Chapter Seven
‘Little’ Talks
Motes of dust were dancing around in the shafts of morning sunlight that besieged the heavy purple and green curtains of Heartbreak’s home.
Fluttershy suddenly found herself not-so-gently awoken by what could only be described as the snarling of some provoked beast from the Everfree Forest.
“Oh! Where am—” she began; looking around, momentarily disoriented. Seeing the still-sleeping (and now gently-snoring) tan pony next to her, she quickly covered her mouth.
Oh, that’s right! I’m still at Heartbreak’s house! Eek! What time is it? Her wings spread open in surprise as she looked up at the grandfather clock.
Already noon? Oh, I hope my animal friends are ok. How could you have slept for so long, Fluttershy?
The pegasus attempted to stand, only to find that her left hoof was still stuck in Heartbreak’s embrace... not to mention damp from the pony drooling in her sleep.
“Uhm, H.B.?” Fluttershy whispered, gingerly poking the mare with her free hoof. “H.B.?” Heartbreak grimaced in her sleep and let out another snort before turning over.
“Not now, sweetie... on E. Q... Day...murelectronzz...” she muttered before Fluttershy suddenly felt her hoof slip from its entrapment.
Glad that she only slightly stirred Heartbreak from her much-needed rest, Fluttershy let out a soft sigh of relief and began to move forward towards the direction of the kitchen. This relief was, however, short lived, as the pony let out a quiet yelp and loudly tumbled forward due to her front leg being asleep from being held all night long.
“Huh!?” Heartbreak gasped, rising up on the couch, her momentary awareness quickly turning back into a quagmire of post-waking grogginess. “Oh... Fluttershy.” She yawned, rubbing her eyes, then frowned in confusion. “You’re still here?”
“Well,” Fluttershy looked up at her charge from the floor. “You asked me to stay for the night and that’s what I did.”
“I did?” Heartbreak shook her head in an attempt to clear the fog of dreams that lay over her. “I must have been really out of it, because I don’t quite remember that,” she said, between long yawns.
“Oh...” Fluttershy replied, nervously hovering and tapping her hoof over the floor in an attempt to push past the pins and pickles.
“Well, then...” Heartbreak’s eyes shut tightly before she went into a full out stretching yawn. Turning her head, she moved the curly-wavy brown mess that was her mane out of her face and looked at Fluttershy, smiling tiredly. “Thank you for staying.”
Wow, her eyes are really pretty... Fluttershy felt almost transfixed by the way they sparkled in the dim light. She turned her head and looked away. Oh, I hope I didn’t just make her feel uncomfortable. It isn’t polite to stare. “I just wanted to make sure that you were all right for the night.” She looked towards the window and paused. “I hope Angel got my message and was able to feed the rest of the animals...”
“Oh, right,” Heartbreak’s smile faded like the morning dew as she was reminded that Fluttershy staying the night meant time spent away from her animal friends. “I... guess I wasn’t thinking about that at the time, I’m—” She paused and passed a hoof over the other, before rubbing her face. “I mean, I didn’t mean to keep you for so long.”
“It’s alright. You weren’t quite yourself at the time,” Fluttershy replied, her forelock covering her face. “I’m just lucky that you have a colony of Veneighzuelan sad-faced spiders living in your attic!”
Heartbreak’s eyes went wide momentarily, as any form of sleep induced miasma was cleared away. “A colony of what kind of sad-faced spiders?”
“Veneighzuelan sad-faced spiders,” Fluttershy repeated.
Heartbreak paused with an uncertain expression on her face. “I don’t know why, but that name kinda sounds awfully familiar...”
“It does?” Fluttershy asked, surprised.
“Yeah, but I’m not sure from where,” she replied, tapping her hooves together nervously. “Ssssso!” Heartbreak exclaimed with a fear-tainted hissing sound. “A colony you say?”
“Yes,” Fluttershy nodded, before looking down sadly. “That isn’t a problem is it? I know that lots of ponies don’t like spiders—”
“No, it isn’t! Actually,” Heartbreak cleared her throat. “I happen to love spiders, for the most part. It’s just,when you say ‘colony’... images of my backyard draped in spider-silk and my trees completely encased in a white cocoon peppered with little spiders go dancing through my head.” She stopped and realized that perhaps that run-on sentence she just spoke might not do anything to dissuade the idea that she was afraid. “Uhm... I apologize, it’s just—I mean—”
“It’s alright. When you put it like that, a colony of spiders that big could be a terrifying thing,” Fluttershy replied, disappointment lingering in her voice. Maybe if I told her about the spiders, she would be less afraid. But the time! What about Angel? He and the others are still waiting for me! And I—
“But one of them sent a text to Angel for you?” Heartbreak asked, interrupting Fluttershy’s thoughts. “So they’re ‘fffriendly’ spiders?”
“Well, not super friendly,” Fluttershy replied, looking thoughtful. “I did have to promise their queen that I would do something nice for her in exchange for her help.” She tilted her head with a questioning look. “A text?”
“Message!” Heartbreak jumped in surprise and then let out a mighty coughing fit. “I meant a message.” She replied after some of the coughing died down. “You know, just woke up. Not quite all there.” She gasped.
“Are you alright?” Fluttershy asked, her face showing instant concern once more.
“Yup!” came the wheezing reply. “No need for a trip to the hospital!” Heartbreak exclaimed, waving one hoof at the tense pegasus while using the other to cover her mouth.
Fluttershy’s ears drooped, and she looked to her side. “That might be for the best, with what happened last night.”
“Uhm.” Heartbreak pushed through a few more wheezing coughs before aggressively clearing her throat. “I only vaguely remember last night,” slumping forward, she groaned, in an attempt to fight any more coughs fighting their way out. “I kicked a doctor in the face, didn’t I?”
“Uhm, yes,” Fluttershy admitted after a few moments of silence. “I’m really sorry that I forced you to go to the hospital,” she said quietly.
Heartbreak sighed, clearing her throat. “It’s alright, Fluttershy. I was out of it, and you did what you thought was the best. Though really, I kinda suspected that I was coming down with something a few days before Wednesday.” She sniffed hard, her face twisting up. After a few moments of struggling with the urge, she finally let out a mighty, painful sounding sneeze. “Gah! Oooouch...”
“Oh dear, are you alright?”
“Just,” Heartbreak snorted, after which she let loose a few small coughs. “Peachy. But yeah, I should have seen this coming the day before Summer Readers.” Swallowing hard, she made a pained expression. “I was having the worst time trying to get to sleep for a few days.”
“If you knew you were coming down with something, why—” Fluttershy meeped, and paused in her sentence. This is the longest conversation I have had with anypony before.
“Didn’t I tell somep-pony?” Heartbreak asked, clearing her throat for the umpteenth time. “It’s simple, Fluttershy. I don’t like doctors.”
“But—” Then again, Heartbreak isn’t really a pony, but a strange animal trapped in a pony’s body. I really wish I knew—
“Why?” Heartbreak interrupted, her hooves hanging over the couch as she stared at the floor, her ears folded tightly back. “I have my reasons.”
“Well—” Fluttershy bit her lip and eyed the door. I’m sure that Angel is ok with looking after all the other animals, but I really should be getting back! And besides, H.B. doesn’t sound like she wants to talk about why—
Heartbreak looked over at her guest and rubbed her hooves together before sighing. “Alright, fine,” she said, rubbing her temples and taking a deep breath through her nose, trying to compose her thoughts. “Why don’t I like doctors...” she asked openly to the air. “Like I said, I have my reasons.” She pressed her hoof against her throat as she tried to clear it once more.
“Oh, well, okay,” Fluttershy responded hastily, a little afraid of going into a conversation. “But if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to, I can understand that going to the doctor can be a scary situation and—”
“It’s not just that.” Heartbreak interrupted, putting her hoof up in the air. “I know that they’re there to help me if I have health issues, but it’s a lot more complicated than that.”
“Is it because of the needles?” Fluttershy asked, tilting her head as she carefully probed.
“Not... really?” Heartbreak replied, rubbing her foreleg and sounding unsure. “Needles are—” she paused and coughed a bit, “—cuse me. Needles aren’t the biggest issue in the world. I’ve dealt with needles before; fet, I’ve given blood before.”
Fluttershy began to speak but stopped as Heartbreak began to cough once more. That cough just sounds terrible. She spied the small bag of the tincture that Nurse Goodfilly had prescribed and a cup that had been left on the table in front of the couch the night prior. I might as well make sure she gets her tea before I have to leave. With how sick she still is, it would be just horrible of me to leave her to try and make it all by herself!
“Uhm,” She started, unsure how to leave the conversation. “You wouldn’t mind if I made you the tea that Nurse Goodfilly gave us last night, would you?”
“No.” Heartbreak tilted her head, as if she herself was unsure why Fluttershy was asking. “I mean, if you want to, that would be really nice of you.” She said looking away awkwardly. “I mean, uhm, thank you. That would be awesome.”
Fluttershy blinked and thought that she saw a slight blush flush Heartbreak’s cheeks, though it might have just been the light. “I’ll be right back,” she said smiling before she walked into the kitchen. “You just rest a little bit.”
It didn’t take long for her to return with a tea kettle full of hot water. Walking back into the parlor, she set the black iron kettle on the table in front of Heartbreak.
“So, If you aren’t afraid of needles, then—” Fluttershy began, as she hoofed a cork coaster on the table.
“—what is the issue?” Heartbreak finished, waggling her front hooves over the side of the couch. “The issue is the attitude.”
“Attitude?” Fluttershy asked, carefully pouring the hot water into a cup.
“Yes, attitude.” Heartbreak sniffed at the air as Fluttershy stirred the contents of the medicine into the hot water. “Huh, smells lemony. Maybe I’m just imagining things, but anytime I think about going to a doctor, I get this sense that they’re looking or talking down to me.”
“Well, doctors and nurses have gone to school for their jobs,” Fluttershy explained, setting the tea down on the table in front of Heartbreak. “It really isn’t their fault if they use some words that most ponies don’t understand.”
“But that’s the problem,” she grumbled. “I do understand them.” Heartbreak sighed as Fluttershy took the honey stick and stirred a gooey dollop in. “Or, at least, most of them...” She paused again before holding up her hooves. “It’s like this: there was this one time when I was in the military—
“The military?” Fluttershy asked, her wings splayed out in shock. “But you don’t—”
“Seem like the type?” Heartbreak asked, a bemused expression on her face. “Yeah, that’s what all my fffriends and everyp-p-pony around me said too. But I wasn’t in for long, like a year and four months.” She stopped in her story’s tracks and silence overtook her. Fluttershy raised a hoof, her mouth opening to ask a question. “I don’t like talking about it. But anyway, when the military doctor looked at my eyes, he said there was a blasphemous in the right one.”
It’s best not to push that issue. After all, ponies in the Equestrian military go through a lot of hard training and are expected to do some really dangerous things! Fluttershy paused her stirring, confused. “Blasphemous doesn’t sound like any eye condition I know about...” Heartbreak tilted her head and raised her eyebrow questioningly. “I have a little medical training,” she quietly added.
“That’s what I remember him calling it,” Heartbreak replied, sitting up so that her back hooves hung over the couch. “What it actually is, I don’t know, but the way that he put it was that ‘while I was still in my mommy’s womb, one of my eyes didn’t quite attach to my retina properly.’”
“I’m confused,” Fluttershy responded, putting the honey stirrer on a small plate.
“It was the whole ‘while you were in your mommy’s womb’ thing.” Heartbreak reached forward and carefully slipped the hook-shaped handle into her hoof-hole. “It was like he was talking down to me about this. At the time, I just wanted to know if it was something I had to be worried about later in life or something.” Slowly, she lifted the cup to her mouth and blew on the surface of the liquid before taking a sip and licking her lips. “Yeah, definitely lemony. And before you say anything, I know that not all doctors are like that.”
“Oh?” Fluttershy asked, glancing out the window. In the distance, a small flock of birds dove towards the location of her cottage.
“I know they’re there to help me, that they don’t want to freak me out and that they have a job to do, but I still don’t like them. Just don’t get me started on—” Heartbreak paused, drinking down the last of the liquid in her cup.
“On?” Fluttershy asked, her attention returning to Heartbreak.
“Psychologists,” Heartbreak coughed, trying to lick the last bit of sticky fluid that had settled to the bottom of her cup.
“Psychologists?” Fluttershy blinked and suddenly felt a bit lost at the abrupt shift.
“Yeah.” Heartbreak set the cup on the table and stretched with an errrrph. “Psychologists... the doctors that I am sure that most of the ponies around here think that I should be seeing in the first place.” She sighed as her hoof slipped the handle out of its hole, before hermit-crabbing her way into a comfortable position on the couch. “That tea was really good, could I have more?”
“I’m sorry, H.B.” Fluttershy gave a sympathetic smile and shook her head before looking at the back of the bag that the tinctures came in. “But this is medical tea, and the instructions which Nurse Goodfilly wrote down say that you can only have one cup every six hours. Besides—” she paused, looking back at Heartbreak with sad, worried eyes. “—we wouldn’t want what happened last time to happen again...”
Heartbreak found herself struck mute as the memories of Fluttershy diving to save her crashed on the shores of her mind. “No, I suppose we don’t want another tea incident,” she whispered. “I never did thank you for that, Fluttershy...”
Fluttershy felt mixed about bringing up the event. With how she presents herself, I didn’t think that she was that sensitive about what happened! “There’s no need to thank me, I just did what any other pony would have done for another pony.”
“I still feel the need to thank you, Fluttershy.” Two blue eyes peeked out from under the makeshift hoodie-blanket. “So, thank you.”
Fluttershy blushed and turned her head, smiling sheepishly. “You’re welcome.”
“Anyway, the problem I have with psychologists is that, while a normal medical doctor doesn’t automatically assume that there’s something wrong with you—fet, they might even dismiss you thinking you’re a hypochondriac of some kind...” Heartbreak clutched the light blanket around her. “It seems that a psychologist assumes that there is something wrong with you. That you are already crazy. Otherwise, why would you be there to begin with?”
Fluttershy was at a loss for words.
“Well?” Heartbreak asked.
“Uhm—” Fluttershy squeaked a bit at being pushed for an answer. Oh dear, what would Twilight or the others say to this? “I’m not sure I would be the best pony to ask. I haven’t had the chance to interact with that sort of doctor before.”
“Let me tell you a story then,” Heartbreak said, clearing out her throat.
“Well, alright,” Fluttershy said, sitting down. “If you really think you’re up to it.”
“Bleh, right, first off, before I begin...” Heartbreak paused and looked thoughtful as she saw Fluttershy leaning forward. “I just want to make it clear that nothing that we talk about here is to be talked about with the others. Okay?”
“A-alright...” Fluttershy blinked and looked a bit confused. “Any reason why?”
“I...” Heartbreak was silent for a few moments. “It’s just that this stuff is really... intimate.”
Fluttershy felt a blush pass over her cheeks and her wings puff. “Well, I’m not sure that I’m the pony to be talking about that sort of thing.”
Heartbreak coughed and suddenly became acutely aware of how uncomfortable she was making her guest. “What? Oh, no, no, no. That’s not what I mean. It has nothing to do with... intimate-intimate things.”
“Sorry,” Fluttershy apologized. “I didn’t mean to assume that it was something like that, but—”
“It’s alright, Fluttershy,” Heartbreak interrupted awkwardly. “And I don’t mean to be rude, but I’d rather try to explain this while I’m partially coherent, not coughing my lungs out and questioning whether or not I even should share this stuff with you.”
“Well, if you don’t want to you don’t have to,” Fluttershy repeated quietly, before looking down. Oh, Fluttershy, you were so close to her opening up to you, but now she’s gone back to hiding in her shell...
Heartbreak eyed Fluttershy and looked down before she took a deep breath and bit her lip. “No, you asked a question. It’s just... really complicated stuff. Like I said before, don't share this with any of the others, and please, don't ask too many more questions. ‘Kay?"
“Okay...” Fluttershy replied tentatively. After all, if Heartbreak felt like she could share something, then despite her animal friends needing her, as one of her teachers, she should be there for her, right?
“I’m... not sure where to start, so you’ll have to excuse me if any of this sounds...” Heartbreak rested her chin on her ankle while her hoof rocked back and forth restlessly. “...stilted, or needlessly long-winded. M’kay?”
“Alright.”
“When I was young, my mother didn’t really know how to ‘deal’ with me. She was a young mother and uhm, I was... different. I guess.” She grumbled bitterly. “I had a hard time in school. I was pretty smart, or at least I thought I was, and as a result I would kinda get bored with some subjects.
“This led to me also becoming easily frustrated with some things... and it didn’t help that I had difficulties actually expressing those frustrations. So, my mother, in her infinite wisdom, decided that I belonged in ‘special classes.’ I was told at first it was because I had ‘special talents’ and that sometimes meant being put in classes away from the others.”
“That almost sounds like Twilight’s stories about when she went to—” Fluttershy stopped short of finishing her sentence as she saw a soured expression return to Heartbreak’s muzzle. “Uhm...”
“It was nothing like Twilight’s experience with Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns,” Heartbreak muttered through her hoof.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s alright, Fluttershy.” Heartbreak cleared her throat before coughing a bit.
“Are you sure?” Fluttershy asked, her wings rustling.
“Yes, it’s just... there were a lot of differences between what I went through and Twilight’s schooling,” Heartbreak replied, pausing once again in an attempt to evict any gunk still lingering in her throat. “For one, her schooling was there because she was, and still is, very talented. She was encouraged to develop her abilities and allowed to work at her own pace.
“I was not,” Heartbreak raspily squeaked out. “These special classes felt like a means to isolate those students who were not ‘like the others’. Students who had difficulties. Mental, physical, emotional or social disabilities. You had any of those? That’s where you were put. Not to mention the ever present threat of the school counselor.”
“But aren’t school counselors meant to help you?”
Heartbreak paused and became strangely quiet for a few moments. “Maybe... But it sure didn’t seem like it. However, I’m just describing the root of where my mistrust of doctors comes from.” She sniffed hard and a look of uncomfortable disgust crossed her face. “Fluttershy? Could I have a tissue?”
“Oh! Of course,” Fluttershy replied, plucking one from a small box situated next to the couch. “Here you go,” She said, offering it to Heartbreak.
Heartbreak looked at the tissue being offered to her and sighed. “Hooves, remember?”
“Oh, right. Sorry,” Fluttershy responded, draping the tissue over her hoof before holding the tissue to Heartbreak’s nose while she blew. She felt a bit grossed out at the now damped thing in her hoof. Just part of tending to a sick animal, she told herself, quickly tossing it in a refuse bin next to the couch.
“It’s alright,” Heartbreak replied, her face scrunching up. “I swear, even with a drastic alteration, these things are so fetting useless.” She slumped as Fluttershy took the soiled tissue away. “Kinda like the rest of me...”
“That’s not true,” Fluttershy demurred. “You certainly aren’t useless to the Summer Readers! Why, without you, I don’t think there would even be a summer reading program this year. And then all those sweet little colts and fillies would have nothing to do.”
“I’m sure they could have found something else to do, Fluttershy,” Heartbreak replied, rolling her eyes. “But it’s nice of you to say that...” She quietly admitted. “So anyway, back to the story. A few years after I graduated from high school and living with my grandma, that’s when I decided to join the military.”
“However, the important part didn’t come until I met with the military’s—” Heartbreak cleared her throat once again and raised her hooves in air quotes “—‘psychologist.’ I had to talk to her to see if I could be discharged for medical reasons. After all, that was considered an ‘honorable’ discharge, while anything else would be ‘dishonorable,’ and like fet was I was going to leave with a dishonorable. Not even a fast food restaurant will hire you after a dishonorable discharge.”
“That’s—”
“Unfair?” Heartbreak asked. “Yes. Yes it is. However, I was able to get an honorable discharge under the tagline of a ‘character’ disorder.”
“Character disorder?” Fluttershy’s head tilted in confusion at the use of this odd terminology.
“Schizoid character disorder.” Heartbreak looked like she was chafing under the simple question. “Which is really nothing more than the big rubber stamp that they use to discharge you from the military under ‘medical conditions.’”
“That’s nothing serious is it?” Fluttershy asked, looking at the pony under her care with concern. Heartbreak only responded by pulling the blanket tighter around her, a disgruntled snear being the only response. Oh dear! Did I say something wrong? The thought of having triggering some horrible and traumatic memory in the already broken pony caused the shy pegasi to tear up. “I-I didn’t mean to sound like I was—I mean I—”
“It’s alright, Fluttershy,” Heartbreak interrupted, her voice holding back a flare of irritation. “It’s not your fault or doing. It’s a perfectly... simple... question,” she said, pausing on a few choice words. “The short answer is, no. No, it isn’t anything serious. It just means that I’m more introverted than ‘normal’ p-ponies. That I have problems with authority figures and am better off with my own devices. And that I have a… richer internal fantasy world than others.”
“And that’s...” Fluttershy found herself blinking in confusion. “Bad?”
“Only if you want to join the military,” Heartbreak replied, her voice starting to sound exasperated. “I’m sure that even the Equestrian Military doesn’t want ‘artsy-fartsy’ soldiers that question orders and have their heads in the clouds all day.”
“I... guess not.”
“Anyway, I really didn’t think anything about being classified as a ‘schizoid’ for the longest time when I got out of the military.” Heartbreak tapped her hoof on the table nervously, before pausing and looking up. “You’re going to have to forgive me, Fluttershy, it’s been ages since I last thought about this stuff and I’m sure you have places to be.” She coughed and sniffed hard. “Things to do, ponies to talk to—”
“—Animals to feed,” Fluttershy quietly interjected. Suddenly her eyes went wide upon realizing how rude that must have seemed. After all, Heartbreak was still telling a story!
“I-I’m sorry!” Fluttershy began, faltering as she raised her hoof. “I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay, Fluttershy,” Heartbreak said, cutting off her awkward apology. “There’s no need. I’m keeping you from what you need to be doing, and I’m sure Angel and crew are very hungry, so...” She sighed and cleared her throat again. “I’ll wrap this up with what happened next.”
"Still, I didn't mean to—"
"I said that it's okay, Flutters." Heartbreak gave Fluttershy an understanding, but firm look. "I can call you ' Flutters', right?"
"Uhm, I guess so?" Fluttershy replied.
"Right, so anyway, where I was going with this story," Heartbreak said, retracing back to where she had been. "I didn't think too much of this 'diagnosis' until I found myself temporarily living in a homeless shelter."
"The lady that was in charge had been out of town when I first arrived, so it was no surprise that she wanted to interview me when she got back. But upon reviewing my case, she didn't see any reason why I was there.
"Scared that I might be thrown out on the streets, I told her why it was that I had been discharged from the military. And her response?
“‘Are you taking medication for that?’”
Fluttershy swallowed hard, and realized that this might explain the reaction she witnessed earlier. She bit her lip and contemplated asking, but decided against it to avoid further awkwardness.
"Even after I explained that being schizoid and being schizophrenic are two entirely different things...” Heartbreak paused, and put her hoof on her own shoulder in a small hug. “I could still feel the judgmental stares coming from her. Whatever image she had of me before our meeting was shattered, and all because one stupid medical condition sounded like another one. As you can imagine, after that, I didn't like talking about my time in the military.”
Heartbreak reached forward and moved her hoof over the surface of the table, poking and prodding at various objects in a moment of silence as if to collect her final thoughts. "Doctors and medicine might work differently here in Equestria, but that feeling of fear - of being trapped with a label that might not even apply to you, and worse, the possible judgement by others that comes with said label? That's not something that goes away overnight. You know what I mean?"
Fluttershy took a deep breath and looked down, remembering all the times she had to face such anxious moments. "Yes, I do."
“Thanks for listening, Flutters.” Heartbreak smiled a little, before looking at the grandfather clock as it chimed half past the hour. "I guess it's time for you to get going back home..."
“Yes, Angel and the others are most likely very worried about me.” Fluttershy lightly tapped her hoof on the floor. A tenuous feeling flittered through her: after all, it felt as if Heartbreak had exposed a really vulnerable part of herself. "Are you going to be alright?"
"I'll be fine. All I really need is some rest. If you really feel it’s necessary, you can come back to check in on me. But right now... I’m sure your animal fffriends need you more."
“Are you sure?” Fluttershy asked pensively. “I could make you something to eat before I leave, or I—”
“You’ve been very kind to me just by taking the time to listen to my little rant, Fluttershy,” Heartbreak interrupted, closing her eyes. “You just have a good day and remember to close the door on your way out." She paused. “And if you feel the need to come back, after you’ve taken care of those things, you’re more than welcome to.” She repeated.
“Are you positive that you’ll be alright?” Fluttershy asked, crossing her hooves and looking up at Heartbreak with a doey, unsure expression.
“Yesss,” As Heartbreak sighed and rolled her eyes, a small smile crept up on her face. “Now get back to them before they attempt to cannibalize some random p-pony.”