Madness.
Such a simple little word. Rolls off of the tongue like a nice glass of wine. Stays ringing in your ears like the first and only ringing of the Liberty Bell.
Insanity.
So strange to think that some kind of primal and subconscious emotion could secure itself into a faction of world governing. Not that I am complaining, or judging whatsoever.
But that’s the thing. In the entire being of life, there are three powers that are in constant play. Neutrality, Good, Evil, and their respective Travelers. But recently, there is another power gaining itself a seat in the world.
The power normally known as a nuisance. Complete lunacy.
It’s not good, it’s not evil, and it sure as hell ain’t neutral. The main objective of this power is its own continuation. However, it doesn’t have a particular patron god. No matter how hard one would try and govern it, the highest power in its ranks happens to be its traveler.
Which happens to be me.
But that’s the thing about being me, it’s that I’m in charge. I don’t know how the very essence of insanity chose me as it’s traveler, but I’m sure as hell not going to waste it. I don’t know if this was planned, but having no superior to answer to makes you feel... free.
No repercussions.
Everything can be filed under the greater good of your cause.
Hell, I can make it rain nothing but fish and jello cups for the rest of a planet’s pitiful and drab existence, and say it was because of a serious lack of crazy in the known life.
And let me tell you, the power of complete unpredictability allows for some wildcards to be thrown on the lap of the poor bastards high in charge of the equalizing powers of life.
And at times like that, I like to say my own personal motto, “Why not?”
I Travel to a planet where there is nothing but females for the population, and they reproduce asexually. Suddenly, I get the idea to completely change their biochemistry so that they depend on same-sex reproduction. Why not?
I think I’m going to do nothing but switch my own sex between male and female for the rest of my eternal existence for nothing but shits and giggles. No one is going to stop me, so why the hell not?
I stand on the surface of a planet where the subterranean race of humanoids are getting oppressed by the surface-dwellers, and decide to lead a peaceful revolution to gain the free will and equal rights of every humanoid on the planet. No one will tell you otherwise. Why the damn hell not?
But... no superiors also leads to a few downsides. Seeing as that I am the eternal beacon of insanity, I can get a bit... carried away.
With that, I mean the rationale behind my thoughts and actions.
If I get too carried away, I just might create something I will regret.
Alas, that is the hardships of being a lunatic.
But I represent change, and nothing known to life can stop that.
Welcome to my world, I hope you enjoy your stay. Stay away from the leg-lamps. You don’t want to know what they do.
By the way, name’s Mentis. Pleased to meet you.
(Lets start the story down there, shall we?)
Feeling the crackling sensation of my magic coursing through my body, I snapped open my eyes to see a thin haze of red obscuring my vision as little bolts of red lightning traveled their way down to the ground.
“How many times am I going to come to a new world feeling like I just had another drink-off against the entire dwarven population of Tamriel?” (Fun fact, that’s also how they all died off.)
Shaking my head, I pushed a hoof against my muzzle while my perception on the world decided to become a rave party around me, spinning and flashing random colors as I stood there in a daze. “Skully, I swear, if this is one of your ‘Magic Pills’”
Everything became clear and peaceful. A manic grin split my face and I let out a little cackle.
“Ooh, this is going to be fun.”
Trying to take a step forward, my face became acquainted with Mr. Dirt. “Mr. Dirt, meet Mentis. I am sure you two will get along VERY well...” I got up and groaned, clumsily flailing my legs to try and balance.
Why can’t any of these new worlds be any easier to move around in?
“Wait,” I noticed something odd about how the past few paragraphs were written, “I’m a pony.”
There’s two things that you need to know about me: One’s the fact that I am completely insane, and the other is that I don’t enjoy having my form morphed. With a scowl, I turned to one of the numerous trees around me.
“You will have to pay for this universe’s sins.”
Then I turned it into a rubber duck.
“Hah! Fear me and my mighty duck changing abilities!” I called out, menacingly pointing my hoof down at it.
Unfortunately for me, my extreme powers went unnoticed, and my glorious battle cry fell upon deaf ears. Maybe I’ll give these trees some of them, just so it will fall upon ears capable of hearing, therefore completely resolving my problem!
Looking around to check that the trees haven’t turned into Ents yet, I sighed, and looked into the sky. “Looks like I gotta get a look-see on just where I am.”
Using my Traveler magic, I teleported into the sky above the trees and proceeded to break the laws of physics to just stand in the middle of the air. (Why? Why not?) Scanning the area around me, I caught sight of a quaint little town that looked prone to torching. Taking a wobbly step forward, I crashed down to the ground again. Mr. Dirt wins yet another round of this immortal battle of gravity vs. my insanity.
“Just you wait ‘til I get my gardening tools Mr. Dirt... just wait...”
Getting up again, I stumbled drunkenly off into the rough direction of where the town was, muttering about equine forms and their susceptibility to getting shot in the face when they broke a leg.
As I got closer to the town, I felt like I was more used to being a pony. The obvious thing to do is to start up a stirring pony Cha-Cha slide.
“To the left!”
“Take it back now y’all!”
“Five hops this time!”
“Hop it out now!”
“Right foot let's stomp!”
“Left foot let's stomp!“
“Right foot again!”
“Left foot again!”
“Right foot let's stomp!”
“Left foot let's stomp!”
“FREEZE!”
“Everybody clap your...” I had successfully entered the hamlet... Somehow. Everybody(pony?) was staring at me. Not like I cared. The job of bringing about insanity had the perks of making you the center of attention everywhere. But I stopped for a different matter. Clapping. As in with hands. Rearing up, I clopped my hooves together and cackled with glee for a second time today.
“I CAN CLAP, I CAN CLAP, LOOKIT ME, I CAN CLAP!”
I Can-Can skipped down into the center of the town, where a nice little fountain was situated. Peering into the fountain, I saw my mane. Boy, did it clash with my coat. It was a big, wavy mane that got longer in the back that reminded me of... of... A MULLET!
Rubbing my hoof from the long front and trailing it down to the identical back, I repeated the old mantra, “Business in the front, party in the back.”
Well, not exactly a mullet. The front was just as long as the back, but it got pushed to the sides. My real hair color got completely changed around, splitting into purple, bright orange, and grass green.
Then something caught my attention on my flank. Something near and dear to my heart. It was a Tiwaz, the norse rune signalling mental stability and justice, turned on its head. It being upside down made all of its meanings the complete opposite, showing exactly who I am.
And right over it, seeming to be hanging off of the top part of the arrow, was a joker’s hat. That just put the icing on the cake there, didn’t it?
A hoof poked me on the shoulder, and I whipped my head to the side to see who it was. I was greeted by the sight of an older-looking mare, with a greyed mane and spectacles, but I knew better. I smelt the dye in her hair-mane-thing. Whatever. I let her continue to talk without a stop.
“Sir? Are you new here? I don’t remember seeing you around recently, and I am sure that I could find you a place to stay if you’re visiting...” She trailed off, undoubtedly because of my stare. I whipped up the most manic smile for her.
“No, that won’t be necessary, however, I got-” I stopped for a second to giggle uncontrollably. It was wonderful to see these beings squirming in the face of insanity, “-one question. Are you the mayor?”
She blinked. “W-why yes! I am the mayor. You can call me Mayor Mare.” Ohhhh, this is going to be good.
“Actually, could we go to the town hall for a second? I have a few things I need to clear up with some paperwork.” Mayor Mare pulled on her official-looking collar and motioned at the dominant building in the middle of the town. Wonderful!
As I followed her, I saw that there was a tattoo on her ass, as well. Yes! A world where tattoos near the rear are accepted! It’s been too long since I’ve been able to flash the one right over my... Wait. focus, Mentis! We got a mission to complete! Hurrying after MM, we arrived at the building in a few short seconds.
She ushered me into the building. The large doors by the front slowly opening. Stepping inside of the large building, I noticed that it seemed that no one else was inside... Bueno.
“So Mayor Mare, is there anyone else inside right now?” She trotted quickly to the large desk situated on the far side of the room.
“No, nopony is inside today.” Me gusta.
Spanish memes aside, I set my plan into motion. Swinging the door closed with a loud thud, I teleported up to the desk, sending my magic coursing through the very fabric of matter. I started to slowly pull out the dye covering Mayor Mare’s hairs, leaving... LEAVING...! A nice hue of pink. Now why would she want to cover that up? Completely ruins the reveal that she was actually a blonde. And also that she was actually a character from Scooby Doo.
Mayor Mare was staring at me in shock, completely frozen by my sheer unpredictability.
Shaking off my confusion, I narrowed my eyes, and I mustered up the most insane laughter. “Listen to me... Hehe, and listen to me CLOSELY!”
Grabbing her in a telekinetic hold, I brought her body over the desk she was sitting at, and forced out foreheads together.
“Now, what you’re gonna do is change the currency taxation of this entire town. Decrease it by a roll of a 20 sided die on an even day, and multiply it by a number rolled by a 12 sided die on odd days. That, or your little grey hair thing will go bye-bye!”
Mayor mare gulped as she looked into my eye. As I let her go and restored the overlying pigment to her roots, she nodded, and blurted out a question, “How can you possess magical abilities? You’re an earth pony!”
I fell on my haunches when that question passed the wall of insanity built up about my brain. In fact, I’ve seen some ponies with wings, and some with horns. But wait, what does it mean? I don’t know about this world, and if I am going to get...
“I don’t know!”
Mayor Mare looked at me with incredulity, stuttering, “W-w-wait, how can you use magic and not know-”
I snorted in exasperation, not enough madness, too much talk. “Amnesia. I can’t remember a thing. Speaking of which, do you have a place where I can read up on remembering things about this place?”
The Mayor blinked before she said, “The library-it’s made out of a big tree. You can’t miss it.”
I smiled at her, turned to leave, waving as I did. “Don’t talk about this, or your little hair secret gets out all the same like the taxing!”
Leaving the structure completely, I turned back to the fountain that looked like it was near the center of the town. Spotting a tree rising up above the quaint, and quite flammable, thatched houses, I made my way there.
--- --- ---
Sweet unborn Gods and Goddesses of Insanity, those screen wipes hurt if you aren’t prepared for them.
Anyway, I made my way to the house, Made out of a living tree. Why does this town seem so fun to haze and pillage? I made my way to the front door, doing the only reasonable thing for a public library.
I headbutted the door open.
“HELLO, QUIET LIBRARY!” I shouted out, revelling in the complete chaos I was probably causing.
“I REQUIRE USE OF YOUR FLAMMABLE BANKS OF KNOWLEDGE. I SEEM TO BE RUNNING LOW UPON MINE.” Oh John Delacoux. I love you so.
A purple (lavender?) pony with a horn on its head and a straight mane came roaring down into the lobby that I was sticking my head in. I was surprised that the pony didn’t leave flaming skid-marks when it slowed down. It said in a drowsy and slightly excited tone, “Please, sir, keep your voice down! It is a library. However, have you come to take out a book? I would be more than happy to help you.”
I cracked a smile at the librarian, and pretended to look a little spacey. Perhaps a bit more than I usually look. Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccceeeeeeeeeee.
“Actually, I can’t remember anything about this world! I have amnesia!”
To the being stealthy and totally-not-an-extra-universal-being part of my brain: High-five! Totally rocked that hide motive check. At least that was what I thought, until I saw the look on the Librarian’s face. Totally forgot that rocking the check for me was utterly failing for any other regular person. The Librarian rubbed at her leg with a hoof awkwardly, and started the conversation again.
“Well then, I guess that we should start with introductions. My name is Twilight Sparkle. What’s yours?”
I stayed standing there, my head being the only thing sticking inside of the library. “Name’s Mentis. how do you do?”
Twilight kept on standing there, looking at me with a mixture of tenseness and confusion. After a few minutes of silence, she piped up.
“Not to sound rude or anything, but are you going to come in, Mentis?”
I nodded, and detached my head from my body with my magic, making it float in with the rest of my body trotting just a few centimeters behind the center of the bottom of my throat, reattaching it when they fully touched together. The face on Twilight was priceless. I stuck my hoof out in front of her, and she shook it with more than a small hint of suspicion.
“There, I’m inside now. Are we going to continue with the learning?”
Twilight threw her eyes over my neck, and narrowed them. “I could have sworn... no, no. It was nothing, let’s get on with re-learning about Equestria!”
There! I learned enough. This place was called Equestria, and if I created small amounts of insanity, they would overlook it. Twilight began to prattle on about some kind of thing called “Windegoes” or whatever they were, and I switched my brain to ‘Scheming/Plotting’ mode to drown her out while still maintaining a face of interest. After the massive history lesson was over, Twilight went off to go and find a few books for me to look over and study in case I forget a few things. I decided to pass the time waiting for her by clapping again.
“Here’s a few books that’ll jog your memory if you happen to forget...” Twilight stopped dead as she re-entered the lobby area to find me happily clapping away. “Mentis...? Why are you clopping?”
Clopping? That’s what it’s called? In that case... “LOOKIT ME, LOOKIT ME! I CAN CLOP! I CAN CLOP ALL DAY LONG! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”