Dear Twilight Sparkle:
I'm honestly surprised that you consider sorting books to be a relaxing and leisurely activity. So much, in fact, that I'm beginning to suspect that you were just using this as a cover to ensure nopony was curious about your activities. So what were you really doing?
Actually, don't answer that. You were obviously finding a way to invade my fun-geon and rescue your Fish Senpai. Well, I sure as hell ain't gonna let that happen!
Sincerely, Celestia.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle:
I hear that you missed out on a whole weekend of fun with your friends. Isn't that a shame? I mean, if you were all equally interested in books and sorting, then you all could have had an equally fun time together, right?
Sincerely, an anonymous observer.
"WHY IS THE DAMN POTION NOT WORKING?!"
Twilight's friends winced as she yelled out in frustration. Then, to their surprise, Discord materialized right over her shoulder.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear Twiley. I know how much you enjoy spending time with your friends."
"Ha!" laughed Rainbow. "She doesn't enjoy anything! The only reason she even spends time with us is because she wants to get us into her bed!"
"Shut up, Dash!" said Twilight. "I'm a princess! I can hang out with whoever I want to! And I can have anypony I could ever wish in my bed!"
"Except for Flash Sentry!" Pinkie Pie yelled out, causing Twilight to scowl, and everypony else (and Discord) to laugh.
"Well... maybe I just don't want him in my bed!" she said ineffectually. "And besides, if you guys are going to be doing something fun, then you should at least tell me before you do it! I am the Princess of Friendship-"
"Or Fiendship," Discord interrupted.
"Friendship," Twilight repeated, "and I deserve to be included in such activities!"
Discord lifted an eyebrow, then used it to playfully tickle Twilight's snout.
"Aww, poor Twiley. Is this what it's all about?"
"Well, that and us being friends with you," said Fluttershy. "She thinks that you used a spell on us, and that's why we're so friendly with you."
Discord stopped tickling Twilight, who was now glaring angrily at him, and stared blankly at Fluttershy.
"She thinks I brainwashed you into loving me?" he asked.
"Apparently," said Rarity, "it never occurred to her that you simply might be much more pleasant than her."
Discord rolled his eyes, causing them to fall out of their sockets and fall onto Twilight, who just barely resisted the urge to stomp them into mush.
"Well, that is a rather interesting idea," he said. "Of course, there is a simpler explanation. And as Occamare's razor explains, that tends to be the right one."
He then snapped his talons, causing a huge glass jar to appear on the cutie map right in front of Twilight.
"It seems to me, my friends, that Twiley..."
Twilight's eyes then went wide as she was lifted off her seat and levitated over the jar. Her shock only increased as she was suddenly transformed into a blob of lavender goo and poured into the jar. Finally, as he screwed on the lid, Discord smirked and looked around.
"...is jelly."
The other ponies immediately burst into laughter, as did Discord. However, their laughter was short lived, as the jar then exploded in a flash of purple magic, leaving in its place an enraged alicorn.
"DISCORD!!!" she screamed. "WHEN I AM DONE WITH YOU I WILL USE YOUR SKIN AS A RUG!!!"
Her horn then began to glow. However, before she could do anything, Pinkie Pie ran up to her and spread peanut butter all over her. Twilight turned to glare at the pink mare.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"
"Didn't you hear Discord?" said Pinkie. "You're jelly! That means you go great with peanut butter! Which makes a lot of sense especially after that one time, though you really had to be there to get it-"
Twilight screamed and shot a blast of magic at Pinkie, who just barely managed to get out of the way. Fortunately, before any more damage could be done, the confetti cannons suddenly went off, coating Twilight in anti-magic ointment.
"Welp, that's our cue to leave!" Discord said before teleporting himself and everypony else out of the castle, leaving Twilight alone. As she shook the confetti off, she began to make a mental list of all the ways she was going to torture Discord once she got her hooves on him.