The Formula

by Daedalus Aegle


By Any Other Name

It was Wednesday the week after the two-day long Ponyville mayoral election campaign of 2015 had ended with the abrupt collapse of the Apple Muffin Party, and Princess Twilight was engaged in high-stakes royal negotiations in Canterlot.

“And that, Twilight,” Celestia concluded, “is why I can't allow you to publish your article. I'm very sorry, but I'm sure you'll agree that my reasons are sound.”

“Oh, absolutely, Celestia,” Twilight conceded. “You presented your arguments in comprehensive detail, and your reasoning is absolutely flawless. You also listened very patiently to my counterarguments, as well as my concerns about the implications of your decision for academic freedom and scientific inquiry, and answered them all to my satisfaction. I may regret it, but I completely accept your decision.”

Celestia nodded with a smile, and sipped her tea. “I'm very happy to hear that, Twilight. I'm sure there won't be any more unpleasant surprises like this, but next time you're going unveil some deep mystery of magic, do give me a heads up first, alright?”

“Yes, Celestia. Well, there are still so many other mysteries of pony magic that nopony has ever explained,” Twilight said. “Like – names, for example. Why do so many ponies have names that just happen to perfectly fit their special talents? Even their destinies? Like me, for instance. What are the odds that a pony named 'Twilight' would bridge the divide between you and Princess Luna, between night and day? There must be something buried deep in the fabric of magic itself that creates concurrences like that.”

Celestia coughed and nodded a little too quickly.

“And come to think of it,” Twilight continued, oblivious to the strained smile of her mentor, “Isn't it funny that your personal student before me was named Sunset Shimmer? I mean, Sunset, Twilight, Shimmer, Sparkle, Celestia, Luna. Isn't that strange? I mean – hah! - what are the odds, right?”

“Hrm – yes! What are the odds indeed. Ha ha – ha!”

Twilight tilted her head to the side and looked suspiciously at her old mentor. “You're acting kind of strangely, Princess. Is something wrong? Is there something you're not telling me?”

Celestia hesitated, and turned her face away. “It's – it's a touchy subject for me, Twilight.”

Twilight looked at her old mentor with large, insecure eyes. “I don't understand, Princess. You know I'd never betray your confidence. I thought there were no secrets between us anymore?”

“Okay… look… the truth is...” Celestia sighed. “The truth is that many years before I met you, Twilight, I got the idea of looking for unicorns whose names suggested the transition between night and day. I knew that the prophecy of Nightmare Moon was going to come true, and I needed to be ready. I hoped to find the pony who would help reunite me and my sister, and the first thing I looked at was their names. I already knew you were taking the entry exam for my school in Canterlot that day, Twilight, and when I saw the rainboom, and your magic surge immediately after, I knew you had to be the one. And you were.” She smiled, not the glorious smile of the sun, but the private smile of a pony who had seen her greatest fears banished, and had found again that which had been lost. A soft dewdrop of tears nestled in the corner of Celestia's eye.

“Oh princess...” Twilight got out of her seat and went around the table to nuzzle her teacher, pressing tight against her side.

They stood like that for a while in comfortable, intimate silence before Twilight raised her head. “...But what about Sunset?”

“...Ah. Yes. Her.” Celestia glanced around her, as if avoiding Twilight's eyes. “Well...”

“What's the matter, Princess?”

“Please don't call me that, Twilight.”

“Sorry!”

“The thing is… You weren't the first unicorn pony I found who had a name that made me think of Luna. I trained Sunset Shimmer when you were just a filly, because at the time I believed that she would be the one who would reconcile us. Time was beginning to run short before Nightmare Moon's return, and you know that a proper education takes many years. So… I took a chance on a filly before I could be completely certain about her, and I paid the price. I taught Sunset Shimmer more than she was prepared for, skills she was not able or willing to wield responsibly.” Celestia gazed off into the distance. “She wanted me to raise her up to princesshood. But she did not understand what that meant. She thought she deserved it only because of her magical power and her ambition. I still remember the last conversation I had with her, when I finally gave up on her and sent her away.”

“That's so sad,” Twilight said, and nuzzled gently into her mentor's side. “At least you got it right on the second try.”

An awkward silence ensued.

“...I wasn't your second try either, was I?”

“You know what, it might be easier if I just show you the list.”

– – –

“So this is…?”

Dusk Gleam. Midnight Sun. Aurora Dance.

Celestia nodded. “Every unicorn I took on as my private student before you, hoping to find the one who would bring Luna back to me, yes.”

Starry Summer. Dawn Song. Shining Morning.

“That's a lot of names.”

“Yes.”

Sunrise Glimmer. Sunset Sparkle. Sunrise Snowfall. Sunset Snowfall.

“The Snowfalls were twins. I had a good feeling about those two.”

Moonrise Sunbeam. Shady Days. Eclipse Blossom.

“This is… different.”

Evening Star. Misty Morning. Starlight Glimmer.

“Starlight Glimmer?!”

“Well, where did you think she learned self-levitation?”

And finally, at the bottom of the list, Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle.

The two of them stood looking at the list in deafening silence while the moments ticked by, until Celestia cleared her throat. “Well, the upshot of it is that by now Equestria is full of extremely powerful unicorns with themed names who have gone mad with power.”

“I had wondered about that...”

“Yes. So…”

Celestia moved to place a hoof gently on Twilight's shoulder, but the smaller alicorn stepped away. “You know, this is really a lot to take in all at once. I think I'm gonna need some time to process this.”

Celestia looked at her sadly. “You know you're very special to me, right, Twilight?”

“…Yeah. I know.”

“Alright,” Celestia nodded. “I understand… Just do me one favor, if you would, Twilight? Please don't ever ask me about Lightbringer Morningstar.”

– – –

Sunset frowned in confusion as she read the note that had just popped up in the magical book.

Dear Sunset Shimmer,

You are hereby invited to attend the first meeting of the Troubled Unicorn Redemption Network, TURN.

TURN is a new support group for unicorns who left or were expelled from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns due to irreconcilable philosophical differences with Princess Celestia. It is my hope that TURN will help rehabilitate unicorns who would otherwise be drawn into unhealthy behaviors like 'world domination' or 'becoming a cult leader', and instead help them along the path to becoming happy, healthy members of society.

As a former Most Faithful Student of Princess Celestia who has turned your life around after dabbling with dark powers, you have a lot to contribute to TURN and I hope you are interested in joining this exciting new project of friendship.

The first meeting will take place at the Castle of Friendship in Ponyville next Saturday at noon, and I would very much like it if you could come. Just step through the portal and ring the bell, and I will be there in a jiffy.

You can TURN your life around!

Sincerely,

Princess Twilight Sparkle.

(Hi Sunset! Spike here. Twilight had me write this message but I have no idea what it's about. She's just pacing in a circle muttering something about how it was “just her turn”. Any idea what's going on?)