Dread...no, perhaps anxious?
Yes, anxious was the word Silver used to best describe his internal turmoil as he sat atop a cloud and looked down a the Golden Oaks Library. Only one light was on, and it was in Twilights bedroom.
“I was really hoping she wouldn't be home. I can face an army, and even a dragon without hesitation...but this?”
Silver sighed heavily.
“Why is this so damn hard? I never really cared before if some one thought of me as a monster, but now, I can't bear the thought of her hating me for it.”
The wolf looked up and squeezed his eyes shut as the blinding rays of the setting sun shone across the horizon. It was late evening, and the temperature had dipped quite a bit. Silver had spent the past few hours stalling at Sweet Apple Acres, in hopes to put this off, but Applejack wound up forcing him to go talk to Twilight.
Silver sighed to himself once more as he stood from his seated position, “Might as well get this over with.”
He spread his wings and glided down to the balcony, landing silently. He knock on the glass once and waited but no pony answered. He knocked again and got the same result.
“Oh well, looks like she isn't home! Better try again tomorrow!”
Was the first thought that race through his mind, but then he paused to think if he waited any longer, then their talk would become awkward, and possibly more heated.
Silver shook the cowardly thoughts from his head, deciding he wouldn't turn away. He gently pressed down on the handle of the glass door and entered the home.
He wondered around the corner to Twilights bed, only to find it empty with the lamp still on.
“Huh? Is she really not home?”
Just then, the sound of steps could be heard coming up the stairs. Silver turned and saw green scales coming up over the top steps as Spike appeared with a basket of gems in his claw.
“Spike?” Silver said getting the dragons attention.
“Hmm?” Spike looked up and wiped the gem crumbs from his mouth, “Oh it's you.” he spat harshly.
“Uh...”
“Don't even speak. Do you have any idea how much you hurt Twilight? She spent all day crying yesterday and couldn't even talk to me about it!”
Silvers eyes widened in honest fear, not solely because of the angry dragon, but because he'd just learned he made his princess shed tears.
“Damn it,” Silver muttered as his bit his lip before sighing sadly, “I guess you have a right to be mad, after all you've known her all your life. But please, I need to talk to her. Can you tell me where she went?”
Spike looked the wolf up and down. Silvers concern seemed genuine, as well as his regret and fear. Spike rolled his eyes and let out a long breathe, “You get one chance,” he said after a while, “But if you blow it, I will roast you alive. You made her resort to drinking her sorrows away, by the way. She hasn't bothered to go to a bar since Flas--...well that's not important. She's down at the Tartarus Tavern.”
Silver winced at the statement. Was she really that upset? He knew he'd caused a good amount of damage to her, but he didn't think she'd go out to a bar. Then it hit him that on top of the argument was seeing Lily in his memories, and he began to quickly regret leaving the mare alone all day. He remember what he was like after the incident, and couldn't even begin to imagine what Twilight was feeling.
The wolf nodded and moved past the dragon, “Thanks, I'll head over.”
As he reached the glass door, he heard Spike call for him one last time, “Hey Silver!”
He turned to look at the small dragon, only to regret it. He quickly took notice as Spikes eyes became filled with a cold blooded rage, “I meant what I said. If you hurt her again, I will roast you.”
Silver gulped and nodded before quickly scampering out of the library and flying into the sky. While Spike may not have been a full grown dragon, he was dragon enough to scare Silver. After his last encounter with one, it left more than one type of scar on him. One that doesn't heal quite so easily as a physical one would.
The wolf quickly soared through the sky, looking down at the streets below to find the tavern. It took only ten minutes for him to actually find, but he wished he'd found it faster. He really didn't want to leave Twilight in the state she was, and felt like a foolish jerk for thinking he could earlier.
And for him, using the word “jerk” meant something. It was one of the few words that had an impact on him, much like “monster” when it came from Twilight. It was one thing if he used the word on himself, but should some pony else use the words against him, it would cut deep and reopen old wounds.
Silver landed on the front step of the bar of the doors. He could hear music playing inside, though it wasn't too loud, and seemed fittingly depressing.
He pushed the door open and stepped in. The tavern was dim, but still lit. He received a few curious glances from the other patrons in the room, but they quickly ignored him as they had their own self-wallowing to do.
Silver looked around the room, his eyes stopping on a corner booth where he saw a purple mane on the table and two lavender hooves cupped around a mug of what was probably hard cider.
Silver swiftly moved around the room and over to the booth, “Uh...Twilight?” he asked nervously.
The mare slowly looked up, staring at the wolf with a sorrowful expression. Silver sat down in the booth on the edge, while Twilight remained tucked in the corner.
“Soo, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you hate me?”
Twilight continued to stare, only to let out a long distressing sigh, “I'm not mad Silver, and I don't hate you,” she said before scooting out of her corner and closer to Silver to lean against him. The fur brought her a little comfort, but she knew what was about to come next.
“Are you sure?”
Twilight looked up, and Silver noticed the tears still in her eyes, “I'm sure. I honestly don't think I have the energy to mad. The last two days have been an emotional roller coaster for me, but Celestia and Star Shine said I should listen to what you have to say, so I want you to explain some things. I promise I'll keep calm.”
Silver nodded in response. Twilight took one more swing of her drink, then motioned for the waiter to bring another two. As the waiter sat the drinks down at the table, Twilight crawled into Silvers lap, leaning back and allowing her back to press against Silvers stomach.
A buzzed Twilight was a forward Twilight. But Silver, while blushing slightly, didn't bother to stop her.
She downed another swing before speaking, “I guess the first thing I want to know is this whole Battle of Shepherds Field.”
Silver winced, then reached across Twilight and took a drink of his own.
He set the mug back, “The battle was 103 years ago, but I was in the war for three years before that. I heard another pack was trying to invade the territory I claimed, sending an army to get it. Any normal wolf would have put together an army of their own, but I decided to take them on myself.”
“Why? Didn't you think it'd be a stupid idea?” Yep, a forward Twilight.
“I was pretty much just still a pup then, but I was powerful and I wanted to test my skills. Claiming the territory I had was rather simple for me, so I wanted to find a worthy opponent. The army was just that. Although, in essence I was just...bored.”
The both of them hung onto the word; the very same word that caused so much trouble and heartbreak.
Silver continued, “Twilight, you have to understand, it wasn't the killing I found joy in, but the fight itself. Trading blows with powerful adversaries is thrilling. Death is...well, an unfortunate consequence. Had it not been a war, I probably wouldn't have killed them. But, that's what war is; fighting to the death.”
Twilight pondered for a moment, staring down into the drink in her hooves.
“When he says it like that, it sounds reasonable, but still....I promised I wouldn't get mad, and honestly I'm not. But...this isn't the part of Silver I wanted to know. I knew that he had to have taken lives, and while I was expecting it to be a smaller number, it was still...unsettling.”
Twilight downed another mouthful, then stared into a long silence that only added to Silvers turmoil. His heart sank at her response, or rather lack of one. He didn't belong in Equestria. He didn't belong at her side. There are a number of reasons the wolves were never supposed to show themselves to ponies, and this was one of them. They're just too different.
He finally understood.
“I see...so I guess this is it then.”
“Twilight...” he began, his voice barely able to keep from shaking and cracking.
“Well, it was fun...”
“I understand. I don't really belong here...”
“I got to meet some ponies, and new friends...”
“So, I think it's for the best...”
“Hell...I even fell in love...”
“...if I just leave.”
“...But a monster has no place among angels.”
Twilight slammed her cup onto the table, “NO! I won't let you leave!” she turned and wrapped her arms around the wolf, squeezing him tightly as if her life depended on it, “I...I...don't want you to leave me...please. Silver, please don't leave me.”
Her voice became shudders as a fresh tear rolled down her cheek. Silver regretted even thinking of leaving. So what if he didn't belong? He never even thought of how much pain it would cause her to let him go, only thinking it would make it easier if he made the decision for her.
A foolish thought.
“Okay, I...can accept that.” she finally said. She looked up to the wolf with begging eyes. “It's not just that I don't want you to leave, but that that I honestly understand. It wasn't boredom Silver, it was pride. I still think it was wrong, but I do understand why you did it.” Celestia and Star Shine were right; all she needed to do was listen, but there was still something she wanted to make sure of.
Twilight could feel Silvers heart skip a beat and a sharp breathe come from his lungs. He wrapped his paws around her and gave her tight hug, “Thank you,” he whispered into her ear with a fearful, shaking voice.
Was he really that scared? Did his fear of her hating him really escalate to this? Or was it that he was afraid of leaving Equestria all together?
“But please promise me, so long as you're in Equestria, you won't take a life. Not unless it is absolutely necessary.”
Silver looked down at the mare, her eyes looking back up, pleading and pained, “Are...are you sure? I don't have a problem with just not killing at all.”
Twilight shook her head, “No. I know your line of work. At some point, there must be a time when you have no other options, so I won't restrict you to the point where some pony will die or get hurt because you decided to keep your promise.”
Silver looked at her with star struck amazement. Some pony as innocent as her was able to make the call to allow him to kill when deemed necessary. In this moment, Silver forgot his affection for her, as he was filled with respect for the young alicorn.
Silver leaned down once more and wrapped the mare into a hug, whispering into her ear again “I promise.”
Twilight's face erupted with blush, though she smiled happily. She turned back around and leaned her back into Silvers chest once more.
“So, what about your pack?” she continued, attempting to hide her face by looking down.
“Oh...right. Forgot about that,” Silver took another drink, “My pack is...well I'm not gonna sugar coat it, we're a bunch of criminals.”
Twilight had to stop herself from choking. Silver seemed a lot more forward about this, so she hoped it wasn't quite as bad.
“Criminals?” she asked.
“Well, the pack itself is actually seen as a criminal empire, but since packs don't need have to have any specific occupation, it still does count as a pack.”
Twilight looked stared at the wolf with a confused and slightly fearful expression, “So, what exactly do you do?”
“Hmm. Well I suppose it depends on the faction.”
“Faction?” Oh great, a confusing subject to talk about while she's drinking. This ought to be fun.
“Yeah, you see the pack was originally eight individual ones, but over time, the alphas befriended one another and ultimately became one pack with eight factions, each faction run by the original packs alpha. I guess it's like an allegiance between the eight of us.”
“ ' the eight of us?' You mean you're...”
Silver nodded his head proudly, “Yep, I'm one of the eight Alphas of the Black Moon Pack.”
Twilight sighed and a heavy thunk could be heard through out the bar as her head hit the table, “And so mister Alpha, what exactly is your...expertise, shall we say?”
“Illegal arms and magic weapons, and the occasional thief for hire,” Silver said eerily calm.
Twilight stared at the wolf with a flat expression, then looked to her drink.
“Yeah, I'm gonna need something stronger.”
“It's not as bad as it sounds. I mean, Star Shine's a drug lord, and Black Wing sells forbidden and ancient magics.”
Twilight looked up in surprise, “Star Shine and Black Wing are in your pack too?”
“Yep, they're two of the other eight Alphas, making a total of three here in Equestria.”
“Yep, really gonna need something stronger. Maybe they have some nice gin in the back, or possibly some whiskey?"
“...wait a minute. Eight alphas. Why does that number feel familiar? Eight...eight...eight...”
Twilight slowly turned her head and stared at the wolf wide eyed, “Silver....there are eight Alphas of your pack correct?”
Silver nodded.
“And there are eight Emperors of Houndland right?”
Silver nodded once more.
“Are you...?”
Silver gave the mare a questioning look for a while, before his eyes went wide.
“Pfft...pfffft..pfft AHAHAHAHAHAH!!” Silver fell over onto the bench into a ball of laughter, barely able to contain himself, “You—you think I'm one of the-- HAHAHAHA!”
Twilight only looked down in confusion and annoyance, mostly the latter.
“Ahaha....ooohh, I'm sorry, it's just, where I come from, it's ridiculous to even think such a thing.” Silver paused to wipe a tear out of his eye.
“Well you can hardly blame me. I mean, you are an Army Slayer after all. It would make sense, even if you are a criminal, and there aren't many in the world who hold that title.”
“You'd be surprised. There are many more in the world who are capable of matching me, and others that can beat me. Just because you don't have the title of Army Slayer doesn't mean you can't do it. Like Star Shine. She isn't an Army Slayer, but she can fight on par with me, so she must be able to what I did. She'd just do it in a different way.”
Twilight was about to speak again before something hit her. Her she was, casually talking about the very subject that made her so mad before. It seemed ironic in a way, though she found she didn't particularly care at the moment. Perhaps it was the alcohol.
“Well I guess you have a point, but is it really necessary to send some pony as strong as you to protect me? I highly doubt that some pony would send an army after me or one of the other princesses. So, don't you think it's a bit much?”
Silver looked at the mare with a confused face, “You...you really don't know a thing, do ya?”
Twilight scowled at him, “What do you mean by that?”
“Sorry, it's just, do you really know what it means to be an alicorn?”
Twilight fluttered her wings and poked at her horn, “Excuse me?”
“Twilight, I don't think you're getting it. The reason they send some one as strong as me is because it takes something a lot stronger to beat an alicorn.”
Twilight completely dropped her scowl and turned to more of a scared expression, “What do you mean?”
“Twilight, alicorns hold far more power than you realize. Even I can't beat them.”
“What do you mean? You're an Army Slayer. Celestia and Luna might be able to take you, but in all honesty I kind of doubt it. And I know Cadence and I can't take you either.”
Silver let out a small laugh, “Twilight, you already beat me.”
“...What do you mean?”
“Twilight, you're the Princess of Friendship. You can turn just about any pony into an ally, including me. And that's one of the most powerful magics there is in the world. Winning a fight isn't just about beating your opponent, nor is it the only way to win one. The moment you made me your friend, I lost.”
Twilight sat awe-struck. She'd never thought about things like that, but now that she had, she could certainly see how it could be a formidable power.
“But what about the others?” she asked, “They don't have what I do.”
“Princess Cadence can control and spread love, so she can pretty much do the same thing as you. Celestia and Luna on the other paw, well...they're not like the two of you. Unlike you two, they were born alicorns and have lived for thousands of years. They have enough power to easily control the sun and moon, and Celestia can even do both, though I'm sure Luna could do the same. While their power is more direct than yours, it's still untouchable nonetheless. Besides, I've heard stories of when they were in battle.”
“Really? Cause Chrysalis beat Celestia pretty easily.”
“Twilight, Tia was holding back. She could have destroyed that changeling in a heartbeat, but probably would have destroyed the empire too, along with every pony in it.
“So...so what are you saying?”
“What I'm saying is that in terms of power, I'm completely and utterly inadequate compared to the alicorns. I couldn't put a scratch on any of you. Even if I could, it would probably result in my death.”
Twilight sat astounded. She just learned that one of the most powerful creatures she's ever met, is completely powerless against her.
She sighed and dropped her head, this time considering just leaving it there and not bothering with picking it up as she knew it would just drop five minutes later.
“And here I thought you were over powered. First an Army Slayer, then an Alpha of a criminal empire. What's next, a Royal?”
“Over powered? You seem to understand less and less. Being an Army Slayer is one thing, but Alpha? Well, never mind, I suppose I could see how that might reflect strength, but it really doesn't. I mean, there are other packs with their own Alphas who are weaker than me, so saying that every Alpha is as strong as me or the other two is kinda presumptuous. And remember, the title of Royal is just that, a title. It doesn't hold any extra perks. Hell, they don't even get paid.”
“Really? How do you know that?”
“Oh, Black Wing and Star Shine are Royals.”
Twilight kept her head on the table for a while longer, “You're making this up, aren't you?”
“Nope! Star Shine is the Queen of Ancient Knowledge, and Black Wing is the King of Lost Magic.”
“But why send them here? Aren't they supposed to protect the Emperors?”
“Meh, the Emperors are like alicorns; they can't be beaten. But unlike alicorns, they don't hold back, hence the need to have Royals fight for them.”
Twilight simply rolled her eyes before finishing off her drink. Every time she had a little interrogation session with Silver, it always ended with her having more questions than before. She stared down into the empty mug, pondering if she should get another or just call it a night. She asked what she wanted...no wait...she hadn't. There was still one thing she forgotten to ask about, and it was the whole reason she decided to start drinking in the first place.
“Silver, wanna head back now? I think I'm done for the night.”
Silver shrugged then emptied his mug. He threw a few bits onto the table and got up from his seat and offered a woozy Twilight a paw to balance herself. She managed to get her barrings, though would trip over a hoof every few steps.
After the two left the bar, Silver noticed Twilights constant fumbling and decided to slipped under Twilight and lift her onto his back.
“Oh no, please...no flying. I don't wanna ruin your fur.”
Silver laughed lightly, “Don't worry, I won't fly tonight. But uhh...can we go back to my place instead of the library? I get the feeling Spike wouldn't be too happy to see me.”
Twilight didn't seem to fully comprehend what Silver was saying, other wise she would've asked what what happened, and instead nodded yes. She quickly nuzzled into the fur to stave off the cold of the early night.
Silver trotted through the streets with the drunken alicorn on his back. Luckily, there weren't any ponies out that night, so Silver could move around freely without embarrassing the poor mare.
“Ugh...I feel like I'm gonna loose my lunch any second. Can't he walk a little more gently? Why is he even carrying me at all? I'm not some filly that fell asleep at a party and gets carried home and tucked in.”
The thought reminded her, there was yet another thing she meant to ask.
“Hey Silver, juss how old are you?” Oh great. She finally started to slur her words.
“I'm 128 years old, why?”
Twilight snorted and snickered, “You're old enough to be my great grand father. But that would be really weird since I kinda to bang you.”
WHOA! A buzzed Twilight may have been a forward Twilight, but a drunk Twilight was a pervy Twilight!
“I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that's the alcohol talking.”
“You can say what ever you want, but at the end of the night, I'm gonna be the one out on your limb~” she giggled.
The sentence actually made Silver blush, stammer and almost topple over.
“Oh what's wrong? Huh, little pup?” Twilight blew into his ear and nibbled on the tip. If only she knew that of the many things females had called him over the years, "little" was certainly not one.
“Twilight, I swear, if you don't cut it out, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself.”
She nipped down his ear and began to kiss his neck tenderly, “Mhmm, I got a case of puppy love~” she moved a hoof down his side and began to slowly tease his sides with a hoof.
Silver became stiff, and not in the legs.
“Oh sweet Empress, please let don't me do something stupid tonight.”
It would seem the Emperors were indeed looking out for the wolf, as the moment the thought crossed his mind, he heard a disgusting sound come from the mare on his back.
“BLEEEEEGH!!!”
Projectile vomiting. It wasn't something Silver saw before, but hoped he'd never have to see again, especially from Twilight. Luckily, the mare threw her head off to the side and missed getting any puke on Silver.
Twilight laid with her head hung off to the side for a moment while she coughed and spat. She wiped her mouth with a hoof and laid her head onto Silvers back.
“Oh sweet Celestia, can we please go home now?” she muttered
Silver laughed and picked up his pace. They weren't far from the library, and reached the front step a few minutes after Twilight lost her lunch. Silver took the key from around his neck and placed it into the door. The magic shined and the door opened to Silvers home.
The wolf stepped in and took notice of the blonde mane poking out from over the couch. It was Ruppy.
“Holy fuck, you're still alive!” she exclaimed as she hopped off the couch. Silver quickly shushed her as Twilight groaned and grabbed her head in pain.
“Is she...”
“Shit faced? Oh yeah. Anyway, she's crashing here for the night. What are you still doing up though? It late.”
“Just couldn't sleep. I'll just eat something and head back to bed.”
Silver nodded, “Well okay then. Goodnight.”
“'Night.”
Silver turned and went to the hall to his bedroom.
“Hey Silver,” Ruppy called causing the wolf to look back, “Welcome home.”
Silver smiled, “Thanks,” then went into his room and Ruppy to the kitchen.
The wolf gently placed the mare down onto the bed. She groaned as the movements caused her head to hurt even more and pulled the blankets over her to bundle up.
Silver simply laughed silently as he got up to leave, only to be stopped by a small tug on his tail. He looked back to see Twilight peeking out from under the covers.
“I thought you said you weren't gonna leave me,” she mumbled and pouted.
Silver was at first shocked. She'd been getting more and more direct with her actions, but he found himself caring very little that she was. In fact, he rather preferred it. At least this way he didn't have to pretend it never happened.
Silver crawled into the bed next to her, careful not to shake the mattress. Twilight lifted the cover for a moment to allow Silver to come under it, dropping it over him when he laid down and wrapping her hoof around him.
Silver rolled onto his back to where Twilight could lay with her head on top of his chest.
“Hey, Silver...”she said softly. Her voice had taken a gentle tone, and the slur of her words went away, assuming when she puked earlier. “There's one more thing I meant to ask.”
“What's up?”
“What...what happened to Lily?”
Twilight felt the same thing she had earlier when she forgave Silver. His heart jumped and his breathes become quick.
“Are...are you sure you want to know?”
Twilight nodded, “I need to know. Silver, what you felt back then, it was...well, I honestly can't describe it. But it's killing me. I keep feeling it, but I don't know why and it just makes it worse. I keep thinking 'why does it hurt so much?' and I can never find an answer, even though it feels like I already know what it is.”
Silver was silent, and Twilight looked up at him. His eyes reflected his mind flipping through the horrid memories of what happened to the wolf, each one only adding to the pained expression he wore.
“She...she killed herself.”
All the alcohol drained from Twilight, as well as any fatigue she was feeling.
“Oh...I...I won't ask anymore, but if you want to talk about it, then I'm right here.”
Silver flashed a sorrowful smile, “Thanks, but it's been a long day. I think we should get some sleep. I still have some things I need to do tomorrow.”
Twilight nodded and Silver rolled onto his side to face Twilight.
“They're gonna come back, aren't they? The nightmares...”
He closed his eyes, then reluctantly fell to sleep. The mare, however, couldn't. How could she after hearing something like that? She laid beside the wolf and watched as he dreamed. His face was the same as it always was when he slept, or at least at first it was.
After laying for hour or so, Twilight heard a soft whimper come from Silver. His normal expression when sleeping became not only fearful and panic, but even worse, pained. A small tear formed in his eye before leaking down.
Silvers paws pressed into the mattress and grasped at the sheets for something to hold. Something to soothe the terrors that haunted his dreams.
Instead of his pillow and blankets, he was met with a warm embrace. Twilight wrapped her hooves around his head, cradling him into her chest.
She softly hummed a gentle tune and the wolfs paws calmed and found their way across her form to hug her tighter.
“Oh Silver...”
His breathing was ragged and his body was...cold. It was strange. Well, it was more terrifying. She thought at first that he was becoming sick again, but then Silver spoke.
“Lily...” he mumbled.
Twilight held the wolf tighter, wishing with every fiber of her being that she could just make the wolf happy again. To take back what she'd asked and just let him sleep in peace.
She pulled herself back and looked once more at the snoozing face of Silver. It had softened at little, but the pain was still there.
She leaned forward and planted a small kiss on his head, “I'm sorry I can't help you. But just as you won't leave me; I promise,
“I won't leave you.”