The Conversion Bureau: Project Vanguard

by Astral Spark

Chapter One: I Hate Mondays

Have you ever wondered what causes you to wake up? I mean, have you ever pinpointed what causes your mind to bring itself into consciousness? I suppose it’s a natural process, but what if there’s something else involved? In my case, it was the wind. Somewhere in my room, I heard the wind buffet against my curtains. That was the event that marked my consciousness for me; the event that wrought me from my dream world, and thrust me into the searing reality.

My pointed ears swiveled toward the source of the disturbance, and I found myself wanting to cut them right off the top of my head. That really annoyed me, when my ears did that. They always oriented themselves toward noises, even if I didn’t want to focus on them. It was automatic, and for some reason, it really pissed me off.

When I opened my resisting eyes, they were met with the still rotating ceiling fan. I liked to keep it cold in here, especially now. I hadn’t honestly cared much about the temperature of my room before, but now I was strict about it. It had to be cold. I don’t know if it was because of the fur coat or what, but that’s how it had to be.

I painfully craned my neck to look at my clock. 5:43 A.M. Sighing in disgust, I lazily dug my head into my pillow once more. I wasn’t supposed to wake up for another hour and a half, so I was pretty satisfied with being able to get more sleep.

“beee-beee-beeep! Beee-beee-beeep! Beee-beee-beeep!” The incessant alarm of my clock invaded the stark silence of my peaceful bedroom. I let out a disgruntled groan, and proceeded to, with effort, eliminate the source of the evil noise that had so rudely interrupted my slumber.

“Egn… Go away…” I swatted at it with my hoof, trying to find the button. After many attempts, I finally managed to hit my target. Sighing, I laid back down in a futile attempt to drift back to sleep, but I knew that I couldn’t. I had school today, and being late would’ve drawn more attention than I wanted. Opening my eyes again, I managed a glance at the clock, whose digital numbers read out ‘7:01’. Blinking revealed that it had advanced a minute further. Picking up my foreleg, I held it in front of my face. Same cyan coat and hooves. Grimacing, I muttered to myself,

“Time is consistent… Not a dream…” I’d been doing that a lot for the past few days; I continuously performed reality checks, just to make sure everything was, in fact, real. I still barely believed it, but I’m a logical person, and I knew that it was real. It had to be real, but I didn’t want to believe it.

It’s been days now already, and I’ve already gotten somewhat used to it. I don’t want to get used to it, and whenever I acknowledge the fact that I’m getting used to it, it only makes me feel worse. God, I wonder how many other ponies feel this way. Converts, I mean. Are there others who resent all of it? Sure, Vanguard was worldwide, and there are bound to be others similar to me, but sometimes it just feels like I’m the only one.

Yawning, I managed to stretch awkwardly in all directions before throwing myself out of bed. I had to remember to land on all fours, or I would’ve been in for a bad morning. It happened to me the morning after my conversion; I instinctively stood up on my hind legs when I got out of bed, and not a moment later I received a face full of floor. This time I was wary of my reality, and landed safely on four legs.

Showers were supposed to make everything better right? Well, not in my case, apparently. Washing my mane was easy enough, save for having to brace myself against the side of the shower. Everything else however became a real challenge. Ponies didn’t have to bathe as often as Humans did due to their lack of oily skin, and I can see why such a trait would be beneficial. By the time I was done, my mouth tasted like the inside of a shampoo bottle, and I was already exhausted.

Grabbing the towel in my teeth, I began to dry myself off. It was a lot harder now, due to having fur and all, but it was still necessary. After I finally gave up, I rose up onto my hind legs and gazed into the bathroom mirror. My mane was the same sharp purple it has been, along with the bright cyan coat. My parents seemed to inherit their previous hair colors, but mine had changed entirely. It was like it was the same in every aspect besides color, and I’ve been finding comfort in that. I still had my hair, it was just a different color, that was all. I hoped.

My eyes had changed color too. They were the same color as my hair, albeit a bit darker. It was all so very strange; having your eye color permanently changed like that was like having an eye transplant or something. It’s hard to find a lot of comfort in having your body changed so dramatically in the blink of an eye. Could the others really have come out of there so ecstatic and confident? Weren’t they at all bothered by the fact that they didn’t have fingers, or the fact that they had a tail? After all, it wasn’t like getting a haircut… Or was it? Frowning, which felt weird now, I returned my front hooves to the floor.

Crossing my eyes at my rather bedraggled mane, my brow furrowed.

“Fuck it, I don’t even care. Don’t even care…” My looks were the last thing I really cared about at the moment. Hell, does it even matter? I mean, I can’t really look good for girls anymore, and the thought of me being attracted to other ponies… It made my head hurt. Before, I always cared about how I looked. My appearance mattered a lot to me back then, but now, there were so many other things that I had to be mindful of.

Walking into the kitchen, I kept my head held low, and attempted to withhold my enthusiasm for the day to come. Dad was sitting at the table, as usual. He looked funny sitting like a human at the table like that, reading whatever news article he pulled up on the table top. After awkwardly sitting down in the chair across from him, he looked up from the interface and smiled gently. It was one of those smiles that meant, “You have nothing to worry about, everything’s going to be okay.” Unable to give him an understanding nod, I only sighed and leaned forward onto the table.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you? I mean, we could stay with you on the train, if you don’t want to be alo-“ I cut him off,

“No dad, I’ll be fine… It’s not the train I’m worried about.” Leaning back, I crossed my forelegs, “It’s just… I don’t know how my teachers will react. Or my friends for that matter… I mean, I’ve told Chandler already, and he’s actually meeting me this morning, but… Everypon-, I mean, everyone who lives here is pretty biased on the whole conversion thing, and most opinions aren’t that of acceptance. Dad, the kids at my school hate the ponies, and I’m no exceptio-“

“Wafflths and a daithy bithcut foh yoo, Nathe!” With the plate lodged within her mouth, her words became jumbled. The plate she sat before me lacked something that I often missed now: Meat. Usually, if I was going to eat waffles, I’d have bacon with them, not a daisy biscuit. I thanked her with a quick glance, and proceeded to lazily consume my waffles.

At least the waffles were the same. Well, they did taste slightly different, but it wasn’t a monumental change. I haven’t even been near meat for the past week, and it’s really starting to unnerve me. Before, my carnivorous nature basically ruled me. Sure, I’d eat salads and stuff, but I always had to have chicken mixed in. Now, because I can’t eat anymore meat, it only makes me hate this godforsaken body even more. Oh, what I’d do to have one last chicken biscuit…

My longing was interrupted by my dad, once again.

“You know, you should really start using your mouth for more things. I mean, I have magic, but it’s harder than I thought it would be. Hooves aren’t that bad for picking things up, but your mouth works better, especially for eating. More sanitary.” Frowning, I looked down at the piece of waffle curled up in my hoof. He was right: My mouth would work better for this type of thing. However, I was still determined to keep everything that I had left of a past life. As long as I could grasp things with my former hands and fingers, I would do so.

“Yeah, I guess I should. Still though, I’d like to keep a little bit of my humanity.” I said condescendingly. That familiar feeling welled up in my stomach once again. That feeling of disapproval: the feeling of my father’s eyes gazing upon me with pity. Or was it disappointment? It was hard to tell with that horse face of his.

We didn’t talk anymore after that. I simply finished my waffles, and trashed the daisy biscuit. Well, I trashed the daisy part, but not the biscuit itself. Biscuits are good. Daisies are flowers. Who eats flowers? Not me. I mean, they’re good and all, but… They’re flowers… I’m not sure I want to add flowers into my already messed up diet. At least I wasn’t at the point where my parents were force feeding me hay and oats.

We lived in what used to be a suburb of the old city, but now it was more like a cross breed of the two. There were suburban homes and friendly looking streets, but all of it was overshadowed by the blossoming urban landscape that was creeping into the formerly peaceful neighborhood. Maglev lines crisscrossed above, the occasional financial hub, and the few rising skyscrapers of the expanding city were an example of that. Actually, I kind of liked it. I really liked the city; the skyscrapers, the MagLev trains, the amount of people… All of it made me feel at ease for some reason. It was an example of Human ingenuity, and one of the greatest. The city exploded in only twenty years, and it was still expanding even faster.

Even though I’m a pony, it still grants me soothe. The fact that Earth is still growing, even with the presence of the Portal gives me hope. One day, I may even be standing on two legs at the helm of a starship, leaving Earth in search of a new planet to call home. That, however, was a dream. Heh, what am I thinking? Me, being human again? That was probably impossible. I mean, if they came up with some kind of Humanification serum or something… No… No…

Sitting down on my bed, I looked over at my closet which I hadn’t opened for the past three days. I had no need to, now. All of the sudden, that familiar sensation ran through me. The headache, which ended in ghost pain, began, and the only thing I could do was close my eyes and hope for it to go away. Any time I even considered dwelling on my broken aspirations the threat of a painful headache warded me off, but sometimes I allowed it to happen anyway.

Pushing those feelings aside for now, I rose to my godforsaken hooves and walked over to my computer chair where my beloved grey hoodie resided. God, I loved that thing. Something about it made me happy, you know? I’m not sure if it’s the fact that it was just clothing, or something else, but I didn’t really care. All I cared about was that it was something to hold onto, and it comforted me. Putting it on became a second nature now.

“Huh?” I glanced over at my flashing Datapad as a message appeared on its surface.

Jeez, well he’s in a bad mood this morning. Looking down at my datapad, I took note of the time.

“7:30? Horseapples! I mean… never mind.” I picked up my data pad in my teeth, and shoved it into my saddlebag that had been lazily tossed onto my floor the day I got home. We were all given complementary saddlebags when we left the bureau, along with a few other pony-related necessities. It turns out that Human shampoo is somewhat harmful to the ponies. Who knew?

I managed to get out the door around 7:35, but that meant that I would have to hurry. The station wasn’t far from my house, but if I didn’t get there before 7:50, I’d have to wait another fifteen minutes before the next one arrived. As I galloped through the streets cluttered with the occasional athletic woman jogging, or annoyed husband walking a dog, I received several eye popping stares from each of them. Most of them have probably never even seen a pony before, and their reactions were appropriate, but it did nothing to calm my nerves.

At this point, I realized that I actually hadn’t left my house in over three days. I hadn’t even been outside since the HLF riot, which took place over three days prior. Once we had gotten off at Campbell station, each family or group was escorted home via NRPD vehicles. Ever since the portal, new laws have been popping up all over the place. Here, Ponies were prohibited to be outside during riots and heightened HLF activity. This wasn’t exactly a Roanoke law, but rather an Equestrian one, enacted by Celestia herself. Before now, the last Human I saw was of the NRPD.

Washington Station wasn’t the busiest station out there, but it was up there with them. Being the heart of the East Roanoke Transit Area, it was filled to the brim with busy humans. Not being used to my unimpressive height that I’ve recently been reduced to, I absent mindedly began to wade through the sea of people. I quickly realized that it was a fairly stupid decision, after becoming trapped within. Before, my height allowed me an equal vantage point with the rest of most humans in a crowd, but now I was the height equivalent of a seven year old.

“Watch where you’re going, horse!” Horse? I wasn’t a horse…

“What’s one of those… things, doing here? Doesn’t the RTA have some kind of Anti-Pony policy?” Lowering my head, I pressed on through the jungle of legs in order to reach the platform. I wasn’t exactly used to all of the attention I was getting, and the thing that girl said about the RTA was stupid. The Roanoke Transit Authority didn’t have any rule saying that I couldn’t use the damn train, did they? I was a paying customer!

Shoving the hurtful remarks out of the front of my mind, I weaved my way over to the stairs to the platform where Chandler would be waiting. For years now, we’ve met in the same spot before school. We’d meet here, get on the train, and get off at the school station. The platform that we always went to was the least busy, being one of the lines that ventured a slightly less traveled route. Out of the crowd for now, I let my guard down slightly as I neared the stairs to platform D.

Platform D was on top of the Station where all of the platforms were, but it was far more peaceful than the rest of them. The sun once again greeting me, I sighed, and dreaded being locked up in school all day. Looking around for Chandler, I spotted him on a bench, clearly impatient about having to wait for me. It was funny; you could always tell when he was in a bad mood. He adorned this aggravating signature frown that couldn’t go away even if you tried, and he became extremely pessimistic about everything. It really angered me when he did that, especially if I couldn’t get him out of it.

“Chandler?” My trotting slowed to a hesitant walk as I approached him, bracing myself for his reaction. Before I called him three days ago, he thought that I was moving to Equestria. All of my friends did, and I’m not sure how they took it. Chandler was pretty upset, along with Amy, but Luke… He was pretty angry. I’m not sure whether it was directed at me, or my parents, or the ERD, but he was just flat out mad.

For the first week after I got the news, I didn’t tell any of them, in fear of what they’d say or do. I’m not good with telling things to faces, and I ended up just calling them the night before I left for the bureau. Amy became really emotional when I told her, saying she wanted to go with me and all, but we both knew she wouldn’t be able to. Her parents are strong HLF supporters, and they wouldn’t even let her near me outside of school. God, to be honest, I was really mad after I hung up. Not at her, but at everything else that was working against me.

Chandler didn’t get nearly as emotional as Amy did, but believe me, he was hurting. I could hear it in his voice. He asked me a bunch of questions, like if I was ever going to come back, or try to find a loophole, but all the answers I gave him seemed to be the opposite of what we both wished. Suddenly, we just hung up, just like that. We both really didn’t know what to say, and it was really getting to me. The hopelessness was unparalleled.

Finally, I called up Luke. I knew how much he actually hated the Ponies, and I knew how he would react, but I needed to tell him anyways. As soon as I told him, he broke into this wild unrelenting rant about how “fucked up” all of this was. Some parts I agreed with, some I did not. I mean, he was talking terrorism and xenocide, and that wasn’t something that I agree with. He actually tried to get me to fight, or to run away, and when I said no, he only tried harder. Soon enough, I just hung up. Luke was one of my best friends, but some of the things that went through his head made me want to kill him.

Anyway, the night that I got home, I had some hard decisions to make. After telling all of them that I was leaving, calling them back and saying “I never was leaving, but I’m a pony now, so deal with it,” Was probably not the best thing to do, especially to Luke. I almost regret not telling Amy and Luke before, and now I’d have to do it in person. My brain really knows when to mess up.

The one person that I did call, however, was Chandler. I figured he’d take it better than the others, and I wanted him to meet me this morning so I didn’t have to ride to school alone. In the end, it worked out better than I had hoped.

“Hello? Who’s calling from this number? Shouldn’t it… be deactivated by now?” Taking even breaths, I prepared to make my words perfectly clear.

“Chandler, it’s me, Nate. Look, there’s been a bit of a misunderstand-“

“NATE! Is that really you? You came back, didn’t you! Did they let you leave?” He shouted back through the phone.

“Err, no, not exactly, bu-“

“So they shut it down, then? Vanguard? Oh, I knew it! Nate, the past few days have been hell!”

“Chandler, Calm down! No, they didn’t let me go, and Vanguard wasn’t shut down. But it’s over with, I can tell you that…” A long pause trailed my words.

“So… What then? If Vanguard wasn’t cancelled, and they didn’t let you go, then how are you talking to me? You’re still Human then, right?” I began to grow uncomfortable with what he was saying. I couldn’t think of the right words to say, so I remained silent.

“But… You have to be… So… You’re a Pony now?” There was that word again, the single word that I’ve been running from ever since my conversion.

“Well, yeah… I am. Look, I’ve been lied to. I told you and the others that I was going to Equestria because of some stupid “surprise” as my parents call it. I was apparently the only one who didn’t know, and when I found out, it didn’t go as well as they hoped. Sorry that I made you guys think that I was leaving, but I really, honestly, didn’t know. So yeah, I’m a Pony now, Chandler.” Once again, a long silent pause made my ears begin to ring.

“You’re… A Pony… That’s going to be hard to get used to. So you’re staying here?” He seemed to calm back down, and enter a melancholy state.

“Yeah, at least until the ERD doesn’t need my parents any more, and god knows how long that’ll be. Anyway, I’m going back to school on Monday, so can you meet me at the platform then?”

“Wait… You’re going back to school? Dude, you know how that’s gonna turn out.” Sighing, I crossed my eyes, looking at my muzzle again, reminding myself.

“Yeah, but rules are rules. I’m still a UEG citizen and minor, so school it is. So, if it isn’t any trouble, I really need somepony… Dammit, I mean I really need someone tomorrow.” I almost punched, or kicked, a hole in the wall after saying another ponyism.

“Yeah, that’s how I- we, always get to school. Oh man, I’m glad I can say that again. Listen, I don’t have much time right now, but we’ll catch up on Monday, alright? So, how can I find you?”

“I’m a cyan colored earth pony, and my mane is purple. Trust me, I’m hard to miss.”

“Cyan and purple? Wow, you’re bright. I’ll find you. Just try to stay out of trouble on the streets. I know I probably sound like your mom, but I’m serious. Stay in public areas, and don’t wander down any alleyways or anything.” He seemed better now, but I could still detect something else in his tone.

“Believe me, I don’t plan on it.”

Looking up from his Datapad, he gave me a puzzled look at first, but then I saw a mixture between curiosity and reassurance appear on his face. Getting up, he hesitantly shuffled over to me.

“Nate, Jesus, well you definitely look different.” Mother of God, he was tall. Compared to me, he was a fucking space tether. Before, I’d been about the same height as him, but now I was basically an ant in comparison. I backed onto my haunches as a result of his shear height. Kneeling down to my level, he just looked at me, inspecting my features.

“Yeah, I suppose I do. God, have I ever mentioned how tall you are?” He laughed at this, and returned a smile.

“Nope, you haven’t.” He continued to stare down my face, inspecting every inch, “You know, you really do look like yourself. You might not think so, but your face is… I dunno really, but it’s you.” A bit puzzled by his remark, I could only force out a weak smile. Suddenly, a loud hissing sound could be heard from behind us as the MagLev pulled into the station.

“Just in time. Man, if you made me late again… Screw it, I’m just glad you’re back, even if you’re a four legged talking rainbow.” Seemingly unaware of the fact that he just insulted me, he only continued to walk over to the train with a bounce to his step. Disregarding the insult, I only remained content at the fact that he was happy. Even if I wasn’t, at least he was. How many others can I make happy today? Probably not that many. But, at least I’d have him, my best friend for years.

Making sure that my saddle bag was still fastened around my back, I rose to all four of my hooves and trailed behind him. Do you know how weird it is to say ‘hooves’, instead of saying hands or feet? I know that it might seem appropriate and all, but it still made my insides squirm. The same chill came from the words ‘mane’, ‘tail’, ‘flank’, ‘haunch’, ‘withers’, and many more. But ‘hooves’ and ‘tail’ were the worst, as one can imagine.

The train wasn’t that crowded, but there was still an uncomfortable amount of people aboard. A couple of them I recognized, but most of them I didn’t. This particular line hit the school station, ran through part of the Old city, and then circled back around to Washington Station. The few that I recognized were none of my classmates, but they did go to the same school. I whipped my head around to my saddle bag, dug into it, and pulled out my cred-stick. I let the edge of it just barely connect with the wall mounted scanner before following Chandler to find a seat.

We finally found a place near the rear of the car, away from many, except for one fast asleep raggedy man in the corner on the other side of the way. I sat down in my traditional Human-esque posture, borrowing a slightly questionable expression from Chandler. Seemingly disregarding it for the moment, he simply threw himself down on the seat beside me.

“So, Nate,” He patted his legs with the palms of his hands, clearly anxious to talk to me. I looked up at him, his demeanor of curiosity and intrigue still present, “What’s it… like? You know…” Gazing down at my hooves, I held them up in front of me.

“Well, it hasn’t been easy, I’ll tell you that. You know, the stuff they say about it being easy and all, it’s a lie. It took me three days just to figure out how to hold things with these things. Have you ever tried to pick up a Datapad with hooves? It’s like trying to pick up a penny with a hammer!” He laughed at this, giving me a brief moment of self-satisfaction, “Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know, but it’s difficult.” Slouching back into the seat, I made sure not to injure my tail.

“What about having a tail? That’s got to be weird, right?” He mentioned the ‘T’ word. That was another thing, I suppose. Especially right after my conversion, the whole “having a tail” thing was pretty disturbing. I mean, everything was about it was disturbing, but the tail only heightened the overall strangeness, which in turn was another reason for me to refuse the terms of my new body.

“What do you think? Everything about it is weird, Chandler. I understand your curiosity, but I’m not exactly comfortable talking about some of it. Especially the specifics.” Sinking further back into my less than comfortable seat, I attempted to hide my visible discomfort. I really, really don’t like talking about my unwelcome changes. Hopefully it would sink in soon enough, but for now, Chandler still wasn’t receiving my message very well.

“Sorry, but it’s interesting. Yeah I’m curious, so what? Anyone would be! Friend gets turned into a freaky alien horse thingy, and you’re going to have questions.” I do agree that I’m a freaky alien horse thingy, but I’m not happy about being called one. The term “horse” is derogatory in Equestrian culture, and I’m beginning to understand why. My friend was calling me a senseless animal, to my face. That was the single word that really gets on my nerves, I’ve found. When the Human in the terminal called me a horse, it set something off inside me. That was my fear: being treated like an animal, when I was clearly just as bright, even brighter, than the person who spoke the insult.

“Please don’t call me that…” That was the only thing that came to my mind. It was the only thing I permitted myself to say. I’m not a hurtful person, or Pony, I’ve never liked to be. That’s something that I’ve always been.

“Call you what? Okay, sorry, it’s just… Weird, I guess. Also, we both live in the anti-pony capital of the world, so you kind of hear these things daily. I’m just used to it, is all.” Yes, he was right about that. We lived in a place where calling the ponies “horses” was the norm, and we’ve grown accustomed to it. It’s only been about nine months since first contact, but time has proceeded ever so slowly since that date. Everything just seemed to slow down for me. I guess it was the effect of the world being on the brink of an apocalypse, but now that I’m safe, time for me became a bit disoriented.

After he said that, I just ignored him for a while. I could tell it was bothering him, but I wasn’t feeling like talking any longer. To be honest, curling up in a furry little ball and never coming out seemed like a rather ideal gesture, but I decided against it. I don’t really understand why I even thought of it really, but I just wanted to be left alone for some reason. As an alternative, however, I only decided to set my gaze to the exterior of the train as it weaved through the air above the masses below. Looking toward the tether, it made me begin to wonder about my future again. God, I just wanted to go up there. Even if it was only for a second, I’d be satisfied.

“Nathan, I’m sorry. I am.” He grabbed my hoof as if to comfort me, but instead began to inspect it. He was treating me like a circus freak, but I guess it was only expected behavior, after all. In my mind, I put myself into his shoes, and realized that he really was only curious. I mean, the last time I saw him I was a 6 foot tall Human being, and now I was a 4 foot tall furry horse thing to him. I arrested my gaze from the window to look at Chandler again, who was still observing my hoof with a keen interest.

“You know, if your that interested, you should just go get converted.” He quickly withdrew his hand and shook his head wildly.

“No thanks. I’ve still got a lot of things I want to do before I become one of you guys. Besides, I’m not sure if I can deal with having hooves for hands.” He wiggled his fingers for emphasis. Sighing, I returned to leaning on the window.

“Yeah, it’s not easy. My explanation of it probably won’t help either, as I’m not exactly the perfect Pony to ask. You should ask somepony who actually enjoys themselves afterwards.” The few times that I actually permit myself to utter a ponyism is usually when I’m actually referencing them. Other times, it makes me want to cut off my tongue.

“You don’t like it? It can’t be that bad, can it?” The direction the conversation was heading made me a little uneasy, but I allowed myself to answer him.

“Chandler, you’re my best friend. I’ve told you about my dreams and all. The things that I wanted to do when I got older. Sure, they were a bit ambitious, and I admitted it to myself all the time, but… I wanted it more than I could’ve ever made myself believe. Before, I had opportunity. I had the ability to pursue my dreams to the fullest extent, but now it’s impossible. My choice was stolen from me. I wanted to make a difference here, before all of it was taken away from us, but I never even got a chance to show the world my potential. I like to think myself brilliant, but I’m not. I’m just a stupid kid with stupid, fake dreams that never would’ve happened even if I was given a chance. I’m not even a stupid kid, I’m a stupid four-legged animal with broken, pointless dreams. But you can’t let my opinion sway yours.” I choked out the last part, my body giving way to the onset of powerful emotions. Not now, it couldn’t happen here, especially in front of Chandler. It hadn’t taken much for my emotions to pour out of me like that, and suddenly I just felt very, very alone. Crying is something you cannot avoid. Rather, you shouldn’t avoid. It’s a natural process; your body’s way of saying “release the pressure”. I had to do it, right here and now.

God, I’m pathetic. I like to consider myself an emotionally stable person on the outside, but the outburst that erupted on the MagLev uprooted that belief quite easily. I don’t remember when Chandler finally put his arm around me, but I do remember that I wasn’t a pretty sight. I was a child, a little foal, crying over something that babies don’t tend to cry over. The fact that it happened in public only made it worse. If Chandler hadn’t been there, this whole thing would’ve never happened, but it was a good thing he was there, regardless.