Fear Me, for My Name is Twaith!

by Michael Hudson


Futa Tax

Twilight hummed to herself as she floated along the fields. Applejack was the pony she had decided to come visit today, and she was pretty excited about it. She could find out more about succulent apples, maybe see that little sister of hers some more, finally actually get introduced, and bond with the friend she knew mistrusted her the most. “I only hope things can go as smoothly with Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Then, when Sunset gets back, I can tell her about all of the close marefriends I’ve made, and all the special things we’ve done!”

“Why are you talking to yourself, Twilight?”

Twilight turned to the voice, before beaming at Applejack, who had two heavy saddlebags on. The wraith floated down and wrapped her forehooves around her friend, and quickly felt one coil around her currently firm body. “Just something I do when I get excited I guess. Sorry.”

Applejack waved a hoof in front of herself. “Don’t worry about it sugarcube, I entirely understand. Granny Smith swears I must be in the mountains with how much chittering I do whenever I have to do taxes, especially the FUTA bull manure that I can’t avoid.”

Twilight furrowed her brow. The term futa was new to her, and it was an odd one at that. No prefixes or suffixes to really help her identify it either. She swallowed hard. “What are futa taxes?”

Applejack narrowed her eyes. Just mentioning them had already put her blood in a boil, and she would later smack herself for not actually clarifying, and instead assuming the Twilight was just helping her vent. “They’re a burden on us honest farm, family folk, that’s what it is. We don’t need what they’re pushing, but because everypony else needs to feel special, we need to pay for it. I mean, do you know how much more my whole family could be making if we could go up to Celestia and tell her that are family is special, and therefore shouldn’t be charged?”

Twilight put a hoof up to her muzzle, mulling it over. Futa did start with an F, and if it were an acronym against farmers, that could be the first letter. She tried wracking her brain for more, but taxes escaped her limited scope, having lived off the grid for most of her natural life. She did know one way she could help. “So… this is a really bad thing?”

Applejack sneered at the ground, happy for a chance to relieve some anger, especially since she had done the stupid things only a week ago. “Yes! I mean, just think about how much six percent of my total crop worth being stripped away for no reason must feel like!”

The wraith’s eyes widened, imagining six percent of the orchard simply disappearing in a blink of an eye. She almost couldn’t believe Celestia would do such a thing. She needed answers. Before Applejack could go any farther, her horn glowed, and a black portal appeared beneath both of them. Applejack didn’t even have time to scream before they blinked out of existence.

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Celestia saw the portals on the ground, and smiled to herself as she closed her book. The first time she had seen Twilight teleport, she had almost been ready to have the sun crash down upon her before the wraith had shouted out her greeting. Now though, she could identify the source of the portals, and so got ready for another pleasant meeting.

This is also why Celestiia found herself somewhat stunned, staring into glowing green eyes that were only centimeters from her own. “How could you do this to my friend?”

Celestia blinked again, considering bringing her tea up for a moment but decided against it. “Do what exactly?”

Twilight threw up her arms. “Discriminate against her family like this! Just because she is a futa does not mean you have the right to belittle her, and force her to lose her income, just to make everyone else feel special. I need an answer Celestia; why?”

The ruler this time did sip from her cup, before leaning over the arm of her throne, and looking at the stunned, blushing Applejack. “Might I get an explanation, please?”

Applejack’s face almost went through the floor due to how fast she bowed the ruler, quaking as she realized what was being asked of her. “Well, you see, your highness, I was simply discussing-”

“Discussing? Applejack, don’t fear her. Celestia is kind, and understanding. If she saw the fiery wrath with which you talked about her nefarious policies, I am almost certain she would fix them!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, looking between her subjects. “Nefarious you say? Well, now I really am curious.”

Applejack swallowed hard, before barely smiling. “I was simply trying to tell Twilight my thoughts on the Federal Unemployment Tax that is set by you, and how while I understand we all must pay, I find some… annoyance with it, due to farmers never being unemployed.”

Celestia nodded to herself as Twaith floated away, her eyebrows furrowed. The ruler smiled to Applejack, and put her tea down. “While I understand your annoyance, I can also see that you do not take full grievance. Yes, I had such arguments brought to my attention on such things, and taxes akin to it that some believe they should be exempt from. However, they were put in place for a reason, and I ask that you please have a bit more trust in me and my advisors. Understand?”

Applejack nodded furious thankful nothing worse would happen. Celestia nodded back, and waved them away. The two were gone almost instantly, as Twilight decided to talk to Applejack about her questions this time. “So, there is no discrimination, just annoyance?”

Applejack panted out, “Yes,” before slumping back against a wall, and sliding down, her heart finally beginning to calm down.

Twilight blushed a bit as she laid down next to Applejack. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to screw that up so badly.” She shook her head, before gently knocking a hoof against it. “I should have asked you to clarify first.”

Applejack looked over to the beautiful set of green eyes besides her, and decided to simply shrug. “I suppose we got off pretty easy, so no harm, no foul. I will admit though,” she looked away from Twilight for a moment, “I didn’t know that you knew I had a stallion’s member between my legs. Most mares find it unnatural, or disturbing to meet a futa like me, but even with you being time displaced, you decided to ignore it. That means… that means so much to-” She stopped, having looked back to Twilight, who’s eye was twitching, and as wide as it could be.

“What?”