Twilight's Guide to Extraterrestrials

by Eventual Perception


A Most Dangerous Game

Riddick ran through the trees with his goggles flapping from his closed fist. He dodged trunks and jumped over logs. His legs burned and his breathing was heavy and ragged and still he continued, stone faced, through the forest. He needed a place to lay low for a while, to get a game plan, to figure out what this planet was, and what - if anything - inhabited it. He also needed to get an idea of what was chasing him. It couldn't have been a simple mercenary vessel, otherwise it would have shown up on the sensors. Whatever it was, it didn't give him the best of feelings. The branches sped overhead. Riddick came to a slow stop, and looked around.

Besides his heavy breathing, there was no sound in the forest. He looked around, and saw that in the silence some of the more intrepid animals has come out for a peek at him. Giant balls of puff, with buzzing wings and large cloudy eyes, drifted around him, landing on him with tiny legs. Riddick brushed them off. He saw some hints of lights through the trees - a town? "Has to be," he said to himself, taking a few steps in the direction of the light. He moved left to right, and the lights stayed stationary and yet seemed to move through the trees. The shadows moved over him, and he heard a commotion coming from the faint light, and he walked slower to muffle his steps. He came at last to the edge of a clearing and saw buildings with straw roofs, the town lit with torches. Riddick squinted; the torches, while not exquisitely bright, were enough to be a nuisance. He strapped his goggles across his face, and after a moment looked around again. The town was empty, almost abandoned, but looked as though there had been some great commotion shortly before. Riddick walked around the edge of the town, careful to keep within the treeline. He heard voices, and turned his head. They were faint, but he could hear them.

"Soldiers? You saw them?"

"Yes, I'm telling you - I'm not making this up. They came to investigate some sort of meteors or something."

"Meteors? I didn't know there were any meteors scheduled to come through today."

"Well, yeah; they say they landed somewhere in Everfree forest. I guess another one landed somewhere near the Crystal Empire or something."

"Or something?"

"They were kind of vague, Bon Bon."

Bon Bon? What kind of place is this, Riddick thought. He moved closer, trying to locate the source of the voices. Finally, they came into view - strange beings, about a head shorter than him if he had to guess - three jointed legs, tails, large ears and weird faces. One of them had a horn. Riddick cocked his head. This is very interesting, he thought. I should own this place in a week. He looked up, and saw above the buildings a ship silently floating, shaped in such a way that it was wholly unrecognizable to him. It was ominous. Make that two weeks, Riddick thought.

"Were these the trials Karellen was talking about?"

"They didn't say."

Riddick inhaled deeply. Wherever he was, the air was thick with the scent of rain and freshly turned soil. He knelt down and picked up handful of topsoil, rubbed it between his fingers, raised it and sniffed. The let the soil run through his fingers until it was gone.

"Did they say anything else?"

"Just to stay indoors. Most ponies were at the Gala, though."

Empty houses, then? Great, a place to hide, Riddick thought. He caught a scent on the slight breeze - apples? It had to be. Wherever he was, they had apples. He suddenly realized how hungry he was, the pain gnawing in his stomach. He stood up again, still eyeing the two ponies - yes, that's what they'd call themselves - and started moving away into the night, away from the lights of Ponyville.


When you used the trees, you never left any tracks. That was one thing that the Hish had learned through their cosmic safaris; almost everything could be ambushed if you chose a tree high enough. This was no different - even among the Hish, the Riddick was something of a legend. The soft meat - perhaps the greatest prey the Hish ever hunted - could not contain the Riddick, and their best soldiers had fallen before him. Only the most advanced hunters were able to even consider hunting the Riddick. The Hish crouched on his branch, felt the bark beneath his talons, and growled in the darkness. He was tall, and lean, the most treacherous of the black bloods, he jaw of his mask lined with the jawbone of his most prized trophy. He cracked the knuckles of his right hand. His mask amplified the movement of the undergrowth, and the wind, and it was then that he became aware of the sound of something flying - something large. Hunts did allow for some curiosity, and he looked up. The Hish saw them then - two large, bipedal creatures flying on birdlike wings, heading down towards the canopy, appearing to be ready to lower themselves into them. They were communicating, it seemed - his mask was picking up the telltale signs of communications, faint but definitive.

"The alliance and formed, and then this happens. Fan-freaking-tastic."

"Shut up, Flash. Let's just get in, get a good look, and get out. I hate it out here."

"Yeah, not much to like."

"Not anything to like, hurry up."

The Hish could see the figures descending through the branches. He could see the weapons - the swords unsheathed and drawn at the ready. They landed at the ship, the Riddick ship. The Hish descended a couple of branches, and stood tall, secure in his active camouflage and his ability to remain active.

"What is it?" One of the creatures asked, walking toward the ship. He tapped it with the tip of his sword. "It looks a little like one of Karellen's ships, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it kind of does." The second creature looked around, then pointed to a tree where the Riddick's door had been blown. "Look, I found the door."

"Why is it in a tree? Huh.... let's take a look inside." The first one jumped, and with a swish of the wings it was at the opening into the ship. "Looks pretty bland in there, Flash. Keep a lookout, eh? I'm gonna go in and take a look around." The creature hunched, squinted, and stepped inside of the Riddick's ship.

"Alright." The second one looked around the forest. "Hurry up, though, it's creepy out here." The Hish jumped to the ground, and the creatures ears twitched in the direction of its landing, so the Hish did not move. It stood silently as the creature squinted in its direction, the turned back to the ship. "Hurry up! I'm telling you, it's really creepy out here. It's like I'm being watched!" The predator took a step forward, and clicked its mandibles together, and stood up straight. The creature looked around. "There' something out here."

The creature in the ship stuck its head out and looked around. "There's nothing out here," the creature spoke even as the Hish's mask targeted on the head of the creature. "what the hell are you talking about, Flash?"

"I'm telling you, there's something --" Flash Sentry was cut off as a streak of blue light just narrowly missed him and violently connected with the guard's head, which exploded into a thousand crimson splatters across the ship and the ground before his body had time to slump down and land with a dull thud on the floor of the ship's cabin. "Ugh!" Flash turned around to where the shot had come from and gazed into the night, but saw nothing. "Who's there!" He screamed into the night. "Show yourself." He backed up to his fallen companion and took up his sword in addition to his. "Show yourself now!"

Flash took a step back, found his wings pressed against the hull of the ship as a figure became vaguely defined before him, wavering into existence like a ghost - a tall lizard ghost with a faceless mask, and armor with what looked like canons strapped to its body. When it was fully visible, it gave a mighty roar and from its wrist extended a very long and very sharp looking blade. It took another step forward.

"You killed him. You killed him!" Flash yelled at the beast. "I'll kill you! I'll fucking kill you!" He took to the sky with a jump and a flap of his wings and raised the swords above his head, and as he was about to come down on top of the butcher, the creature reached out with his hand and yanked on Flash's tail, pulling him from his courage and his position of power and throwing him violently to the ground several feet away. He groaned, and pain show through his side - somehow, he had landed on the tip of his sword. Blood leaked form his side. He heard footsteps, and raised a sword just fast enough to prevent the creature's blade from slicing into his skull. He grimaced, tried to push the creature back, but it was insanely strong - stronger than any pony he'd ever fought.

Admittedly, he hadn't fought a lot of them. He was mostly bark, with very little bite. If the mares he had slept with knew that, they'd have his head for sure.

Flash struggled against the creature's strength, and found reserves he did not know he had, and managed to force the creature back enough to deliver a sweeping kick that toppled the alien butcher. Flash stood up, and walked over to the creature, his sword raised, his side aching.

"I. Will fucking. Kill you. Asshole!" He shouted through the pain, raising his sword higher for a killing blow. Three dots appeared on his chest, and the canon - yes, the cannon - on its shoulder begin to twirl. "What?" A flash of blue light and an agonizing pain in his chest - he had been shot through the heart. Flash stumbled backwards, dropped his sword and fell to his knees. He reached up, trying desperately to squeeze shut the gaping hole with shaking fingers, stabbing himself on his own shattered ribs. He looked up, and the creature was already upon him, reaching down. It stopped, and looked at the blade extending from its wrist. The blade retracted. Then, quickly, it grabbed the top of Flash's head and pulled, and there was a snap as the body let go of the head and the spine. Flash's last conscious experience was the feeling of his head and neck being pulled from his body and raised into the sky.

The Hish screamed into the night in victory.

In an apple orchard, Riddick looked back as he heard a howl through the night. So to, in Ponyville, did Lyra and Bon Bon. Traces of it reached for hundreds of miles, the indomitable cry of the hunter's blood lust.

Karellen, in his ship, heard it. And knew very well what it meant.

He leaned back. "And so it has begun."


"And they haven't checked in yet?"

"No, Princess Celestia," the guard was still kneeling before the princess. "And they've been gone for hours."

Celestia looked at Twilight, and then at Chrysalis. She looked back at the guard. "And where did they go? To Everfree forest or to the Crystal Empire?"

"Everfree forest, Princess."

Celestia sighed and lowered her head. "Chrysalis."

"What?"

"Can you send a couple of your soldiers? You've been camped over there for a while, right?"

"Yes. Yes we have."

"I'm going to go ahead and assume they're lost because everypony is afraid of Everfree forest, and have no reason to go there. Twilight, maybe one of you should go as well."

Twilight thought about it. "I think Rainbow Dash would be your best bet."

Celestia looked between the two of her companions. "Is that a plan."

They nodded, Chrysalis a little less solemnly than Twilight. "Alright," Celestia said. "We've somehow got to announce this without causing a problem."


"How cool is this? A rescue mission - we're going to be famous." Rainbow Dash could hardly control herself as she flew with the Changelings, who, despite their wings, did not seem to struggle to keep up. "We're going to save Flash Sentry, and we'll be famous. How cool is that?" She looked at the Changelings. "Come on, aren't you guys even a little excited?"

"No, not really." One of the Changelings said. "We prefer to live in quiet, do things in a less abrasive kind of way. Well, most of us, except for Kevin."

"Fucking Kevin," said the other.

"Who the heck is Kevin?"

"A freak," said the first.

"Huh." Rainbow Dash looked ahead, could see the darkness growing on the horizon - Everfree forest. "So, uh, guys, how bad is Everfree forest?"

"Eh, it's not bad."

"Not bad, huh. Never would have expected that. You know, you guys kind of suck at conversation." The Changelings just looked at her, then at each other and shrugged. They flew in silence until they reached the edge of the forest, and then Rainbow Dash said "alright, guys, look for some sort of trenchy-thing. That's probably where they went. Dang it, I can't see anything, it's too dark."

"There!" One of the Changelings pointed across the forest. "A trenchy-thing!"

"Hey! Not cool! I'm not a word person; that's Twilight's gig." The Changelings headed toward the disruption in the Everfree canopy. "Hey, guys! Wait up!"


Riddick slid the door open, and saw the inside of the barn despite the utter darkness. He stepped inside, and slid the door shut behind him. He could see his breath in the night sky before him, and he walked aimlessly yet with purpose across the floor, looking at the loft. He crawled up the awkwardly shaped ladder and looked at the bare floor. "Huh, kind of thought there'd be hay up here," He lowered himself down, and looked around. Farm equipment; pitch forks and wagon pieces. Riddick ran his finger across the rim of one of the wagon wheels. He picked up the pitchfork.

The snap filled the barn as he broke the tip off of the pitchfork and held it up before him. He ran a finger across the tips of one of the spikes. "A little dull...." He looked around. There had to be something to sharpen it with. It was a farm. He looked in the corner. Bingo.


"This definitely isn't good."

Rainbow Dash stood over Flash Sentry's body, the having carefully avoided the cool pool of blood. The Changeling beside her poked his body with a stick. "Hey!" Dash said. "Try to show some respect."

The Changeling looked at her. "It's been a couple hours, from the stiffness of the body." He called out to the other changeling who was looking inside the ship: "His companion?"

The Changeling jumped down from the lip of the ship's blown door and walked toward them. "He's dead, too. No sign of a struggle, I figured he was probably the first to go."

"Why do you figure that?" Dash asked.

"Because the way he died, it's like he didn't see it coming."

"Man, that sucks. How are we going to tell Celestia."

"We're not doing it." The Changelings replied simultaneously.

"Gee, thanks guys. Do you guys know where this might have come from?"

"Not a clue. It's not as strange as Karellen's ship, but it's certainly not from here."

"Let's see if we can find where the other one landed." And with that, Dash lifted off above the trees.


The Hish raised the skull from the pot of liquid, and admired the clean shine of the skull. He traced the edge of the maxillae with a talon, and and growled proudly to himself. He stood up, and admired his handiwork in the light of the stars. He cradled the skull gently in his hand and walked towards the closest tree, analyzing the branches. He needed one that wasn't broken. A long, stout on. He saw one, reached up and pulled it down. The Hish looked it over; yes, this would work very nicely. He walked back to his pod and placed the skull down, and began ripping twigs from the branch. When the branch was clear of twigs, he used his cutting blade to sharpen the end of the stick, and then slammed it heavily into the ground. It was about chin level, and he placed his trophy - the shiny, still-wet skull - on the tip of it. The branch went cleanly through the mental foramen and sunk into the skull, only stopping at the top of the cranial cavity.

The creature stood back to admire his work, when his mask picked up the sounds of buzzing and flapping - the sound of wings. He looked up into the sky.


Rainbow Dash lowered herself with the Changelings into the small clearing that contained the ship. "What's on the stick?" They landed and Dash took a step closer. Flash Sentry's empty eyes stared at her unblinkingly. She cringed. "Uh, guys, I think we found Flash." The Changelings were quiet. "Guys?"

"Shh! Stupid pony, don't you ever shut up! Something's here."

"No, something was here, otherwise it'd be here and we'd, you know, see it." The Changelings simply sushed her again, their weapons at the ready. Rainbow Dash listened, could hear nothing in the trees or moving through the undergrowth. Everything was silent. Silence, that's something you didn't often here, even in Everfree Forest. She tightened her fists and listened.

There! In the undergrowth, movement, something large and heavy moving towards them. The Changelings readied their weapons, and Dash got ready to fight, but what she saw chilled her. Coming toward her was something like a ghost, shimmering into existence as it moved toward them, a blade extending from its wrist until it was unbelievably wrong. One of the Changelings lunged at it, only to have the creature grab the spear like weapon, pull the soldier to the side and with a slice of the blade decapitated the poor thing, which fell lifeless at its side. The creature growled.

"I, uh, think we should go now, buddy."

"You go. He will pay."

"I'm pretty sure that's what Flash Sentry thought." Rainbow Dash backed up as the remaining Changeling squared off against the creature, which had now stopped. The Changeling lunged, thrusting its weapon at the creature who only blocked with his own blade. He pushed the Changeling back and punched him with the bladeless hand. The Changeling tumbled backward into the ground, his wings cracking sickeningly as they crunched beneath the force of his falling body. The Changeling cried out in pain as the creature advanced.

The creature was suddenly thrown backward by the force of Rainbow Dash's drop kick, and it landed in the dirt with a very odd splat as Dash grabbed the Changeling by his wrist. "Come on, time to go." With that, she kicked off, dragging the struggling Changeling behind her. As they lifted into the sky, she could hear the roar of the creature before blue shots started firing at them. Not at us, Dash thought. The shots were grouped weird, and she didn't understand until the Changeling stopped squirming. She looked down - his chest had been hit, and he had gone into shock. "Dammit!" She dropped the Changeling and sped toward Canterlot.

The Changeling's body tumbled through the air and crashed into and off of branches, coming to rest face down in the mud. The Hish walked toward the carcass, which twitched as the final signs of life left the body. The Hish could see the heat disseminating from the body. It leaned over and lifted the body by the neck, and looked at its face, moving it with its one hand. It growled in the face of the fallen Changeling and raised it into the sky. It made a fist of the hand that was below the blade, and with a quick and well placed swoop the head fell from the body and landed on the dirt.

The Hish again roared throughout the night.