//------------------------------// // Emotional Exhaustion // Story: Earning Freedom // by Daxisle //------------------------------// Emotional Exhaustion Spike groaned into wakefulness, his head feeling like lead as he tried to push himself off the floor. Sleep didn't come easy last night, the image of his once beloved mare chasing the rest away, and once he finally did get to sleep, he had nightmares about what the rest of her looked like. Bad things, very bad things... The drake didn't want to get up, he felt drained and exhausted, despite having the day off from work. He knew he had to go back to botique and face her again. Rarity was his friend and for whatever reason, her neglecting herself would eventually lead her to more trouble than destraught reclusion. 'I don't think it's a good idea for you to go today.' Why not? 'Dude, you're an emotional wreck right now. You've been the rock for Twilight, Uppity, Macintosh, with the attempt at Sin and Rarity... Your heads going to either explode or implode if you keep this up! Think of yourself for a minute, here.' Furrowing his brow, Spike thought over his inner voices words. He had been trying to support all of his friends the best he could. Twilight's life was in shambles, but she was recovering. Uppity seemed happy enough and Sin was receptive after two attempts, the first of which was an absolute loss of confidence to the drake. Mac was having a baby soon and with what happened with Rarity... yea, he was pretty tired. His head was heavy and he didn't want to really go out and see anyone, maybe a lazy afternoon in the house would do him some good. He decided to stand and felt his resolve to stay home compound with the effort. He felt sluggish and weak, but also hungry. Maybe before starting his lazy day, a quick trip to the Library for some gems and a good book were in order. He walked out of his room and froze, eyeing the door to Sin's for a moment. '...Noooo..." I haven't seen him the better part of two days, I don't think he's come out since I talked to him. 'So? He's a big colt, he can take care of himself.' Seriously? 'Okay, fine. Check on him, but not bouts of emotional support.' The drake knocked on the door, no answer. "Sin?" He called, still no answer. Spike opened the door and walked into the room. The mid morning sun was blocked out by a pair of drapes, with the only lighting coming from that which spilled in from the door. "Sin?" He asked again. Turning his head, the dragon stared at the stallion who looked up at him warily. "Sin? Are you alright?" "Fine." Sin answered tiredly. Spike wasn't one hundred percent sure, but it appeared as though the stallion was sitting in the exact same position he was in when the dragon had his confrontation. What disturbed him more was how raspy the pony's voice was. His goggles were off, revealing unfocused and puffy red eyes, with the discarded bottle of fire whiskey sitting a few feet away. It was hard to tell in the dim light, but his lips looked a little dry and chapped. All things considered, Sin was not fine. 'Stick to the plan! You are in no condition to help him now.' The guy looks terrible, almost as bad as Rarity! I'm not just going to leave him like this! 'Then go get Uppity. You need a break, or YOU will end up like that!' "Alright buddy, let me know if you need anything." Spike whispered before slowly closing the door. With a shake of his head, the baby dragon checked the clock to see if Twilight was up and grabbed his cloak to make way to the library, stopping when he saw the white envelope from yesterday fall from the inner pocket. Curiously, he picked it up and opened it with his claw. The letter was from Rainbow Dash, saying that she'd be coming back to Ponyville in a few days, she wouldn't be walking for a while, but the doctor's have cleared her to fly, so long as she didn't strain herself too much. He placed the letter back into his cloak and made way outside, taking immediate notice of a large group of dark clouds conglomerating outside of town and heading in fast. Looked like rain today. "Good morning Spike." Twilight greeted happily, her happiness gave way to concern as she took in the drake. "Are you alright? You don't look so good." "Long night." Spike explained. Twilight moved back and welcomed him inside, the smell of pancakes permeated through the library, reminding Spike of just how hungry he was and how he hadn't had anything to eat today. He blushed as a small rumble echoed from his stomach at the promise of food. "Oh, someone sounds hungry." Twilight giggled, offering to have him join her for breakfast, an offer he happily excepted. That was the problem with large, late night meals. They always left Spike famished in the morning, despite conventional wisdom dictating otherwise. "I'd love to." He said with a tired smile. The place looked a lot better, almost in top condition aside from a few imperfections here and there, all in all, Spike was relieved to see that his and Uppity's efforts hadn't gone to waste. The orange unicorn herself was sitting at the table, reading over a few notes of some kind or another. She greeted him and immediatly went back to reading. It could wait, Spike was hungary and what was another ten minutes? "Oh, Rainbow Dash will be coming back home in a few days!" Twilight said, loading up his plate with sweet, golden, delicious fried batter mix and syrup. "She'll need some looking after, but it'll be good to have her back in Ponyville." Spike took a bite of his food and savored the long missed fluffy golden treat. He chewed thoughtfully as his mind recalled the conversation he'd had with her before he left. She'd already come to terms with what needed to be said to Twilight, so he didn't think he'd need to say much to her. Besides, she wasn't the problem pony... 'Do not-' Yea, yea, I know. "It'll be good to have all the girls back in town. I'll probably stop by and check on how she's doing. Speaking of which, I haven't seen Fluttershy or Rarity much lately." Spike had to stop himself from cringing, he had to tell her. He wouldn't get involved today, but Twilight did need to know what was going on and what he saw. He made quick work of his breakfast and turned his attention to Uppity. She was concentrating on a particular letter, her brow strained in thought. "What's that?" he asked. "A letter from my brother." The unicorn replied, placing it down and rubbing her eyes. "He never stopped working on prosecuting Cupid, despite the attack. He said he's found a break through in the case and would send another letter after he confirmed it, but... ugh, I just don't want to deal with this." She pushed the letter away. That was good, because he had a request to make. Not only for Sin, but to have a moment alone with Twilight. "Sucks to hear, but can I ask you for a favor?" "Sure." "Can you go talk to Sin for me? He isn't looking all that well." The drake frowened, Uppity looked at him in concern and quickly straightened up her letters before letting Twilight know she'd be out for a bit. Once gone, Spike turned his attention back to Twilight and readied himself to recount the events that happened yesterday. Hopefully, Rarity would be more receptive to the lavender unicorn than she was to him. Sin sat in his room, his mind continually turning itself on and off as random things around brought back memories he could only concentrate on for so long before the sleep deprivation kicked it back off. What little thought came to him was a haze of blurry and strenuous ideas that were in his grasp just long enough to acknowledge before disappearing in a puff of feverish exhaustion. His inner critic hadn't spoken to him for a while either, despite Sin calling on the voice multiple times for council. He'd spent almost two days doing absolutely nothing but sitting and thinking. The only time he'd gotten up was once to use the bathroom, and that was it. Though, there were some conclusions reached for all of his time in contemplation. The first revelation was the most painful one: he couldn't kill the Gods. He'd tried and he'd failed. No matter what course of action he took, no matter what arguments he came up with, it was impossible... He cried when he had to admit it to himself, he cried as years and years of study, thought and the ultimate conclusion to rid the world of government he'd dedicated his life to, essentially amounted to nothing. But the fact of the matter was what it was, and no amount of denial or fighting would change that. The second conclusion Federalist had come to was that he didn't know how to be emotionally vulnerable. He didn't even know what that meant... Aside from needing others. That in and of itself made him uncomfortable to think about, but Spike's words appealed to something inside of him. Something he wanted to embrace but was heavily reluctant to do so. The third and final conclusion he came to was that... he wasn't sure if he wanted to see the collapse anymore. It wasn't a for sure thing, after all they'd wronged him, but there were things in Equestria did want. Uppity taking a high priority there in. He'd thought about the way he'd treated her. He thought he was being more supportive and caring, getting better with physical affection, but that wasn't all there was to a relationship. He'd seen how his grandfather and grandmother interacted, there was something there that warmed his heart in a way that he yearned for with Uppity. The same for Spike and Macintosh. He liked the two and would most likely fight to protect them, but he didn't have the emotional connection with them that he could have, that he deserved to have. He heard the front door open and a knock later, gazed warily at the orange unicorn mare infront of him. Maybe it was the fever, maybe it was the sleep deprivation, but with the light spilling in from behind, there was something majestic about her, almost heavenly if he remember the term right. She was captivating, radiant, beautiful, and it warmed him inside to see her. "Sin?" She said, breaking his slight dilusion all too quickly. She quickly walked over to him and knelt down, looking the pony in the eye. "Sin, what's happened to you?" "Hey Uppity." He replied dryly, blinking a few times to try to keep the sleep away. The purple mane'd pony reached forward and touched his cheek, frowning as she took in his features. "You're burning up and dehydrating. I'll be right back with a glass of water, get into bed now." She called gently before walking out of the room. Sin didn't have it in him to move though and sat in wait for her return. He was to tired to understand why her presence filled him with both dread and comfort, but it was better than feeling numb. In no time, Uppity returned with the promised beverage and an ice pack. She took the pony in her magic and placed him on his mattress before bringing the glass up to his lips. The water was cool and refreshing and Sin sucked it down greedily, sputtering as it went down the wrong way. "Easy." Uppity cooed, gently picking up his head and laying down, using her side as a make shift pillow. She was warm, comfortingly so. Her coat was soft and silky and smelled reminiscent of mangoes, something Sin had never noticed before. "What happened to you?" Her words were barely above a whisper, but he could hear it with perfect clarity. Tired as he was, he could feel the worry and love in her voice. It made him feel a little ashamed to be seen like this, but... maybe it was okay now? "Thinking." Uppity quirked a brow and looked down at him, she wasn't buying it but the Federalist swore up and down that was the truth. He wasn't sure how he'd gotten sick, but he did know that he just didn't wanna get up to do anything else. "You're a stupid pony sometimes." She declared with a shake of her head. Gingerly, Sin felt her shift around and found himself embraced from behind by two secure orange forelegs, pulling his back into her chest. "A stupid pony who I love." Instead of tensing from the usual discomfort that came with such intimacy, Sin breathed a relaxing sigh and almost fell asleep on the spot. He fought to stay awake and simply enjoyed the embrace. It warmed his cold body and brought comfort to his cloudy mind. He didn't need to think anymore, he didn't want to think anymore. He just wanted to be in the moment and indulge the warm affections being given. After a full minute of the embrace, Uppity quietly asked if she was angry at her. Sin's body was on auto pilot and he shifted his body around so the the two were on their side, facing one another, resting comfortably on the bed. He leaned in and kissed her lips than leaned up and kissed her forehead. It pained him to hear the guilt and shame in her voice as she asked the question, he found it silly, but it was clear she did not. "Uppity, I've never resented you for that." He whispered, stroking her mane, feeling the wetness of her tears as she began to gently cry into his chest. She was only doing her job... how could he be mad at her for that? The two held each other close, Sin patiently waiting for his mare to let out all the tears she'd been holding in. In that moment, he found her more attractive and open than ever before. Was this emotional vulnerability? Was this what it meant to become bare to another pony? To cry before them and seek comfort there in? Maybe, or maybe that's just what he'd always thought it was. It was an incredible display of trust on her part, one that dissolved any doubt on her love for him and served to strengthen his love for her. Sin continued to stroke her mane, giving words of comfort as best he could. He told her that it would be alright, to let it out and that he'd forgiven her. After a time, the mare calmed herself and slowly lifted he head to look up at him. Her magenta pink eyes now as red and puffy as his own. He felt her tremble as she slowly leaned forward and kissed him again. Though this wasn't the normal pecks the two had been giving each other since the cave under Canterlot, but a deeper, more meaningful kiss that made the stallion's body go completely limp from the intensity. He didn't know how long it lasted, but once it was over, he was more dicombobulated and struck than ever. Both were panting and trying to regain themselves from the throws of the sudden passion. Uppity was the first to recover and place a hoof on his cheek, locking eyes with him once more. Her blushing face and tender touch sent shivers down Sin's spine, the kiss bribing him to realize just what he had almost lost with her. "I love you..." She whispered quietly. "I love you too." Sin replied. Uppity smiled and shifted her body once more, moving upwards and then hugging the stallion's head to her chest. She let out a content sigh and stroked his mane, the comfort and relaxation of the act slowly lulled Sin to sleep as she snuggled into her. It felt right, it felt serene, and for the first time, he felt completely safe. Twilight Sparkle sat slumped over, her face a mask of distraught disbelief. Spike had told her everything that happened yesterday. About Fluttershy, Rarity's family and the experience had with the pony herself. Rarity calling herself a monster and screaming at him to leave. The details were fresh and vivid in his mind, he felt like he wanted to cry just thinking about it. Not for himself, but for her. How badly she must have been suffering psychologically. He didn't think of her as a monster, even with their relationship before. She was a little manipulative and a drama queen, but despite her flaws, she was still the most generous mare in all of Ponyville. "Spike..." Twilight started, standing up. "I'm going to go talk to her." Spike stood in a panic. "Twilight, I really don't think that's a good idea." "No, Spike. If what you've said is true than I need to talk to her as soon as possible, and that means right now." The dragon gulped as Twilight made way for the door and began to follow. His advance was halted abruptly when Twilight had told him to stay put, that he needed to rest for the day and it was better that she go alone. The drake tried to argue against her, but the unicorn wouldn't have it, siting his obvious state of exhaustion. "What you need to do is get some rest." She declared, placing a hoof on his shoulder. "Rest in a proper bed. I'm still a little peeved you didn't come to me to help you get one before, but we'll worry about that later." Again, Spike refused her but his protests were met with his person being engulfed in a lavender aura and lead upstairs to his old bedroom. He had to take a moment to appreciate the fact that nothing was out of place from how he left it. She could put him in bed all she wanted, Spike was dead set on coming with her to face Rarity, damned to his inner voice or his mother's complaints to his well being. She gently placed him in the open covers and sat down beside him. "Spike, I know you want to help, and I'm greatful for that." She placed a hoof on his cheek. "But you're stressed out and exhausted. You've been doing so much for me and everypony else lately, I wont let you keep pushing yourself like this." "Twilight, please. I can help, I know I can." The unicorn shook her head patiently and argued that he'd done more than enough. "Please Spike, get some rest for now. If not for yourself, than for me, okay?" It was a shockingly effective tactic. The drake wanted to help with Rarity, but he didn't want to cause his mother any stress. 'Best just get comfortable and let her handle it. Fluttershy will most likely be there if she needs help.' Reluctantly, Spike agreed to Twilight's request, laying down in bed with a pout. It was a little embarassing and made him feel like a child again, but what else could he do? Rarity needed someone, and Twilight seemed like the most logical choice. She leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead, promising to be careful and make him something to eat when he awoke. Once gone, Spike had initially planned to get up and head back to his own house, but the bed's comforting embrace was more than enough to give him second thoughts. It was just so warm and soft, no back pain, no stiffness or preassure points on his head, by Celestia's Sun how he'd missed this... Maybe a quick nap wouldn't hurt.