Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio


Chapter 50: Outrageous Acts of Royalty

All occupants within the Gallopilli Castle throne room fell abruptly silent upon Boomer’s entrance. None of them had been suspecting the arrival of the Spamish Inquisition, nor had they been expecting the banished Royal to return at a time like this. Then again, he had gone into self-imposed exile after Bastion suggested Boomer leave Gallopilli. So perhaps he was here to claim the throne. Imagine the surprise of the court when Purple Heart groaned in exasperation.
“Ugh!” he groaned loudly, his annoyance echoing around the chamber. “I was hoping you’d wait until we had gotten Princess Amber Glitter installed as ruler of Gallopilli before you come barging in, but I guess plot demands you interrupt.”
Wits End frowned. “There goes the Empressive achievement.”
“Would you be serious for once?” Twilight snapped. She turned to Boomer, trying to ignore the unexpected ponies behind him. “And what are you doing here?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Boomer sighed. “I’m here to claim Gallopilli’s throne as my own after the unfortunate abdication of my dear brother, Bastion.” Purple Heart scoffed.
“Unfortunate my arse,” the purple barbaran grunted. “I’d rather support Bastion over you. At least he was trying to better his country.”
“But he murdered our sister!” Boomer spluttered. Purple Heart’s eyes shot up.
“Did he now?” he mused, turning to Wits End, Light Patch, and the Mane Six. “Did you find any evidence stating that Bastion was responsible for Lady Vale Blossom’s death?”
Twilight blinked. “Uhh…”
Wits End frowned. “I don’t think…”
Light Patch’s eyebrows scrunched up, “Wasn’t there- No, that was two generations old.”
Pinkie Pie bounced in oblivious glee. “Not a single shred!”
Purple Heart turned back to Boomer, a smirk stretching his lips. “See? Nothing. So how could Bastion be responsible for murdering Vale Blossom?” The purple earth pony noticed Amber tensing as the conversation continued.
“Telepathically?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Secretly?” Wits mused.
“Accidentally?” Applejack offered.
“Inaction?” Light Patch guessed.
“As a matter of fact...” Purple Heart considered. “It was you who suggested we look into any nefarious business Bastion was doing...and they-” he jerked a hoof at his comrades. “-couldn’t find anything except for an intense desire to reacquire the lost provinces of Phloren and Ghuilder. So why would you of all ponies want us to find a reason to depose Bastion...” Silence fell on the chamber as everypony considered the purple earth pony’s words. Then recognition dawned.
“What are you insinuating?” Boomer asked slowly. “That I’m the one who killed Vale Blossom and suggested you look into Bastion’s business as a way to keep any scrutinization off me?”
Wits End tapped the ground with a forehoof. “Pinkie? Table.” A split-second later, a small but sturdy wooden table was placed in front of the mint-colored stallion. “Thank you. Now, if we’re insinuating what I think we’re insinuating...” He took a deep breath, and slammed his hooves on the wooden surface in front of him. “Then that’s exactly what we’re insinuating! Take that!” His eyes flicked over to the nearby purple barbarian. “That’s what we’re insinuating, right?”
Purple Heart nodded, another smirk curving his lips.
“Now, I’m not a hundred percent sure about this,” he began, “but isn’t killing a royal considered a criminal offense? I doubt the ruling class would condone such a ruler who would kill to claim priority to the throne. In other places, it might, but they seem pretty strict here. And I don’t think being the one responsible for the bandit attack on Roads Crossed is helping your case either.”
Boomer stiffened in surprise. “How did you know about that?”
“We didn’t,” Light Patch responded, grinning like a cat. “Until now that is.”
The older stallion recoiled as if he’d been physically struck. “I-I meant about the law, you fools! After all, the bandit’s acted on their own. You have no-”
“Proof?” Chancellor Holdfast stepped forward, distain darkening his eyes. “Of course they don’t. But I do.” He nodded to the cluster of the Mane Six and Colt Trio. “Lord Just Duty isn’t the only pony in the court to run his own investigations. When I heard that a group of adventurers were asking local smiths about weapons and soldiers, it became my duty to explore where exactly those weapons had been shipped to.” He shot a smirk to Light Patch and his shod hooves. “Imagine, if you will, my surprise when I discovered a shipment of enchanted weaponry had gone mysteriously missing.
“It took some investigating and… persuasion, but I eventually traced it back to the order of somepony in the royal family.” The snow-white stallion’s eyes narrowed. “Now, a king has no need to steal his own blades. And a dead princess has no use for them. Which leaves only one choice…”
Boomer blanched, know he was found out. So he did the only thing he could think of.
“Attack!” he bawled. Within seconds, the entire chamber was filled with bandits. Many went directly towards the Mane Six and Colt Trio, intent on dealing with the most dangerous adversaries first before engaging the rest of the ruling class. About a scores worth of bandits had gone directly to attack the members of the ruling class, which was not the smartest of decisions. Had they all gone after the nine ponies defending the princess, they would have only been knocked unconscious. Instead, they went to certain death.
Royal bodyguards were not of the mind that they should ask why one was attacking their charge. They prefered to KILL then ask the dead agitator why they did it. Never were they answered.
As the bandits advanced upon the group, Purple Heart looked at his comrades.
“I’ll take the underlings while you all take on Mister ‘I-failed-Villain-101’,” he offered. “Sound good?”
“Barely even a boss fight,” Wits End muttered, drawing his sword from under his cloak. “Incompetent villain. This is the most disappointing end-boss I’ve ever dealt with. And I beat Mareor’s Edge!”
“Keep Amber safe,” Twilight said, ignoring the mint-colored unicorn’s grumblings. “We’ll finish this up as fast as we can.”
“For the textbeast!” Light Patch shouted before charging a head of the group.
Rainbow Dash readied her bow, watching the grey pegasus as he took off. “What if I wanna fight a bunch of guys at once?”
“Would ya’ll come on already?” Applejack growled, wrapping her lasso around the rainbow-maned mare and dragging her into the fight. The other mares soon followed suit.
Leaving his friends to deal with Boomer, Purple Heart turned to face the oncoming bandits.
“More experience for me,” he chuckled, settling into a battle stance. “I’ll be able to use that blasted gauntlet by the end of the quest.” A sickening crack echoed through the throne room as some poor bandit’s nose was inexplicably crushed, sending him flying back the way he had just come.

* * *

The Mane Six, Light Patch, and Wits End faced off against the elder stallion. “Alright,” Wits said, “it’s eight of us against one terrible old guy. We’ll probably be going first, so we’ll likely be able to one-turn KO this gu-”
“You talk too much,” a voice growled from behind Wits End before hammering the unfortunate pony into the ground with a hoof.
Light Patch whirled around and swung his hammer to ward Boomer away. “The reverse could be said about you,” he quipped, giving a quick heal to the mint colored stallion.
Rarity pulled the stunned unicorn to his hooves. “Are you alright, darling?”
Wits End shook his head, trying to clear the circling birdies away. “When did this game turn into Dark Stallions: Prepare to Friendship Edition?” His head swung around, looking above the fight. “Where’s the turn listing? I thought the real-time fights were just a coliseum thing?”
“Obviously they’re not anymore,” Twilight said. She turned her attention to Boomer, leveling her horn at him. “Lightning Bolt!” The grey earth pony, despite his size and age, managed to barely avoid the sparking attack. Irritation twisting his features, he darted towards the purple alicorn, a hoof raised to deliver a blow.
“Mage,” he grunted. “Getting close will negate your advantage at distance.”
“Getting close means you’re in place for a surprise!” Pinkie Pie appeared between Boomer and Twilight, the fuse of her multi-colored cannon nearing its end. “Party Cannon, fire!” The force of the confetti and gunpowder knocked the elder stallion away. “Huh, witty one-liners are pretty fun!”
Twilight let out the breath she’d been holding. “Thanks, Pinkie. Now, how are we going to handle this?”
Wits End watched Boomer as he tried to get back into a fighting position. “He’s fast, and strong. We need to take those advantages away. The stun won’t last that long...” He looked over at Light Patch and Fluttershy. “We need a distraction.”
“You got it boss,” the grey pegasus chimed, “but what’ll stop him from turning me into pegasus paste?”
“I could summon some birds to help as well, if you don’t mind,” Fluttershy meekly volunteered. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
Wits nodded. “Perfect. Get started, don’t get hit. When the moment is right, we’ll strike.”
With a grin, the pegasus stallion spun around and took for a near pass of the still stunned Boomer. Bumping Boomer as he passed, the pegasus inhaled to begin his taunt. “Look at me, look at me, I’m the distraction!” he shouted, cementing Boomer’s attention on himself.
“You’re an annoyance is what you are,” Boomer sneered, whirling around to slam a hoof into Light Patch’s flank.
“Tell me,” Light Patch said, barely managing to dodge his rushed attack, “Do I at least rate higher than a fly in your soup?” A wicked grin crossed the stallion's face. “If not, I’m gonna have to start singing every ear worm song I can think of ‘til one of them catches.”
Boomer growled, lining up for a more accurate blow, when a flurry of feathers covered his vision. “What?”
A flock of pigeons, sparrows, and doves swarmed the grey earth pony, alternating between pecks, scratches, and flapping wings. A short distance away, Fluttershy gestured with a wing to direct another set of waterfowl into the fight. “Get ducked!” she half-shouted, half-whispered. “I mean, stop being mean, I guess? I’m not very good at one-liners...”
Boomer’s rage boiled over as he swung a hoof, sending birds and fowl flittering away for the barest of moments, giving him the respite he needed. “You aren’t a fly,” the grey earth pony snarled at Light Patch. “You’re going to be a smudge on the floor once I get my hooves on you!” He charged forward, bellowing his rage to the heaven as he twisted his body so that his right shoulder was aimed directly at Fluttershy. Had he actually made contact with the pink-maned pegasus, she would have folded immediately under the impact. Fortunately, she wasn’t alone and undefended.
“Horse Cannon Blitz!” In a second blast of confetti, Wits End rocketed through the air at Boomer, wrapping all four hooves around the grey pony’s neck and chest. His weight wasn’t enough to knock the larger stallion over, but it was enough to stop and stagger him. “Now!”
With a grunt, Applejack tossed her lasso around the two entangled ponies. “Over ya’ll go!” The farmpony gave a mighty heave, bringing them to the ground with a tremor. “All yours, Girls!”
“Take some of this! Tri-Shot!” Rainbow Dash grinned as she let loose three arrows.
“This is how a lady handles a swarm,” Rarity quipped, firing a hail of needles at the same time as Dash’s arrows. The numerous projectiles pinned Boomer and Wits’ clothes to the floor beneath them, holding them in place. “Time for the coup de grace, Twilight!”
“You fools!” Boomer screamed. “What will you do when they-”
“Shaddup!” Wits End snapped, smacking the grey earth pony upside the head with his one free hoof. “Don’t you get it? Planning! Teamwork! Sacrifice! You just got clobbered by friendship, old man! Don’t worry; it’s just a little atmospheric discharge. Nothing to worry about!”
Twilight gritted her teeth and took aim. “Sorry about this… Lighting Bolt!” As the lightning criss-crossed across the two stallions, all action in the throne room ceased. Everypony looked and stared as lightning riddled Boomer’s body, eliciting screams of agony from the disgraced royal. Even when the lightning had dissipated, Boomer still shivered and screamed incoherently before he eventually stilled, his eyes glazed over, unseeing as he lost consciousness.
Fluttershy was the first to reach the entangled ponies. “Are you alright, mister End?” she asked.
The mint-colored stallion’s mane was standing on end, occasional small arcs of electricity jumping from hair to hair. Slowly, he turned his head to look at the yellow pegasus. “S-shocking, isn’t it?” With that, his eyes closed and he went limp.
For the first time in the fight, the Discord-alike’s voice echoed above the fighters. “Wits End has been knocked unconscious.”
Light Patch trotted over and poked both of the unconscious ponies. “Looks like they’ve been,” he adjusted his glasses, “short circuited.” He stumbled in pain as Rarity struck him in the shoulder with a hoof.
“The situation does not call for puns,” she sniffed airily.
“Whoa,” Purple Heart whistled, walking over to the group, leaving a groaning bed of bandits under the watchful eyes of several guardsponies behind him. “For your first free-form battle, you did a pretty decent job. Only one of you got knocked out, but that was from friendly fire. Or lightning.”
SMACK.
“What did she say about puns?” Twilight snapped.
“Situation doesn’t call for it,” Purple Heart replied.
“And what do you say?”
“Sorry,” the broad purple stallion mumbled.
“No you’re not,” the purple alicorn sighed.
“Yeaaah. I’m not.”
SMACK.