Chapter 24: That's Not How Anything Works, Trixie.
The bell whistles once more as the train rolls into what I presume to be Canterlot, based on how everyone else is packing up their books, Trixie having taken the novella Twilight brought for her at some point during the trip. We file out of the train and the first thing I notice is the stark difference between Canterlot and Ponyville... or, more accurately, Canterlot and every other town I've been to so far. Where Ponyville relies on straw and wood for most things, Canterlot is a city of bricks, with multi-story buildings and storefronts being commonplace, unlike the one-story houses and stands that are commonly used in Ponyville. From what I can see at the train station, the general motif appears to be whites with gold trims, with blends of purples, pinks, and blues for roofs, ornaments, canopies, etc. The roads are paved, with wide streets for the pony-drawn carriages I can already see travel them.
"Cloud?" Twilight Sparkle snaps me out of my gawking.
"Just... sightseeing." I tell her, taking one more moment to appreciate the city before turning my sights down to the unicorns and dragon I'll be relying on to not get lost.
"We can do that after we've finished talking to the Princess." Twilight replies, opening her saddlebag and levitating out her checklist. "It's on the list, after all!"
"Must you truly itemize everything, Sparkle?" Trixie asks skeptically, looking at the levitating paper and its bulletpoints.
"Of course! It's the best way to stay organized, after all." Her gaze shifts from Trixie to Spike. "And yes, Spike, I wrote in a trip to Donut Joe's on the way back."
"Yes!" Spike fist pumps the air.
"You also like Donut Joe's, youngling?" Trixie asks, looking at Spike with an expression that could almost be mistaken for friendly were anyone else wearing it. "That establishment has always been one of Trixie's favorites when she's visiting Canterlot."
Twilight gives Spike a friendly smile. "Looks like you two have something in common after all, Spike."
Spike huffs and crosses his arms. "She just has good taste in food, that's all."
Trixie quickly turns away from the dragon, delaying the smallest moment before sticking her head in the air in her usual egotistical fashion. "Of course Trixie has good taste in foods! One cannot be Great and Powerful without the best of cuisines to fuel their bodies!"
Twilight turns to Trixie and narrows her eyes in annoyance. "I don't think Donut Joe's place counts as the 'best of cuisines', Trixie."
"That's because you're so obsessed with that 'health' stuff, Twi." Spike responds, letting his claws fall back to his side as he looks up at Twilight. "I think this morning proved real energy is caffeine and sugar."
"Wise beyond your years, young Spike." Trixie nods approvingly, finally showing she still remembers his name. "It's not the nutritional value of a meal that matters, its the meal's ability to put you in the proper state of mind that's most important!"
Twilight quickly echos the thoughts my mind is trying to process. "What? That's not how that works at all, Trixie! Don't tell Spike stuff like that!"
Trixie, of course, ignores her. "Come! Let us march forward! Donut Joe's awaits!"
I fold my arms under my poncho, deciding now's the time to stop watching the train wreck in progress and start participating in it. "Trixie, even I think it's probably not the best idea to make royalty that can move the sun wait."
"Yeah, plus, we've been over this," Twilight cuts in, "Donut Joe's is at the end of the checklist, not the start!"
"What's it matter if we stray from a silly old list, Sparkle?" Trixie replies, ignoring my disagreement entirely and waving her hoof dismissively at Twilight. "But... Trixie supposes you are right. A treat like Donut Joe's would be nicer on our return, so that we can enjoy our meal without the pressure of other commitments."
"And that's why it's at the end of the list." Twilight declares cheerfully as she grabs Spike in her magic, levitating him onto her back as she begins leading us down one of the main roads, and towards what is quite obviously the castle with how it towers over the rest of Canterlot. "Now let's get going, the faster we get to the Princess, the faster you two can have your Donut Joe's."
Trixie falls into march behind Twilight, with myself taking up the rear. "Trixie supposes it would be rude to make a Princess wait. It's not every day a ruler of Equestria finds the time to bask in Trixie's majesty."
Twilight and I both sigh, neither of us having the energy left to want to correct her yet again.
As we make our way down the bustling city streets, I begin noticing that my brilliant disguise isn't useful at preventing ponies from staring here. I suppose a cowboy outfit doesn't work when the setting changes from the Wild West to the inner city. I also begin noticing an odd trend with the citizens of the city.
"Why are there so many unicorns?" I ask, genuinely curious. Ponyville seems to have a mixed population, while Appleloosa and Dodge Junction are heavily earth pony based as they're terraforming projects, as far as I understand. Why would what I'm presuming is the capital of Equestria be primarily unicorn?
Twilight turns her head and opens her mouth to speak, but as usual, Trixie is faster, "Canterlot is home to much of Equestria's high-society, Dusk. It just happens that Equestria's upper-crust is mostly unicorns, like yours truly."
Twilight rolls her eyes in annoyance. "It's a lot more complicated than that, Trixie." She turns to me. "When the pony tribes united and formed Equestria, there were a lot of settlements that included all three tribes, working in harmony. However, there were and still are several cities that, for their own reasons, are still made up almost entirely of one kind of pony. You've seen Appleloosa and Dodge Junction, which rely on the unique skills of earth ponies. There's a similar city in the sky called Cloudsdale, made up entirely of pegasus, and the main city of the unicorns is Canterlot."
"What's so special about Canterlot to unicorns?" I ask, deciding that the question of a city in the sky could wait until the information is relevant.
"A few reasons." Twilight replies, her switch flipped to full lecture mode now. "Firstly, being on a mountain, it was both easily defensible with magic back when Equestria was more dangerous, and the land itself wasn't useful as farmland for earth ponies. Secondly, Canterlot is..." she pauses, giving a small shudder before continuing, "Canterlot is built upon a network of caves and mines containing crystals known for augmenting unicorn magic. The caves themselves have been closed off for centuries now, but there are still records of the crystals being used to enhance spells throughout Equestria's early history."
"Crystals that enhance magic, hmm?" The Trixie Machine's gears are turning. "Imagine what Trixie's show could be like if supplemented by something like that!"
"We are not sneaking into a cave that's been condemned for centuries to steal a piece of rock, Trixie." I glare at the back of her hat as she huffs.
"What kind of assistant are you?" She turns her head to return my glare. "Won't even help Trixie improve her shows!"
I shake my head. "I don't think spending time in royal prison for trying to steal magic rocks will improve your show, Trixie."
"It's only illegal if you get caught." She replies, turning her vision back to the road and succeeding in even making Spike slap a claw to his forehead.
"That's not how the law works either, Trixie." Twilight admonishes her, though it's more like a grumble. "Where did you even learn these things?"
Trixie shrugs. "I'm a showmare, Sparkle, I've spent more time in Las Pegasus than I care to admit."
"Do we want to know what you were doing there?" I ask, remembering her remark about the city from the day I met her.
"No! We don't!" Twilight cuts in as Trixie gives her a sideways smirk. "We are so not having this conversation in front of Spike!"
"Why not, Twilight?" Spike asks, leaning over to one side from his position on her back to look at her directly. "It's not like I don't know what stealing is."
"Sparkle believes it involves other topics not suitable for young dragons." Trixie replies nonchalantly. "Though Trixie shall leave the truth of that up to Sparkle's imagination."
She gives Twilight another sideways smirk as the lavender mare shakes her head. I, meanwhile, go back to burying my face into my palm, wondering if it's even worth taking it back out while Trixie's around.
After a few moments of silence, I decide it's safe to let my face have its freedom from my palm and notice the castle is a lot closer now. Uniform-looking white ponies in golden armor are becoming commonplace to see in small numbers, who I imagine are the castle guards. The similar look between the guards is a bit... offputting, as it carries even between pony races, given how colorful and unique-looking ponies tend to be on average. They're also looking at me with a stoic scrutiny compared to the judgmental curiosity of the citizens, but a smile and a wave from Twilight is usually enough to make any that consider approaching to change their mind. Trixie, meanwhile, is playing up the attention as always, flicking her mane and holding her head high, doing her best to look impressive.
We reach an open but guarded gate, Twilight getting us through with a quick talk to the guards and a flash of the letter she received this morning with the Princess' seal. Past the gate is a courtyard area leading up to the castle proper, but we're stopped before we make it that far. What stops us, however, isn't one of the usual castle guards, but a large, white unicorn stallion with a two-tone blue mane, wearing a unique and ornate gold-and-purple armor, the matching helmet levitating at his side.
"Hey, Twily!" He calls over, waving to us and causing Twilight and soon the rest of us to stop as he approaches.
"Hey, B.B.B.F.F.!" Twilight and 'B.B.B.F.F.' share a hug as he rests his helmet on the ground, the latter then reaching his left hoof up and sharing a claw... hoof... whatever bump with Spike.
"Hey there, bro." Spike says as he jumps down from Twilight's back, leaving her to some space with the white stallion hugging her.
"Hey, little man."
Trixie looks at them with a raised eyebrow. "What's a 'B.B.B.F.F.', Sparkle?" Trixie asks. "You used this expression when talking to the youngling back in Ponyville as well."
"Oh!" She turns to Trixie and smiles, still holding the white unicorn. "It means 'Big Brother Best Friend Forever'."
"Why is Trixie not surprised by your corniness?" She asks rhetorically, her eyes looking over the stallion now identified as Twilight's older brother. "There is a resemblance, Trixie supposes. She can see how a lineage of your caliber would be worthy of the Royal Guard." Well, that's not going to leave a bad first impression at all, Trixie.
'B.B.B.F.F.' looks from Trixie to Twilight with an understandably raised eyebrow. "So, Twily, who is...?" He asks the half-completed question, motioning to Trixie.
"Ah! Shiny, that's my new friend, Trixie." Twilight introduces, finally pulling away from her brother.
"That is the Grrrreat and Powerful Trixie, Sparkle." Trixie corrects, sweeping her hat off her head with one hoof and entering a deep introductory bow.
"Uh, yeah..." Twilight looks between 'Shiny' and Trixie, "Trixie can be a little... well, Trixie, but she's a good mare at heart. I think. Maybe..." Sometimes I wonder about that, Twilight.
"Ah, right..." 'Shiny' gives a nervous laugh before continuing. "Well, I'm Shining Armor." He turns from Twilight to Trixie as he talks, the latter replacing her hat on her head. "Captain of the Royal Guard here in Canterlot."
"The pleasure of meeting Trixie is certainly all y..." Trixie stops for a minute, something registering in her mind mid-sentence. "Wait, did you say Captain of the Royal Guard?"
"Uhhh, yeah." Shining Armor replies, rubbing the back of his head with one hoof and giving another nervous chuckle. Modesty must run in the family.
Trixie looks between Shining Armor and Twilight for a moment. "Next you'll tell Trixie that your sister is a Princess, Sparkle."
"Uh, well..." Twilight gives a sheepish smile and a nervous laugh. "Does sister-in-law count?"
"What?" Trixie raises a confused eyebrow and looks between the two again, her voice a couple octaves higher than a few moments ago. I should've spent our time walking through the Canterlot streets looking for a store that sells earplugs, because I can already tell what's coming.
"Well," Twilight starts, "do you remember the Royal Wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza that happened not long ago?"
"Trixie... vaguely remembers such an event." She replies, eyes finally settling on Shining Armor.
Shining Armor, for his part, bows in a manner similarly to how Trixie introduced herself, smirking. "The groom to Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, at your service, Miss Trixie."
Twilight gently punches Shining Armor in one of his shoulders. "Stop that already!"
"It's just a little fun, Twily." He replies, turning to his sister with a grin.
"Dusk." Trixie says flatly after a few blinks. "Get Trixie a chair. She requires sitting."
"I'm not getting you a chair." I look down at the side of the azure unicorn, who replies by simply sitting on the ground where she's standing. At least it wasn't the existant-shattering shrieking of an untamed banshee that I've become so accustomed to.
"How is Cadance, anyway, Shiny?" Twilight asks, turning the topic away from Trixie's stunned silence. "I'm suprised she wasn't here with you waiting for us."
"Ah, right," Shining Armor looks apologetically at his sister, "I wasn't actually waiting for you, Twily. Princess Celestia said someone would be coming to see her today and she wanted me to handle the situation personally." His eyes move from Twilight to me. "I'm guessing the friend you still haven't introduced me to is who she was talking about."
"Quite!" Trixie interjects, getting back to her hooves and pulling herself out of her stupor. "Trixie and her assistant indeed have an appointment to see Her Majesty Princess Celestia."
Shining Armor gives her a confused glance before letting his eyes move to me, eventually locking with my own from where they're visible beneath the poncho. "You'll need to remove the hood." He says, the playful tone he had with Twilight gone, replaced with practiced professionalism. "I shouldn't need to explain why we can't let people who won't show their face have audiences with the Princess."
It's not worth arguing so I oblige him, pulling back the hood so that the cowboy hat rests at the back of my neck, held in place by the tie under my chin. If there's any reaction from him to me being some unknown race of creature to Equestria, he doesn't let it show. Our eyes simply remain locked, sizing each other up as a tense silence passes.
"I can't allow weapons in the presence of the Princess, either." He says after a moment, despite his eyes never moving down to where my sword is kept. He's either really good or well informed.
I reach my hand back, grasping the hilt of my sword and sliding it out, burying the blade in the grass next to me, leaving the weapon clearly visible. "I can't give this up, sorry." I grip the hilt firmly, protectively, in case he should try to use his unicorn magic to force the situation.
"Shiny..." Twilight starts, "is this really necessary?"
"Sorry, sis, it's regulation." He replies, not taking his eyes away to look at her. "I'll ask you again. Surrender your weapon, please."
"Not happening." I reply again.
"Dusk, we're drawing a crowd." Trixie states as I see her hat bobbing around in the bottom of my vision as she looks around, a single of the generic white-colored guards approaching behind Shining Armor telling me what's got Trixie spooked. "Can't you just give him the dumb sword already? Trixie would prefer not being tossed in the dungeon because her assistant is stubborn!"
"It's quite alright, Shining Armor." A somewhat familiar, female voice says as I hear the flap of wings and see ornately-garbed hooves move in to land a bit behind Shining Armor, finally causing me to break gaze with him.
"Princess Celestia!" Twilight runs to her with Spike trailing not far behind, as the gathered guards in the field sans Shining Armor bow.
"Princess." Shining Armor says, his gaze still unmoving even now. "We both know I can't allow this as head of the Royal Guard. It would be reckless endangerment."
"Yes, it would." The Princess gives a small, amused laugh as she walks forward. "Just tell anyone who asks that I was feeling like living life 'on the edge' a bit today." She turns to Twilight and Spike. "That's what all the kids call it these days, right, Spike?"
Spike shrugs. "Eh, close enough."
Shining Armor finally turns to meet her gaze, clearly frustrated. "I apologize for speaking frankly, Princess, but why entrust me with the duty of overseeing this visit's safety concerns personally if you intend to overturn my judgment regarding it?"
"I apologize, Shining Armor." The Princess bows her head slightly. "I didn't mean to belittle your judgment. It is just that our situation is urgent, so time is of the essence. Please accompany us as well if you are uncomfortable with my decision."
Shining Armor simply nods and gives me and my sword a final glance before walking to the Princess' side, silently accepting her invitation.
"So what was so urgent, Princess?" Twilight asks now that the tension of the situation has mostly subsided.
"Ah, My Faithful Student." Princess Celestia raises her head, looking up to the clouds. "I believe I need not explain that the sky is blue and not green, yes?"
"Trixie takes this to mean you shall regale us with the truth then, Sunny Days?" Trixie asks, exhibiting an unusual level of trademark boldness and snark in front of a Princess.
Celestia looks down at the magician and gives her a soft smile. "Of a sort, my little pony. It's refreshing to see a subject act so casually with me."
Trixie immediately bows in reply, realizing what she had done. "The Humble and Servile Trixie deeply apologizes, Your Majesty Princess Celestia!"
The Princess sighs, the slightest bit of disappointment escaping. "Rise, little one. I was not joking. I find it comforting when others are able to ignore my status and speak frankly, as Shining Armor did before."
"Yes, Princess." Trixie gives a small nod and rises, collecting herself.
"So, why am I here?" I finally speak up, pulling my sword from the ground and returning it to its sheath. "I can't imagine you believe I literally made the sky stop being blue."
"Not quite, Cloud." She replies, turning her head to me. "Though I do believe that even with your... limited memories, what I intend to explain will hold the most relevance to you."
"...Not interested." I reply after a moment, earning a sour look from Twilight in the process.
"I do believe you will be, Cloud." Celestia replies, cutting off an open-mouthed Twilight before anything can escape her lips. "It also concerns the creatures that have hounded you incessantly until now."
"How do you know so much?" I ask, still gauging how much I can trust the Sun Princess after our previous encounter.
"There are a great many things I don't know, Cloud." She replies. "However, when you measure your age in millenia, your knowledge can't help but become unusually vast." She waits a moment, and when I don't voice further protest, she continues. "Let us head inside first. Business like this is better conducted indoors."