//------------------------------// // When All Is Lost // Story: Lost Time // by bookplayer //------------------------------// Apple Bloom’s voice called from the kitchen, “I keep tellin’ Applejack that if y’all would just redo the kitchen in pink polka dots, it’d save me a mess of time every year.” It was the next afternoon, and Rainbow was trying to entice Sky with Daring Do again, while Apple Bloom was preparing for the zap apple jamming. Applejack had sent word to Apple Bloom that morning, and she’d arrived on the noon train from Canterlot. Rainbow had filled her in on the whole memory situation while Applejack and Mac made sure everything was still in place for the harvest. “Ugh.” Rainbow made a face, imagining cutsie pink dots all over everything. “I’m guessing AJ keeps telling you there’s no way we’re living with a pink-polka-dotted kitchen all year just so you can use it one day?” “That’s pretty much it.” Apple Bloom grinned as she came into the living room, pink paint smudged on her cheek. She’d grown up into a regular pony, and Rainbow wasn’t sure if her head had gotten bigger or her bow had gotten smaller, but somehow those seemed to have evened out. “I gotta come up with a new angle. Maybe ’bout how it’d be a tribute to the Apple family heritage.” Rainbow smirked. “If AJ wants a tribute to her heritage or whatever, she can paint anything she wants like a zap apple.” Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow, still smiling. “That just means paintin’ it like a rainbow.” “Hey, I always thought it was a good look.” Rainbow laughed. She shook her head at Rainbow and sat down. “I got all the shoppin’ done on the way here. Once the paint’s dry in there, will ya yell at the jars for me? You’ve always been the best at it; ya said it’s like havin’ a bunch of rookie Wonderbolts to shout at again.” Rainbow hesitated. It sounded really silly, but then so did just about everything to do with zap apple jam. “I guess I can give it a shot… why do we yell at the jars again?” “’Cause sometimes they crack under pressure.” Apple Bloom caught the look Rainbow was giving her and shrugged. “Don’t ask me how it makes any sense! Magic is as magic does, and sometimes magic does weird.” “You’ve got that right.” Rainbow rolled her eyes, as a knock sounded from the front door. Apple Bloom stood up with a huff and walked to the door. “Oh come on, folks, the fifth sign ain’t even here yet.” She opened it and smiled, slightly surprised. “Oh, howdy, Spike! What’s up?” Spike’s head came through the doorway as Apple Bloom stepped back. “Twilight sent me. Rainbow Dash? She heard from Zecora. She has the potion, whenever you guys are ready.” Rainbow froze, and her eyes slowly grew wide. This was it. She was going to find out what would happen to her. If it was an open loop, she was staying here, with a family to be there for and a truly awesome pony whose hoofprints she had to fill. If it was a closed loop, she’d be going back, to go on her first date with Applejack, and become a Wonderbolt, and become that awesome pony while she built this life. Her feathers ruffled, and her brow started to furrow as she realized for the first time that she wasn’t sure which one she was hoping for and which one she was scared of. “You wanna go?” Apple Bloom asked. “I—I can’t,” Rainbow said. “AJ has to be here when the sign hits.” Apple Bloom shrugged. “Go get her and tell her Spike can stay here, and if the sign hits then he can stay with Sky and I’ll run and help Mac.” Spike nodded and squeezed through the doorway. He was nearly as tall as the ceiling, but he found a spot next to the chair to crouch comfortably. “Is Sky gonna be okay with him?” Rainbow looked between Spike the dragon and her tough but very small baby foal. “I don’t want him to get freaked out.” Spike bent down, so his long snout was level with Sky’s face. He grinned, baring his mouthful of sharp teeth. Sky tilted his head, then reached over and tried to stick his hoof in Spike’s nostril. “Hey! That’s just gross.” Spike pulled his head away and chuckled. “We’re cool, Dash.” “Okay…” Rainbow stood up and set Sky on the floor. She bit her lip, and started to fly toward the door. “Good luck,” Apple Bloom called after her. “I really hope everythin’ works out okay.” Rainbow glanced back at Sky and nodded. “Me too.” • • • Every muscle in Rainbow’s body felt tight as she stood in the castle library next to Applejack. From the second they stepped into the room, she had focused like a laser on Twilight. Twilight had been bent over her desk, reading a scroll, but as soon as Applejack cleared her throat she looked over her shoulder at them. She walked over, her hooves tapping softly on the floor with each step. “Hey…” she said with a sad smile. “Spike said you made the potion,” Rainbow said. She thought her own voice sounded weird; maybe it was shaky, or she needed to clear her throat. Every detail seemed to stand out to Rainbow: the individual colors and textures of the books, the smooth crystal floors and the places those had been scuffed by hooves, the bright color of Applejack’s coat and the silkiness of her mane and the different silkiness of her ribbons… The thin smile on Twilight’s face, and the way she shifted from one hoof to the other as she said, “Yeah, I heard back from Zecora yesterday. She sent instructions with it, and I made sure I understood them. I even ran some tests on the potion, to make sure it would work. I’m ready whenever you guys are.” Rainbow breathed. More importantly, she noticed she was breathing. It felt strange, and she tried to breathe normally, but then she realized that she never felt herself breathe when she was breathing normally, so she had no idea if she was doing it or not. “Are you going to be okay?” Twilight asked softly. “I’ll get by. But I’d rather know sooner than later,” Applejack answered, her face tense. She looked to Rainbow. “How ’bout you?” “Me too,” Rainbow said in her currently weird voice, but nopony else seemed to notice it was weird. “Are you both sure?” Twilight looked at Rainbow first, then at Applejack. “AJ, we can wait until the girls can be here, if you want. I know they’d come right away. Or… if you guys need me to explain everything again…” Applejack held up a hoof to stop Twilight. “We can deal with all that after, when we know what’s what. I got Dash here… for now, at least.” She looked over at Rainbow, and leaned in to nuzzle her. Something about the feeling of Applejack’s cheek distracted Rainbow enough to breathe and stop noticing the direction the bookcases had been dusted. Twilight gave Applejack a worried look. “What if you guys are having… different emotions about the results?” Rainbow spoke up, sounding more sure than she felt about anything right now. “I’m here for AJ, and she’s here for me. We’ll take care of each other.” Twilight bit her lip. “Okay, we’ll do it now.” A glow of magic surrounded a jar on Twilight’s desk and undid the lid. The jar floated over to Twilight and she scooped some green mud-looking stuff out of it with a hoof. She paused in front of Rainbow, her hoof full of the mud and inching toward Rainbow’s face. “I’m going to smear this on you. It smells kind of funny, and it might be cold at first…” Rainbow managed a smile. “I take care of a one-year-old. Getting smeared with stuff that’s cold and smells funny happens, like, every day. At least this time I know what it is.” Twilight giggled. “Okay, well, just hold still.” Rainbow closed her eyes as she felt the chilly goop stick to her face. She kept them closed, and just breathed. She tried to clear her mind; there was no use hoping for anything now. Whatever this was going to tell them had already happened, and in just a minute they’d know what that was. As more of her body was touched with the cold wet stuff, Rainbow felt magic tingling through her nerves. It made her ruffle her feathers, and sent a shiver down her spine. The shiver didn’t stop, and she felt like she was just barely shaking, though she wasn’t sure if it was nerves or magic. What had to be a few seconds seemed to stretch to an hour where she couldn’t move, or couldn’t let herself move. There was no noise from the other two, just the sound of her own breath and the beating of her heart. Finally, Twilight broke the silence. Her voice was soft, but it sounded loud and clear to Rainbow. “It’s a closed loop. I can send you home.” Rainbow opened her eyes. She was going home. She didn’t have time to decide how she felt about that before she saw the look on Applejack’s face. Applejack’s eyes were closed, and she looked almost normal except for the tightness around her lips. She was taking slow, steady, deliberate breaths like it was a job she had to focus to do. “AJ… I’m sorry,” Rainbow almost whispered, so she wouldn’t disturb her. “I’m sorry for everything.” “Rainbow…” Twilight said, staring at her. She sounded sad, and there was a look in her eyes like she might cry. “This isn’t going to be easy for you, either. I can send you back, but… like I said before, we don’t know what happened to your future self. There’s a good chance she’s… gone. If your future self doesn’t come back here, when this zap apple harvest comes around again in your life…” Twilight trailed off, avoiding the conclusion. Rainbow got the picture, and between that and Applejack, still silent next to her, her stomach started to turn. This was supposed to be good. Good for her at least, she’d get to be a Wonderbolt, and marry AJ. But… the day she went back to the past to do those things might mark the last day of her life. “What if… I don’t go back?” she said, looking at Twilight with guarded hope. Twilight just shook her head and floated a towel over to wipe the mud off Rainbow’s face. “It’s a closed loop. You do go back. Even if I don’t send you back, something will, and probably soon. You didn’t seem different to me or the other girls; I doubt you would have been able to hide having lived more than a month or so in the future without us knowing.” Rainbow swallowed. “Are you sure this is right?” “Close to certain. You crashed in a storm of wild time magic, but you’re still in the right timeline, and it explains the change AJ saw in you on your first date.” Twilight hung her head. “If I sent you back, and it wasn’t a closed loop, it could destroy this future. I told you I wouldn’t do that, and I’m willing to send you back now. It’s… what’s supposed to happen.” “Applejack—” Rainbow turned to her, only to stop cold when she saw Applejack’s eyes open and seeming to stare into her soul. “You lied to me,” Applejack said. The emptiness in her voice and that stare sent Rainbow’s mind racing. “What? About the zap apples?” Her mind grasped at things to say to make Applejack not look like that. “I couldn’t fix it, and—” “Not about the darn zap apples. About this!” Applejack’s eyes narrowed, and they were about the only thing that existed in Rainbow’s world right now. “You’re goin’ back in time, and you’re gonna promise me you’ll always come through… and you’re gonna know you probably ain’t. You’re never gonna tell me this is comin’.” Rainbow swallowed, and said the only thing that kept that from being true. “…I wouldn’t do that.” “You’re going to,” Twilight said softly. “Even if you want to tell her about all of this, you won’t.” “I wouldn’t do that!” Rainbow snapped at Twilight, then she turned back to Applejack. “AJ, I swear, I won’t do that to you. I’ll find a way…” “You don’t,” Twilight insisted. “Rainbow, listen to me. When I tried to change the future in a closed loop, I just ended up doing the exact things that made the future that way. That’s what a closed loop is: it’s closed, it can’t change.” “Then it’s wrong!” Rainbow flew into the air and pointed at Twilight. “You said it figured out what I would do already, and I wouldn’t do that to Applejack! I—I saw our wedding pictures, and I couldn’t have smiled like that if I’d known this would happen!” Twilight sighed and closed her eyes. “Maybe you learn to live with it. Maybe you think you tell her, but it somehow doesn’t get across. I don’t know… but I do know that if you get crazy about trying to change it you could create an open loop and destroy this future.” “Maybe I will!” Rainbow shouted at her. “Dash… don’t,” Applejack said quietly, laying a hoof on Rainbow’s. Rainbow landed in front of Applejack and looked into her eyes. “AJ, this can’t be right. I can’t go back in time and lie to you about something like this, and wear a Wonderbolts uniform, and kiss you at our wedding, and play with my kids, and… leave you all without even saying goodbye. That’s not what I’d do, and if a closed loop means I have to do that, I’m not in a closed loop.” Applejack held her gaze for a moment, then glanced to Twilight, then back to Rainbow. When she looked back her brow was furrowed. “If Twilight was wrong, and she sent you back, it might mess up the whole world. Twilight’s sure enough to send you back… That’s Twilight Sparkle, Dash, she knows what she’s doin’.” “She’s. Wrong. I can’t go back, not until we figure out what’s going on.” Rainbow bit her lip and searched Applejack’s eyes. She could see the doubt there, and she tried to talk straight to that part of her. “Applejack. I don’t know what happened before, but I know what happened the other night. I made you a promise to always come through for you, and I meant it. And I’d do anything to keep it.” “If you don’t do all that, there might not even be a me to promise.” Applejack swallowed. “Not this me, at least.” Rainbow closed her eyes and rubbed the back of her neck, trying to consider what Applejack was saying though everything inside of her screaming was it was wrong. “Rainbow,” Twilight said, putting a hoof on her shoulder. “What if this is how you come through for AJ? By giving her fifteen years of love and three beautiful children? And your future self might come back… it’s not likely, but it’s a happy ending we can hope for.” Rainbow cringed. Applejack deserved a happy ending. But Applejack deserved it with a pony who hadn’t been lying to her for fifteen years. And even if Rainbow did make it back, who would she even be? Who was that mare in the pictures, if she was hiding this the whole time? Twilight swallowed and went on in a shaky voice. “And… you know I’d do anything I could to stop this, but… if you don’t come back, you know you’ll have fifteen years of an amazing life full of everything you’ve ever wanted, and Applejack will have all of her friends and family to take care of her. It’s not perfect, but—” “I don’t care about perfect!” Rainbow shouted, her eyes still clenched shut. “I mean, perfect would be awesome, but there are things more important than that. Things like taking care of the kids, and keeping promises, and being the kind of pony I know I can be, whether I’m a Wonderbolt or a wife or a mom. I can live with ‘not perfect,’ as long as I can do that stuff.” She opened her eyes to see Twilight’s shocked face. Rainbow took a breath and shook her head. “But I can’t do that if my marriage is a lie, or if I’m leaving my kids.” She turned back to Applejack, and saw the sympathy in those green eyes. “AJ… you understand, right?” “I understand, sugarcube.” Applejack nodded and laid a hoof on Rainbow’s shoulder. “Twi, I think me and Dash need to talk for a bit.” “That’s probably a good idea,” Twilight agreed. “Try to get her calmed down.” Rainbow glared at Twilight. “I don’t need to—” “Dash,” Applejack said, giving her a nudge toward the door. “Come on home and talk to me.” As they left the library and walked through the castle, neither of them said a word. Rainbow took a few deep breaths. She didn’t need to calm down, some things were worth fighting, and a future where she couldn’t be the pony she knew she should be was worth fighting. But Applejack knew that. She understood, she had to, or… or maybe it wasn’t worth fighting. By the time they emerged onto the streets of Ponyville, Rainbow still felt shaken, but she was pretty sure she looked normal to other townsponies. Even things worth fighting weren’t worth trying to explain to all of Ponyville if they stopped her to ask what was wrong. She glanced over at Applejack and said in a low voice, “AJ… I don’t need to calm down. You know me. I told you why I want to be a Wonderbolt. You know I want to be the pony in those wedding pictures, strong and sure and totally dedicated. If… if that’s all a lie… I won’t deserve the Wonderbolts. And I won’t deserve you. I can’t live like that, it can’t be true.” Applejack didn’t respond. Her lips were pursed, brow furrowed, and she looked deep in thought. After a moment, Rainbow added, “Twilight has to be wrong. I know you’re used to just going with whatever Twi says. We all are, she’s a genius. But I’m telling you… Please believe me?” Applejack glanced over at her, then straight ahead. “I wanted to leave ’cause I need to think. My heart is tellin’ me you’re right… I want ya to be right, for you, and for me, and for everything we had, but that don’t make you right. My head is tellin’ me only a darn fool thinks with her heart. Twilight ain’t just some doctor or magician, she’s Twilight… she’s never steered us wrong before.” “She’s made mistakes,” Rainbow pointed out as they passed the market. Everypony in town seemed to be going about their normal lives. It seemed strange that they had no idea that Rainbow’s fate, and probably Applejack’s fate and maybe even their own fates, were being argued in hushed tones as Applejack and Rainbow walked back to Sweet Apple Acres. “We’re talkin’ about something big here. She probably figured everythin’ out twenty different ways. Unless there’s somethin’ she don’t know…” Applejack eyed Rainbow. “You told her about the zap apple magic, right?” Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, the second time I went to see her. I knew she needed to know.” Applejack frowned. “So… how could Twilight get somethin’ like this wrong?” Rainbow shrugged, then hopped into the air in surprise at the sound of a familiar voice behind them. “Mom! Ma!” Leaf called. He and Cider were galloping from the direction of the schoolhouse with their saddlebags on their sides. “Hey, what’re you guys doing in town?” “Does this mean the zap apples didn’t come?” Cider asked, pushing her way between Rainbow and Applejack as Leaf fell in step next to Rainbow. Rainbow’s face fell into a grim line as she looked at the kids. How could anypony suggest that she would leave them without saying goodbye, if she wasn’t sure she was coming back? “I dunno, half-pint. Your mommy and me had to come talk to Twilight ’bout somethin’ real important.” Applejack gave her a nervous smile. Leaf craned his head back. “Are your cutie marks buzzing? Are you going someplace?” “Can we come?” Cider added. Applejack shook her head. “Nope, wasn’t about that.” “Then what?” Leaf pressed. “Is everypony okay?” “Everypony’s fine, sugarcube,” Applejack said with a sigh. Leaf frowned and looked up at Rainbow. “Mom doesn’t look fine.” Applejack bit her lip. She caught Rainbow’s eye, almost pleading. “Dash, tell ’em you’re fine.” “I—I’m cool, Leaf.” Rainbow shook her head. “Just thinking about something.” “Is it whatever was weird last weekend?” Leaf asked, raising an eyebrow at Rainbow. They had come to Sweet Apple Acres; the path was lined with the white split-rail fence and rows of apple trees behind it. Everything about it looked orderly and neat. Even the green grass under the trees was never unruly. But it meant more than that to Rainbow now; it meant something that didn’t change in a world that kept flipping over on her. It meant something good, a silver lining around storm clouds. Cider had said that from above, Sweet Apple Acres looked like a blanket. That’s what it felt like. It felt like home. Rainbow stopped. She looked at Applejack, who had stopped to see what she was doing, and then nudged both foals to the side of the path. “Guys, come here.” She helped Leaf and Applejack over the fence, and then sat down on the grass with the two kids while Applejack stood over her shoulder with a concerned look on her face. Rainbow looked up at her; she knew AJ was probably worried that Rainbow was going to do exactly what she was going to do. But Rainbow had to do it anyway. She frowned, and took a deep breath. “Okay, look. I need to tell you guys what’s going on. When I crashed, and started acting weird, it was because I didn’t remember anything from the past fifteen years. I didn’t remember getting married to your mama, or being a Wonderbolt, or… how awesome you guys are. I was really confused, and it was really scary. But I did my best to learn everything, as fast as I could. Some of it was hard, but some of it was really easy. It was easy to learn how awesome you guys are, because you’re the most awesome ponies in the world, and… I love you both. Always remember that, I love you both so much.” Leaf stared at her, his mouth open. “I knew something weird was going on!” Then his face softened, and he looked at Rainbow with his eyes almost filling with tears. “I love you too, Mom.” Cider fluttered over to Rainbow’s side and hugged her tight. “Me too, Mommy. I love you.” Rainbow wrapped a wing around Cider and gave her a squeeze. “That’s the best thing in the world. But we came to town to talk to Twilight, because she’s been trying to fix things. And she thinks she knows how things have to get fixed, but if she’s right, I might have to—” “You don’t gotta do nothin’!” Applejack said, loud enough to make everypony there look at her in shock. Her mouth was a firm line, but her eyes seemed full of fire as she looked at Rainbow. “You’re right, Rainbow Dash. Twilight’s wrong. There’s no more point in talkin’ about this, we just gotta find out how to convince Twilight.” Leaf looked at Rainbow suspiciously. “What does Twilight think you might have to do?” “We’ll tell ya later,” Applejack said, with a look that told both Leaf and Rainbow that this conversation was over. He rolled his eyes. “You know, Ma, for a pony who used to have the Element of Honesty, you really don’t like telling us the truth about what’s going on.” Applejack got a pained expression on her face, and Rainbow frowned. “Leaf, this isn’t—” “No, it’s okay. I reckon I owe ’im an explanation for that at least,” Applejack said, sitting down and looking Leaf in the eye. “Sugarcube…” she started. Then she paused and started over. “Apple Leaf. Maybe I shoulda told you sooner. But the truth is… I ain’t been too sure what the truth is. The truth ain’t always what you think you know right at the moment. Sometimes it’s guesses and hopes and fears, and what your gut tells ya.” Applejack glanced at Rainbow. “Before your mom remembered how awesome y’all are, I knew inside she was gonna get it fast. There was no reason to make y’all scared it might not happen when that was the truth. And when I told ya she’d be fine, I knew that too. I never wanna tell y’all a lie, but I never want to tell you a truth that might hurt until I know it’s really true. I never wanna hurt you if I don’t have to.” She looked Cider then Leaf in the eye. “But you gotta trust me, both of you. When I know the real, honest truth, I’ll give it to you, no matter how much it hurts. And your mom will too, and that’s a fact.” “But—” Leaf started with a frown. “Leaf, your ma’s, like, an expert on this stuff.” Rainbow smiled at Applejack. “Trust her.” Rainbow felt a poke at her side and looked down. She saw Cider looking up at her with a serious expression. “We better get home before the zap apples come!” Applejack chuckled. “Right you are, half-pint. Can’t be slackin’ all day when there’s work to do.” • • • They got home to find that the zap apples still hadn’t arrived. Spike left for the castle, and a series of looks exchanged between Applejack and Apple Bloom inspired the latter to distract Cider and Leaf with some very important jam preparations while Applejack and Rainbow slipped upstairs to their room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Rainbow leaned against the wall and raised an eyebrow. “So, I’m right and Twilight’s wrong, huh?” Applejack took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I was Leaf’s age when my folks passed. I couldn’t watch ya tell them you might…” She looked over, into Rainbow’s eyes. “What I told him’s true. Sometimes the truth is just what ya know inside. I know you’d never let that happen to them, and you’d never keep that from me all these years. So the truth is, Twilight’s wrong.” Rainbow walked over and nuzzled her. “AJ… thanks.” “You don’t gotta thank me,” Applejack said, nuzzling back. “Wherever my Dash is, I know she was just the pony I knew and loved.” “She was,” Rainbow whispered. Applejack nodded and looked down. With her eyes on the floor, she walked over to her nightstand and opened a drawer, pulling out an envelope. “I… reckon it’s time I oughta read this. I dug it up yesterday after we talked.” “What is it?” Rainbow asked, flying over next to her. “That letter she wrote, back when she joined the Wonderbolts.” Applejack closed her eyes, but tears slipped out anyway. “I always knew she was gonna go out flyin’.” Rainbow stared at the sealed envelope. “AJ… that’ll prove whether I’m her or not. If I wrote it, I know you’re not going to read it until now. I could use it to explain everything, and tell myself to go back…” “And if it ain’t from you, we can show it to Twilight and she’ll see we gotta start all over.” She hesitated for a moment, then looked at Rainbow and offered it to her. “Here… I reckon you oughta read it. You deserve to know first who she was.” Rainbow shook her head and pushed it back. “It’s for you. It’s from a pony who loved you a lot, who you… aren’t going to see again.” Applejack nodded, and stopped fighting her tears. She was still holding herself together, barely, but Rainbow knew nothing she could say would help at this point. She stepped away and glanced at the door. “I… uh… I think I should leave while you read that. I mean, you… you wanna say goodbye, and…” “Thank you, sugarcube.” Applejack sniffed and offered her a sad smile. Rainbow got halfway to the door when she paused and looked over her shoulder. “You didn’t read it when you found it… you thought she might come back when I left.” “I had a hope, but I wasn’t countin’ on it. But yeah, I wasn’t sure.” She took a breath and looked at Rainbow. “But I’m sure now.” “AJ…” Rainbow bit her lip and almost decided not to ask. But standing here, in the shadow of that pony, she had to know the truth. Even if it hurt. “Why did you say you could love me, if you thought I might get sent back, and she’d come back to you?” “’Cause… I wanted to know if I could see just a tiny spark of the love we had in your eyes, for however long I could get it. If she never came back, and you left, and I pushed you away before that… I’d spend the rest of my life kickin’ myself for it.” Applejack shook her head sadly. Then she smiled over at Rainbow. “I wasn’t disappointed, sugarcube.” Rainbow nodded and flew over to Applejack. She slowly leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on her muzzle, looking into her eyes despite the tears. Applejack locked eyes with her for a moment, until Rainbow slowly turned away. “I’ll wait downstairs. Take as long as you need.” Rainbow closed the door behind her as she stepped out into the hall. She slowly walked toward the stairs, and down to the living room. Outside she could hear the foals laughing as they took part in the silly magic of the zap apples. Rainbow just sat on the couch, waiting. She knew, whatever that letter said, she wasn’t the pony who belonged here. She didn’t belong anywhere, not anymore. If she was right, she’d practically murdered a pony, a better pony than she was. And now she was falling in love with that pony’s wife, and raising that pony’s foals, and just trying her hardest not to mess things up. She might have a shot at being a Wonderbolt herself, but only because that pony had been the best. If she was wrong… if that pony was her, she’d always been a fraud. AJ, the Wonderbolts, they’d thought she was the best. They’d thought she was a pony who did what was right, who came through for the ponies she cared about. But she was a liar, a pony who knew she wasn’t coming through for other ponies in the end. Rainbow had always wanted to be a Wonderbolt because they were the best. She’d always wanted to be the best; she tried to make other ponies believe it because she always tried her hardest to make it true. But without that to hope for… what kind of life would that be? She heard hoofsteps on the stairs, but she didn’t look up. Applejack sat down next to her, her face tear-stained but dry. She gave Rainbow a nuzzle, but Rainbow didn’t respond. Then she pressed the letter into Rainbow’s hoof. “Read this.” Dear AJ, If you’re reading this, and I died in a Wonderbolts show, you were right. (But I bet it wasn’t my fault, either. I’m the best flyer in Equestria, but other ponies aren’t.) Winning an argument probably isn’t as cool if I’m dead. I’m sorry. I just want this to make you feel better, somehow. You can be mad at me. I didn’t listen to you. I also lied when we used to play Scrabble and I’d say something was a city Daring Do went to. I always just used that to use up all my letters when they sucked. And when you’d get a cookie, then get up and leave the room, and I said Winona ate it… that was totally me. I’m pretty sure you knew all that stuff. I guess this is my last chance to tell you stuff you don’t know, since you promised not to read this until I’m dead. You don’t know that I’m the one who messed up the zap apple harvest. It was right before our first date, and the harvest came in, and you were going to have to postpone it for a week. But I couldn’t wait. It was for a stupid reason, too. I just wanted to get laid. Well, it worked. Kind of. After that the signs started coming at random. But we did go on our first date, the night of the fourth sign. That night, I was still just thinking about getting laid. I had that spot set up, and I was hoping you’d think I was charming and stuff, and pop your tail for me. But then we really started talking, and I found my best friend. I mean, we were friends before, and I’ll always love the girls, but nopony has ever known me like you do. I never thought I’d just want to talk to a pony. I never thought a pony would understand all the things that are important to me, but you do, because they’re important to you too. I found a pony to always have my back. A pony to push with, together, to be our best. A pony who’s helped me hide my cracks, and let me help her hide the cracks that are even deeper than mine. When you’re done being mad at me, I just want you to be happy we had that, because it made me the happiest pony in the world. I’m sorry about the zap apples. I’m sorry that I’m gone. But I’m not sorry for a single second in between, because I had the most awesome best friend, and the most awesome wife a pony could ask for. I love you and respect you more than anypony I’ve ever met. I’m not good at words, but I don’t think anypony could come up with words that would make this piece of paper say how I feel. I guess you can be sad, too, but only at my funeral. You can cry a lot and throw yourself across my casket and tell everypony that nopony could ever satisfy you after being with me. It’s a natural reaction, after all. You know that’s a joke. I just want you to be okay, however you do that. I love you. Love, Dash Rainbow blinked at the paper. “I’m sorry,” was all she could say. Applejack nodded. “We’ve gotta go tell Twilight. Then she can figure out what really happened.” Rainbow looked up at her. “What do you mean?” Applejack raised her eyebrows. “Dash, it ain’t an open loop. The potion showed us that. And it ain’t a closed loop, the letter proves it.” Rainbow worked her mouth a few times before the words came out. “But, those are the only options. I mean, Twilight said—” Applejack frowned and rubbed her chin. “Then I reckon Twilight’s more wrong than we thought.”