//------------------------------// // 33-Four // Story: The Life of a Non-Brony // by BronyWriter //------------------------------// Somehow the door closes shut by itself behind the bat pony. No, not "bat pony." Her name is Comet Screech. Though, with a name like that, I should have guessed she was a bat pony. Still not what I was expecting. Comet stares at my side. We stare at her, waiting for the first move. I know she's just a filly, but the fangs poking out of her mouth and the large cat-like eyes staring straight at me are a touch unnerving. She has a greyish blue coat and dark purple mane. I do notice that she has a cutie mark already. It's a bloomed nightshade flower and stem. Interesting. Comet does eventually stop staring at us. She looks at each of us in turn, blinks once... then begins laughing her head off. "Okay, okay, you got me!" Comet says, her voice sounding like a cross between a young Twilight and a young Fluttershy, with a hint of Rainbow Dash thrown in. "This... this is good." She keeps laughing and bangs on the door as if someone is on the other side. "Good prank. Good prank. I get it, I'm never leaving. Good one." "Er... Comet?" I finally say. "This isn't a prank. We're actually here because we want to adopt." Comet rolls her eyes at us. "Uh-huh. Sure. Absolutely. An earth pony, a phoenix and a ghrmpherana... whatever you are, want to adopt me." "It's true," Cheerilee says gently. "We can't have foals of our own." "Gee, wonder why," Comet says sarcastically. Maybe she'll fit right in. "I'm still not sure if you're real or not." "I'm real," I say. "I'm a species called a human. Only one of my kind on the planet. Princess Celestia accidentally brought me here about thirteen years ago now." "Uh-huh." Comet frowns at us. "Okay, let's say I humor you. What then?" "Well, we'd like to get to know you, Comet," Cheerilee says. "Tell us about yourself." "What's to tell? I've been here pretty much my whole life." Comet walks over to us and, to my surprise, moves behind me and begins pressing her hoof into my back between my shoulder blades. I turn my head back to look at her, my eyebrow raised, and I see a look of approval on her face. Odd. "I'm the only bat pony here. Parents dropped me off when I was a foal. Not sure who they are or where they went." "Well, you have to have likes and interests," I point out. "What's your cutie mark? It looks like a nightshade flower." "It is," Comet says with a nod, peering up at Oswald, who stares right back at her. "Got it when one of the dumb kids here got really sick. The teachers here had no idea what was wrong with him, but I smelled cleaning chemicals on him. They found out I was right, and boom, cutie mark in poison control or something." "Interesting." "Isn't it just?" Comet snarks, moving back in front of us. She flutters her leathery bat wings and sits down. "I think more cloak and dagger stuff is typical of bat ponies. I don't know because I haven't met many other bat ponies. Saw one when Princess Luna came to see us one time." Comet's tufted ear flicks uncomfortably, but I decide not to comment on it. "So do you have any friends here? Anything you like doing?" Cheerilee asks. Comet shrugs. "Nope, not really. Kind of alone around here." Comet rolls her eyes and crosses her forelegs. "Everypony is just lining up to be best buddies with a bat pony." "I see." I exchange a glance with Cheerilee, who shrugs at me. I shrug back before looking back to Comet. "So... if we did decide to adopt you, would you like that?" "I guess," Comet responds. "Where do you live?" "Ponyville," Cheerilee responds. Comet frowns at that. "Ponyville? What's a couple like you doing all the way in Canterlot for something like this, then?" "Well, we reviewed our options and we decided to try here," I respond. "Plus Princess Celestia helped a lot." Comet gives me a flat look. "Princess Celestia. You're buddies with her?" "Well, like I said: she brought me here from my home world thirteen years ago. So yes, I know her." "I'd say you're lying, but I can't say otherwise, can I? Still don't know what you are." "A human. I told you that." "Yes, yes, but I don't know what a human is." She tilts her head at me. "In fact, I don't even know what your names are." "Oh, of course." Stupid to not start with that. "I'm TD and this is my wife Cheerilee." I point to Oswald. "This is Oswald." "Oswald," she says as if testing the name out on her tongue. "TD the human thing, Cheerilee the earth pony and Oswald the phoenix. All one happy family." She looks back at the door, almost like she expects somepony to come through it. "Now you're sure this isn't a prank?" "Positive." "Uh-huh." Comet sighs and lays down in front of us. "So... what do you two do?" "Well I work for Ponyville, and Cheerilee here is the local teacher." "Local teacher?" Comet raises an eyebrow. "Like the only one?" Cheerilee nods. "Damn, that must be kinda stressful." "It can be, but it's something I love dearly. I wouldn't trade a moment of it," Cheerilee says, ignoring the profanity. "Sooooo... if I came to live with you, I'd go to school and you'd be my teacher?" "I suppose so. If that's okay with you. Ponyville does only have the one elementary school." "Huh." Comet frowns and rests her head on her forelegs, idly poking at a loose thread on the carpet. "What's your house like?" "Homey, I like to think," I say with a smile, taking Cheerilee's hoof. "We've really worked at making it a nice place." "And I'd have my own room?" "You would." "That I could decorate how I wanted?" "Within reason, yes." "Weird." Comet's eyes don't leave that loose thread. "You ever share a room with a half dozen other ponies? It's not that fun. Like at all. I mean, shit, some of the other orphans snore like crazy. Sounds like a damn chainsaw going off half the time." Cheerilee and I exchange an uneasy glance at the continued profanity, something that Comet picks up on. She flattens her ears and looks a little guilty. "Sorry. Ms. Hoof says I shouldn't say words like that." "It's okay, Comet," Cheerilee says. "I mean, yes, it is best to not say those words, but we're not mad or disappointed or anything." "Not yet," Comet mumbles. "But you will be. They always are. A bat pony like me is a novelty to a lot of ponies. There's not a lot of us around, and most of us work for Princess Luna anyway." She glances back up at us. "How many bat ponies have you seen in Ponyville anyway?" "Well, I've only ever seen bat ponies in Ponyville when Princess Celestia and Princess Luna came to our wedding," I admit. "You're right, I guess. I don't see bat ponies around, but that doesn't mean we see you as a novelty, Comet. We don't care about your tribe. We just want to get to know Comet Screech." "Maybe, but like I said: I'm a novelty. Novelties wear off," Comet mutters. "And have we given you any indication that would be the case?" I ask. "We didn't know you were a bat pony when we were first told about you." "And do you think you'd be happy with a family who loves and cares for you?" Cheerilee asks. "If you're open to it, we'd love to give you that." "Maybe." Comet stands up and looks back at the door. "I mean, it's not like I really have much of a choice in the matter. I'm just a filly. You two are the adults who can decide that stuff." "We wouldn't do it if we thought it would make you unhappy," I insist. "I guess." Comet shrugs with her wings. "But I gotta get back now. I..." Her ear flicks. "Something." It's a pretty weak non-excuse, but we don't want to push her. She's obviously conflicted about this whole thing, which makes sense. It sounds like she's been burned a lot by potential families. On the other hand, though, we don't want to rush into adopting her just to make her happy. I mean, of course we want her to be happy in our family, but we want it to be for the right reasons. Having said all of that, I like her already. She can speak fluent sarcasm. Cheerilee and I never talked about it openly, but for my part, any foal we adopted would have to know how to wield it at least a little. Comet knows it very well. She’s also profane, but we'll work on that if we become a family. Comet walks out of the room without saying anything else, and we just let her go. If she needs space or time to think about all of this, then we absolutely want to give that to her. If she's not going to be happy with us, we'll respect that. "Well, I think that went well enough," Cheerilee says, standing up from her chair. I nod and stand up, too. "I think so. I can tell she has some emotional problems, but nothing too unusual, I guess." I shrug. "I don't know, you're the teacher. You're probably more familiar with this kind of thing than I am." "Marginally, I suppose," Cheerilee says. "I have had a few adopted foals in my classes over the years, yes. I can't say for sure what she's dealing with beyond the usual stigma that comes from being an orphan, especially one whose parents left." "I'll have to agree, I suppose. But for now, let's go talk with Helping Hoof again, yeah?" "Sounds like a plan." The three of us walk out of the room and back to Helping Hoof's office. I think I remember the way back well enough. Of course, it helps that everything is conveniently labeled. We reach the door and knock before entering. Helping Hoof is smiling at us from behind her desk, and motions for us to sit down again. "So, how was your time with Comet?" "I think it went relatively well," I said. "She's kind of nervous around us. Especially given that she doesn't know what I am." "Well, I think that's fair," Helping Hoof says with a shrug. "I didn't know what you were until Princess Celestia herself explained the situation to me." She chuckles. "It's not every day that she puts in a word for somepony hoping to adopt." "Well, what's the process going forward?" I ask. "I'd say a few more interview sessions together, maybe even a few hours on the town," Helping Hoof responds. "It's all about building a relationship between you and the foal before you adopt." "Makes sense," Cheerilee says. "There was one thing, though," I say, thinking back to the interview. "She walked up to me and began pressing her hoof into my back. She didn't say why, but I thought it was odd behavior. Do you know anything about that?" Helping Hoof shrugs. "Yes, I've heard about her doing that to prospective fathers. She's never actually said why she does it. Must be a bat pony thing, but I can't imagine what it would be. I've never really had the opportunity to ask another bat pony what the deal is with that. I wouldn't worry too much about it, though." “Speaking of,” I begin, “you both said she’s been here her whole life, just about. What’s the deal with that? How did she get here?” “Her parents dropped her off right after she was born,” Helping Hoof says. “I’m not sure of all of the details, but they’re alive, as far as I’m aware.” “So did you wake up one morning and find a basket with a little bat pony filly on your porch, then?” Helping Hoof gives me a wry smile. “Nothing so cinematic. The process was done through the hospital she was born at. Once the parents filled out some paperwork, they sent her over here.” "Alright." Cheerilee and I look at each other, and she nods. "So when can we see her again?" Helping Hoof smiles at us and opens up a folder that I assume is Comet's file. She jots something down on a sticky note and puts it in the file before responding. "Well, it's up to you, really. Our foals here are available for interviews any time. You just let us know when you'd like to schedule another interview, and we'll set it up for you." * * * * "Chocolate for Cheerilee, strawberry for me, and triple fudge flutter nutter whipped delight with whipped cream, caramel and a maraschino cherry on top for Comet." I put the tower of ice cream and toppings in front of Comet, who gives it a look best suited for a predator eyeing a particularly tantalizing piece of prey. She snatches the spoon I hand to her in the crook of her foreleg and shovels a massive bite into her mouth. She chews for a bit, but I can see her eye twitching. "Gave yourself a bit of a brain freeze there, Comet?" Cheerilee asks with a grin. "Worf ih." Comet rubs the side of her head and swallows her bite of ice cream. She groans as the brain freeze dies down, but once it does, she gets another bite, though one noticeably smaller than the last. "Worth it indeed," I mutter to myself with a small smile before taking a bite of my strawberry ice cream. "Fanks ur ish by a ay," Comet says through her mouthful of ice cream. "You're welcome, Comet," Cheerilee says before amending, "if I understood you right." "Sorry." Comet swallows her next bite. "Anyhoo, So you said you're a teacher, and you're a janitor essentially, right?" "Essentially," I confirm, leaning back in my chair. I take another bite of my ice cream while I come up with another thought. This really is a good ice cream place. "I wasn't born here, though. Did I mention that?" "Dunno," Comet says with a shrug. "I don't remember it if you did." She frowns and tilts her head. "So where were you born, then?" "An entirely different dimension, actually. Princess Celestia brought me here when she was messing around with portals." "That sounds like kind of a dick move," Comet says, raising her eyebrow. I shrug. "She didn't do it on purpose." "If I burn down the orphanage playing with matches, I didn't do it on purpose," Comet replies. "Still a dick move." "I was kinda mad at her for a little bit there," I admit. "When she told me she didn't have the power to send me home, I didn't accept that right away. I left Equestria and traveled the entire world to find a way back home." "Really?" I see a spark of interest in Comet's eyes. It makes sense to me. She's never really been outside of Canterlot, and I've been to roughly every country all over the world. "Didja do any cool stuff?" "Oh yeah, lots of cool stuff," I say, finishing off my ice cream. "Scary and dangerous stuff, too." "You're being redundun by saying that!" Comet says eagerly. "What's some of the cool, scary and dangerous stuff you've done?" "Firstly, the word is redundant..." Comet rolls her eyes causing Cheerilee to giggle a little. "Secondly... hmm. Let me think of a good one." "Didja get in some kind of big fight where you were up against overwhelming odds and kicked ass and totally destroyed everything?" Comet begins swinging her spoon around like it's a sword. I chuckle and toss my ice cream bowl into a nearby trash can. "Actually yes. I got attacked by a minotaur warlord and six of his underlings on the road to Schunie." "I don't know what a Schunie is, but didja totally wipe them all out?" Comet continues swinging her "sword" around. "Didja drop-kick one right into the sun?" I snort and exchange an amused glance with Cheerilee. "No, but I wish I could have. The warlord was some rotter named Purgle. He challenged me to a death match, which as you can see, I won. He wouldn't have even had the opportunity if I wasn't working as a blacksmith's apprentice while he came along for some armor repairs, or something. But yeah, I fought him using techniques that another minotaur chieftain and the blacksmith I was working for. They taught me how to throw knives, and that was on top of the fighting style I'd learned from the zebras." "You still good at throwing knives?" Comet asks. I shrug. "I haven't really had an opportunity to try for a little while. Ponyville has a rather small supply of minotaur warlords or scheming griffin emperors." "That we know of," Cheerilee chimes in. "Right, there could be some hiding somewhere. Fluttershy's probably." "You'll have to show me some moves once you a--" Comet's smile fades away, and she suddenly becomes very interested in her ice cream. She takes a small bite and bobbles her head a bit. "I mean... yeah, that sounds really cool." And like that the jovial mood is gone. I grimace and take Cheerilee's empty ice cream bowl to the trash. She's really getting her hopes up with us, isn't she? She thinks we're this great couple, but I'll bet she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. She's spares a quick glace at Cheerilee who shoots her a comforting smile. "You go on ahead and finish that up, Comet, then we'll think of some other fun thing to do today, alright?" "Yeah..." Comet tries for a hopeful smile, but it doesn't work. "Sounds good." * * * * "So, what do you think?" Cheerilee asks me as we recline on our bed after a few more weeks of spending time with Comet. She's resting her head on my chest. "Well, I think things have been going pretty well," I respond. "Oswald likes her, so that's an obvious plus. And... well, I think she's a pretty cool kid." "A bit profane, but we can work on that." "True." When I say a bit profane, I mean she knows all seven of George Carlin's seven dirty words, on top of the other common swear words. There is even a song that some of the foals sing about it, last I heard. When we talked to Helping Hoof about it, she let out a long-suffering sigh and said that profanity between the foals is just something that happens. I can understand that. "So..." I begin. "You said 'we can work on that'. Does that mean that you want to adopt her?" Cheerilee looks up at me with a smile. "Yeah, I think I do. I don't know about you, but I've really grown to love her, and I look forward to the time we spend together. To me, having her officially become part of the family is the next logical step." She tilts her head at me. "And you?" "You know..." I return Cheerilee's smile. "Yeah, I think so, too." I rest my head on the headboard and begin running my fingers through Cheerilee's mane. "Comet Screech Powell. I can see it." "I guess the only other thing is... does she want that?" I shrug. "She seems open to the idea so far, but if we asked her with the intention of going through with it as soon as she said yes, I'm not sure how she'd respond. She's clearly become more comfortable around us." "And I really think she'd like Ponyville. It's a relatively peaceful town, and you know that all of the ponies here would welcome her without question." "I do." “The Pinkie party alone is going to be something else. I'll be curious to see her reaction to that." Cheerilee nuzzles my chest and murmurs contentedly. "We're really doing this, aren't we? We're really adding a foal to our crazy family." "You know what, Cheers? I think we are." * * * * A few days later, the two of us are back at the orphanage. We want to start filling out the paperwork to make the adoption official, but first we need to ask Comet. Helping Hoof leads us through the halls of the orphanage, but this time, instead of taking us to the interview room, she takes us to the rooms of the foals. We stop in front of one labeled with six pony names. One of which is Comet Screech. "She's in there alone," Helping Hoof says. "You talk to her as long as you need to, and if she's okay with it, then come to my office and we'll get the paperwork ready. She can be Comet Screech Powell by this afternoon." "Really? That quickly?" I question. Helping Hoof chuckles. "Normally no, but I can't imagine how nice it must be to have Princess Celestia in your corner. She's pushing it through. Her word on your character means a lot." "Makes sense, I suppose." I look down at Cheerilee and smirk. "Well, I guess we're stopping by Canterlot Castle on the way home. She did say she wanted to meet the foal we adopted." "True," Cheerilee says, nodding. "I'm anxious to get this started. You said she's in there?" "She is. Just go in and talk with her." Alright. This is it. Helping Hoof goes back to her office, leaving Cheerilee and I alone to talk to Comet. I take a deep breath and open the door. Comet is lying on a bed on the far side of the room. Her little area of the room is sparsely decorated. There are a few posters of some kind around her bed. They look like Iron Maiden album covers, actually. I guess she has a small taste for the macabre, which is fine by me. We'll absolutely let her put those up in her room. What? They look cool, alright? Comet raises her head when she notices we've come in, and stares at us, unblinking, as we approach her. I shoot her a friendly smile. "Hey, Comet? How's it going?" She finally blinks. "We'll see, I guess," she mutters quietly enough that I can barely hear her. Her shoulders are tense, and her wings are slightly extended as though she wants to fly away. She flutters them nervously when Cheerilee and I sit down on the bed next to hers. "So, we've made a decision about adopting you," I begin. Comet flinches back slightly and flattens her ears. Dang, she really has been burned a lot, hasn't she? We haven't talked about it, I can see why she wouldn't want to, but I can see it in her eyes. "A-and?" she whispers. "We'd love to adopt you, if that's what you want," Cheerilee says, a warm smile on her face. "We'd like to be your parents. If you say yes, then you'll spend the night in your new room in our house in Ponyville. You'll be Comet Screech Powell before the day is over." Comet's eyes widen, and she alternates looks between the two of us as though expecting that we'll say we're kidding. Well, we're not. Not at all. "Really?" I nod. "Really. All you have to do is say the word." Comet continues staring at us. She can do that all she likes, but we're not going to go back on our word. She's an awesome kid, and we want to have her as part of the family. After a full minute of silence, she spreads her wings and leaps over to us, wrapping her forelegs around me as best she can. She nuzzles into my chest, and I wrap my arms around her in a comforting hug. "Celestia dammit, I never thought I'd get out of this place...." She looks up at me, and I can see her eyes watering. "D-Dad." I chuckle and hug her closer. Cheerilee joins in on the hug, allowing Comet to nuzzle one of her forelegs. "Hi, M-M-Mom," Comet whispers. Mom. Dad. She just called me Dad. I have to admit, as much as I've been looking forward to this moment, hearing her actually call me that is surreal. I can't imagine that Cheerilee feels differently about it. "So, Comet Screech Powell," I begin. "What do you say we go make this official?" * * * * An hour later, we're finished signing the paperwork. Comet is officially the fourth member of our crazy little family. We spend a few minutes packing up all of her stuff. It all fits into one saddlebag, but she'll get more stuff to decorate her room. Oh man, her room. This is going to be so awesome! A process, for sure, but one that I think we'll all be happy with. "You're going to love Ponyville," I say as we all walk towards the palace. We still need to introduce her to Celestia, as per her request, and it wouldn't hurt to check up on Oswald either. The eggs aren't even close to hatching yet, as far as we're aware. "I hope so... Dad." Comet giggles and flutters her wings happily. "It's a small town, isn't it?" "Pretty small," I confirm. "A lot smaller than Canterlot, that's for sure." "You've never been outside of Canterlot, have you?" Cheerilee asks. "I think I remember you saying that." "Nope. Never once," Comet confirms. "This'll be interesting." She frowns and tilts her head curiously. "But aren't we going there now?" "Soon," I say. "First Princess Celestia wants to meet you." "Oh." Comet quirks an eyebrow at that. "Really? Why?" "Well because she's a big reason we got to adopt you so quickly, and like I said, we're..." I frown thoughtfully. "I don't know if I'd call us 'friends', but I think we're certainly on better terms than we were." "Because she tore you away from all you knew and loved and you punched her in the face, right?" I chuckle and nod. "I did. I punched her a few times." A grimace crosses my face. "Once was even at the Grand Galloping Gala right in front of Princess Luna. Luna got mad and broke my spine, actually. Celestia had to fix it." "Princess Luna broke your spine once?" Comet asks. "Dang, harsh." I shrug. "Eh, just like with Celestia, we're friendly now. Better than we were." We enter Canterlot Castle, and I let one of Celestia's servants know why we're here. He bows to us and leads us to Celestia's private dining room of all places. I guess we were expected. Celestia is already inside with Luna, to my surprise. Both have a few guards around them which means that yes, there are some bat ponies. This'll be interesting. I'll have to ask Luna some questions about bat ponies when I get the chance. "Good evening, TD," Celestia says with a smile. "Cheerilee. And this is little Comet Screech, is it not?" "Uh-huh," Comet says, staring at the other bat ponies. "Dad said that you wanted to meet me." "I most certainly do," Celestia says, giving her a motherly smile. "TD and Cheerilee are very special beings, and I wanted to meet the wonderful filly that they've made part of their family." "Uh-huh," Comet says, flying up onto the table, allowing Celestia and Luna to look at her. Cheerilee and I take a seat as well. "Dad says he punched you in the face a couple of times." Celestia chuckles and nods. "Yes, he did. Your father reacts to shock in a most interesting way." "But I don't do it anymore," I point out. "I guess that would be bad," Comet confirms with a nod. She looks over at Luna with a raised eyebrow. "And Dad says you broke his spine one time." Luna's smile fades, and she nods sadly. "It is true." "Yeah, kinda weird. Don't you think that makes you a bit of a..." Comet pauses and spins her hoof around as if thinking of the word. Luna frowns at her. "A what, child?" "A cock." Were I drinking, I would have absolutely spit-taked all over the table. I don't want to enable that kind of speech, but... yeah, it was a pretty good burn. Luna's guards don't seem to think so. They flare their wings out and start baring their fangs and hissing at Comet in a rather unsettling way. Comet glares at them, gets to her hooves, bares her fangs, flares her own wings out, and hisses right back, matching each hiss in her direction with one of her own. It looks like some sort of bat pony dominance thing. "Peace, Night Stalker," Luna says, pushing one of her guards back. Despite herself, I can see a look of vague annoyance on her face. "The child didn't mean it like that." Yeah, she probably did. “And we do not say things like that, Comet!” Cheerilee says. Not in front of her, anyway. "Uh... yeah, sure," Comet says, noticing Cheerilee's glare. "Sorry." "No harm done." Now that she's actually our daughter we'll have to have a long talk with her about using those kind of words. I get that it's part of the culture in orphanages, especially among the older kids, which in turn makes it trickle down to the younger ones. But, yeah, we'd prefer if she not say that kind of thing. But seriously though, in this instance I found it rather amusing. "Yes, well, anyway," Celestia says, trying to diffuse the situation, "You've never been outside of Canterlot before, am I correct?" Comet nods in confirmation. "Well, I can assure you that you will love Ponyville. I sent my protégé there and she fell in love with it. It's a very nice town to live in." I can see it on Comet's face. She wants to say some kind of snarky response, likely dealing with Twilight wanting to get away from Celestia however she could. She holds back, though. I think she knew she was pushing her luck with what she said to Luna. "Yeah, I look forward to it." Comet responds neutrally. "I am eager to hear about your time there." We shoot the breeze a little more, but not for too long. Both princesses have princessey stuff to get done, so we leave after an hour or so. I don't miss the glares that Luna's guards give Comet when it's time for us to go, nor do I miss that she has no problem glaring right back at them. "So, what did you think of them?" I ask as we make our way to the train station. "I guess it's cool to meet the princesses," Comet says. "I do kind of wish I could talk to Princess Luna about bat pony stuff, but I'm not sure she likes me. Her guards don't." "And why do you think that is?" Cheerilee says, motherly disapproval in her voice. Comet sighs and flattens her ears. "Because I called Princess Luna a cock." "Right," I say as we reach the station. "Yeah, it's best not to say those kinds of things, alright, Comet? You're not in the orphanage anymore. You're living with us." "Okay, Daddy." Daddy. She called me Daddy! I'll never totally get used to that. So... awesome. Daddy. Daddy. She calls Cheerilee Mom. Comet Screech Powell. And our daughter makes four.