After breakfast the next day, Rainbow headed into Ponyville to talk to Twilight.
Of course, it hadn’t exactly been that easy. Leaf and Cider had to get ready for school, which involved searching for Leaf’s homework in the piles of paper and notebooks in his bedroom, and checking Cider’s bags every fifteen minutes to make sure her flight goggles didn’t “somehow” slip in there after Rainbow and AJ told her they were not leaving the house until the day of flight camp. Rainbow had to get Sky down from the ceiling half a dozen times, but at least Applejack agreed to take him for the morning, as long as Rainbow swore to every princess in Equestria that she’d be back by lunchtime so that AJ could make up for the past day and a half of working with a baby on her side.
But after that, Rainbow headed into Ponyville to talk to Twilight.
Spike let her into the castle. He hadn’t been around on her previous visit, and fifteen years made a noticeable difference in a young dragon. She couldn’t help but stare; he was taller than her now, and had a much longer snout, and had overall gone from “baby” dragon to “hey, Spike’s a freaking dragon” dragon.
“Something on my scales?” he asked with a grin that revealed some very dragon-like teeth as he led her toward the library.
Rainbow blinked. “Uh… no. You look… normal! Totally normal, like you always do, since you got huge.”
Spike laughed. “I know what’s going on with you, Dash. And so does everypony else, if that’s the best you can do.”
“I’m usually better.” She shook her head. “Everypony else didn’t get five feet taller and grow teeth as long as my feathers.”
“Well, I need them.” Spike shrugged. “Ponies have tough skin.”
Rainbow stopped, her eyes wide.
Spike just looked at her for a moment before he doubled over laughing. “I can’t believe you fell for that! I’ve been dying to try it since Twilight told me…” He calmed himself. “I still eat gems. Twilight says I’m the Crystal Empire’s biggest trade partner.”
“In more ways than one, huh?” Rainbow looked up at him and chuckled.
He laughed and opened the door to the library. “If Twilight sends you back, better remember to be nice to me, huh?”
She grinned and gave him a nudge as she went in. “You’re getting some really nice birthday presents from me from now on.”
“Good luck!” he called, as he headed back down the hall to whatever dragon thing he was doing. Probably reading comic books.
In the library, Twilight was sitting at her desk when Rainbow entered.
“Heya, Twi. How’s it going?” Rainbow asked, flying over to see what Twilight was working on now.
Twilight answered with a groan, and banged her face against the desk.
Rainbow raised an eyebrow, frowning. “That good, huh?”
Shaking her head, Twilight turned away from the desk. She looked exhausted. “I’ve ruled out magical amnesia. According to my calculations, the chances of you taking a significant amount of brain damage and then the wild magic being able to perfectly reconstruct your brain from fifteen years ago without any reference but stored memories are so tiny that they’re barely worth mentioning. That leaves time travel, which fits with AJ’s observation of your first date, so that’s where I’m focusing. But…” She trailed off, shaking her head again.
“You can’t fix it?” Rainbow asked, feeling her hopes sinking at the exact rate her ears started to droop.
“I haven’t even gotten there. I’m still trying to figure out if I should fix it!” Twilight rolled her eyes and motioned sharply to the desk.
Rainbow blinked. “Uh… I can help with that one. Yes. You should fix it.”
“It’s not that simple…” Twilight sighed.
“Why not?” Rainbow asked, giving Twilight a suspicious look. On the one hoof, it was definitely that simple. On the other hoof, she started preparing herself, because when Twilight Sparkle said something wasn’t that simple, it probably involved theories named after dead unicorns and math that didn’t even use numbers.
Twilight took a deep breath. “There are two kinds of time travel that we currently know of. Closed-loop is the most common; it’s the kind of spell Star Swirl the Bearded originally designed. If you go forward or backward in time, all of the events that would result in the futuremost point you see are locked in. Anything you tell yourself or do to prevent that future is not just useless toward preventing it, you’re required to do it in order to bring about that future. You make the choices, but everything you would do is already calculated by destiny the same way your cutie mark is.
“Open-loop is where something has broken time. In that case, you can change things in the past, but the futures aren’t stable. This can cause all sorts of nasty problems and paradoxes…
“If your mind is in an open loop… well, it would almost have to have been switched with the older you, because somepony has lived your life, in your body, to this point. But that pony wasn’t you, so sending you back could be disastrous. You could do things differently, and your children might never be born, or anything we’ve done since you left could be undone, or turn out differently. I… I don’t know if it’s fair to risk Leaf’s life to give you back fifteen years. On the other hoof, it should be your choice to live whatever life you want, and if that doesn’t end up including Leaf, or it ends up turning Equestria into a barren wasteland… it’s only fair that you got to make your own choices.
“Not to mention that if we don’t send you back, that would mean a part of you is somehow in a fifteen-year loop. The future, or present for us, could keep shifting as she does different things each time, and eventually living the same fifteen years could turn a pony pretty crazy, right?”
Rainbow’s eyes went wide. She was catching about five words of every sentence, but they were pretty awful words.
Twilight saw her face and nodded in agreement. “Luckily, there’s magic we can use to determine if you’re in an open loop. I saw it when Starlight Glimmer sent me into an open loop; Zecora used it to figure out that I was in the wrong future. If you’re in an open loop, your mind is in the wrong future because you weren’t there to make the choices that led you here.”
“Uh… good?” Rainbow asked.
“Well, sort of. Zecora is traveling in the southern jungles right now, so it’s going to take some time to find the recipe for the potion.” Twilight raised her eyebrows. “For the record, it’ll also tell me if you’re a changeling, so if there’s anything you want to let me know…”
Rainbow furrowed her brow. “Would it matter if I was?”
Twilight snorted. “At this point, I’d prefer it. That would be a much easier ethical issue than this time-travel nonsense.” She frowned as she went on. “If it’s a closed loop, it’s less complicated, but there are still issues. Whatever will happen is what’s supposed to happen. I just don’t know what that is, or if it even involves me. And, more importantly, there’s what AJ was worried about the other day: in a closed loop, we know that everything that happens to bring you to this point will be okay, but we don’t know what happens after. And we don’t know what happened to the version of you that was here before, or if there’s any way to get it back.” She took a deep breath and looked at Rainbow with big, pitiful eyes. “In this instance, there’s a really good chance that whatever sends you back to the past… kills you here. Am I supposed to be a part of that? I mean, how can I look for an answer that might mean doing that to you, not to mention AJ and your kids and our friends…?”
“I dunno…” Rainbow said in a daze.
Twilight frowned and shook her head. “The more I think about this, the worse it gets.”
“Stop thinking!” Rainbow shouted urgently, startling both herself and Twilight.
Twilight blinked a few times and gathered herself. “Well that brings us back to the start, doesn’t it? Should I even be doing this?”
“I don’t know!” Rainbow rubbed her face with a hoof. Then she sighed. “Maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe I deserve this.”
“Rainbow, it was an accident,” Twilight said gently. “You haven’t done anything—”
“I crashed because I was trying to speed up the zap apples so AJ would be free to go out with me sooner!” The words tumbled out of Rainbow’s mouth.
Twilight stared at her. “…What?”
Rainbow hovered in the air. “That morning, fifteen years ago, AJ told me she needed to postpone our date, because of the zap apple harvest. So, I decided to speed things up. I went into the Everfree Forest, and… I gave the weather a little kick—”
“A little kick?” Twilight said with a flat expression.
“I…” Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck. “I grabbed the winds and stuck a tornado in the center of the storm. I was just trying to speed it up! But… that’s why the sign hit the farm like it did, and that’s why I crashed, and… that’s why I’m here, and why the zap apple harvest broke.”
Twilight nodded. “Well, that does explain a few things. It also opens up a few more questions. Like… what were you thinking?!”
Rainbow looked down, biting her lip. She dared a glance at Twilight. “That the sooner AJ and I went out, the sooner I’d get to have sex with her?”
Twilight took several deep breaths until she seemed calm. “Okay. You were young, and a lot dumber back then.”
“In my mind, that was four days ago,” Rainbow pointed out.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You know, I don’t think I need to correct that. Especially since you didn’t think this was important to mention when I asked you for all of the details from before your crash.”
“I couldn’t tell you in front of AJ!” Rainbow protested. “She would’ve killed me!”
“She’s not actually going to kill you, but she’s probably going to be really mad. But that’s not going to get better when she finds out her wife has been lying to her!” Twilight waved a hoof in exasperation.
“That’s why you need to fix this before I have to tell her!” Rainbow said, landing in front of Twilight.
“Okay…” Twilight took a breath. “This does give me new information to work with, but it doesn’t really change any of the ethical problems.”
Rainbow considered that. “Well, you should do that magic test, right? To find out if it’s an open or shut case or whatever.”
“Open or closed loop,” Twilight corrected. “That’s true.”
Rainbow went on. “Then, if it’s a closed thing, it won’t really matter, right? ’Cause if I’m supposed to go back, I’m going back no matter what anypony does, and if you’re not the one who’s supposed to send me back, it’s not going to work.”
“Good point…” Twilight nodded. “The trick with a closed loop is just doing whatever you would do. And I feel like it’s reasonable that I would at least try to find a way to send you back, with the results of that coming out however they’re supposed to,” she said as her magic shuffled the notes on her desk.
“And… if I’m supposed to go back, I have to, right? Even if it means I don’t know if future me will make it back, that’s how I end up married to AJ and having the kids and everything.” Rainbow put on her most innocent expression to counter the skepticism on Twilight’s face when she glanced over.
“Yeah…” Twilight frowned and thought for a moment. Then she nodded. “Okay. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to work on getting you back. If I figure out how, and if it’s a closed loop, then obviously that’s what’s supposed to happen. But if it’s an open loop… I’m going to destroy my work. I just can’t risk it, Rainbow. I’ve seen too many ways the future can become a disaster when you’re dealing with an open loop. Maybe this one isn’t the best for you, but it’s good for too many other ponies to change it unless something goes wrong. So you’ll just have to get by.”
Rainbow swallowed. “Okay. That’s fair. And… maybe it won’t be that bad. I was talking to AJ about joining the Wonderbolts again.”
Twilight looked at her for a moment, her brow furrowed. “How is AJ doing?”
Rainbow blinked. “AJ? She’s good. I mean, it’s hard for her ’cause I keep messing up with the kids, but she’s been pretty cool about that.”
“What about between you guys? Do you keep messing up there, too?” Twilight looked over the notes on her desk and then casually glanced back at Rainbow.
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Well, to be honest… there’s not much between us. It’s really weird… we’re supposed to be married, but we’re not, like, in love.”
Twilight frowned again, but she nodded. “Have you talked about it?”
“Not really?” Rainbow shrugged. “I mean, it’s not going to matter if I go back, right?”
“Rainbow…” Twilight shook her head. “You have to talk to her. I’ve known AJ longer than you have, but you know her too. If something is really bothering her, she’s not going to seem scared or sad, and she’s not going to come out and tell you because she thinks it would be putting a burden on you. She’ll just let it hurt her.”
Rainbow bit her lip. Twi was kinda right about how AJ tended to act, but… “Look, I don’t really know what to say. If she is hurting, nothing I can say will make it better. And she seems fine, so… why open up that can of worms? Maybe it’s better if we just act like it’s not an issue.”
Twilight thought for a moment. “Maybe I’ll talk to her…”
“If you want.” Rainbow gave a shrug.
Twilight just sighed in response.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Twilight shook her head, and then looked at Rainbow like it was definitely something. “Nothing, Rainbow, just… try to take care of her? She needs it more than you think she does.”
“I’m totally taking care of her. In fact, this afternoon I’m taking Sky so she can get the zap apple harvest set up!” Rainbow pointed out.
“That’s not really what I’m talking about,” Twilight said, shooting Rainbow a look.
“Well, that’s what she needs. You know how she is about getting her work done.” Rainbow couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew exactly what Twilight was talking about, and this wasn’t it. “I’ve… gotta go do that now. And you really should get back to work. Thanks again for the help!”
“You’re welcome,” Twilight answered, but the worried look didn’t leave her face. “You know I’ll do my best.”
Rainbow smiled. “I know you will. Things will be back to normal in no time. Later!”
She left the castle slightly faster than she normally would have, and once outside she took to the sky with a rainbow trail behind her. She still had time before she had to be at home, but she needed to clear her mind before she saw AJ. Otherwise she’d remember what Twilight had said.
• • •
Rainbow wasn’t sure how to deal with AJ, but for once the busy life of a family worked in her favor. That afternoon, while Applejack worked, Rainbow and Sky took Tank out and had a great time chasing the tortoise around the barnyard. Sky thought it was the funniest thing in the world when Tank pulled his head in and stuck it out, and Rainbow had to admit that watching Sky crack up at it every single time was kinda cute.
Leaf and Cider came home, and there were snacks, then homework and playtime. They decided to make dinner, a real one, to help AJ out after a long day. Rainbow wasn’t exactly awesome at cooking, but she could make spaghetti, and between her, Leaf, Cider, and a recipe book they managed to put together a pretty good tomato sauce. When Applejack got home she had a warm dinner waiting, and that put her in a good mood.
As things wound down for the evening, Rainbow used her Daring Do book as a shield when the kids didn’t need anything, and after they went to bed Applejack settled in with some kind of ledger and only spoke up to note that flight goggles cost too darn much for being a couple pieces of plastic and a strip of leather. Rainbow pointed out that ponies didn’t usually need to buy them twice a week.
The next day was more of the same, until Rainbow saw Twilight headed into the orchard around lunchtime.
Rainbow knew Twilight was going to talk to Applejack; she’d said yesterday that she was going to. She was tempted to spy on them, but Sky was taking a nap, so Rainbow was stuck in the house until he woke up.
She didn’t really know why Twilight had to talk to Applejack anyway; there was nothing to talk about. Applejack wouldn’t want Rainbow to try to really be married to her, like she was trying to be a mom to the kids. That was totally different. And Rainbow hadn’t even been pushy about having sex, since she knew that wasn’t really what AJ wanted.
Twilight had asked Rainbow to take care of AJ, but AJ didn’t need taking care of. She totally had it together, work was good, the kids were good… Okay, maybe she would rather have Rainbow’s older self around, but there was nothing they could do about that.
Besides, Rainbow was the one who had to deal with a whole life she hadn’t asked for. AJ had one little thing change, while Rainbow had to get used to everything being different, and she was totally fine. She didn’t need taking care of, so AJ shouldn’t either.
By the time Rainbow decided that, the baby woke up, and an afternoon of foal stuff kicked off.
• • •
That evening, while AJ was putting Sky to bed, Cider and Leaf settled down and Rainbow had a chance to slip up to the room she shared with AJ. She’d been wanting to do this since she crashed, but having foals around took up a lot of time.
She opened the bottom drawer of the dresser, and pulled out the Wonderbolts flight suit. Laying it on the bed, she carefully unfolded it, smoothing the creases. Then she unzipped it reverently and draped it over her back, sliding her limbs into the sleeves and through the slits. Finally she zipped it back up and stretched.
A mirror hung over the dresser, and she flew over to it, watching herself hover. She looked perfect. She had flown with the team a few times as a reserve, but this… this was her suit. This was what Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt had actually looked like.
She was turning to see every angle when she heard a voice from the doorway.
“Dash, do you know where Leaf’s—” Applejack stopped, staring at her. Finally she leaned against the doorframe. “You always did look good in that.”
“Thanks.” Rainbow gave a smile over her shoulder. “Ya know, you don’t look bad yourself…”
“Thanks,” Applejack replied, still watching her.
“I… uh… saw you talking to Twilight,” Rainbow said, returning her focus to the mirror. “What’d she have to say?”
Applejack shrugged. “She just wanted to know how things were gettin’ on.”
“What’d you tell her?” Rainbow asked, watching Applejack’s reflection.
A brief frown crossed Applejack’s face before she sighed and shook her head. “I told her I dunno. I ain’t gonna lie to Twilight.”
“Makes sense.” Rainbow nodded.
“Yup.” Applejack hesitated, then stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She started softly, “Dash…”
“I need to lose some weight,” Rainbow said quickly, looking back at her hindquarters. “This thing is tight across the flank.”
Applejack blinked. Then she smiled and followed Rainbow’s eyes. “Can’t say I mind.”
There was something in AJ’s voice that made Rainbow shiver in a really nice way. She looked at Applejack again and smirked. “I guess it depends on if I want to wear the suit for flying or for… other stuff.”
Applejack raised her eyebrows as she slowly walked toward her. “You can guess my vote.”
Rainbow landed in front of Applejack. She lowered her eyelids, the smirk still on her face. “You’re just trying to distract me from the Wonderbolts with sex.”
“I was not…” Applejack grinned and stepped even closer, their muzzles almost touching. “But, you reckon that’d work?”
“You’d have to try it and find out.” Rainbow couldn’t help but notice how hot the flight suit was getting as she felt AJ’s breath on her muzzle.
But that was nothing compared to the wave of heat when Applejack suddenly planted a hard, passionate kiss on her lips. Her heart started beating faster as her mouth parted and pressed in, their lips and tongues exploring each other.
They parted just slightly, and Rainbow could only whisper, “…Wow.”
“Oh, Dash…” Applejack breathed, kissing over the flight suit up toward Rainbow’s ear. With a nibble on the ear she whispered, almost pleading, “Dash… just say you love me…”
That snapped Rainbow out of it. She stepped back quickly, her eyes wide. “I… uh…”
Applejack stood almost frozen, her raised chin giving her posture a hint of pride. “Do you wanna love me?”
Rainbow bit her lip and glanced around nervously. She took a deep breath and tried to explain. “I… want to have sex with you. I mean, if you feel like it, I can totally take care of that for you.”
“I’m sorry,” Applejack said softly. Her ears drooped, and she slowly hung her head before turning away. “I shouldn’t’ve… Sorry.”
“AJ, wait,” Rainbow called, and Applejack looked over her shoulder. “I mean, it was okay to ask. I’m not mad. Are you?”
Applejack sighed and shook her head. “Nope.” She continued out the door.
Rainbow shook her head, then caught sight of herself in the mirror again. She felt different, seeing herself in the flight suit. She always associated it with ponies who were in charge, in control, at the top of their game. The best of the best. But right now, she didn’t feel like the best of the best. She felt kind of crummy, even though she knew it wasn’t her fault. She couldn’t make herself feel stuff she didn’t.
And what kind of question was whether she wanted to love AJ? Sure, AJ was hot, but love wasn’t something ponies wanted, it just happened sometimes. A pony wanted sex, and sometimes they had to deal with falling in love. At least, that’s how Rainbow assumed that it worked, judging from movies and stuff.
She heard hoofsteps behind her. “Look, I totally didn’t mean—oh, hey.” She was surprised when she looked up to see Leaf standing there, his brow furrowed.
“What are you doing wearing that?” he asked.
She smiled. “Just seeing if it still fits.”
Leaf cocked his head. “Why?”
Rainbow paused for a moment, trying to decide what to say. “Sit down for a minute.”
She motioned to the bed. Leaf walked over and hopped up on it, and Rainbow stood in front of him.
“Leaf, how would you feel if… I wanted to be a Wonderbolt again? I mean, that would be pretty cool, huh?” She gave a hopeful smile.
He raised his eyebrows. “Well, yeah… but… that’s a lot of work.”
Rainbow’s face fell slightly. “Yeah, but I’ll still be around. And you probably won’t even notice, you’ll have your cutie mark soon, and you’ll be working with other ponies…” She grinned again. “Or maybe even with me and the team!”
“That’s not what I meant.” Leaf shook his head while he thought. “I meant… you’d give the ’Bolts one hundred percent. You’d be the best. That’s what it means to be a Wonderbolt.”
“Totally.” Rainbow gave the serious expression that deserved as she nodded, but she almost smiled at the pang of pride she felt. She’d raised her son right.
Leaf nodded. “But… you give us one hundred percent. You’re the best mom in Equestria.”
Rainbow blinked, not sure she was ready for the title of “best mom in Equestria” quite yet. Another week or two, maybe. But that was close enough. “Uh… yeah.”
“Can you do that?” Leaf asked.
Rainbow smiled. “Do you even know who you’re talking to?”
Leaf just stared at her, quirking an eyebrow. “Two hundred percent is a lot, Mom.”
“Well I’ve got it!” Rainbow insisted with maybe a little too much force.
It barely seemed to register to Leaf. He just thought about it, frowning slightly. Then he looked her in the eye. “I just know that you want to be the best you can be, just like I do. I’d never go to the ’Bolts unless I knew what I could give them was awesome, was… was worthy of being a Wonderbolt.” He gave Rainbow a half-smile. “I know you wouldn’t, either.”
Rainbow looked at the smiling colt while an uncomfortable feeling grew in the back of her mind. She hated being told she couldn’t do something; that was just a chance to prove somepony wrong. But what was on his face and in his words was pure respect for her. She couldn’t prove that wrong. She couldn’t let that be wrong.
“You know it, Leaf.” She smiled back at him. “I’m just thinking about it.”
Leaf nodded and hopped off the bed. He started to the door, then paused and looked over his shoulder. “You really do look awesome in that flight suit, Mom.”
“Thanks,” Rainbow said, as he turned and walked away.
She glanced at herself in the mirror again. Leaf was right, she did look awesome. But she didn’t feel awesome anymore.
She unzipped the flight suit and took it off, folding it neatly. Looking down at it on the bed, she smoothed out the wrinkles so it would look just as good the next time she wore it, and carefully placed it back in the drawer.