ooh, the might of Iron Will is mightier than even he thought! Fine!” He pointed at her with the sound of a whip cracking. “Choose, Sparkle! Which of your friends will face Iron Will?! Who will fight for your honour, Chosen Killjoy?!”
Twilight massaged her temples and stared vacantly at the ground. “Too many… variables… which don’t make sense… Need… logic!”
Applejack sighed and calmly reached into the chill bin. Pulling out a book on quantum physics, she handed it to her friend – who snatched it up and hugged it tight like a security blanket – petted her sympathetically, and then trotted forwards.
“Get yer bearings back, sugarcube. If it’s a match of strength he’s a hunkerin’ fer, then ah’m more than happy ta oblige.”
The audience roared their approval and waved small flags bearing either Iron Will or Applejack’s face. As Applejack strode forwards confidently, Iron Will let out a booming chuckle.
“Strength, eh? Don’t think I can’t see those toothpicks on your back, little pony.”
“What, these?” Applejack bent forwards slightly and the katanas on her back somehow slid down and over her head. She caught both in one forehoof. “Ain’t nothin’ ta fret about; ah jes’ use ‘em ta cut apples.”
And with that, she tossed them to the side with enough force that they were embedded in a small hill with a spray of dirt and grass clumps.
“Really, ah reckon ah’m more dangerous unarmed…” Applejack flashed an intimidating grin. “Than armed.”
Iron Will nodded with a smirk of approval. “That so? Then show me, little pony!” He brought his arms into the air. “Show me what you’re made of!”
CRASH
Iron Will’s fists smashed the ground and sent a shockwave out to either side. Surprisingly, they veered sharply when they hit a certain distance and continued rippling in Applejack’s direction, a geyser of earth trailing after.
The farm pony remained impassive however, and didn’t move as the shockwaves sharply turned again a few yards behind her to meet. The instant dirt stopped raining down, four metal poles sprouted up from the corners the shockwaves took, each connected to one another with red velvet ropes.
Twilight scrunched her face up in confusion and extended one hoof towards the ring. “… But… how?”
“Reasons, egghead…” Rainbow Dash replied as she and Pinkie started on their buckets of popcorn. “Reasons…”
“Little pony, do you really think you can defeat Iron Will?!” Iron Will gave a strong pose that flung the sweat from his body like raindrops. “The will of Iron Will is like iron and will pummel you to dust!”
“Ya’ll talk big, but can ya’ll back it up?” Applejack stretched out her legs in preparation of the battle. “Cuz’ all ah’m seein’ is showboatin’.”
“Ooh, I’ve got so much to back up my talk that I can never talk enough to not back it up!”
Iron Will puffed out his chest and linked both his hands together behind his head, nostrils flaring as he drew in a great breath.
“HOO-RAH!”
As his pectoral muscles flexed magnificently, a gust of wind surged forth in the shape of a fist. Surprised by the unusual attack, Applejack didn’t have time to dodge, and took the fist head-on.
“Ungh!”
She was flung backwards and flipped twice before she managed to land back on her hooves, her momentum sending her dangerously close to the ropes.
“Colt, tha’ didn’t make a lick a sense…” Applejack swiped her jaw with a foreleg, grimacing. “Don’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.”
“There’s no sense or reason in the ring!” Iron Will flexed once more and sent out another fist comprised of compressed air. “There is only the FIGHT!”
Applejack gritted her teeth and dodged to the side. “That so?” Suddenly smiling, the farm pony raised one forehoof and brought it down, hard. “Then there ain’t tha’ many things ta worry about!”
CRASH
Her hoof struck the dirt and formed a large crater while also sending a shockwave towards her opponent. Iron Will snorted and met the attack head-on with nary a grunt, though the shockwave was powerful enough to blow around his massive form and scatter some unfortunate goat attendees behind the ropes.
“You’re gonna have to try harder than that if you want to bend this slab of iron!”
Iron Will crouched and with a single leap, incidentally creating another crater from the force of his take-off, he was soaring through the air, arms extended.
“HOO-RAH!”
Applejack smiled grimly in determination and copied his movements, with just as much implausible destruction.
“YEE-HAAAAW!”
The audience gasped collectively in awe as the two titans closed the gap with blinding speed…
CRACK
FWOOSH
A dome of air expanded with the strength of a cyclone: goat attendees frowned and sighed in exasperation as they were thrown into the air, food and drinks were scattered as the audience whooped in delight, and the lone changeling casually raised a sign reading, ‘8.4’.
“Oh heavens!” Rarity fell backwards from the concussive force. “How barbaric!”
“Phew!” Rainbow Dash wiped her forehead and laughed nervously. “Lucky we didn’t have our wings out or we’d be miles away, eh, Flutters?” She looked to her side, her grin faltering. “Flutters?”
BANG
POW
CRACK
SMACK
CRUNCH
Applejack – up on her hind legs – and Iron Will faced each other with equal measures of ferocity, lashing out with punches so fast that their limbs were blurs; blurs that created explosions of sound and force every time they struck one another. The crater beneath them was getting deeper as each blow pushed out a layer of dirt and rocks.
“Iron Will is just getting started, little pony!” The minotaur laughed merrily as his cape flapped behind him.
“So am ah!” Applejack retorted over the sound of their clashing hooves and fists.
Iron Will went for a low right hook and when Applejack moved to counter it, he suddenly dodged to the side and managed to end up behind her. Before she could react, he grabbed her around the waist, held tight, and leapt up into the air.
“Wait, what’s this?!” Pinkie cried into her microphone, eyes wide with awe. “Holy cinnamon buns, Dashie – is that what I think it is?”
“It’s… it’s…” Rainbow Dash whooped in childish glee and bounced in place, squeeing into the microphone, “The Taurus Flattener! The Taurus Flattener!”
“Why are ya’ll cheerin’ fer hiiiiiii-?!”
Applejack’s cry was cut off as she was pressed into the ground with the full weight of Iron Will against her back. Fortunately, there was no shockwave, but there was a strong tremor, and the audience gave sympathetic hisses and groans…
And then broke into cheering.
Even the goat attendees bleated and bayed supportively as they floated down from the sky on parachutes.
Iron Will laughed as he stood back up, staring down at the broken pony crushed into the middle of a perfect imprint of his form.
“You were tough; Iron Will gives you that. But not tough enough to face the might of… IRON WILL!”
“Oh no…” Twilight gasped in horror as she watched Iron Will flex his muscles to the crowd, hyping them up. “Applejack…”
This was bad. If her dear friend lost… then…
Then she might have to wait until Discord got tired of all of this!
…
Oh, and she was concerned for Applejack, of course.
‘A bit alarming that that wasn’t my first concern, but…’
“Everypony, cheer for her!”
Twilight blinked and glanced to the side. “W-what?”
“She might get a power boost if we cheer for her!” Pinkie cried. Turning back to the match, she shouted, “Come on, AJ! You can beat him!”
“yay…” Somepony shouted in the distance.
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash joined in. “Kick his ass!”
Rarity gasped theatrically. “Language, dear.”
Then she turned to the match with a most nightmarish expression of fury.
“Applejack, you get your country-raised rump off the ground and lay waste to this savage miscreant of muscle and fur before I lodge my swords between your stomach and lungs!”
“… Go Applejack…” Twilight murmured and scooted away from her purple-maned friend fearfully.
“Aw… Iron Will’s feelings have been beaten up.”
But in the dirt… Applejack twitched.
She thought about her family…
“AJ!”
“Yes, Granny?”
“Ah need yer nubile hooves fer a mo’.”
“… Where are ya’ll?”
“In th’ tub.”
“…”
She thought about her friends…
“RD! Ya’ll ate all th’ apples on mah favourite tree!”
“But you were asleep; how’d ya know?”
“Ya’ll woke me up so ah could watch you eat all of ‘em!”
“… In all fairness, you also did nothing to stop me.”
“… Ah ain’t…”
“Hm?” Iron Will turned to his fallen opponent, one eyebrow rising in surprise.
Applejack wrenched herself free from the dirt and rose on shaking legs. “Ah ain’t… done yet.”
The crowd went silent and watched as the previously defeated mare got back up in an admirable show of determination.
“Iron Will approves of your willpower…” The minotaur folded his arms, confident in his victory. “But the match is over. You have lost.”
“Heh heh…” Applejack raised her head to meet Iron Will’s stare… and to everyone’s surprise… her irises started glowing a bright green. “Tha’s where yer wrong.”
“Hey, what?” Iron Will frowned and threw his hands into the air as Applejack stood straight up and faced him. “Why do you get a power-up? Where’s Iron Will’s power-up?”
The goat attendees looked at each other awkwardly before bleating and baying encouraging words.
“Hmph! Iron Will thinks you’re just saying that!”
The goats bleated in disagreement.
“Iron Will signs your checks, so how does he know you’re not just being biased?”
The goats snorted and booed.
“Alright, let’s keep this match PG, hm? No need for that kind of language.”
“Ah’m sorry ta say tha’ this match ain’t goin’ ta be PG fer much longer…” Applejack rolled her neck and shoulders as the green glow from her eyes bled out to blaze along her body. “Not with th’ beatin’ ah’m about ta lay down.”
“Iron Will isn’t afraid of you just because you’re burning with green fire!” The minotaur hunched over and steadied his legs, lips curled in a confident smirk. “If you insist on fighting, little pony, then don’t come crying to me when you get a mouthful of dirt!”
CRACK
In the span it took for one to blink, Applejack had crossed the distance between her and Iron Will and propelled herself upwards with a devastating uppercut. Despite the great difference in weight, Iron Will was carried along with the farm pony as she continued rising two, three, six, twelve metres into the air.
The crowd gasped and cooed in wonderment at the spiralling trail of green fire that followed the duo’s ascension.
Rainbow Dash laughed merrily and pumped her hooves in the air. “Yeah, yeah, yeah – this is what we need!”
“That doesn’t make sense; she’s so much lighter than him!” Twilight cried in exasperated irritation. “Have some respect for the laws that hold our molecules together!”
“Ah don’t understand those fancy laws!” Applejack cried back.
Once she and Iron Will were roughly fifty metres in the air, she pulled her hoof free from his lower jaw and, while he was dazed and suspended in mid-air, delivered a downward, chopping smack.
Iron Will’s eyes bulged out as her hoof struck the top of his head and sent him straight back down at such speeds he almost made a Sonic Rainboom.
Well… he did make a boom of some sort when he landed.
“Huah… huah…”
It took Applejack a few seconds to land and she did so with a slight tremor and a spray of dirt in all directions. Yanking her legs from the holes they made, the farm pony panted heavily as she looked towards the considerably deeper hole Iron Will had created with his face.
Little of him could be seen save for his tail, which peeked over the edge, listless.
Applejack released a deep breath and the fire wreathing her body gradually died down along with the glow in her ey-
“THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!”
Applejack flinched away as Iron Will erupted from the earth, much in the same fashion as he did earlier, but this time with a miasma of steam rising from his superheated body.
“SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, APPLEJACK!!”
With a crazed grin, Iron Will swiftly tore the cape from his shoulders and tossed it out into the crowd – several ponies and griffons reached for it, but one lone changeling emerged victorious – before charging towards his opponent, bellowing in excitement.
Applejack grimaced and responded by raising her forelegs to block a powerful punch.
“Well, ain’t you a trooper?!”
“Things are heating up!” Rainbow Dash commented as the two opponents got locked into another ‘pummel duel’. “Figmentally and liberally!”
“It’s ‘figuratively’ and ‘literally’, Rainbow…” Twilight murmured.
“Look at those two go at it! Only one will be left standing after all this: who will it be? The country mare from Ponyville or the muscle-bound minotaur from Minos? Only fate will decide!”
Splat
Splish
Pinkie blinked as a drop of fluid splattered against her muzzle. “Look, girls – it’s raining! Fate really is watching and judging!”
Twilight wrinkled her nose as she erected a magical barrier over her head. “Er, Pinkie?”
“Quick! Tilt your heads back and taste the rain of fate!”
“I, uh… don’t think this is rain…”
Twilight pointed towards the ring, where the two opponents were striking each other so hard that the vibrations launched any sweat that squeezed out of their pores up into the air.
Rarity shrieked in disgust and yanked an umbrella from out of her tent at supersonic speeds. Rainbow Dash awkwardly covered her head with her wings and Pinkie… Pinkie just closed her mouth and stared straight ahead, traumatized…
“… This is the worst…” Twilight whined.
At the sound of flapping wings, she turned her head in time to see Fluttershy land beside her, panting and puffing.
“Oh good…” She wheezed as she tucked her trembling wings to her sides. “It’s raining.”
“N-no, Fluttershy, don’t open your…” Twilight levitated a bottle of chilled of water to the pegasus. “Just… Drink from this.”
“Wh-why?”
“It’s better you don’t know.”
The fight had taken a dark turn.
Applejack realized this as she threw any form of strategy out the window and simply focused on landing as many punches as she could while doing her best to ignore the blows that Iron Will landed.
Neither of them was interested in defense and wearing one another out; right now, it was a race to see who could outlast the other, who could endure the most pain and damage.
Her ribs hurt and so did her hooves, but she pressed on through sheer determination.
She had to win!
Both she and Iron Will landed particularly devastating blows at the same time, making them stumble backwards, almost collapsing from exhaustion.
But they persisted.
‘Now or never…’
Applejack channelled all of her energy into her right forehoof; the fire that wreathed her body flowed into the appendage like water, lighting it up like a bug zapper.
She could see Iron Will doing the same; his body stopped venting steam except for his right hand, and in his eyes, she could see he was putting everything into this one blow.
‘Let’s do this then…’
“Hiyaaaa!”
“Grraaaagh!”
The two opponents took a step forwards: Applejack jumped into the air, aiming for Iron Will’s face, and in turn, he moved his fist to catch her in the back and slam her back to the ground.
The audience held their breath…
The Chosen Killjoy and her friends gasped…
…
CRACK
Iron Will’s fist missed Applejack’s side by mere centimetres.
Applejack did not miss.
The minotaur’s face was amusingly mushed by the blow for a brief instant before the energy sent him flying backwards into the ropes.
They stretched far, but remained sturdy, and catapulted him right back.
Applejack jumped again and caught him with a brutal clothesline.
Iron Will flipped once, twice, thrice, and face-planted onto the earth.
“…”
Everyone remained silent as Applejack staggered over to her foe and pressed a hoof against the small of his back.
A goat in a referee’s outfit ran out and tapped the dirt, baying once, twice…
Ding-ding-ding
“Applejack wins it!”
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie threw their microphones into the air and embraced, cheering and whooping wildly. Rarity laughed and clapped her hooves, whistling supportively.
Not even Fluttershy was exempt and bounced up and down, yelling loud enough to actually be heard over the roar of the crowd and the explosion of fireworks.
Twilight, still steamed over the blatant disregard for the laws of physics, looked out over the excited crowd, her cheering friends… and at Applejack calmly smiling and accepting the praise with a humble blush.
“…”
She beamed proudly and clapped along.
“Ungh…”
Applejack turned, alarmed by Iron Will’s sudden movement. She watched cautiously as the minotaur shakily rose and faced her… smiling in approval.
“That was a hell of a fight…” He chuckled and extended his hand, the other cradling his head. “You’re pretty good.”
Applejack smiled back and placed her hoof in his large hand, both warriors shaking firmly. “Ya ain’t so bad yerself. Ever think of buckin’ down apples?”
He laughed and shook his head politely. “Sorry, but there’s still plenty of people out there who could use a boost in confidence. I can’t let them down, you know?”
She nodded, completely understanding. “Ah get it. Ya’ll take care of yerself.”
“I will. And good luck with facing Discord and his remaining champions.”
“Thanks.”
With a final nod, the two parted ways.
Iron Will stomped his leg and the ropes disappeared back into the earth. His goat attendees were waiting with the results of tonight’s turnout and expenses.
The audience chattered excitedly amongst themselves, praising tonight’s match and the special effects. The goat that brought them all in sighed as he hooked himself up to the harness, making a mental note to create some union later.
Applejack returned to her friends and was swept in hugs and compliments.
“You were wicked awesome, AJ!”
“You’re a total party pony!”
“Well done, dear.”
“I l-like that you didn’t hurt him too badly…”
“I guess I can ignore the implausibility of what happened… for now. You did great.”
Applejack blushed shyly. “Heh heh… thanks, but, ah… could ya’ll maybe lighten up on th’ huggin’? Mah ribs are achin’ up a storm…”
In the far distance, Celestia watched the mares celebrate through her telescope.
“… They’ve won?”
“They have…” Celestia looked up from the eyepiece. “And you missed the good part. I told you to cut back on those smoothies. You know how your bladder gets.”
Luna’s cheeks darkened under her hood. “My bladder is the strongest in all of Equestria! Th-those beverages were at fault!”
“Of course they were…”
Leaving her sister to gripe and groan about the ‘beverage conspiracy’, Celestia trotted off the balcony and back into her room. There, she spotted Star Secret sipping from a cup of tea and… and…
“You’re not wearing your costume!”
“Pardon?” Star Secret turned to her, one eyebrow rising. “What costume?”
“The silver and red costume I gave you when you sat down.”
“… That was a costume? I thought that was an oversized napkin.”
Celestia giggled and shook her head in bemusement. “Oh, you’re quite the kidder…” She somehow didn’t notice Star Secret was completely serious and brimming with rage. “Be sure to put that on before they arrive, hm? Discord mentioned a surprise twist concerning it.”
Star Secret smiled… with effort. “I’ll be sure to do that.”
“Excellent!” Celestia bounded off like a filly. “Ooh, I can’t wait to show them my ultimate move! Luna, did you see where I put that blender?”
“…”
Star Secret’s eye twitched repeatedly as she returned to her tea.
‘I’m going to devour them. I’m going to devour each and every single one of them.’