Lightning Dust surveyed the two pegasi in front of her. The first was a white stallion muscular to the point one wondered how his wings were able to lift him off the ground. The second was a yellow mare with a look of constant nervousness. “This is going to be painful,” Lightning Dust muttered to herself.
“YEAH!” shouted the stallion with no apparent regard to what Lightning Dust just said.
Could’ve gotten Thunderlane. Or even Flitter or Cloudchaser. But no, I got stuck with these guys, thought Lightning Dust. “Okay, so we are going to make Ponyville qualify for the Equestria Games, whether it wants to or not! And since I’m stuck with you guys, you have to do well enough that I’m not completely dragged down. Got that, Bulk Biceps? Fluttershy?”
“YEAH!” shouted Bulk Biceps.
Fluttershy made a whimpering noise and looked away.
Lightning Dust sighed. “Typical. Nothing is ever easy.”
“Come on, Gilda,” said Lightning Dust as the two boarded the train along with the others. “You’ve got to help me out here. My team is really weak, and I’m not sure even I can pull them up.”
“No,” said Gilda, “I’m there for archery. I didn’t build up all those sniper skills for nothing. And for reasons that have never been properly explained, no one can be in more than one event.”
“Well, then what am I supposed to do? I’m fast, but I’m not sure I can bring up the whole team!”
“Not my problem!” said Gilda.
Lightning Dust sighed in frustration again.
The group departed the train. There was a pause.
“You’re not going to say ‘here we are at’ again?” asked Sunset.
“Why would I do that?” asked Trixie. “We all know where we are.”
“Because you’re always doing that!” said Sunset.
“Hrm, I don’t think so,” said Trixie. “I’m pretty sure I haven’t done it that often. If you were to go back and count the number of times I used that phrase, you might be a bit surprised at how relatively low it was. Though I am still surprised how all of us coincidentally had our own reasons for coming here at the same time. For example, Suri, you–”
“No,” said Suri, “we are not going through you repeating things we already know again.”
“Fine,” said Trixie dejectedly. “But if you forget something important because I didn’t remind you of it, don’t blame me!”
“I do not need this headache,” said Sunset. “It’s annoying enough I have to actually come out here and observe these qualifiers. I’m going to head somewhere where I don’t have to deal with you guys.”
“Well!” said Lightning Dust as Sunset left. “It’s time to try to whip my team into better shape and to scope out the competition. Maybe we can actually do well in this thing after all.”
Figuring that scoping out the competition would be the logical first thing to do, Lightning Dust decided to do it. “Let’s see… a team of griffons, that’s interesting. The Cloudsdale team is made up of Wonderbolts, of course… and then–”
“Why are you talking out loud to yourself?” Trixie interrupted. “It’s rather odd.”
“Don’t you do that all the time?” asked Lightning Dust.
“Not the point!” said Trixie.
“Why are you following me, anyway?”
“Hey, I have a Mare Do Well comic to write and I want to make sure you don’t spend so much time here that you can’t help me write it.”
“Can’t you just write it yourself?” asked Lightning Dust.
“The last time I did it myself I got all these complaints that the issue was too overly goofy and lacked the amount of action expected.”
Lightning Dust shrugged and continued looking at the competition. “All right, is there anyone else to worry about? The only team I can’t see is–”
“You’re talking out loud to yourself again,” said Trixie.
“No, I’m not! I’m talking to you!”
“I don’t know,” said Trixie. “It didn’t sound like something you’d actually say to somepony other than yourself.”
“Fine!” snapped Lightning Dust. “Trixie, the only team I don’t see is the Manehattan team. Maybe they’re running late, or maybe they just didn’t bother with a team.”
Potentially on cue, three pegasi wearing Manehattan uniforms appeared, one of them blue with a prismatic mane.
“Wait, Rainbow Dash lives in Manehattan?” asked Lightning Dust.
“You’re the one who’s always yammering about how she’s your archrival, how did you not know?”
“What? I am not always yammering on about that!”
“Maybe not lately,” said Trixie, “but you were doing a lot of that earlier.”
“Really?” asked Lightning Dust.
If this were a cartoon, a humorous montage of clips in which Lightning Dust declares Rainbow Dash to be her rival would ensue. However, a text-based story can’t really do it that well, so instead the following and completely unrelated punchline will be substituted: Just one, but it takes six episodes.
“Hrm, maybe I did talk a lot about it,” admitted Lightning Dust. “But only because she is my archrival!”
“Riiiiiight.” said Trixie. “Well, it does look like your ‘archrival’ is coming towards us.”
Rainbow Dash walked up to the two. She studied Lightning Dust. “Hrm, do I know you from somewhere?” asked Rainbow Dash. “You seem familiar.”
Trixie suppressed a laugh while Lightning Dust suppressed a frown.
“Maybe it was at the Best Young Flyer competition?” asked Lightning Dust.
“Might have been,” said Rainbow Dash. “Oh, wait, now I remember! You were the one who created that tornado that got out of hand. You’re lucky nopony got hurt.”
Whatever response Lightning Dust was going to make was interrupted by a loud crash. The three turned around to see that Soarin, one of the Wonderbolts, had crash landed into a large pile of pillows.
“Why do people keep crashing into our pillows?!” asked one of the ponies around the pile. “Is it a magnet or something?”
Meanwhile, Soarin emerged from the pile of pillows, rubbing his head. “Ow… darn it, that hurt.”
Rainbow Dash went up to him. “Wait, what happened?”
“I kind of got distracted while flying, then got my wing clipped on a hoop, causing me to crash. But I’m perfectly fine now!” His wing suddenly bent awkwardly. “Or… or not.”
“Ooh, you should probably get a doctor to look at that,” said Rainbow Dash with a wince.
As if on cue, a cart arrived with a stretcher. “How’d you get here so fast?” asked Soarin.
“Our response time is really fast! We get notifications of accidents before they even happen!” said the medic.
“But how in the world can you–” started Soarin before being interrupted by being brought onto the cart and carried off.
“Do you know what this means?” Lightning Dust asked Trixie excitedly after Rainbow Dash left.
“That the medical system is able to warp time itself?” asked Trixie.
“No! It means the Cloudsdale team, which is made up of Wonderbolts, has a vacancy! All I have to do is take that, as I grew up there, and they’ll be totally impressed by me and offer me a position in the Wonderbolts.”
“Wait, you’d give up on Ponyville just like that?”
“Screw Ponyville!” said Lightning Dust. “What’d it ever do for me?”
“Give you a fairly good job?”
“Um, besides that.”
“Didn’t fire you from said job even after you got arrested and thus missed 8 weeks of work?”
“Um, besides that.”
“Let you switch it to part time to make room for all the stuff related to Mare Do Well?”
Lightning Dust frowned. “Okay, fine, so I guess it did do a few things for me. Maybe I can compete for both teams or something.”
“You can do that? That would seem really weird if you can’t compete in more than one event for your town, but you can compete in the same event multiple times for different towns.”
“Aha!” said Lightning Dust. “But Cloudsdale isn’t a town, like Ponyville is! It’s a city!”
“Does that really make a difference?” asked Trixie.
“Probably not,” admitted Lightning Dust. “Okay, here’s the new idea: I’ll put a paper bag on my head and compete for one of the teams in disguise.”
“Somehow, I think people might notice,” said Trixie.
“Whatever! I’ll just get on the Cloudsdale team and then figure something out!”
“Okay,” said Trixie. “And how do you plan to get on the Cloudsdale team to begin with?”
“I’m going to handle it the same way I handle any problem!” sald Lightning Dust. Trixie opened her mouth to say something, which Lightning Dust interrupted by quickly adding, “By facing it head on!”
Darn it, I had a great snarky remark there, but she finished her thought too fast, thought Trixie to herself.
In the meantime, Lightning Dust had gone up to Spitfire and Fleetfoot, who by lucky coincidence happened to be nearby. “Hi!” said Lightning Dust. “I hear you might have a team vacancy! Can I join?”
Fleetfoot and Spitfire took a quick glance at each other. “Uh… we’ll keep you in mind if we need a replacement,” said Spitfire neutrally.
“All right! You know where to find me!” said Lightning Dust.
“I think they want me!” said Lightning Dust to Gilda.
“Which is why they were trying to get Rainbow Dash to sign up, right?” asked Gilda. “They said Soarin was too injured to fly, so they wanted her as the replacement.”
“Wait, what?”
“You don’t pay much attention, do you?” asked Gilda. “Well, to be fair, they were discreet about it, and I’m not sure Rainbow Dash even realized that was their eventual goal. But too bad I happened to overhear when they were planning it! Griffon ears are really good at picking up secrets, don’t you know.”
“No,” said Lightning Dust, “I didn’t know that.”
“No wonder,” said Gilda, “because I totally made that up. I’m just good at eavesdropping. So, what are you planning to do?”
“There’s only one thing to do!” declared Lightning Dust dramatically.
“Do tell,” said Gilda flatly.
Lightning Dust deflated. “Think of something to do.”
“Good luck with that,” said Gilda.
“Man, what’s she got that I don’t?”
“Besides the talent and the nicer personality and the fact she doesn’t have a history of causing destruction and the lack of a criminal record and the fact she can do the Sonic Rain-Boom and–”
“Fine! Fine!” snapped Lightning Dust. “But I’ve got one thing she doesn’t have!”
“I can’t wait to hear what that thing is,” said Gilda.
“I’m the co-author of a popular comic book series!”
“I’m sure they’ll be impressed by that,” Gilda said sarcastically.
“Hey!” said Lightning Dust. “I make a lot of money off of that, more than my previous job ever paid! Fans have asked for my autograph!”
“Uh, maybe, but what does that have to do with flying ability?”
“Darn it, that’s a good point,” muttered Lightning Dust.
“Ugh,” said Gilda, “I don’t want to deal with your problems today.”
“Do you ever want to deal with my problems?” wondered Lightning Dust.
“No,” admitted Gilda. “But I especially don’t want to today. You figure it out! But shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, training your team, considering you’re the only competent member of it?”
“I put Sunset in charge of it,” said Lightning Dust.
“Sunset? What does she know about flying?”
“Not much,” said Lightning Dust, “but she sure knows how to vent anger and yell at ponies. That should make them work hard.”
“Well, whatever,” said Gilda. “Have fun doing… whatever it is you decide to do.”
“Okay,” said Lightning Dust to herself after Gilda left, “I just have to find a way to really impress the Wonderbolts enough that they’d want to select me instead of Rainbow Dash. That, or find out a way to make her look really bad. Hrm…”
For someone who tended to be as loud and overbearing as Lightning Dust was, she could actually do a fairly good job being sneaky when she really wanted to. After spending some time spying on Rainbow Dash, she got a fairly good idea of what was going on.
“So, from what I can tell, Rainbow Dash is flitting between practicing with the two teams in what, if this was a film, could have been a fairly humorous montage. And then eventually the Cloudsdale team, who might as well be classified as the Wonderbolts because that’s all of their members, asked her to join them. Judging by her expression and body language, this is either causing intense inner turmoil for her, or she ate something that expired.”
“Great,” said Trixie. “Now, come on. Mare Do Well! Writing! Comic! The deadline isn’t for a while but it’s important to get this done as far ahead as possible. I need to ask what you think of the opening narration I wrote for the issue.”
“Uh-huh,” said Lightning Dust distractedly. “Go ahead. Read it.”
“In a city where crime never sleeps or even takes the occasional nap, there is only one hero who is capable of cleaning up all of the crime, because if you don’t clean up crime it starts to really smell. One hero can halt the malevolence. One hero that can save the day and even sometimes save the night as well. Unfortunately, that hero is owned by another comic book company, so for now we’re still stuck with Mare Do Well.”
“Sounds good,” said Lightning Dust.
“Did you even hear what I said?” asked Trixie.
“You said what now?”
Trixie bopped Lightning Dust on the head. “Ow!” said Lightning Dust. “What was that for?”
“Come on, pay attention! Was that part about crime being smelly too over the top? I need to know!”
“Look, Trixie, can this wait? I’m trying to figure something out here.”
“Fine!” Trixie huffed. “But get this stuff together soon.”
“Do you at least have any advice here on how to make myself look better for the Wonderbolts?”
“Uh… I don’t know, go talk to Soarin in the hospital and maybe the act of kindness will make you look good for them?”
“That’s a great idea!” said Lightning Dust. “I’m so glad I thought of it.”
“Uh, I was the one who thought of it,” said Trixie.
“Oh, right,” said Lightning Dust. “Force of habit, I guess. All right! Let’s do that!”
A short time later…
“Hi!” said Lightning Dust as she and Trixie entered the room. “We’re here to visit you!”
“Oh, really?” asked the crazed-looking mare. “I love visitors! We can sit here and talk about our feelings and the meaning of life and if the universe is made of green cheese and–”
“This must be the wrong room,” said Trixie.
“You think?” asked Lightning Dust.
An even shorter time later…
“Hi!” said Lightning Dust as she and Trixie entered a different room. “We’re here to visit you!”
This time, they actually picked the right room, because Soarin was sitting in one of the hospital beds. “That’s great! Nopony’s been by to visit me. Eh, too busy practicing, I guess.”
Wait, no one’s been by? thought Lightning Dust. Darn it, if he’s not getting visitors, then the others won’t hear about how nice I was to visit him, because they’re not visiting him… then again, it would at least really impress him, which might help! So, if–
“Psst!” whispered Trixie to Lightning Dust. “You’re just staring off into space! Say something!”
“Anyway!” said Lightning Dust as she snapped out of her inner monologue. “Uh… um… well, hopefully your wing will get better soon.” That’s a nice thing to say, right?
“Oh,” said Soarin, “it’s fine. I’m just keeping it warm in case my team wants me back.”
Lightning Dust suddenly found herself confused. “Wants you back? I heard them say you were too injured to fly.”
“They told me that they were worried I wouldn’t be one hundred percent by the tryouts, so they were going with somepony else!” said Soarin.
“And they told me…” started Trixie. She frowned. “Actually, they didn’t tell me anything at all. Darn it, I wanted to be a part of this.”
“So, wait… if they told you that… and they told Rainbow Dash that… then that means…” muttered Lightning Dust to herself. Her eyes suddenly widened. “Aha! That’s it! I know what I have to do!”
“What?” asked Trixie.
“And another thing!” shouted Sunset at Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps. “My baby brother flies faster than you! Which is impressive, considering he can’t fly and also doesn’t even exist!”
Lightning Dust came up to Sunset. “Hi, Sunset!”
“Oh, hi,” said Sunset. “Can I stop dealing with these two now? I’m tired of telling them to do better.”
Lightning Dust looked over at Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps practicing. “Actually,” said Lightning Dust, “they seem to have improved a lot and actually look fairly good.”
“Oh, really?” asked Sunset. “I had no idea if they were good or not, so I just kept yelling at them. I pretended they were you two.”
Trixie scratched her head in confusion. “But I can’t fly. If you were pretending that one of them were me, then wouldn’t you just be really confused as to how I got wings?”
“See, this is why I was so good at yelling at them when pretending they were you two,” said Sunset. “Anyway, are you done? This has all been tiring.”
“Yep!” said Lightning Dust. “Everything should be all solved about… now.”
There was a pause.
“Uh, hang on, I think my watch is fast,” said Lightning Dust. “Let’s try that again. Everything–”
“You’re not wearing a watch,” observed Sunset.
“Look, that’s not the–” said Lightning Dust, but she found herself cut off as Rainbow Dash and Soarin marched up to where Spitfire and Fleetfoot were standing. “Great,” grumbled Lightning Dust, “now it’s already happening, and I can’t do that cool timing.”
“Well,” said Rainbow Dash, not hearing Lightning Dust’s grumbling, “I wanted to fly with both you and Manehattan, and was having so much trouble deciding that I was considering faking an injury to avoid deciding… which doesn’t really make much sense at all when you think about it. But anyway! Now I know who I should’ve been loyal to.”
“Good choice!” said Spitfire. “Always stick with the winners.”
“Manehattan,” finished Rainbow Dash, “because it’s not just where I live, it’s where my friends are. The ponies who really care about me, whether I can help them win a race or not. Or, at least, the ponies that don’t lie to me about Soarin’s wing just so they could get a better flyer. Which suddenly makes me wonder why you didn’t let me become a Wonderbolt already if you apparently consider me to be even better than one of your top flyers. You may be a winning team, but you’re still not the kind of team I want to be part of.” She paused. “Wow, it’s a darn good thing I didn’t fake any injuries, because then I’d have absolutely no moral ground to stand upon here when accusing you of lying.”
“Huh,” said Spitfire. “Rainbow Dash, you are something. We could learn a lot from a competitor like you.” She walked up to Soarin. “Ready to fly?”
Soarin scratched his head. “Huh?”
“Uh, I’m inviting you back onto the team?” said Spitfire.
“Whoa, hang on a minute,” said Soarin. “You think I’d come back after that? I’m out. Man, I used to know you.”
“Well, then how are we supposed to compete if we only have two members?” asked Spitfire.
“Not my problem!” said Soarin. “You’ll have to find a replacement for me in the Wonderbolts, too. Rainbow Dash and I have been talking, and we’ve decided to make our own team. With blackjack! And pies!”
“Enh, forget the blackjack,” said Rainbow Dash. “I’m not sure where that came from.”
“Fair point,” said Soarin.
“Also,” said Rainbow Dash to Spitfire and Fleetfoot, “since I’m not looking for your approval anymore, I should tell you two that those sunglasses look really stupid on you.”
Rainbow Dash and Soarin walked off, leaving behind a speechless Spitfire. Lightning Dust, meanwhile, had developed a grin so large her face looked like it could break. Realizing that that would probably be very painful, she stopped.
“Ha!” said Lightning Dust. “My plan worked! I knew that after I got Soarin to tell Rainbow Dash what was going on, it wouldn’t make her happy, so any desire to fly for Cloudsdale will be gone. Similarly, Soarin would be miffed and want to quit. And between the bad press and the short amount of time before the race is done, Cloudsdale would be extremely unlikely to find anypony interested in joining their team.”
“And let me guess,” said Sunset, “you’ll now be able to take advantage of the vacancy to join them?”
“Huh? No,” said Lightning Dust, “that whole thing made me lose interest. Why would I want to be on a team that would do something like that? Anyway, with Cloudsdale out, there are only three teams I can see plausibly outdoing Ponyville, thereby ensuring we place, as you only need to get in the top four to qualify.”
“Wait a minute, you thought all of that out?” asked Sunset.
“Uh, yeah?” asked Lightning Dust.
“I’ve stumbled into an alternate universe where everything is backwards,” muttered Sunset. “And since when did you care so much about Ponyville qualifying?”
“What? You think I wouldn’t that, like Rainbow Dash, I’d want to support the city I live in?”
“From what I’ve heard, you spent most of the time while you were here scheming to get onto the Cloudsdale team!” exclaimed Sunset.
“Well, yeah, but that was before I knew they were lying. That totally changes it.”
“But that shouldn’t… you didn’t… argh, screw it,” said Sunset. “I’m out of here.”
“Wonder what’s into her,” said Trixie as Sunset left. “I think she needs to un-stress herself; that’s not good for your health.”
“Well, I for one consider this day to have been a tremendous success,” said Lightning Dust. “Oh, and Trixie? That part with crime getting smelly was kind of too much.”