Twenty Ninth Move
Feelings
Part I
Flagship Holzschiff
Somewhere on the Equestrian Air space
The great flagship give an impressive spectacle to everypony nearby. The weather also helped to the show of Griffinheim’s might, as it give the Holzschiff an even more imposing aspect; the warm light reflecting on its numerous layers of orichalcum, the soft wind waiving all of its flags to full display, even its shadow made for a perfect place to enjoy such a wonderful day and sight.
The perfect moment for the crew to drop anchors and enjoy the ground beneath them with the typical picnic or a casual walk around the Equestrian land after three days of travel above the sea.
If only anyone aboard could, that it’s.
“I am bored!” protested Roll for the eleventh time on Victoria’s chambers.
“Is not like we could do much, isn’t there?” replied her mate with a less exasperated yet still bored tone. “This is a large ship after all.”
The passing trough the borders of the Pony nation was going slow. Not that the Empire expect it otherwise, the Holzschiff was a battleship after all, so for it to be carefully inspected on its entry was common sense, especially with the amount of heads of state attending and the specific matter they will all be treating. Security had to be the first priority, but that didn’t help to ease the boredom the crew had as a result, since as expected no one was allowed to get off the ship until the inspection was fully completed.
“That is why I thought this ship was unnecessary,” said Victoria as she watched some Pegasus looking at the exterior of the ship.“It’s so big we may end losing a day.”
“At least the Ponies are being relatively considerate. They haven’t gave a double check to our rooms, nor are they asking for anything devious from our part, they are purely doing their job,” replied Grizelda with a tired tone.
“Lets hope that is all,” said a Gothorita on the corner of the cabin.
Everyone was ordered to wait in their respective chambers until the end, the only exceptions being the captain, who was needed during the whole inspection, and the empress’ committee, who were permitted to await on the ‘Imperial’ cabin alongside Victoria. A guest from the Equestrian welcome committee was also left with them to serve as a translator.
And said translator was the Manipulate Pokemon.
“Aww, sad because your ascension was busted and now want to leave?” joked Roll with a sour tone. “Too bad there is nothing thing for you to report.”
“Drop it Roll,” said her mate. “She is only doing her job.”
The Equestrian translator nodded in appreciation of Shredder’s words.
“I truly thank your kindness, Miss Shredder,” she said with her most honey-coated voice and charming face to match while keeping her anger away from their knowledge.
She was, in fact, looking forward to scan the heads of those arriving from the Empire in look of any dirty plans from their part. Given their fame it would have meant a small scold and a great thing to report to her new Pony employers if she happened to find anything ‘juicy.’
She could always erase any trace of her actions once the deed was over.
However, she wasn’t expecting a member to be immune to her mental powers and her mate that able to read her as an open book, a thinner one at that. As such, all she could do now was to quietly wait in the corner and be as pleasant as possible till the end.
Each minute felt like an eternity for her.
“But I can’t stop thinking I may be of no use with someone as talented as yourself here,” the Gothorita added.
“Nonsense,” sternly replied the Sword Blade Pokemon. “Besides, its good to have my mate talking directly for a change.”
“I wonder about that…” discreetly said Victoria to herself as she covered her beak with a cup of tea. Given Roll’s nature, she was a bit ‘outgoing’ from time to time.
Having Grizelda to comfort her while being truthful and direct was something she had always appreciated of her clawmaiden. Having to deal with two of her on the other claw was something entirely different.
“But I am surprised the Equestrians had send us a Pokemon translator,” said the Empress with slight sarcasm. “I would have thought a Unicorn would have learned some spell of theirs to remove the language barrier with ease.”
“Right your are, your Highness,” the Gothorita replied with her bright yet fake smile. “The Unicorns cast translator spells with great ease.”
The Empress’ eye twitched for a moment at this reply. “Is that so…”
“Then why are you here?” blunted in Roll. “Shouldn’t one of those Unicorns be here instead of you?”
“Since this great ship is so, well, great! We had no ways to bring one of them up here, maybe if you had arrived on any big city, but on this countryside, there is no way to bring one up, Me, on the other hand, I have no frights about been carried on by the Royal Pegasus Guard.”
The part where she manipulated other’s minds to get such a ‘juicy’ chance was something she properly kept to herself, although Roll give her a knowing gaze.
“Is that so?” she inquired sarcastically. “How convenient, isn’t it?”
“Roll!” her mate demanded with a quiet yet stern tone.
“Come on! It’s written all over her face!” Roll rebuked, “and you know it.”
The translator gave Shredder her biggest Baby Doll-eyes as she awaited for her to reply.
“You are right,” the Bisharp replied with no tact, to the shock of the Psychic-type, “but that doesn’t give you any right to pick on her like that. It’s not her fault to be such a terrible liar.”
“Actually, that is a really good reason to pick on her,” Grizelda pointed out, “Heck! To pick on her is the least of things to do on the list of things that would worry us.”
‘I just wanna get down this ship…’ the Gothorita said to her crying self while the others stared at her.
“Well,” Victoria cut in, “It’s not like the Equestrians can predict what each of their new citizens think or plan, so cases like this one are to be expected when you suddenly give a certain amount of power to someone you just meet.”
Victoria give the busted intent of a spy a kind and condescending gaze as she continued.
“So worry not young one, I won’t be taking any sort of retaliation for your arrogant yet failed ambitions.”
The Gothorita began to cry for real this time. “Your Highness is so kind with this poor unfortunate soul!”
“There, there,” Victoria patted the repented translator, “It's all okay now.” Then she beamed the most ‘wicked’ grin one could never thought a head of state could do, “I am pretty sure Celestia will love to know of how kind the Empire is right?”
“It's good to know someone did get something juicy in the end,” joked Roll at the scene.
Time continued to move slowly aboard the ship, and the latest report didn’t helped.
“ONLY 10% DONE!?” Exclaimed Roll as they received the news.
“That is what Pleased Papers, my supervisor, said,” the Gothorita explained.
“Why would a Pegasus have such a name?” Shredder said to herself.
“Who cares about that! I am going to become insane in here!” her mate roared.
“They are inspecting every single thing, not that they are looking for anything suspicious, but mister Papers is very strict about meticulous inspections.”
“We heard that already, like five times already!” exclaimed Roll yet again.
“Perhaps a new way to wait is order,” commented Victoria, “like sharing stories and alike.”
“You mean like in slumber parties?” asked Grizelda a bit surprised.
“I always wanted to try that with friends,” replied the Empress. “Don’t take me wrong Grizelda, you are my best ally and my closest friend in the whole world, but you know me better than anyone, maybe even myself, so there was hardly anything to share with you.”
“Fair enough,” replied the clawmaiden knowingly and proud.
“So if you girls wouldn’t mind having a heart to heart for a change?” the Empress asked once more with eyes filled of enthusiasm.
Such enthusiasm was impossible to ignore by the mercenaries, as they had also grow to respect the Griffin ruler to the point of call her a friend of them.
“I am ok,” Roll replied, “but what about miss wannabe-spy here?” She then pointed at the corner of the room.
“I can walk out the room if you don’t want me here,” the Psychic-type politely replied, “but I may be of use for this particular event,” she added.
“... explain yourself?” Roll inquired.
“Well,” the Gothorita smiled as she took a step forward so she was easier to see, “talking to one another is fun and all, but how about I would be able to make the experience all the more personal?”
“Sharing one’s memories with others?” Shredder concluded, “that is what you offer?”
“Correct you are, my lady.”
“So we can ‘see’ the narration? That would be an interesting addition!” admitted Grizelda. “So who would go first?”
“Whoever wants to go but me,” Shredder said, for everyone’s surprise save for Roll, “My kind makes me immune to any kind of mental manipulation unless my permission is given. And even when I treat you fairly as an official translator of this lands, I do not trust you enough to get inside of my head.”
“Too bad,” bragged Roll, “so sad.”
“I-I am no longer thinking on meddling with anyone’s heads!” the Gothorita replied.
“So you were planning on doing something after all,” deadpanned Grizelda.
“A-anyway! Is anyone going to start or not?”
Roll chuckled at the Psychic-type’s dismay and acknowledged she would solve a small issue she had been through for some time now. With a sonorous clearing of her throat, she make everyone look at her.
“I would like to start, if you don’t mind?”
“Thank God!” Said the Gothorita to herself as the eyes moved away from her.
“That’s unexpected,” admitted Grizelda. “I thought you would prefer to tease this Equestrian here.”
“I would love to, trust me,” the Rabbit Pokemon admitted as well, “but there something else I would prefer to talk about. So we can leave her for later,” she added on the end with a devilish smirk.
Victoria show much interest and joy on how her childish wish had been granted. “Very well, if you want to indulge us into your story, I would be glad to listen to it.”
“Same here!” added Grizelda with a raised claw.
“I wonder which story will it be?” wondered Shredder. “One of your many ‘outstanding’ performances while doing a job?”
“On the contrary, is perhaps the lowest moment on my whole life.”
At her mate’s words, the Sword Blade Pokemon sweat cold.
“Y-you wouldn’t mean…?”
And so, images of long ago began to flow into the other’s minds.
“It all started some good years ago.”
Some good years ago.
Back on the human world.
Kalos region.
I had just lost everything, my home, my fame, my life, my mother, my happiness. All I had left was a bunch of brutes who enjoyed killing and stealing for a living. Only Arceus knew what kind of hardships awaited me with my new life surrounded by mercenaries.
“You sure you don’t want more food dear?” asked the Roserade they called Rouge. “You barely touched your food.”
“Not hungry…” I disinterestedly replied as I left the table, some eyes staring at me as I walked away.
I was unable to stay there; not with so many males on it. It make me felt uneasy; uneasy and filthy. Yet, that wasn’t the least of my worries at the moment.
It had been about a month since my arrival to Kalos, a month without my mother, a whole month to think things more calmly and carefully, yet the exact same feeling of vengeance burned on my chest.
I was fixated on the idea, I had to have my revenge on the mercenary who had snached my mom from me.
But the problem was: how?
In the short time I was there, I quickly learned the hard way how different was my young and frail frame in comparison to those bulky and brute killers, the level gap was just too far for me to get my satisfaction head on.
I was depressed.
The one who ended my mother’s life was right before me. Not only that, but I had to look at her everyday. It was excruciating. Sometimes I had a glimpse of her, others a couple of minutes, some days we saw each other for hours, and yet at all times she never show concern over me. She show no remorse over her actions, no care on my existence, no interest on my retribution.
I was unable to make her pay for what she had taken from me, and my young mind was in constant conflict. I felt that every single day I lay eyes upon her and she was able to walk away unpunished. I was betraying my mother.
I was unable to have my retribution, and in return I felt unable to keep going.
I had a goal to live for, yet no means to reach it.
Eventually, I lost my interest on other things of life, including myself. My fur once silky and smooth was all rugged and tousled, my body was thin and my muscles were nonexistent, my step was clumsy and my gaze blurry, I hardly looked up for anything. I had turned into a shadow of my previous self, lurking around the mercenaries’ base as each day passed with a chilling cold roaming my body, a blazing flame burning in my heart and a maelstrom roaring in my head.
“Well, but it isn’t little Miss Unova?” said a voice above me, a buzzing voice I was getting used to be mocked with. “Looking down as always?”
I didn’t had to look up to know that the mercs’ bodyguard was doing her daily taunt of the day. She looked like all from her kind, a mix of a bug with a human wearing a ballroom gown, save for her eyes, which exuded displeasure everywhere she looked at, me on that moment.
“What? Too tired to even look at me eye to eye?” Alice, a Vespiquen, scoffed. “Such a rude child we have here.”
“What do you want?” I awkwardly asked back while walking aimlessly.
“Well, I show some appreciation for you and you repay me with such rude words!?” she dramatically replied. “And here I was wondering how your whole revenge thing was going.”
It wasn’t a secret for the mercenaries that I had a grudge on one of them, as I made it clear quite obviously, and by obviously I mean that I tried to attack the team’s Pawniard head on a couple of times, only to be defeated in less than a second.
As such, I was unable to reply anything to Alice, so I continue my walk.
“Promising,” she scoffed yet again. “I would have thought you loved her more that this.”
“Don’t say that!” I snapped back at her.
“There,” she replied, not seeming to mind about my anger. “Properly looking at my eyes. Was it so hard?”
I felt dumb for falling on her trick so easily, yet I did my best to keep a stern pose at her.
“Y-yeah...? Well… it’s not like you are that smart for having one good idea!”
Or at least as much as my young self was able to.
“Wow, I have heard better comebacks from a Chatot to a human,” Alice said as she rolled her eyes and buzzed closer to me, “I guess it is better than nothing. So what now? Will you take your frustration on me because you can’t have your little vendetta?”
I really hated those moments she picked on me. I didn’t even knew why she was doing this to begin with.
“What do you even care!? Why are you bullying me anyway?”
“Child, we were paid to rescue you and your mom, we could only do half the job though so we got half the paid, yet we were ‘asked’ to take care of you for the time being.” I tightened my fists as I knew what will follow, it was the same words she used on me. “You are an act of charity.”
I felt a couple of tears at the corner of my eyes.
“Y-y-yeah…! well.. it’s not like have to keep me around!” I exclaimed. “You can leave anytime!”
“Trust me, if I wanted you gone, you would be gone long ago,” Alice give a tired look at the direction of the dining hall, “but is not my call, so here we are.”
“Too bad then!” I said smiling, my young self feeling like I had a small victory. “You can harass me all you want, but that won’t stop me, I will make her pay, I will make you all pay! ‘specially you Alic-!”
I was unable to finish my little menace, as a swarm of mind controlled Bug-types gathered around us.
“Child, you should know when to pick up a fight,” Alice said coldly as her eyes shone like garnets, her Attack Order controlling the numerous bugs around us. “I have my orders, but even someone as generous as me has its limits.”
She snapped her claw and the Bug-types stormed around me.
None of them touched me, but I wasn’t going to get close to them either, I was petrified by the constant buzzing around me.
After a minute or so, they all stop and left, Alice had ended her control over them.
“Remember this child,” she said as she land just before me. “You are here because we allow you to, nothing else. If you dislike it, then change it yourself.”
She turned around to leave, so thinking she was done for the day I took the chance to at least have the last word.
“You only act so brave because you have so many Pokemon at your disposal!” I obviously made a big mistake.
Instead of leaving, Alice halted in place.
“You, who had everything from the moment you were born, can’t possibly know about what a real fight is. What to fight to live is like.” She turned around, “I use what I can to get the upper hand, so what’s wrong about it? That is what everyone on the real world does,” she said with an angry tone. “If you can’t understand that much, then you may need some actual tutelage on the subject.”
The wind began to stir around her, ready to send a Gust to me at any moment.
I was again petrified as I didn’t expected things to turn like this. I was crying. However, at the same time, I wasn’t able to stop smiling.
This seemed to puzzled Alice for a second, a second enough for things to end as another voice joined in.
“What’s going on here!?” asked a Crobat as she arrived to the place, “I saw a swarm of Bug-types fleeing from here…! Alice, what are you doing?” Sonya asked with a serious tone.
“Nothing,” Alice calmly replied as the wind around her calmed as well. “Just teaching this brat a thing or two about dealing with her elders.”
A quick look at me told Sonya all she needed to know, but instead of getting angry she give her comrade a sarcastic smile and replied.
“Yeah, I am sure she needs one, with you being as much of an elder as you are, poor child must be on a lost of how to deal with you.”
Alice’s face became as red as her eyes from this commentary and her wings buzzed strongly, yet she said nothing else as she turned around with a “humph!” and left for good.
“See you around granny!” Sonya send off her friend and then turned to me. “You okay kid?
I was still crying, and smiling.
“...so weak..” I whispered.
Sonya could hear me, but still, she asked. “What was that again?”
“I am so pathetically weak,” I said with a large grin while huge tears drip from my face, “I couldn’t save my mommy, I can’t avenge her, I can’t even talk back to some mean Bug-type… I am so pathetic.”
“Come on girl, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Sonya said as she used one of her wings to wipe one of the tears off my face. “It’s not like you could have achieved much. I mean you are just a little girl and she is an old hag. There is nothing to feel ashamed about you been weaker.”
“Then she is right!” I exclaimed, “How can I do anything when I don’t have the strength for it? How can I avenge my mommy if I can’t even stand on my own!”
Sonya gave me a defeated look. She obviously hadn’t thought much over her words before letting them out. Fixing the moral damage would be more difficult than dealing with any physical harm done by Alice.
“You just said it, kid…” Sonya replied with an awkward tone. “She is right. It’s not like it gives her any right to pick on you or anything, but there is nothing you can do to get this vengeance of yours. Not as you are right now.”
“But I have to!” I replied, “I have to… or else… or else I would be… I...” I was unable to finish my sentence, as I knew the weight behind it, so I push those words back to the bottom of my mind and continued, “I would be betraying my mommy!”
“Then became strong,” was Sonya’s reply.
I didn’t know if she was been serious or if she was playing with me as well.
“You think we are like this from the start?” Sonya continued with a sarcastic tone. “Living machines of killing awesomeness since hatching? Pffff, nah! We all were weak at the start. Very weak at that.”
I thought over her words for a moment, the idea surging from them helping me to calm my mind for the first time in a month.
“So I should become strong?” I wondered,.“But how?”
“I don’t know,” Sonya bluntly admitted. “I have wings, not legs. I can’t help you there.”
“... help…” For some reason, that word (and my current state of mind) allow me to noticed something I haven’t noticed before.
I thought over everything; Sonya’s words, how I was protected from harm for the time being, how the Pawniard had her guard down before me, and above all, I thought about Alice’s words.
“Use what I can…” I repeated.
Then, a whole plan unfolded before: first of all I had to become stronger, but that would take too long, so I had to made use of everything I could to achieve my revenge, and that included the same mercenaries on the base.
Without saying anything else, I ran away. I could hear Sonya shout something as I left but I couldn’t hear it. My mind was too focused on my plan to wait a single second.
I barged into the dining hall, jumped over my seat and finished my food as soon as possible, much to the surprise of the ones still eating.
One of them, Rouge, was about to say something when I give her my finished plate and left the place once more.
My fur was still a mess and my body far from healthy, but my gaze was confident, my step firm and my mind clearer than ever.
For the first time in a month, I knew what to do: I had to be stronger.
Physically and mentally.
My body will need some nutrition for the time being, but my mind could be educated immediately.
So I headed to the mercenaries’ library, there was someone I knew could help me, as he had tried to cheer me up by teaching me some strange calculations and offering me a couple of thick books. As fas as I knew, he was one of the smartest members on the guild, and the best option for my training.
“There was someone else,” Roll explained less serious, “but I could hear his reply already. Some sort of ‘this plan of yours is most likely a derivation of your traumatic event and your current state of malnutrition’ and then ignore me,” she said with a fake monotone.
I barged into the library, a place quite big for a mercenary hide out. It was filled with rows of book shelves, which in turn were filled with books thick ones. I walked pass them as I was looking for his den on the other side of the room. A pile of books covering a corner to the point of almost reaching the roof. There he was.
“Hey! I know you are there!” I shouted while I tossed a couple of books out of the pile as I called for him. “You have to teach me something!”
A couple of seconds later, I could hear a voice from within the pile of books saying, “You know one is supposed to be silent here, right?” As these words ended, a group of books bulged outward the pile as a chubby Pokemon emerged from it, a couple of reading glasses resting on his white and pinky nose.
I tremble a little at his sight, as I did every time a male was before me.
“Teach me all you know about traps!” I demanded, while using my right arm to hold my shaking left arm.
The reluctant look on his face told me I was using the wrong words, so I rephrased myself.
“P-please, teach me how to make traps,” I asked with a more polite tone. “Please teach me how to beat others, please teach me how to be strong. Please, mister Simon!”
The then Drilbur, sighted as he removed the glassed off his face and looked at me directly, then said.
“Third row, second shelf, from five to seven.” Simon said.
I didn’t understand at first.
“Those are the books we’re starting with, now go for them.”
I open my mouth in disbelief, even myself from back then knew it was a long shot to get one of the mercenaries to help me take down one of their own, and yet he accepted.
“... wh-?” I was about to ask, when he shouted.
“There is no way I can say no to such determined eyes,” Simon said me with a smile, only to return to his more serious look, “I don't have all day girl, you want me to teach you or not?”
“Y-yes!” And so I dashed for the books.
“You better take learning with a serious passion, or else there is nothing I can teach you!” Simon shouted once more as he prepared a make out table for me to read with other books.
“Yes!” I shouted back while dragging the books back.
From that day forward, my training began.
“Time on the library passed fast,” Roll said with a smile, fond of the memories. “Every day I learned more and more, not about traps or battle, but about mathematics, physics, literature, strategy and more.”
“I once thought Simon was teaching me that to derail me from my true goal, so I ask him if he was, in fact, doing that.” She stopped to think over the memory, then everyone laughed as they all saw what happened.
A very long, and detailed talk regarding the Earth’s rotation, using Roll’s body as a prop for the planet.
“You have to be passionate,” Simon explained the next day. “If you don’t have passion to ignite your will, then there is no need to wish for anything to begin with. If you wish to be a speedster, you run around till you can casually stroll around the globe. If you want to feast, you eat until you give every Snorlax an inferiority complex. If you want to learn you will learn everything there is to know for breakfast and if you want to beat someone, you make yourself stronger, smarter and passioner than that poor bastard.”
He said all of this, of course, with matching passion.
“Better die with your blood boiling, that live long till it freezes.”
As such, I never doubt his method again, and with time I find myself fond of his teachings; I get to learn the classics, solve difficult equations and explain the daily phenomena with ease, and above all, I found myself liking this knowledge.
On the mean time, I continued to nourish the rest of my body with food and exercise. Rouge was particularly helpful with proper diets and dishes meant to help me return to a healthy body as well as a confident for my crazy ideas, as I wasn’t properly nourished for heavy training so I started with small things like strolls, push ups and alike.
It was during one of my mornings sessions that something particularly important happen.
I had just finished my stroll when saw her, the one who made my blood boil, the Pawniard who I hated the most. She looked at me and then made a tired sigh, expecting me to do what I always did when we meet and I looked energetic: fight her.
She stood there, waiting for me to repeat that routine.
And then.
I walked pass her, much to her surprise.
Yet I didn’t just left.
“Shredder…” I began, “just wait, I will properly make you pay…”
“I will be waiting,” I heard her say.
I turned back, confused as well, but she was gone.
My blood boil even more, to hear she was looking forward to my revenge, it encourage me to crush her even more.
Without stopping, I once more dashed towards the library, where I picked every book I knew about trap making. I had already read more than half a book away when I felt something hit me on the head; a plate.
“Is okay to be passionate about something,” the human on the base said as he moved the plate filled with food from my head and placed over the table, “but don’t go all over just one thing. You will burn yourself out.”
And without another word, he left.
I was puzzled, the Psychic must have told him about my actions a long time ago, yet he didn’t show any sign to be against it. He could have easily tell the Metang to erase my memory and self everything, yet he didn’t, and now he seemed to even be supporting me.
I was so focused on tha that I ignored the reflex tremble on my body caused by his presence.
My thoughts were then cut, however, as my teacher give a loud bite to one of the carrots he had brought.
“Not bad examples,” he said as he looked at my books with a mouthful of carrot, “but it would help you more to make some of these by yourself.”
“Did…” Grizelda cut in with a bit of regret, but her doubt was killing her. “Didn’t mister Simon cause you to tremble as well?”
Roll chuckled.
“He was, there were times I wasn’t sure if I trembled because of his gender and my memories or because he was so boisterous about everything.”
She then looked at the ceiling without been actually looking at it.
“Before I knew it, I have grown fond of him, fond enough for me to bear my fear.”
Grizelda was about to ask something else, but then Roll continued.
More days passed, and I was hardly saw around the base without me trying or having a book between my paws. Be on the library with Simon, on the kitchen with Rouge or aimlessly walking by my own.
This, of course, gave her new reasons to pick on me, even on snowy days.
“I presume I can’t say you are been gloom anymore, huh?” Alice scoffed as she buzzed behind me, been careful to avoid the water dripping from the frozen rooftops. “Despite you still looking down all the time.”
I didn’t replied, just keep walking, my fluffy feet making squishy noises as I splattered the snow under me.
“Mhmm…” Alice take a quick pick from my book over my shoulder. “Traps huh? is that what you are learning now?”
“And what about it?” I asked without turning back, nor stopping.
“Nothing, just that you may need to start for something more basic.” She said with a rather sincere voice.
“... why?” I asked as we reached a big tree.
“Because you are obviously missing a lot of things.” She said with a knowing tone and smug.
She flew over me and buzzed over a rope hanging on the ground from said tree, the end on the ground been covered by leaves.
“You were clearly leading me here, I can so not stop seeing this so obvious trap and, my favourite one, you completely forgot one very important thing.”
She looked down at me with the same superior smug on her face as I looked ashamed at each of her remarks and added.
“I fly, there is no point on putting such a silly trap for me,” and then proceeded to raise her claws towards the rope.
“W-wait, don’t!” I sputtered with an ashamed expression.
Alice simply laughed at my plee and then cut the rope.
The tension making the rope flung back up, releasing the branch knotted to it, which in turn went back up to its original position, hitting every snow filled branch on its way up, which promptly fell down, right on the airborne Bug-type.
With a surprised “Uhwa!” Alice fell right on the bed of leaves, which in turn fell down on her and the snow’s weight into the small, muddy pit which was hidden beneath.
“That’s what you get for being such a bully!” I happily replied as I watch her from above, a big smirk on my face. “You can’t say I didn’t warned you!”
Only to be surrounded by a swarm of Combee while a playfully cold voice come from the pit.
“Neither can you.”
I spent the next week on the infirmary, where I was treated against dozens of Combee stings, yet I couldn’t be happier. My studying, my planning, my hard work had give me a victory; a small and painful one, but a well deserved victory none in the less.
A proof that this was working, than my goal was once again achievable, that I could have my revenge.
“Hush bu weit Sredder,” I said to myself with a swollen face. “Hush bu weit…”
“Yo, niña, what did you do?” someone asked across the room. “You look like a sturdy piñata after a school’s party.”
I turned to look a Hawlucha laying on the bed beside mine.
“...whu a bu?” I asked.
“Name’s Maria Francisca Concepción de la Soledad Hernandez-Lopez, but you can just call me Pancha.”
“... oj, A m...”
I then said my name to the wierd luchadora, and from then on our friendship is history.
She was quite odd, even back then. She had just joined the guild and told me her epic tale of how she used to be a cuatrera until one day she left the outlaw life to become someone of better use.
I once asked Rouge why would she think it would be better IN a mercenary guild.
She didn’t knew either.
I told Panche my own story in return and she offered me help as soon as I was done, stating that “Mothers are sacred!”
And so, she began to train me physically as well as to help me sparing.
She beat me even faster than Shredder, however I enjoyed every time she wiped the floor with me, as she always cheer on me to stand back on, only to send me back down.
I remember how Rouge always was there for me, bringing advices, drinks and looking after me. After all, Pancha has never been good at self-restraint. Oddly enough, I started to receive tips from Alice as well whenever I found myself stuck with my progress. Ever since the snow trap, she began to treat me different. She was still being offensive, but now she showed some respect towards me.
A year passed, my father contacted me a couple of times, saying it was safe for me to go back with him, but I didn’t.
“I am sure he is worried sick about you dear,” Rouge constantly said after I read one of his letters.
“I will give it a thought,” I simply replied, but I never truly did such.
I couldn’t.
With Simon’s teachings, Pancha’s training, Rouge’s support and Alice’s tips, I became strong enough to start the second part of my plan, making traps and alike for her, trap doors with spikes ready to block her way, boulders failing at her at the snap of a string, explosive charges set to blow her to smithereens.
Yet, for every trap I planned, she casually avoid them with little trouble and walked away without a word.
… save the time with the explosives, she did talk to me that time, and what a talk it was.
“You fool!” she scolded me once the debris of what once was one of the base’s walls had fallen down. “Those were way too many charges! What were you thinking?”
I didn’t reply her, my ears ringing because of the explosion, yet I was confused by other thing.
“No answer, huh?” She continued with a less demanding tone. “Don’t do that anymore. You may end hurting others, not to mention the damage to our home.”
And so she turned to leave.
“... I don’t understand.” I said, still looking into the ground.
She turned back.
“Why… why did you save me?”
After so many fail attempts, I had grow a bit impatient and set the charges to do as much damage as possible, both blast and debris. Yet I fail to realize that when I did so, I had also put myself at risk. I didn’t have the right tools for an adequate remote controller, so I used a wired one instead, placing myself right on the blast area.
I noticed that, as soon as I pressed the detonator, I was covered by the dirt.
At first I didn’t care, if the blast was strong enough to take me out then it would meant I was able to take her with me as well. I would have been victorious.
But right after, a doubt erupted from the back of my mind: then what?
I had completed my revenge, what was next?
Dead obviously, yet I didn’t feel right about it, in fact I felt terrified all of the sudden.
Was that what my mother died for? So I could die roughly a year later? That is why I shift my guilty on her?
My thoughts don’t make me realise the moment my body went from been covered in debris and fire to been covered by mud and dirt.
The instant Shredder saw the detonator in my paws, she threw herself to the ground to Dig away of the surface, yet not away from the blast, she quickly reached my location and pull me down to safety.
A few moments later, we resurfaced away from the explosion, safe and sound.
My thoughts had moved away from regret, to confusion.
“Why did you save me?” I asked once more.
She didn’t reply.
“Why did YOU have to save me!?” I demanded, half because of my troubled mind and half because I was almost deaf. “You know what I feel for you, how much I despise you! So… why? After all I’ve been doing.”
Shredder seemed to doubt for a moment, as if she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. She just looked away and said, “You… you are our job. We are meant to keep you save.”
“So I’m just a job then, a pay check…” I stand back up, enraged. “Just a thing for you and your comrades to get some money from!”
I didn’t know why, but her reply had me mad, really mad.
“It’s not like you actually care!” I shouted once more as my rage boiled to the point I couldn’t control my actions, with all of my strength I throw a punch at her, she didn’t avoid it.
She didn’t try to move away or counter my strike, she stood her ground and took the hit right on her face. Her skin was cold and hard, I wasn’t able to make her move an inch and my paw hurt as soon as it made impact with her cheek. Yet, she looked back at me with the most hurt eyes I had ever seen someone give.
“You… I… JUST STAY AWAY FROM ME!” I demanded again as I turned around and flee.
“I ran over to my room and cried the rest of the day,” Roll said with a sigh. “My mind was such a mess I was unable to understand what had just happen. All I knew was that I felt sad, very sad.”
The group take a moment to let the images sink in, then Grizelda spoke.
“So, where those the seeds of romance flowering between both of you?” she asked.
“Pfff, of course not,” Roll replied right away. “I was confused, but not confused enough to just like the one who killed my mother… that sound really bad. Sorry babe.”
Shredder, on her end, remained silent yet her expression was far from her stoic one. She was sweating and seemed nervous for some reason, yet she keep silent. All she give was a knowing nod.
“Well, that makes things more confusing then, what happen after that?” Victoria asked.
“I continued with my attempts of getting revenge,” Roll answered, “but I stopped using traps. Somehow, I felt that wasn’t the right way to get even. Besides, I was finally scolded by everyone on the base for my actions.”
Another quartet of seasons passed by, I had trained long enough to keep up with Pancha's speed and even managed to fight back from time to time. Eventually, even Rouge spared with me, she wasn’t as fast as Pancha but could manage me just as well, but she never throw a single hit at me. Not because she was afraid of hurting me, but because she was afraid of blasting the place.
At least that is what she said, I wouldn’t understand her until some years later.
As with Pancha, I managed to make her to get serious a couple of times, which I also marked as small victories, even when I ended up in the infirmary right after, again.
“You sure love getting here huh?” Alice joked as she paid me a visit.
“Buzz off,” I replied tired but with a smile.
“In due time. For now, I prefer to buzz you,” she joked back and then give me a letter. “You received this today, monthly as always. He is quite punctual.”
“He sure is,” I replied as I opened the envelope and read how dad’s life was going but the second page had something new: besides asking me to go back, he also explain me how those who once where my mother’s managers wanted to declare me as dead for some greedy excuse, so he urged me more to go back.
I didn’t care though.
“You sure you don’t want to go with him?” Alice asked.
“I will… once I am done with things here,” I replied with a serious tone, yet I felt a bit awkward about it as I was unable to tell when that will ever be.
“If that is what makes you happy then, but if I were you, I would have go flying to those millions a long time ago.”
“You know my dad isn’t that famous now, don’t you?”
“Millions are still millions child. What are a few numbers less?”
“Not if his child keep adding zeroes to her staying account,” said a voice over the other side of the infirmary, “I don’t mind getting paid for doing my job, but you really send him some bills each time you end here.”
We chuckled, then we were interrupted by the slamming of doors.
“Doc!” the human leader shouted as he barged in with someone on his arms.
“On operation the table,” Doc replied with a cold voice as she left with Weiss, ready to do her job.
Alice and I were left wondering who it was this time, as getting injured is… was part of the mercenary life.
The procedure turn out to take some hours to be done, finally, from the operation room came out Doc and her patient.
“Getting herself like this... This isn’t like her,” said the Audino as she left her patient on the bed next to mine. I could hardly believe it.
“She’s been acting weird as of late. Good luck Tomino and Alexander were there to give us cover...” Weiss explained as they left the room.
The sight was odd at best.
Shredder lied down on the bed next to mine; unconscious, weakened, vulnerable. A heart monitor giving everyone a constant reminder that, despite her dead look, she was still alive.
I stared at her, my paws turning into fists without noticing.
“You know I can’t let you alone with her, right?” Alice said as she noticed my staring. “It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Said the one who takes every chance she can to win?” I replied without looking at her.
“That is exactly why I can’t let you.” She replied, standing right on my field of vision. “You may be our guest, but she is still my comrade, and I won’t let you harm her like this.”
I finally looked up at her.
“You know you can’t be here always.”
“I am not her only comrade.”
I didn’t reply. Instead I looked away, out the window and smiled.
“I have waited this long, what is waiting a bit more for a chance?”
Alice went through with her word and stayed between us for an entire day, using her control over other Bug-types to look after me while she had to leave, but eventually, she had to rest from her constant watch.
It was then then others took her place.
First was Rouge, I was unable to do anything bad with her around, literally; she used her vines to tie me onto the bed. Second was Pancha, who although acknowledged my reasons, couldn't bring herself to let me attack some unconscious mon.
Simon was next, with similar reasons, although said on a different way.
“To protect his family from everything; that is the way of a man!” he explained, “Even if that includes other family members as well.”
Eventually I got better and had to leave the infirmary, yet the mercenaries keep their guard.
Xavier kept a mental watch over me, Doc moved her desk besides Shredder’s bed, Sonya and her new apprentice, Edge, took turns day and night, Tomino look over her door for a whole day, literally. Each day that passed, they keep a constant watch over her, giving her more and more time to heal and less opportunities for me to get even.
Up until one night, the night the leader look after the infirmary.
He simply stood up, left the room and walked away.
I thought he was going to the bathroom or something like it, I didn’t care, I finally had found the chance I was looking for, and I wouldn’t waste it.
With careful moves, I snuc into the infirmary, silently heading for the resting room, in less than a minute I was before her bed.
The constant beeping of her heart filled the room as well as the soft dripping of the fluid bag feeding her directly on the blood.
I could do it of so many ways; I could load a syringe with air in insert it on her arm. I could use one of the pillows to stop what little air she was breathing, I could charge the defibrillator and fry her brain, I could grab and scalpel and jab it on her face, over and over.
I had so many ways to get my revenge that I was lost in thought, so lost that I didn’t noticed when did I jumped over her bed and stare directly at her face. I could still see it, the blood which once covered her and could feel how much I wanted to see her bathed on it once more, her own blood this time.
Then, I noticed.
She was looking back at me.
All of my ideas and anger vanished the instant I noticed her foggy eyes looking at me, but they slowly come back as she spoke.
“So, you are here to have give me your retribution?” she asked calmly, too calmly. Nor her heart beat or her breathing had changed by my presence.
“If you know what I am here for…” ‘Why wait?’ Is what I wanted to say, but instead, “Why aren't you worried?”
“Because… I deserve it…” She replied with a soft tone.
I wanted to shout at her, ‘OF COURSE YOU DO!’ but I couldn't. ‘You killed her!’ I only had one chance, ‘You have to pay for it…!’ I needed to be careful. “You have to take the responsibility…!”
And I needed to act fast.
“Go on then,” she replied with the same tone, almost as she had understood what I wanted to say. “Who knows when this chance will happen again.”
“... I don’t need a second chance,” I said in a whisper, yet I could feel how my rage keep building on me.
Ignoring how hard her skin was, I placed both of my small paws around her neck and with all the strength I could muster began to clench my grip around her.
I focused on that night, on how she had stabbed her on the chest, how she suggested to end her life, how she was betrayed by…
Before I know it I was crying, tears were dropping from my eyes.
I ignore them and focus more on my task at hand, tightening my grip tighter and tighter.
I barely noticed one of her arms raising slowly. ‘She’s going to try to move me away,’ I thought, so I added my weight to my grip. Finally, I could heard her breathing faltering and the beeping changing.
The blade that was her hand reached for me... I ignored it. I was close. I was too close to let anything stop me.
Then, she touched me with it, not with the cutting edge but with its smooth back, it was in that moment that I noticed my tears dripping over her face, as well as the tears coming from her.
“ I… I’m sorry…” She said with a hint of a voice.
I was caught off guard by all of this, I didn’t release her from my grip, but I stopped choking her.
With a bit more of air slowly filling her lungs, Shredder continued, albeit with troubles.
“I am sorry for have taking her from you…” she said while tears continued to fill her eyes. “I thought… she was done for, that there was nothing else to… to do… that she… that she was beyond saving…”
I tighten my grip once more, as we both know that wasn’t the case.
“Then you know how wrong you where!” I replied, anger burning on my very blood. “If you haven’t been there, if you haven’t give him the idea, if hadn’t been beside me, she wouldn’t have hugged us… and then… and then…!”
Tears flooded my vision, I was no longer able to see her clearly, yet I know she was still looking back at me, with tear filled eyes just like mine.
“Then she wouldn’t have me take her life…” she said with a sorrowful tone. “We could have save her. Instead, I took your most important being in this world.”
I wanted to finish her off, to crush her throat and hear her choke on her own… but that was impossible. I wasn’t applying any strength for a while now, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it again.
“Why…?” I asked with tears still flowing from my eyes. “Why are you saying me this now? You are only looking for a way to save yourself!”
“If that was the case, I would have dealt with you from the start…” She replied, not seeming to mind my paws still on her neck. “No, I felt regret over my actions, I once swore to spare those weaker than me, and yet not only I took an innocent's life, I thought about it without hesitation, without regret.”
Shredder then placed her blade back on the bed.
“My time with this guild, with these mercenaries had me forget about my old sworn ways. Yet your mother… she managed to make me remember it, all of it. I felt ashamed, guilty, filthy about myself. I knew you deserved something in return, but I was too ashamed to admit that.”
She chuckled with regret.
“I was so ashamed that I wasn’t able to stand your gaze. I couldn’t look at you and tell you how much I was sorry, no matter how much it ate me inside. I wanted to be punished for my actions, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. That is why I asked everyone to let you get your revenge, to let you make me pay for my sin.”
“Then, what about those traps? You kept dodging!” I inquired while finally removed my paws from her, so I could clean my eyes.
“I told you already,” she answered with a sour smile, “I couldn’t punish myself, so I was unable to fall for such easy traps.”
‘Easy, she says…’ I thought, not with anger, but with rather comically.
“So my traps were easy for you…” I thought over my crosses with her, and remembered the last trap I set for her. “Then, what about the last plan, why did you save me?”
She didn’t answered.
“So you could be punished?” I asked again, an angered tone returning to my voice. “So I could be a tool for you?”
“I wasn’t sure why either,” she replied with an honest tone. “Before I realized it, I was digging frantically towards you. I wanted to save you… no, I needed to save you. At least that is what I felt that time.”
I was genuinely speechless, from all the things I expect her to say, I never thought of she saying so cheesy and corny to the point I was unable to reply for a second. For some reason unknown at me, her words made me glad.
“What about now?” I finally asked, “What is making you say these things to me? Regret? Shame? Duty?”
“Pride,” she said, again surprising me. “I had ignored and worried for you for far too long, to the point where it clouded my judgment, bringing me here.”
“... so you are here… because… because?” I asked in confusion, although I already knew the answer, somehow.
“Because of you…” She replied, a hint of red on her face.
I stand up on the bed and away from her.
“Why!?” I spluttered, not noticing my own face felt hot. “Why would you think on me so much, even when I… I have a grudge on you… you killed her… you have to pay or else, or else…”
Suddenly my head become a storm one more, a swirl of ideas, emotions and memories running around without control, not letting me think straight as my mind went overdrive.
“It has to be you!” I proclaimed, no longer caring for the volume of my voice. “It has to be, you have to pay! You are the one who ended her life! It has to be you! I have to make you pay for it! There is no other way! Your blade killed her! It’s you! You have to be guilty! You are the one who made her stay! You took her from me! You thought about it! You wanted to kill her! It couldn’t be my fault so it has to be yours!”
My mind and mouth keep going and going, my head felt it will blur out of existence until I felt the cold of metallic limbs wrapping around me. The chill sensation making the storm of ideas calm on my mind, letting me think more properly, more calmly.
“It’s all right. It’s my fault. You have every right to be angry.” I faintly heard Shredder say beside me as she carefully patted my head.
This calm me even more, to the point my head was fully rational. This made me think over something I had locked on the back of my head, hidden from me so I could focus on blaming Shredder, something I couldn’t deny anymore.
“It has to be you… or else… or else…” I wasn’t able to look it up any longer.
“It would have been my fault…”