Binky’s Friend
Chapter 5
Would It Matter If I Wasn’t?
It didn’t take a genius to know where Diamond Tiara lived. After all, nearly everyone that knew Diamond was a aware that she lived up on a hill in a bed of clovers. She had a heated swimming pool with a waterfall, her own grove of snack bearing plants (cashews, plums, berries and the like), and an arcade filled assortment of poker tables, pinball, and marble machines. That was just common sense. Sadly, or perhaps ironically, her street address was still a mystery to even the likes of Silver Spoon. Mostly because Diamond’s father insisted she charge people a ludicrous service fee to come in for a visit like she was a clown running an amusement park or something, and even after meeting that requirement further expected her to charge people to use her toys, musical instruments, and other assorted knick-knacks, all of which he made abundantly clear wasn’t even her property. It was almost as if she was just managing thrift store, casino, or warehouse, for a sadistic jackass.
While not technically stealing, Diamond did know how to supplement her allowance by playing drop dead and knuckle bones with her mother. Mostly because any resources her father actually gave her was just holding money, she wasn’t technically allowed to spend, invest, or use it on anything without Filthy’s explicit approval. If her father was a pimp she’d be his bottom bitch. Still, knowing her mother frequently played with loaded dice actually made the situation more like a con game of abuse wherein dice games for Diamond became test of luck against agility. Regardless, the location of her living address wasn’t nearly as public as her father’s service address. The timber wolves patrolling the perimeter of the property scared off most of unwanted visitors and made it unlikely that anyone in their right mind would trespass a clearing in the middle of the everfree forest.
One of the smaller timber wolves would escort her past Fluttershy’s cottage before returning to the ‘Heart of Darkness,’ a steamboat that carried her the few miles from the clearing to the edge of Ponyville. To save money on a bodyguard or something, her father then expected her to go out of her way to greet assorted ponies he had already vetted on her way to school. Basically, she had to go out of her way to find Fluttershy among other tattle-tales or gossip queens and say good morning. Probably so her parents knew she followed a predetermined path on her way to school and could complain if a deviation from her normal routine was reported.
Heaven forbid she wasn’t completely normal in every conceivable way, if she wasn’t she’d have to hear parents fight about it for days on end. Normal, of course, being an arbitrary concept. As her father would occasionally insist she do something completely senseless, meaningless, or off the rails like wearing bunny ears to satisfy the whims of the zap apple gods.
She probably wouldn’t even be friends with Silver Spoon if it weren’t for the fact that ‘normal’ ponies have friends, if she didn’t have ‘friends’ then people would think she was a bully, had a low frustration tolerance, or think her a sore looser like Apple Bloom. But, apparently, having a friend made all those character flaws disappear like magic in much the same way throwing money into a wishing well can make people more likely to do what you ask. If Diamond Tiara was in anyway autistic then it was conditioned in response to her environment. Dysphoric maybe, but being autistic or in any other way abnormal was antithetical to her self concept.
Diamond found herself ruminating over what she could do to seem more completely 'normal' if not 'sightly above average' for the next few days. Otherwise, getting bitten by the demonic snake creature would be just like the time she caught fleas, if her father didn’t believe the snake was real he would accuse her of goldbricking or just being allergic to work. Only in this case, it was drugs and not opposition to work he saw as the problem. Which meant her parents would throw her in a treatment center like the one Pinkie Pie frequented until she was ‘clean’ or they determined that she really was crazy.
Of course, Diamond Tiara considered herself fortunate she met Silver Spoon at the park shortly after getting fleas or she’d have never gotten rid of them. The fleas that is, not her parents. Diamond also had no reason to doubt her past experience with this sort of situation required some kind of justifiable paranoia. Heck, her father thought she was making a bomb when she wanted a vinegar bottle, food coloring, and corn syrup for a science project… Granted, you probably could make a substandard Molotov Cocktail with those ingredients. But, ultimately, she just wanted to make a wave machine or an emulsion thingie so she wouldn’t get grades that were below average.
Diamond Tiara was currently cantering on a crosswalk approaching a brick wall that ran parallel to the railroad tracks. She wasn’t exactly on the beaten path when she came across the gray and white pony with crackerjack markings. Diamond had a lovely view of his unguarded rear end at twenty meters. Whereas the head attached to the horses ass appeared to be peeking around the corner at the far end of the wall into an open alleyway. The pony in the fluffy fluff blue scarf then appeared startled as he reared up and leaned flat against the wall, beggars style, while hyperventilating in fear and attempting to make himself as invisible as possible. Diamond’s curiosity piqued as she pranced over to the panicking pony from his opposite side seemingly unnoticed. At least, before she touched him with the appendage that been bitten by the narm shnake.
“Hey stranger. What you doing?” Diamond asked as she tapped him on the shoulder with her right hoof.
“EEEP!” the crackerjack turned towards the thing that had touched him with a fearful expression, and then relief, after he looked at Diamond like he’d seen a ghost. He took a moment to look down at her arm and then look back to her face with an unreadable expression. “It’s, it’s around the corner.”
“Say what?” Diamond asked curiously.
“She appears to be eating.” He said as Diamond decided to take a look. Mostly because she was having difficulty connecting the dots before gasping in horrified surprise.
“Why- Winona!? Oh gods she-she’s feeding off a griffon!” Diamond recognized the dog immediately, practically everyone in town knew about the Apple’s family dog…Not many ponies on the other hand would recognize Gilda, or what was left of her after Winona had eviscerated her and chewed off half her face. Diamond Tiara brought her hoof up to her mouth in shock, or possibly to stop making noise altogether should the rabid canine happen to notice her.
Winona stopped eating at the call of her name. Her ears twitched and pulled back in the direction of Diamond Tiara. Slowly she turned her head revealing several rows of serrated teeth, her muzzle opened like petals of a flower, five to be exact. Her snout was split open down the middle with two rows of teeth in each section. The monster’s lower jaw was divided into three parts each with its own rows of teeth leading into a hole that looked like the anus of a starfish or the mouth of an octopus. Winona’s tongue was perhaps the most alien feature of all as the muscle split off into two insect like eye stalks. After staring at the creature in shock Winona’s head quickly closed up, twisting and morphing together as it reverted to its usual appearance
“ I see, so you failed also…” Winona looked crestfallen as she approached the horrified Diamond. “you…with your location… in your host.” Winona looked up to meet Diamond’s gaze “Me with my animal host. Both…Dissatisfied.”
“Run!” The crackerjack shouted as he pulled on Diamond Tiara’s Tail.
“What!? I don’t-” Winona started to charge as the crackerjack pushed Tiara out of the way before bucking the dog into the wall behind them with a bloody splat.
“Are you blind and stupid? I said run!” The crackerjack yelled as he chased after Diamond like an insane thestral escaping the underworld.
“I don’t understand. What’s going on?” Diamond asked as the two ponies started fleeing from the recovered canine in terror as it started mutating back into the monster that lay the griffon Gilda to waste in a matter of minutes… then it reformed several of the bones in its body and grew a pair of membranous bat like wings and took to the air.
“I’ll explain later, for now just move.” The crackerjack felt a disturbance in the force.
“But-”Diamond Tiara started. When she realized, she had no idea who this bastard was. In fact, she knew more about his back end than his front end. “Why are we running? Who are you? What is that thing? Where are we going?”
“That thing is the same thing you are. Hot and Dangerous.” Diamond couldn’t tell if he was flirting or acting serious, “I could sense that it wanted to kill you immediately.” Binky then steered or corralled Diamond towards a park with a swing set by the rail yard. The two were hidden safely behind a park bench before the anthropomorphized embodiment of death dropped the bombshell “As for me, I’m actually a God.”
“A god?” Diamond Deadpanned.
“Yup, I can grant wishes also. You can call me Binky.” The earth pony smiled stupidly as he held out his left hoof for a shake… it looked as if he’d stepped in dog poop apparently.
“You sure you want me to do that screwball?” Diamond asked. Not entirely sure if she wanted to make intimate contact with the mysterious stranger or even know his name.
“Yes, well… I may be in a small rut at the moment, but I can assure you I am the strongest god in all of Equestria. I’m even stronger than Celestia. And, eventually everyone will worship me as the one true God.” Binky said dramatically as the words seemed to become grander and more delusional with each passing sentence.
“Oh great, I’ve been rescued by a hobo who thinks he’s God.” Diamond wasn't sure if she should discuss this with her analyst
“Well, it looks like you‘re okay." Binky stated somewhat oxymoronically; with both a calm and excited tone. "So….What‘s your name again?” Binky asked.
“Like I’m Going to tell you!” Diamond Tiara Sneered.
Binky then leaned his head over and looked at her cutie mark “Diamond Tiara, huh? That’s nice, I guess you really didn’t have much of a talent. So, I guess that makes it okay.”
“*wha!? how did you-” ...“W-wait, am I dead?”
*“WHa!? How did you-” she looked into Binky’s cold blue eyes and stared into oblivion. After getting over her initial panicked shock that someone actually managed to figure out her name, much less her talent, after looking at the abstract thing on her bum and came up with tiara anything other than tramp stamp was a stretch for the imagination. It was only after she took a moment to look into the oblivious stare of his eyes that she recognized him for what he was “Am I dead?” Diamond asked, almost panicked, as she looked into the blue oblivion of his snake like irises.
“Um…Well, not immediately.” Binky momentarily wondered if he should be using a jugan or geass to make sure she forgot this moment ever happened. “ I mean, that’s not as bad. Right? Going into the light is easy as can be; leaving it is what will scare thee.”
“What kind of monster are you? This isn’t some game you jackass. This is my life.” Diamond Tiara whined. Had she full control of her body and emotional regulation right now Diamond would have probably pounced Binky like goat and would be butting him into the ground.
“Urgh, what a pain. Listen-” Binky started talkin but was cut off by a blood curdling scream.
“EEEEK!” Diamond Tiara screamed as she caught sight of the simulacrum of Winona chasing after something that kind of looked like Twist, only she wasn’t wearing her glasses, had big purple eyes, appeared to be wearing a yellow beanie with a green propeller on top, and was definitely a blank flank.
“Binky! Binky! Guess what?” Twist-a-loo came running into the park. It goes without saying she was real excited to see her new master given that she was followed closely by what could only be described as Q*bert with attitude. “ I did it. I did it just like you said. I exorcised a demon! I’m sure she’s real tired. Now what do I do?”
“Gods dammit Twist!” Binky cursed as he face-hoofed in shame. “You IDIOT! If that thing kills you, I’ll die too.” Binky failed to note the 'not immediately' part hadn't exactly crossed his mind.
“What the…” Diamond wasn’t entirely sure what was going on.
“Run For it!” Binky cried out as he pushed Diamond to get up off her ass and get up on her feet. “Now go! I‘ll have to fight it here.”
“If this is death, you’ve gotta’ be kidding me!” Diamond Tiara muttered to no one in particular as she wandered about five feet, possibly three, before turning around and sitting on her haunches to watch this garbage beat the facsimile of Winnona into a bloody pulp. It's not that she wasn't scared of the headless canine with a bifurcated tongue sticking out of it's serrated tooth glory hole, a tongue that for all intents and purposes resembled a marsupial's pony baloney, assuming that the pony baloney ended in a bug eyed stalks ballooned into the shape of a century egg with the iris of a hawk. And it wasn't that Diamond Tiara was particularly curious about marsupial pee-pee when she discovered that particular oddity for a report on Princess Luna's therapy service ... possum.
Diamond wasn't scared of Winonna's bat winged headless monster corpse for the plain and simple reason that the moment the adrenaline flooded her body, rather than trigger a flight response or the laxative release of last evening's alfalfa pellets (as would happen under most normal circumstances), the adrenaline had simply bypassed her medulla oblongata. This was no coincidence as the extra terrestrial trouser snake that had wormed its way into her body trough the frog of her noodle (and whom was currently using Diamond Tiara's body as its sleeve) had not only consumed her leg but replaced it and a significant portion of the spine tingling nervous tissue that managed many of Tiara's more vital internal organs. In a sense, Tiara couldn't care to move if she wanted too because she was not only depressed but disassociated from what she was observing by virtue of the fact that she now had a second brain. Diamond's affluenza, as the case may be, was the result of what Sunset Shimmer would term the third man phenomena coupled with what Twilight Sparkle would call a catatonic post nervous breakdown comingled with compassion fatigue. All this boils down to the crowning moment of lazy curiosity that just had her sitting there like a cow on her haunches as she ruminated about the distasteful idea of some-pony glory stomping a dog...even a headless one with serrated teeth and a pee-pee shaped worm crawling out the hole of it's...her, Winonna's neck meats.
“Okay Twist,” Binky started his saccade “it’s time to defeat this abomination. Atelophobia, come to me!” No sooner had the words escaped Binky’s mouth than did Twist-a-loo’ move as if stuck by lightning, because that’s exactly what happened as her body became a bolt of blue energy that coalesced in Binky’s grasp only to become-
“Holy smokes is that a dildo!?” Diamond asked still trying to figure out how an earth pony managed to transmogrify another pony into a replica of the oft mentioned one eyed monster. Granted she’d seen frogs turned into oranges so this wasn’t much of a stretch for the imagination, but it was still a stretch... not unlike marsupial wing-wangs with eyeballs and serrated teeth attached to one nasty looking 'bee' that ends with an 'otch.'
A blackjack. Twist-a-loo became a blackjack with a rubber strap. A blackjack of course being a sturdy blunt-force melee weapon that does indeed look kind of like a dildo, slingshot, the horn of a unicorn, or a really short whip possibly a noose if one got creative. Of course referring to it as a melee weapon was rather generous, all things considered it was about as useful as the hilt of a sword.
“I purge thy evil in the name of the rising sun. Hooo-AHH!” Binky then proceeded to beat Winona with Twist like she was a rolled up newspaper. In all fairness the dog was rabid. It was quickly dispatched when Binky used his regalia to crush the dog's heart like the soul of a baby kitten. The personality of what had once been Winonna was no longer there. The dog turned monster had already needlessly taken at least one sapient life, so there really was no reason to keep the abomination alive. Still, to harm a creature well known for it's undying loyalty or its capacity to eat feces and continue smiling was a tragedy for the ages.
Not to mention, Apple Bloom had some really awkward questions that morning when she slipped in a puddle of blood, found Granny Smith's headless body, and was no doubt ruminating over what was left of Winonna's muzzle, attached to what was left of a skull with hydrochloric acid burns, and what apeared to be a half eaten apple pie, in a half open refrigerator... Clearly, she was still dreaming and this was some kind of Karmic backlash for what had happened to Twist the other day. Apple Bloom hadn't seen or heard from Applejack that morning or Big Mac, but chances were they had woken up before dawn to do some apple bucking and to feed the cows... she wasn't sure of what happened to Granny Smith, but it was kind of obvious and chances were pretty good she was at the glue factory in the sky. So, if this was a nightmare, Apple Bloom best figured she may as well go to the school house so Princess Luna wouldn't ask her anymore awkward questions about the dead bodies laying around... assuming there weren't more on the way to school.