I screwed up.
As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew that I had managed to screw every chance of her wanting to see me again after today. Why did I have to say that? Why did it have to happen? Especially today. I watch as her head slowly turns downward, away from me. Her stetson covers her eyes, which I already know are brimming with tears.
"Get out..."
I don't even object, simply nodding my head and looking down with my eyes. "I... I'm sorry, AJ... I didn't..."
"I said, get out!" she looks at me, angry tears in her eyes and starting to go down her face. But I can see the pain in her eyes. Why she has no reason in the world to want to see me again. So I nod slightly and turn on my hooves, my ears flattening as I exit the farmhouse.
As soon as I'm outside, I can feel my own tears starting in my eyes. "You stupid, stupid mare, Rainbow Dash..." I scold myself. "I'm sorry, AJ."
I take off into the air and fly away slowly and sadly, the huge, midnight blue sky around me as the moon sits high in the sky. I can see Twilight's huge, purple castle in the center of town. Shaped like a big, crystal tree, but I don't want to go there. I don't want to go anywhere but back in time so I could stop myself from saying what I did. But it's too late. The damage is done. I'm lucky if she even lets me buy cider from her again. I doubt that possibility. She kicked me out. Plain and simple. I'm going to let her calm down for a few days before I try to talk to her, but even I'm not stupid enough to think she'll let me in. Hope, sure. But I know it's a very slim, if even feasible, possibility.
I flap my wings a little bit, gaining a bit of speed so I can reach my floating house faster. I didn't mean what I had said, not in the slightest. But I knew that even mentioning them was gonna be hard for her, let alone saying they'd be disgusted with her. Hell, if my father knew about this he'd beat me to a pulp and then let Big Mac have at me for hurting Applejack like that.
"You're an idiot, Rainbow," I say to myself. "How could you do that? You're the Element of Loyalty for Celestia's sake."
I land on my balcony and open the door, closing it behind me and flopping onto my bed. I need to sleep, but don't feel like I'm going to get a lot. Not after this colossal fuck-up. I send a silent prayer to Celestia that Applejack might forgive me, and close my eyes. I don't know how, but I manage to pass out at some point in the night.
When I wake up, the sun's taken the moon's place in the sky, and the light blue surrounding it had a few blotches of white here and there. I look at the clock beside my bed, and groan a little. 11:34. Ugh. I pull myself out of bed, slowly scanning the room and wondering if Tank is hungry. I go to the kitchen and pour him a bowl of food, not bothering to get myself anything before I leave the house and fly into town.
I fly around, not going in any particular direction, simply wanting to clear my head. All I can think about is Applejack and hoping she's okay. I know I screwed up. How could I not? How could I possibly think I didn't fuck up our friendship? I'm so pathetic.
I sigh and glide towards Sugar Cube Corner. Maybe Pinkie Pie can take my mind off things. She's never failed to before, and I need the distraction. I watch the ground as I normally do, taking in the scenery of Ponyville as it's layed out below me. I smile a little as I see Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo doing whatever it is they do to try and get their cutie marks. I see Rarity and Fluttershy walking to the spa, Twilight is nowhere to be found. Most likely inside her castle's humongous library. And then I see Applejack and Big Mac walking together through town, and my heart sinks. I want to dive into the side of a mountain. I can't see her hurt like this. It's too painful to know what I've done. What hurts even more is the fact that no amount of apologizing will save me from her wrath. To know that all those years will have vanished into thin air like a rainbow fades away after a storm. My heart bleeds for her. She's not the only one who's lost a parent.
My father couldn't take it when mom died. He turned to alcohol and beating me for no good reason to get rid of his anger. But I knew, deep down, he still loved and cared about me. He was just being irrational, and I can't hate him for that. I'm sure that's how Applejack feels right now; angry, sad, alone, mostly directed at me. I want her to hit me for what I said. I know it sounds stupid, and man, can she hit, but I want her to take her anger out on me. Make me suffer like she must be suffering. She's my best friend, and I'm not gonna let her suffer alone.
Of course, I simply fly down to the small sweet shop and go inside, the scent of sugar and cake mix almost intoxicating. I sit down at my usual booth, keeping my eyes hidden behind my bangs in case Applejack decides to come in as well. I don't want her to see me. Not now, not when she's still probably ready to kill me. Even if I'm willing to let her do just that if it'll make her feel better. I wait a few moments before the familiar cotton-candy scent of Pinkie Pie engulfs me in a tight hug, squeezing me like a teddy bear.
"Hey, Dashie!" she almost screams into my ear.
"Hey, Pinkie Pie," I respond.
"Why the long face?" She asks as she releases me. I know I can trust her, but this is too serious for her sense of humour to understand.
"Nothing," I say instead, keeping my eyes hidden.
She hugs me again, more gently this time, and holds me like I was crying. "It's okay, Rainbow Dash," she says. "You can tell me."
"I know, Pinks. But I'm fine, really. It's not me that needs the comfort," I say.
"I already know about what happened," she says quietly.
"How?"
"Because I know everything, silly," she boops me on the nose, and I smile a tiny bit. "I'll give you a dozen, on the house. Okay?"
"Thanks, Pinkie Pie," I smile at her as she bounces off into the kitchen. I don't exactly need twelve cupcakes to myself, but hey. Free food. It makes me feel a tiny bit better, but I know damn well that there's nothing that'll get me to live this down. Even if Applejack decides to forgive me, which I highly doubt, I'm still never gonna forgive myself.