-30th Sunrise-
-Self Preservation-
Twilight jumps up from her desk in excitement. “Spike!” She yells, and her assistant walks into the room sleepy eyed and holding a blue blanket. She runs up to him, holding a scroll and quill in front of home with her magic. Her eyes are wide with the adrenaline of a new discovery.
“Spike, I need you to take a letter. It's urgent.” Twilight says. He takes the quill and paper while stifling a yawn.
“Fine, fine. What is it?” He asks, getting ready to write.
Twilight smiles and takes a breath. “Dear Princess Celestia and Young Princess Daybreak, I have been studying the old notes of Clover the Clever in hope that she may have been the unicorn who struck the deal with the stars all those centuries ago. By studying these notes as well as using the knowledge from many other magical studies, I believe I have found a way to send Princess Daybreak home. If, and only if, that is what she wishes. I do not know whether or not it will work, nor do I know what will happen if it fails. However, if her desire is to leave this world, than it is worth a shot. Please visit at your nearest convenience so we may discuss this further.
Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle”
☀✴
“YOU WHAT!?” I exclaim, my back hooves lifting off the ground. Twilight blinks at me.
“I figured out a way we might be able to send you home.” Twilight repeats plainly. I let my jaw drop, and I sit down.
“B-but how? What? When? C-can I really go home?” I ask, dumbfounded. Twilight nods, but it barely registers.
“If you want to.” Twilight says. ‘Of course I want to, I miss it terribly,’ I think. I look at both Celestia and Twilight.
“Why didn't you tell me you were doing research?” I ask, my voice shaking. I can't yet tell whether it's from joy or sadness.
Celestia steps forward, “I didn't want to get your hopes up in case it was, indeed, impossible.” She says. It makes sense, it does, but some part of me is angry at her. By not telling me, by letting me reside myself in being stuck here I-I got attached.
“Are you sure you didn't just want me to get attached to this precious world of yours so I wouldn't leave?” I ask, not disguising the hurt in my voice. They both wince. “Did you think that maybe, if I grew to love it here that I'd choose this world?” I continue, my voice sharpening. I feel the anger, the pain, and the confusion, flow through me and out my words. Neither Princess interferes.
“Well you're wrong! I'm going home.” I yell, huffing. ‘I’m going home,’ I think. It has to be the right decision, it's what I said I wanted the whole time.
“Are you sure it's what you want?” Twilight asks, her voice and demeanor full of concern.
“It has to be.” I answer, trotting off to take a walk. I find my way to one of Ponyville’s many lakes and lay next to the water. I look at my reflection.
‘I don't look very excited to go home,’ I observe. I touch my hoof to the surface of the water and my reflection ripples. “I don't feel very excited to go home,” I say with a sigh. “How can you know what you want until you get what you want and you see if you like it?” I wonder, closing my eyes and laying my head in my hooves. “I wish I was as sure as when I first fell, to know what I want would be a welcome feeling.” I continue, musing my thoughts out loud.
I stand up and start to walk aimlessly. “I certainly do want to go home, but…” I sigh deeply and let my hooves take the lead. The wind blows through my mane and ruffles the leaves and grass around me. It is quite a pleasant feeling that I've grown used to over the past month.
I watch as butterflies, bees, and dragonflies flit around. The birds sing and squirrels watch me from their trees. The forest is alive. Alive, and kind, and gentle. Just like everypony I've met. Well almost everypony. I let out a growl when the memory of Thorn's bullies come to mind, spooking the animals watching me.
Thorn. He's going to be devastated if I leave. I stop walking. This decision is life-changing, devastating. If I stay I'll always know I missed the chance to go back, but if I go...If I go I lose all this. If I leave there isn't any way back down. If I stay here I watch people die, over and over, while I live on until some other star falls to take my place. I lose more people by staying than leaving.
I fly back to Twilight’s castle, slightly more confident than before. Twilight and Celestia look at me as I enter, and I put on a face more confident than the one I left with.
“Daybreak, you can't make a decision like this with the mindset of it being the only answer. If you're growing to like it here, you can't deny that. It will just hurt more.” Twilight says. I take a deep breath.
“This isn't denial, it's self-preservation.” I reply, sitting down. They come over and watch me.
“Please explain your thought process Daybreak.” Celestia says, calmly.
“Afterwards I want to be sent home.” I reply, looking at the floor. They nod, but share a look. “If I stay here I'll get to watch pony after pony leave me, while I live on until this happens all over again with another star. If I leave, I'll miss everypony terribly, but I won't have to see them grow old, I won't have to watch their foals and grandfoals grow old. I'll only miss a few ponies, instead of having fresh pains every fifty to eighty years.” I say, not wanting to look at their faces. I realize I'm crying and wipe my muzzle. “Please tell Thorn that I'm sorry…” I tell them.
Twilight and Celestia move to either side of me and wrap me in a hug. I sniffle and lift my head. “I told you, self up reservation.” I say. I feel Celestia shake her head.
“As logical as that may seem to you right now, your main reasonings for leaving are based not on wanting to go, but wanting to stay.” Twilight says, pulling away and looking into my eyes. “I think you may be so scared of getting hurt, that you won't even let yourself get attached. But you are already attached aren't you?” She asks. I bow my head.
“Just...just send me home.” I say. Twilight frowns in response and looks at Celestia.
“As somepony who has lost pony after pony grow old, and have seen generation after generation of foals, I have to assure you that watching them grow old is so much better than never knowing them.” Celestia says. I look at her, full of regret for being so cowardly, but unwilling to change my decision.
I turn back to Twilight, who is poring over her scrolls. She turns to me and her horn lights up. Her face scrunches with concentration, and magic flows from her horn and swirls around my hooves. It slowly gets larger, until it’s up to my neck.
Suddenly I hear and woosh and suddenly Rainbow, Flitter, Fluttershy, and Thorn and all standing in the room. I see Thorn's mouth move as if he's yelling, but with his speech problems and the whooshing sound from the magic nopony could hear him. Rainbow yells stop, and as the magic reaches the bottom of my muzzle, Twilight loses her concentration and it dissipates. She falls to the ground from the effort. Rainbow and Fluttershy rushes over to her and Thorn stares at me. His eyes are full of pain, betrayal, and disbelief.
I feel my eyes water as I look at him, suddenly filled with guilt. “I-I’m so sorry.” I say, before rushing out in tears. I fly with my eyes closed, not knowing where I'm going or even thinking. Eventually I land, and lay down where I am, crying.
I cry tears of regret, sorrow, guilt, and...and relief. I'm relieved that they stopped her, relieved to still be here. I'm happy to have been interrupted, and regret making such a decision in the first place. The look on Thorn's face flashes in my mind. I'm a horrible pony, I was just going to abandon my friend for my own selfish reasons. I was going to abandon everypony.
I feel a hoof run through my mane, and a soft voice humming. I sniffle and look up. Fluttershy is lying in front of me, her own eyes closed. I move closer to her, and let myself fall apart while she comforts me.
“I’m so sorry,” I cry, sobbing into her mane. “I never wanted to hurt anypony, I” I hiccup and sniffle some, “I just wanted to…” I can't finish my sentence, and not knowing how. She shushes me and continues brushing her hoof through my mane.
After a while I pull away and look at her. She wipes my face and smiles at me. “Nopony is mad at you, it was a tough decision and we had no right to stop you. We just want to make sure you make the right decision.” She says. I sniffle and nod.
“No, I'm glad you stopped me. I, I didn't realize how much I wanted to stay until you guys showed up. I was so, so, selfish.” I tell her.
“Listen to me, you're going to figure this out. You said you want to stay, right?” She asks, and I nod. “Why?” She asks. I sniffle and pull away some. I take a few moments to think on her question.
“I want to stay...because...I love it here. I enjoy the ground under my hooves, I enjoy the wind in my mane and under my wings.” I take a few breaths and continue, “I like having friends, and standing up for ponies. I want to be able to help ponies and enjoy life on this world. I love all the beautiful and the feeling of the sun on my back.” I continue, looking up at her.
Fluttershy smiles. “You want to help ponies? How?” She asks, and I take a few minutes to answer this one too.
“I stood up to some fillies that were bullying Thorn, and it felt amazing. It felt like I could make a difference. I want to make Equestria a place where every colt, filly, mare, and stallion is safe from bullies, even the bullies themselves. If I stay, I could influence generations to come. I would watch them grow and learn and play, all under the warm sun and shining stars.” Fluttershy listens closely as I speak, and the words come without prior thought, yet I know that they are true.
“You are going to make a wonderful princess, Day.” Fluttershy says, smiling brightly at me. ‘Day?’ I wonder.
“Thank you Fluttershy.” I say. She leans forward and nuzzles me. “Why did you call me Day?” I ask. She chuckles softly, but the heavy mood does not lift.
“I called you that because it's cute, short, and sweet, just like you.” She says, booping my nose. This time I'm the one that giggles. After a short while we both stand, and Fluttershy pulls me into a hug. “Come, everypony will be worried.” She says, trotting off. I slowly follow her back to town.
Everypony runs up to us when we make it to the center of town. I bow my head in shame. Fluttershy nudges me forward with her wing. I look up at everypony, my eyes starting to water again.
“I'm sorry everypony. I want to stay, I really truly do. I can understand if you're mad, and if I worried you…” I say. I dig at the ground with my hoof.
“It's alright Daybreak. We know you were super duper confused.” Pinkie Pie replies, lifting me up and hugging me way too tightly. She sets me down after a few seconds and I'm left gasping for breath.
“Yeah, nopony expects ya to make such a large decision all on ya own.” Applejack says, ruffling my mane.
“We're just glad that you're safe.” Rarity adds, using her magic to fix my mane. I look at each of them, starting to smile. Thorn frowns and looks away when our eyes meet. I hope he'll eventually forgive me.
I turn away from him, unable to stand the guilt. I would apologize again, but I know my words are going to help right now.