//------------------------------// // Forward, Quarter Circle Forward, Buck // Story: Utaan // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// Eight surly stallions and mares wearing leather vests huddled together atop a cluster of stone platforms overlooking a grassy gnoll. Down below, Reeds and Sweet sat, both siblings munching and chatting amicably. A few meters away, a dozen other ponies sat, looking over maps and sipping from their canteens. Within minutes, more travelers came trotting north along the path. They saw the other Rohbreddenites gathered and resting in the center of the Petrispines, and they gradually joined them. “Verlaxion's sleet,” a stallion with a crossbow hissed. “Here come five more!” “Like sitting ducks.” “Shhhh!” A mare with a scimitar gnashed her teeth. “Ducks can hear, morons!” “We've waited around long enough!” Another mare grumbled. She glanced at the other seven. “For crying out loud! It's not gonna get juicier than this! Let's spear a few of them to bloody the spines and then pounce already!” “Just a little longer,” the lead thug grumbled. “I want to wait until the five newcomers are completely seated.” “Better make it quick, boss,” a stallion murmured, squinting south. “It's about five minutes before another party shuffles up. We better make our hit before we're outnumbered four to one.” “We've gutted ten times as many ponies as these chumps before,” the leader grunted. “But this? This is perfect. These stone turds will hide the bodies, no problem.” “Yeah, but they won't hide us!” A stallion hissed, gesturing with his crossbow. “For crying out loud—this was never meant to be a blood gutter! We've got precious stock here!” “Mrmmmfff... what's so precious about it anymore, huh?” The leader grumbled, squinting at the bodies down below. “We've lost contact with the big whigs. You ask me? They've wiped their hooves of us ever since what happened in the central prefectures. We've been on our own for far too long. It's high time we made a hit and split before the Talon comes back.” “With a body count this high, you can bet the Talon will hunt us down to the edges of Rohbredden.” The leader shrugged. “I can live on the muck of the seven seas if I have to. I don't give a shit what you guys do.” “Pffft. Like you ever did.” “Dammit, now's not the time! Let's just get this over with!” Meanwhile, four ghostly bodies hovered within earshot of the diabolical group. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle listened closely. Exchanging nervous glances, they swiftly flew back west—phasing through several rock platforms. Rainbow Dash perched low on the top of a stalagmite. She craned her neck, cautiously peering at the group of eight thugs preparing their ambush. Not long after, her friends returned like four colored shadows. Catching their breaths, they gave the air to Twilight. “They'll be attacking at any moment,” Twilight said. “Three are armed with crossbows. The other five have swords and are poised to jump down and raid the Rohbreddenites.” She gestured. “They all... appear to be wearing leather cloaks with foldable flaps... probably for gliding.” “Hmmmfff...” Rainbow nodded. “My favorite kind of thugs. The half-ass kind.” “This is no laughing matter, Rainbow,” Twilight said, brow furrowed. “These ponies mean business. Their leader is a mare who's willing to shed blood and then run off to the seven seas.” “Then she won't mind the fact that we've decided to redecorate their current home.” Rainbow exhaled, tilting her conical hat back. “So... like... any clues as to their connections with the bounty stallions back in Riverstem?” “No.” Rarity shook her head. “And, quite frankly Rainbow Dash, is this the time?” “They look super ready to super pounce!” Pinkie squeaked. “Right...” Rainbow nodded, crawling forward. “Let's do this.” “Do what?!” Twilight stammered. “Haven't you drummed up a plan?” “Yes. No. Maybe.” Rainbow shrugged. “Look, after what we did back there, it's not like we have a choice but to interfere.” Twilight sighed. “I know... but Rainbow...” She frowned. “These ponies look very dangerous.” “So what? I'm very dangerous.” Twilight face-hoofed. “Ughhh...” “Look. I'll try it out the harmonious way at first.” Rainbow shrugged, slinking forward. “And if that doesn't work... then... fight scene!” She smirked. “Rrrrgh...” Twilight shook, red-in-the-face as the other mares hovered after her. “One of these days, Rainbow, you won't be able to solve a problem with a fight scene!” “Ready boss?” asked one of the eight thugs. “Ready.” The lead mare shuffled forward to the edge of the cluster of platforms. “We have the opportunity for three shots here.” “Who do we spear?” “Mmmmm...” The leader pointed. “Fire one into the larger crowd to make them piss themselves.” She swung a hoof. “Then shoot the other two at the twins down there.” “Kill 'em both?” “Yeah. If this whole thing goes south, we can at least pick their corpses for valuables.” “Why launch arrows?” cracked a voice from behind. “You've got eight lousy corpses right here.” “... ... ...!” The mare spun around. At first sight of Rainbow Dash, she unsheathed her scimitar. Schiiiing! The other thugs spun, gasped, and aimed their weapons at the mare. Rainbow's friends flinched. Meanwhile, she raised her forelimbs, waving them at swordpoint. “Whoah whoah whoah!” Her hat slumped forward. She tilted it back, exposing a friendly smile. “Chillax, guys! Can't a pony approach a bunch of bandits without getting jumped? Er... eheh... you know what I mean.” “How in the Hell did you get up here?!” the leader snarled. “I'm one fourth spider.” “... ... ...” Rainbow rolled her eyes and sighed. “Okay, so I climbed those silly little notches in the stone pillar about twenty farts back.” She squinted. “You know, for a hideout, your place isn't very hidden or out. Seriously... some shrubbery?!” She smirked. “Pffft... if this was the seven seas, you'd hide your place behind a herring.” “Whoever you are,” the mare sneered, “you just won yourself a one-way ticket off the edge of my blade!” “Cute. But—y'know—who I am isn't nearly as awesome as what I can give you.” The mare squinted. “You came up here to bargain with us?” “Totally.” Rainbow gestured. “You see, some of those ponies down there are buddies of mine. And I would very much like it if you... y'know... didn't skewer them into a bloody pulp and take off with their valuables.” “And just what are you going to do to stop us?” “Nothing!” Ranbow smiled pleasantly. “However, I figure my bits might stop you! And by that...” She pretended to brush off some dirt from her left fetlock. “...I mean the bits of my wealthy family.” The thugs glanced at one another, fidgeting anxiously... yet curiously. “A 'wealthy family,' you say?” the leader droned. “Mmmm. Yes. Quite.” Rainbow Dash looked up. “You see, I was born from the amorous union of...” She blinked. “...Count Zaid and Duchess Props. You may call me 'Lady Zaidops the Blue.'” She winked. “It's an aristocratic thing.” “You're telling me you're the daughter of a Count and a Duchess?” Rainbow did a double-take. “What? Was I speaking in mule?” The leader pointed with her scabbard. “And just what kind of formal wear is that?” “Pffft? You kidding me?” Rainbow tugged at her cloak. “This crud?” She gave her conical hat a joyous spin. “I'm merely undergoing the... pilgrimage of piety! I mean... you ever heard of the Quade?” “Yeah.” The mare droned. “I heard they got wrecked.” “... ... ...Of course! They got wrecked! Which is why... uhm...they've established the Quade Two!” “The Quade Two?” “Yeah! Now with twice the Luminards! It's like having twice as many marshmallows in your cereal! Super awesome stuff!” A thug off to the side scrunched his face. “What's 'cereal?'” “Duaaaaaaaaaah!” Pinkie Pie nearly shrieked. “They don't know what cereal is—?!” A white hoof clamped over her muzzle. “Mrmmmfffff!” “And I'm the Quade Two's new initiate!” Rainbow Dash bowed, hooves held together. “I'm on my way to the new sanctuary along with my penitent buddies!” She winked. “Thinkin' of taking the anointed name of 'Zaidops the Yellow.' It's a humbler color, y'see.” “Then if you've given up everything to adopt this penitent lifestyle...” The mare smirked, leaning on her scimitar. “...you've got no valuables on you!” The thugs behind her nodded and muttered. “And you've got nothing to bargain with!” “Like hay I don't!” Rainbow smirked devilishly, then pulled the collar of her green cloak down. “Feast your eyes, sunshine.” The mare's eyes lit up with a ruby glow. All of her subordinate thugs gathered around, cooing and stammering in awe. “Yeah... yeah...” Rainbow nodded, pointing at the Element of Loyalty. “You like it? I polish it every morning just to remind myself of how friggin' rich I am. Or... at least... until I reach the location of the Quade Two, and then I'm ditching this thing like yesterday's alfredo. Unless—of course—I can be given a karmic reason to part ways with it sooner.” “Is...” The leader licked her lips, leaning forward, stretching out a hoof. “Is that real ruby?” “Totally.” Rainbow's voice took on a breathy tone as she raised her fetlock to the pendant's surface. “Why don't you take a closer look...” The mare did—FLASSSH! “Aaaaugh!” She stumbled back, clutching her eyes. Before the other thugs could react— “BANGARANG!” Rainbow Dash dove forward, speared a thug, somersaulted backwards, then swept the hooves out from underneath two others. The three bandits went plummeting over the spires' edge, screaming... ...and then plunged into the pondwater below. Sp-SPLASH! Reeds, Sweet, and the many other Rohbreddenites parked on the grassy gnoll looked over, startled. “Huh?” Reeds blinked at the floundering bodies, then gasped as he saw their weapons plopping into the drink beside them. “Whoah!” He shot up to his hooves, pointing and shouting. “Bandits! Real honest-to-Verlaxion bandits!” “Nuuu!” Sweet scooped up as many slices of bread as she could. “Save the picnic!” The other travelers stood up, stammering in mixed surprise and fright. Not long after, the air filled with even more screams. The ponies looked up to see even more thugs plummeting towards the water below. “Haaah!” Rainbow Dash finished kicking a stallion off the edge. A metal barb glistened in her peripheral vision. “Rainbow!” Rarity shouted. “Look out—!” Rainbow was already lunging backwards. Thwifffffft! An arrow flew past her nose. The pegasus glared aside. A pony with a crossbow cussed, then hastily reloaded her weapon. Thinking fast, Rainbow took her hat off and tossed it across the platform. The mare took aim—only to have the conical article land over her muzzle, blinding her. “Mrmmmfffuuu?” Thap-Thap-Thap!—WHAM! Rainbow Dash galloped up and rammed her in the side, grabbing her hat as the pony flew off the platform with a shriek. The bandit pinballed several times between that structure and an adjacent spire. At last, she landed in a groaning heap atop a cluster of bushes below. Rainbow plopped her hat back on her shaved head. “Get a job.” “Dashie!” Pinkie yelped, her lip spasming. “...!” Rainbow ducked low as—SWISSSSH!—a scimitar swung over her head from behind. WHAM! Followed by a hoof that contacted with her flank. “Ooomf!” Rainbow sprawled across the platform, wincing. “Darn it... knew I popped the catch phrase too early.” “Alright, stinkin' witch!” The bandit leader hissed, bleeding from the lip. She held the blade to Rainbow's throat. “I don't know what your real story is and I don't care!” She spat. “But you just cost me an entire posse of this Prefecture's best bastards! Just for that, I'm going to shred that sorceror's stone from your neck and skin your corpse!” “Good luck with that, ya melon fudge,” Rainbow spat back. She glared up at the mare. “After this crazy kefluffle, there's no place in Stone Prefecture where you can hide me! Much less yourself!” “Shows how much you know!” She smirked. “I've got a wooden shack atop this shitheap. It's the perfect place to hide you... every piece of you!” Rainbow bore a coy smirk. “You mean that place with all the dredge coal that I just lit ten minutes ago?” “... ... ...” The mare's jaw dropped. Rainbow's face scrunched. “Come to think of it... it was a ten minute fuse too.” KAPOWWWW! Ten platforms away, the sky lit ablaze with flaming splinters and shards of dislodged limestone. The entire platform beneath the two ponies wobbled. The bandit leader lost grip of her sword and teetered backwards, flailing upon the precipice of the rock formation. “Whoah... whoahhhh—!” But just as she fell, a blue hoof reached out and grabbed her by the collar of her vest. “Wait!” Rainbow's voice cracked. She held the thug at a loose angle. “Super quick! Ask me if you can borrow my fetlock!” “Wha... guh...” The bandit's eyes twitched. “Huh?!” Rainbow stared at her, eyes wide. “Say... 'Can I borrow your fetlock.'” “Uhhhh...” The bandit grimaced. “Can I borrow your fetlock?” “SUREYOUCAN!” And Rainbow Dash impacted her chin with a rising uppercut. With a groan, the bandit flew up... then fell down... plummeting towards the pondwater below. Rainbow Dash landed, adjusted her robe and hat, and turned to smirk at the other mares—but mostly Twilight Sparkle. “Fight sceeeeeeeeeeeene,” she hummed through grinning teeth. Twilight Sparkle face-hoofed with a sigh. Rarity and Pinkie Pie giggled. Down below, the Rohbreddenites barely had any opportunity to gawk at the thunderous explosion when— “Aaaaaaaaaaaah!” The lead bandit fell into the waters between the spines and the gnoll. SPLASH! Her thuggish lackeys grabbed her and helped he ashore. No sooner had they reached dry land when the collective group of travelers angrily charged them, tossing rocks, horseshoes, and all manner of expendable nick-nacks. In a panic, the waterlogged thugs galloped and limped away—with several angry ponies giving chase. “After them!” “Don't let them get away!” “Stupid punks... ruining Stone Prefecture for everyone!” “Someone write to the Guard as soon as we get to Kunmane!” From a distance, Reeds and Sweet stood side by side, breathless. “Verlaxion's sleet...” Reeds gulped. “This... this...” Sweet jumped in place, squealing. “...is the best trip ever!” “Wow! Did you see those morons belly-flop into the water?!” Reeds spun around, grinning. “They sure got what was coming to them!” “Hahaha! Yeah!” Sweet blushed slightly. “And to think I was scared for my picnic supplies...” “Mrmmmfff... picnic supplies...” Rainbow Dash stifled a yawn as she strolled back. “Hope we're not done already! I'm famished!” “Scootabelle!” Reeds gasped. “You missed the most awesomest thing!” Sweet said. “Really?” Rainbow glanced aside at the four spectral mares. “Did I, now...?” “Here we were, minding our own business, digging our muzzles deep in jam, when these thugs in bandit gear went plunging into the water like melting icicles!” Sweet stammered. “One by one! Hah! Silly saps must have been planning an ambush! There was even an explosion!” “An explosion, you say?” Rainbow adjusted her hat. “Now I do feel bad for missing it.” “Oh... uhm...” Sweet giggled nervously. “I'm sorry. Where are my manners? You were gone a long time. Is everything okay?” “Oh... I just... had to take care of something.” Rainbow cleared her throat. “You know how it is.” “Yes.” Reed nodded. “We know the trials of a long journey. Feeling any better?” “Yes...” Rainbow sighed, staring up at the sky above the Petrispines. “Much... much better now. Thanks.”